Hand in Hand
by theCatandtheCow
Summary: In which Edward Elric successfully restores Alphonse to his rightful body and they proceed to live happily ever after. But it seems that will have to wait, fate isn't done toying with them yet. AU. Rated T. Elricest.
1. Part I

Welcome to my fanfic! This is my first FMA chapter fic. It is AU because I changed the ending of episode 51. In this fic, Al does not remain dead and Ed does not go to Germany. Just wanted to clear that up for you.

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist -sobs- But I do own a nifty keychain of Al! And I sleep on Ed's face 'cuz he's my pillow case and fuzzy blanket of softness! Do not question me.

Warnings: Umm... language... blood... and... AU. Brother fluff! WEEEEEE!

Ed: ...

Al: ...

Me: Squee! -hearts-

-Ed and Al run for it-

Me: Nooo! Come back! -chases-

* * *

**..Part I..  
Alive**

Pain.

That was the first thing that managed to register in my mind.

At the first wave of the sharp aches and stings that ran through me, that was the only thing my frantic mind settled on. It hurts so much! I felt nauseous and hot, different liquids were all dripping down my face. I wanted to curl up in a little ball, try to rid myself of this sickness that plagued me. _It hurts! Please stop!_ I couldn't move; everything was so heavy. _Stop! _I wanted to scream, _Stop hurting me!_ but I didn't know how. Everything was black and soundless. My chest burned with a fierce intensity that only added to the rest of my anguish.

_Why does it hurt? I'm not supposed to feel! I'm not! What's wrong with me? It must be a dream! But I can't dream! Stop hurting! Brother!_

A sudden change in temperature left me cold and the wetness that engulfed me didn't help any. I wanted to shiver and wrap my arms around me to warm myself, _but I couldn't move!_ The only thing that wasn't freezing was my chest. It hurt so much there, burned me so bad. _Why can I feel? I'm not supposed to!_ Little sounds began to register, I think I heard someone moving. Walking or running, I wasn't sure. I wanted to call out to them, to beg someone to help me. Something was wrong. The armor is supposed to keep me safe, I can't feel from the armor. So why can I feel now?

I think something touched me. I'm scared. I can't see, it's too dark and I'm cold and I want my brother but I can't see him. It hurts. I'm feeling sick again. Dizzy. Hard to think. Something's touching me again. It's saying something. Can't hear it. So tired. Am I dying? I must be… this must be death… I can already feel the pain being replaced with numbness. I can't feel the floor anymore. I'm floating. It's warm here. Warm and soft. I'm still dizzy, my throat is dry. It's sore too. So tired. Let me sleep…

* * *

_It's not cold anymore._ I wasn't sure if I was awake or not since it was still dark, but I was aware of the warm fuzziness that seemed to cover my body. _Wait… my body?_ Not wanting my hopes to escalate just yet, I continued to lie in the darkness feeling very much alone. What happened? I didn't get to ponder that question, I fell asleep again before given the chance. 

The next time I was aware of myself, I think I was crying. The pain was back, but not as bad as the first time. I still wasn't used to it though. Something was touching me again, rubbing my back in soothing circles that reminded me of when I was a little kid. I relaxed into the touch and felt the numbness chase away the pain.

Confusion was the next thing I felt when I blinked and the dark went away and the light came back. I was looking up at something… the ceiling I think. It was white paint. I blinked again; the sensation of it was completely foreign to me. As a suit of armor I wasn't supposed to blink. _So why now?_ My throat was raw and dry. It stung, another new feeling. Reminded me of when I would get sick with the flu. There was another nice feeling though, the warm fuzziness. It was a blanket and I was on a bed. My mind was working really slowly, I had no idea how long it took me to figure out these things.

I wanted to sit up, to see where I was, but none of my limbs would move. I swallowed, wincing as it irritated my throat. I could barely move my head. Every time I tried, my head would flop to one side or the other. I wasn't frustrated with this, just confused and curious and a little scared.

It occurred to me that I was alone. A strange pit of dread grew in my stomach. I could feel my breathing pick up and I began to sweat. My new vision started to blur and everything was spinning. _Why is it spinning?_ I felt sick. I was making myself sick over this. I wasn't just scared, I was terrified. My fists clenched in the material of the bed, the only movement I had control over. I felt hot all over. Being able to feel didn't make me feel so good.

My stomach suddenly lurched and I gagged on nothing. Something was supposed to be happening, I knew this from experience as a little kid, but nothing came up. I continued to dry heave. It hurt my chest and my throat. It felt awkward to go through the motions of throwing up while lying on my back, but I couldn't move. I must've made some sort of noise because I heard loud thumps from somewhere. It was somewhere not where I was, which I'm guessing is a bedroom, so it must be a different room. I clamped my eyes shut, maybe stopping the dizziness would help with the gagging.

A loud slam echoed in my throbbing head, I think I made another sound because it hurt to hear something so loud. Two hands grabbed my shoulders firmly. My first reaction was to escape their grip, but I couldn't move so I could only sob in protest through my heaves. I shivered at the touch, it was a big contrast. One hand was ice cold on my bare skin, but the other was warm. I was leaning against something strong and reassuring, comforting words being murmured in my ear. The soft, warm breath made me want to shiver again.

"Shh… It's okay. It's okay, Al. I'm here. It's alright."

_Brother._ I wanted to cry, I think I was because my face felt wet. It felt wet. I couldn't remember what being wet or dry felt like. The soft hand reached up and brushed away the tears. Brother. I wanted to open my eyes and hug him. I wanted him to hold me like mom would when I was sad. I could remember that. I felt my body being shifted so that I was being cradled and supported in a careful embrace. My eyelids were so heavy, but I wanted to see my brother.

Blinking still felt strange, everything was blurry and bright again. It hurt a little, but I saw him. At first it was just his eyes, golden and shining just like always. Only, now I think there was more worry in those eyes. Then I saw his hair. It was a little messy, but still in a braid and still the brilliant shade of yellow it always was. His skin looked soft, but a little pale and there were dark rings under his eyes. As my eyes got used to being open again, I saw how tired he looked. I could feel my eyes tearing up again. A mixture of happiness that Ed was here and I could see him and feel him, but then sadness too because he looked so worried and tired. All because of me.

_Brother._ I wanted to call out, but my lips wouldn't move to form the word. My throat was too dry for me to talk anyway.

"Al?" Ed's voice was really quiet, as if he couldn't really believe that I was there or else I'd disappear. "Al… Alphonse…? Are you okay?"

Hearing his question, I managed a weak nod before my head began to loll to the side. Brother managed to turn my head so that it was nestled in the crook of his arm. I was relieved that I didn't have to worry about my neck snapping from the weight every time my head got too heavy.

Brother brushed back some of my hair, combing his fingers through it gently before patting the top of my head lightly. Both his arms were around me again, rocking me back and forth. I got as close as I could to letting out a sigh of contentment. I had almost forgotten this feeling; the warmth and closeness and niceness of another person, more specifically my brother. I think I was crying again.

"Just go back to sleep, little brother. Don't worry. I'll still be here when you wake up, Al. It's okay." his voice was so relaxing, I felt myself immediately calm down and began to feel sleepy again. I'd forgotten what it was like to fall asleep feeling safe.

* * *

"I'm really sorry, Al. But you need to eat something, okay?" 

Brother's voice was what roused me from another long period of sleep. I tried to focus on him, looming over my bedside with a bowl of something hot in his hands. I watched the steam leave the bowl, still feeling a little out of it. Shivering, I tried to tug the blankets around me more. Ed stopped me and helped to prop me up on the pillows. There was apology in his eyes, he felt bad for waking me up I guess. I didn't mind though. He'd been doing it for a little while now, I think. Never for food though, just to make sure I was still alive I guess.

Holding the bowl in his metal hand, Edward spooned out what I discovered to be broth with the utensil clutched in his flesh hand. He placed the tip of the spoon to my lips, waiting for me to open my mouth. For a few seconds, I felt really silly for requiring my brother to feed me himself, but it faded once the hot broth slipped down my throat. Brother laughed as my eyes grew wide; I had forgotten the taste of food. Even something as simple as broth was overwhelming my taste buds that hadn't been used in four years. I quickly opened my mouth again, eager for another spoonful which brother quickly provided.

As he fed me, brother talked quietly to me, "I wanted to wait until you asked me for food, but I realized that wasn't going to happen any time soon. Your throat still sore?"

I nodded, swallowing more of the broth and licking my lips. Edward wasn't worried too much about my lack of speaking. After he woke me up when I forgot to breath again, I tried to apologize but I had a huge coughing fit after speaking. Plus my voice sounded really hoarse and weird. I didn't like hearing it like that.

"Hmm, I thought so." Brother was continuing, "This should make it feel better. It always did when we were little and got sick." He was right, it was making my throat feel better despite a little burning. "You've been sleeping for four days, did you know that? I'm not mad. You've missed out on four years of sleep so you'll need to catch up. But you need to eat too, or else you won't get stronger. It wouldn't do you any good to have this body and not be able to walk, right? Ah, all done."

He placed the empty bowl and spoon on the nightstand next to my bed as I tried to wiggle my way back down under the covers. Ed then helped tuck me in, reminding me a little of mother, and tousled my hair before straightening up as if to leave.

"Get some more rest, okay Al?" he was saying as he crossed the room to the bed he was using, "I'll wake you up for dinner."

I stared at him from my blanket cocoon, watching as he settled down on his bed and began reading one of his alchemy books. I had always liked watching him read, it was interesting to see how his brow would furrow in deep contemplation or his eyes widen at some sort of discovery or how he smiled subtly when something amused him. Brother was so far away now though, even if it was only across the room. It was lonely over here. Every time I'd fallen asleep so far, he'd been next to me. I guess he was trying to get me used to falling asleep without him next to me or maybe it just slipped his mind.

"B-brother…?" I hated how scratchy my voice was.

I surprised him, Ed jumped a little at the sound of my voice, but when he looked at me his gaze had softened, "What is it Al?"

"C-can you…" I swallowed thickly, trying to moisten my throat so I could speak a little clearer, "Come o-over here to read…? Please?"

He blinked at me for a minute, then sighed and rose from his bed. "Alright Al, but just for today." he was feigning reluctance like always.

I didn't feel like arguing with him. I was too tired. Once he settled down beside me and began reading again, I curled up into his side and nuzzled my face into his chest. I loved how warm and soft brother was even with the auto mail. He also smelled nice, like home and mother and other things that I couldn't remember, but altogether it made it Ed's smell.

Before I began drifting off into sleep, my thoughts caught on the alchemy book. It reminded me of how I got back into this body. _Brother had to have performed a human transmutation, so… did he give up anything? Anything important? Or did… did he get a Philosopher's Stone? Did he use the armor? What happened on the night I came back?_ I couldn't remember. I tried to open my mouth to ask brother, but I couldn't. I was too tired. _First thing when I wake up… I'll ask him._

* * *

_I'm scared. I'm so scared. Where's brother? Why isn't he here? I'm going to die and he's not here! Brother! Oh no… oh no… Dante and Gluttony and Envy and Rose. Why's Rose here again? My head's spinning. I can't think straight. I'm panicking. Wrath's here too. What's wrong with him? What's wrong with me? I'm being eaten! So much blood! But… I don't bleed… Wait, that's not my blood… It's…_

_"Brother? Brother…?"_

_"BROTHER!"_

* * *

My face hurt. I didn't like it. I tried to hide my tears, but I don't think it worked very well. I could feel Ed giving me one of those looks. The ones that say: 'I know everything you do, so don't try hiding it'. He was sorry though. 

"Come on, Al! Don't be such a baby." he sounded a little irritated at my behavior, "I said I was sorry. I didn't want to, but you wouldn't wake up!"

Didn't give him any right to slap me so hard. At least it had been with his real hand and not the auto mail. I inwardly cringed thinking of how much that could hurt in comparison with this. I'm sure it didn't hurt that much, but I still wasn't used to pain and harsh contact so it hurt a lot more.

"Shit." I looked up at Ed when he cursed, wondering why he was getting worked up now, "You have a bruise now. Dammit. I didn't hit you that hard, did I?" Now he really looked sorry.

"Uh-uh." I managed out, deciding to start being more vocal to warm up my voice box despite it hoarseness. "Just not used to it."

Edward nodded, then settled back against the pillows. I noticed that he must've been lying down before since I saw no trace of his book and there was a body print next to me. I looked up at the ceiling, it wasn't very white anymore and had a bluish tint to it. It must be night now. _Brother must've fallen asleep too. That's why he didn't wake me for dinner._ My stomach clenched at the thought of food, my dream coming back to me quite quickly. _What happened-?_

"So, was it a nightmare?"

I shifted my gaze to brother, "Eh?"

"You were thrashing around in your sleep and moaning and crying and stuff." Edward clarified, rolling onto his side so he could look at me better. "You used to have them a lot when you were little, so I'm not really surprised. You wanna talk about it?"

I frowned, but I wanted to know if what happened in my nightmare was what happened before I changed back to normal, "Y-yeah. Brother? What happened… why did I change back?"

I cringed as I watched Ed's expression contort into one of pain and anger. I regretted asking it right then. I didn't want my older brother to be mad at me.

"Does it matter?" he ended up grumbling, not meeting my gaze, "I got your body back. That's what matters."

I didn't like that answer, "It does matter. I want to know if you had to give up anything to get me back. And I'm curious. And what about the Philosopher's Stone? And the homunculi and Dante? Please tell me what happened."

"No Al. Not right now." he answered, his voice firm and certain.

"Please?"

Ed looked me straight in the eye, "I said no, Al."

Then I was granted with the sight of my brother's back. He rolled off the bed and stood up. As he walked away, he mumbled something about getting dinner. My fists clenched in the blankets, one of my limited motions. I bit my lower lip, gnawing on it gently, but due to my body's frailty it began to bleed. I hadn't meant to make brother mad. I just wanted to know what had happened. I wanted an answer. But… I guess if he didn't want to tell me yet, then I should've been patient and respected his privacy.

The last thing I would ever want would be to push my brother away from me. He was all I had. He was the one I always looked up to and trusted. He wasn't just my older brother, he was also the closest thing to a father figure I would have despite us being only a year apart. I did love mom dearly and I always wanted to make her happy, but I didn't aspire to be like her. She was a girl, I knew that I couldn't be like a girl despite how much I loved mom. But I could be like brother. All I had wanted when I was little was to please him and mother. I didn't want them to be ashamed of me. I didn't want them to leave me. So when mom died… it was just brother and me.

I watched the door for a long time, waiting for brother to come back with dinner. After a while, I realized that he used dinner as an excuse to cool down. Sure, when he'd come back he'd have dinner… it would just take a little longer. Taking in a shaky breath, I began rasping when it occurred to me that I'd forgotten to breath again. It was kind of scary that I could forget such a necessity so easily. After my coughing fit ended, I tried to keep my breathing even. I didn't want to start crying or hyperventilating or something… but it was dark and brother was mad at me so I had every right to be a little anxious.

I'm not sure how long I waited before I fell asleep again.

* * *

I don't think I was really awake when I started vomiting up the broth from earlier. It wasn't until the stomach churns and cramps got too much did I wake up to find myself drenched in the very few contents of my stomach. The horrid stench of it made my stomach heave again and I coughed up more bile. I felt disgusting and sick. Groaning a little in irritation, I turned my head to see if I woke up brother. My heart sank when I saw it was still night and brother wasn't back yet. Since I couldn't see the moon from my window anymore it must've been a few hours since he left. 

A strange feeling of dread settled over me, I hadn't made brother that mad had I? Fidgeting under my wet sheets, my gaze traveled to the door. No sign of Edward. I felt like a invalid. I wanted to get up and wash myself off, but I couldn't lift my own body up by myself. I doubted that my voice would carry to wherever brother was too. Plus, I didn't like the feeling of isolation that had developed inside me.

_I'm alone. Where'd brother go? Is he okay? What happened ? What about the homunculi? I'm scared. Brother? Brother!_

I shook my head, trying to clear my head of the fogginess of my previous nightmare. I felt really hot and sweaty, so I managed to get the blankets down so that I could cool down. But as soon as the cold air hit my skin, I was shivering violently and fumbling to yank the blankets back up to me. The severe change in temperature was supposed to mean something, but I couldn't remember what exactly. The relief that I was warm lasted all of two seconds because I was soon sweltering and itchy under the blankets. This was really annoying, but I felt too achy to let it affect me too much.

"Hey, Al. I've got dinner. Sorry it took so long…" I was barely aware of Ed coming back in, but soon I felt a cool hand on my forehead. "Damn, you've got a fever."

Fever. That was the word I was looking for. "Mmm…" instinctively, I nuzzled my head into brother's hand. It felt good against my hot, clammy skin.

"What the…? Al! Did you vomit too?" I heard Ed groan, "Guess it was too good to last for long."

Hearing those words, I panicked. I misinterpreted them for meaning that my new body was bad and that I was going to die. "No…"

"Hey, hey. Relax Al, it's okay. You're just a little sick. That's all." Even with my eyes shut, I could still feel Edward smiling to reassure me. "Ew… but we need to get you cleaned up first. You're covered in chicken broth. Gross."

I mumbled something unintelligible as I felt brother lean down. The mattress shifted beneath me and my body was moved so that he could carry me easily. The cold air bit at my skin, I whimpered and buried my face in brother's neck. For some reason, he felt bigger than I thought he should have. _Did brother grow while I was sleeping? Or was it just a contrast to the armor? _Letting go of those thoughts, I focused more on how relieved I was that brother wasn't too mad at me still.

Once the cold, tile floor came into contact with my sense deprived skin, I yelped and squirmed around to try and generate heat into my body. We were in the bathroom; I could tell because I heard Edward fumbling with the bathtub faucet. I was slumped against the wall, but my writhing made me slip so brother had to grab me.

"Hey, stop that." Ed sounded annoyed as he tried to keep me still while checking the temperature of the running water. _Bad idea brother._ I wanted to say to him, but I was shivering too much. Since he needed his flesh hand to test the water for me, the auto mail was what was touching my bare skin. It was metal and it was cold. "Oh, sorry Al." he lifted me up off the floor gently, "Forgot that the auto mail would be really cold." Great. Now I feel bad because brother is sounding guilty. Like it's his fault I'm sick and feverish and cold.

As I felt my body being lowered, a soothing warmth rose up to meet me. I sighed as the warm water lapped at my skin. It felt really good; I'd forgotten what a bath felt like. I relaxed my body considerably, being supported by Ed. My hands twitched and I fumbled around for some soap or shampoo or something to wash myself off with.

"It's okay, Al. I've got it." I heard Ed tell me, the feel of soap against my skin felt entirely foreign.

The touch was gentle and the suds were rubbed in little circles to make sure that every part of me was cleansed thoroughly. Once he finished washing my body, Edward began to shampoo my hair. I could tell it would be difficult for him with only one hand, so I shifted my body so that it was supported by the wall. I must've been falling asleep, because I couldn't make out his words. Something about his auto mail in my hair or hair in his auto mail… I don't know.

When I opened my eyes again, the sun was shining and warm and I was warm and everything was alright again.

* * *

For the next few days all I could eat was chicken broth and all I could drink was water. I wasn't complaining, it felt nice to have something taste and smell and settle in my stomach. The medicine, however, was something I could've done without. It was thick and had a nauseating stench to me. I could remember a little of how I hated medicine as a child, this definitely would not pass quickly. I couldn't even defend myself from Edward and his spoon. 

"Come on, Al." he was very irritated by this point since I wouldn't open my mouth, "How do you expect to get better if you don't take the medicine?"

I didn't answer as he continued to force the spoon into my mouth, "Drink the damn medicine!"

"No-" down went the disgusting fluid. I coughed, but Ed managed to get me to swallow the entire spoonful. Once it was all gone, he handed me a glass of water which I gulped down fairly quickly. Anything to rid of the nasty taste.

"There, that wasn't so bad." Ed was wearing that stupid, cocky grin of triumph, I wanted to knock it off his face or force him to drink the damn medicine. Seeing as I could do neither, I settled for glaring at him. "Aw, don't look at me like that, Al!"

I sighed, leaning back against the pillows as he collected my bowl and glass. He started rambling on how my fever was gone now and that as soon as he's sure I won't throw up again (I'd thrown up twice more since the first night) he would graduate me to solid foods. I brightened at the perspective, I'd get to eat normal food again! For the first time since… since… the night before we transmuted our mother. I was suddenly aware of the silence between my brother and me. He was looking at me as if waiting for an answer, but I had no idea what he'd just asked.

"Uhh…" I fumbled around for a good answer. "Well… umm…"

Ed smirked, "You weren't listening to a word I said, were you?"

"Heh… well… my mind kind of wandered after the solid food part." I replied sheepishly.

He chuckled, "You pig."

"Hey! Who's the one who ate two meals for every mealtime?"

"What else was I supposed to do? I had to pretend that you ate your food too! I couldn't just dump it into your armor. Besides," he posed with superior stance, "I was a growing boy."

"And still in desperate need of growing." I added.

"WHO'S SO SHORT THAT THEY COULDN'T GET ONTO THIS BED WITHOUT A TEN FOOT LADDER!"

"I didn't say that!"

"I'LL SHOW YOU WHO'S SHORT!" he was in angry-ranting-Ed mode.

I was laughing, "Brother-!"

I didn't know when my laughter faded into gasps for air, but I was well aware that my chest ached after a while and Ed's ranting wasn't funny anymore because nothing's funny when you can't breath. I tried to sit up straight and began pounding on my chest to open my airways. A violent thump on my back got me to start coughing as air returned to me.

After my breathing was even again, I lowered my body back into a lying down position. "Sorry…" I mumbled a hoarse apology, not looking at Ed because I wouldn't be able to stand the guilt that I knew would be in his eyes.

"It's not your fault, Al." forced cheer and nonchalance was in his voice, "Just get some more rest, okay?"

"Mm-hmm…" I nodded, then looked up to see Edward leaving with the bowl and glass, "Ah, brother?"

"Yeah?" he turned his head to face me.

"What was it that you asked me before?"

His smile was shaky, "When you're better, I'm gonna take you to the doctor to make sure everything's alright with you. Is that okay?"

I blinked, "Uh, yeah… it's okay… but why didn't we go before…?"

Ed shrugged, "I didn't want to risk moving you too much. I wanted to wait until you got a little more strength back. I did call a doctor when you were sick and got advice for what medicine to give you and stuff like that. You just had a slight stomach flu. Probably from the lack of food for four years and then suddenly being fed and changes in temperature."

"Oh, okay." I rolled onto my side and offered him a grateful smile. The expression he had… it was so strange… like relief and fear and happiness all together. It wasn't bad… just strange. "Thank you, brother." I told him before attempting to go back to sleep.

I couldn't wait to get caught up on all the sleep I'd lost. All this sleeping was starting make me feel lazy.

* * *

My eyes were wide, nearly popping out of my head, at the sight in front of me. I was standing, very shakily I might add, and staring at the mirror in our room. It was me… not the armor me or an older version of me… but the ten year old me, only a lot skinnier and paler. I was surprised; I guess I'd figured that my body would've grown… but it was still almost an exact replica of how I was from before. My hair was still short and a darker shade of gold than brother's. My silverish-olive eyes were drawn to my ribs, they were very prominent and seemed to be poking out of my skin. I frowned at how unhealthy that must be, but I was distracted by my face. 

I frowned again, watching how the muscles in my face would move to accommodate the expression. I smiled, fascinated by how my expressions could change again. I opened my mouth so it could form an 'o' then a line and then an 'o' again. Blinking and scowling and smiling was so… I don't know. For four years I could only watch as brother and others could change their expressions. Now that I could too, it felt so nice.

"Having fun?"

I yelped in surprise, Ed's presence had gone unnoticed by me until he spoke suddenly. "Ah, brother! Look! I'm ten!"

Ed laughed at my giddy exclamation, "Stupid. You're not ten."

"Eh? But I look like I did before…" I was suddenly confused, did my growth stunt too like brother's?

"Yeah, but that doesn't make you ten." he pointed out, "Your mind and soul says you're fourteen, while your body is still ten. But the soul is what counts. So, you're just a very underdeveloped fourteen-year-old."

I pondered this, "I guess you're right… Aha! So that's why you felt so much bigger than I thought you would!"

"I'M NOT A MIDGET!" he suddenly shouted.

"I didn't say you were!" I countered, putting my hands up as a sign of giving in.

Ed fumed and tossed some clothes at me, "Just put these clothes on. I can't drag you around town naked."

I blushed, realizing for the first time since I had gotten my body back that I was in fact naked. I guess it was to make bathing and going to the bathroom easier, since my hands were still clumsy and Ed wouldn't want to waste time dressing and undressing me. My blush deepened when I recalled that Ed had to help me do all these things. Keeping my head down so he wouldn't see me all embarrassed, I examined the shirt in my hands. My mind when blank when I told myself to put it on.

"Umm… brother?" I piped up, still not looking at him.

"What is it?"

"I don't know how to put the shirt on."

* * *

After much fumbling around, Ed managed to get my shirt and pants on. The shirt was very big, the neck almost hanging off my narrow, bony shoulders. The pants were big too, dragging on the ground when I tried to walk. I also had to bunch the waist together so that they wouldn't fall off. Judging by how the clothes looked, I figured that they were Ed's. _Well of course they're his! I don't have any clothes and where would brother find some clothes without leaving me alone or knowing my size?_ The underwear was his too, I realized with heat rising to my cheeks again. I hated being so skinny. 

"Hold still, Al!" Edward was trying to tighten one of his belts around my waist so the pants wouldn't fall down. "Jeez… I never thought I'd see the day where my clothes were too big for you. The last time my shirts would hang off you like this was when you were like three or something."

"Really?" I tilted my head to the side, "I wore your clothes when I was three?"

He smiled, recollecting the memory, "Yeah. You were constantly going through my clothes and wearing them so you could be 'Just like big brother'. Mom thought it was adorable."

"I didn't know that…" I tried to remember doing something like that, but nothing came to mind.

"Hmm, you were too little to remember. But mom would sometimes make references to that." he told me, finally standing up straight and tugging on the waist of my pants to see if they would fall down.

I could remember mom sometimes saying: 'Al, wear this and you can be like your big brother!' or something. I guess I never really considered why she'd say stuff like that.

"There we go!" Ed grinned, fitting his red coat over my shoulders. "I don't want you too get cold. Then you'd get sick again and you'd have to drink more of that medicine and throw up on me."

I made a face at him, causing him to start laughing again. I smiled to myself, I liked being able to make him happy. It was a rewarding feeling. Ed hoisted me up so that I was riding piggyback. He thought it would be easier on my half-dead legs to carry me this way. I couldn't disagree with him for two reasons. One; my legs weren't very strong yet and had difficulty in supporting my own weight. And two; I liked it when brother carried me.

* * *

"You look much better, brother." 

Edward was spread out all over his bed, taking up almost the full size of it. Although it probably looked like he was exhausted or sulking, I knew that it was his relieved position. I did notice that he had seemed rather tense on the way to the doctor's. I assumed it was because he had to explain why I was so sickly. It turned out the doctor was a friend of the colonel's and instructed to keep this check up off the records and not ask any questions about my anorexic appearance. Actually, besides the fact that I was malnourished and my muscles and bones were nearly dead, I was perfectly fine. Still, there had to be some reason why Ed had tensed up before seeing the doctor and getting me all checked out.

Ed's voice was muffled, since his face was half-pressed into his pillow, "Hnn? What're you talking about?"

"You looked really stressed earlier." I informed him, sitting up with my back supported by the propped up pillows, "Now you look a lot more at ease. Why?"

A pillow was chucked at my head, "You're really stupid enough to ask me why I was stressed? Because something might've been wrong with you! There were all these 'what ifs' like what if I didn't do the transmutation correctly. Or what if I messed up somewhere. Or what if you were just plain sick. I was worried, idiot."

"Oh…" I didn't know what to say; I couldn't look at my brother, so I simply stared at my bed sheets.

I guess I was so unused to having Ed worry about my physical well-being like that. In the armor… nothing could really be wrong with me. Sure, I'd lose an arm or a leg or my helmet; but Ed could just make new ones with alchemy or just reattach the head. It never hurt. I couldn't feel it. But now… if I were to lose an arm or a leg, like he did, then that would be that. No new arms or legs made of flesh and my head wouldn't be able to be reattached to my body. And it would hurt. I would feel pain. Not only that, but I could get sick. The events of my first few days in my rightful body proved that much. Humans were fragile, seeing Ed get hurt on our journeys proved that much and I had worried about him enough for the both of us. It's only natural for brothers to worry about each other. So… obviously Ed would worry too. Then there's the guilt factor where he thinks that everything is his fault, including anything wrong with my body. I really am an idiot.

Suddenly I found my body being twisted into an embrace. I blinked, having been startled but relaxed as brother tightened his grip on me. Somewhere during my thoughts, he must've gotten up and come over to me. Ed usually didn't show many physical displays of affection, but now I could feel him and he could feel me. I sighed contently, returning the embrace and enjoying his warmth. His face was buried in my shoulder, his mismatched hands gripping the back of the red coat I was still wearing.

"Al…?" he asked softly, not moving his head and making it difficult for me to look at him.

"Yes, brother?" giving up on trying to look him in the face, I rested my chin on his opposite shoulder, letting the stray strands of blonde hair from his braid tickle my nose. I began to play with his hair with one hand as I waited for him to continue.

Ed didn't protest once he regained the ability to speak, "Al, you're… you're really okay, right? You're not hurt or anything? I didn't screw up, did I? Please…"

"I…" my eyes widened and unconsciously my hand tightened on his braid, jerking it slightly and I was granted with a hiss of pain from brother, "Ah! Sorry!" I immediately let go, then went back to contemplating his question. "I'm fine, really, brother. I'm okay. You didn't mess up."

Ed released a shaky breath, now stroking my back as if to reassure himself that I was whole and solid and real. "I was so scared… I thought I'd lost you again…"

He was referring to the night of my transmutation, I think. When I couldn't remember how I got back like this. "Brother… please… please tell me what happened."

Brother suddenly jolted as if trying to get away from me, but I tightened my grip as much as I could. I was now the one burying their head in the other's shoulder. "Please, brother, don't go. Please. Tell me. Please, I-I'm scared." I kept mumbling nonsense into his shoulder, clinging to him with as much strength my body could manage in this state. Ed slowly relaxed; I could imagine his face softening at this pitiful display of mine.

"Al…" he sighed, "Do you really-?"

"Yes." there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to know, "I want to share the burden, brother. Don't I have a right to know?"

"Alright, alright." he gave in, shifting us so that we were both lying down on my bed. Me on my back looking up at him and Ed on his side facing me. He took in a deep breath before starting, "You see Al… you remember what we were doing, right?" I half nodded, a little unsure of why we had been there. "The homunculi and Dante. They had you. I tried to find you, but Dante ended up sending me to the other side of the gate before I could find you. Do you remember me coming back?" I couldn't, so I shook my head. "Well, when I came back… I found you stuck in a transmutation circle, Wrath missing the arm and leg he took from me, Envy, Rose, Gluttony, and Dante. They were all there… they were going to use the Philosopher's Stone…"

Ed swallowed thickly, no longer looking at me, "I… I didn't know what to do. So I just started fighting Envy to buy some time… I was scared, Al. They were going to take you away…" his voice was lowering, "I-I tried to get to you… b-but… I…"

It would've been cruel to make him continue talking. I placed a finger on his lips, silencing him and making him blink at me in surprise. He cast me a questioning look, but I shook my head. I snuggled up to him, not really desiring to know what happened next. I'm sure it would just make me sick. Ed sniffed, trying to keep himself from crying or showing any weakness.

"It's okay, brother. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." I reassured him. I hated making him upset.

* * *

_I couldn't move. My body was trapped within the transmutation circle that Dante had created to keep me from running off. So they could use the stone. They didn't need to worry though, brother wasn't here. Why wasn't he here? I need him. Brother…_

_Everything seemed to move faster; Gluttony was crazy, he no longer had emotions or attachments. I wonder if it's better to have no feelings when someone close to you dies. Dante destroyed brother's arm and leg that had been taken by Wrath, he was in a crumpled heap on the floor. Rose looked so dazed and sad, I don't think she was really there. Her eyes were empty. I wanted to cry. I really did. But steel can't cry. Steel can't do anything._

_The gate opened; brother was there and he looked so sad and lost. Then he got angry, maybe because they were going to transmute me. Envy fought him, taking on different appearances of people who were our friends. Gluttony was coming closer. He was going to eat me. Then Envy… Envy was… I didn't want to look. It was impossible! How could dad do something like that! Why was brother stopping! Move!_

_"Brother… No…"_

_So much blood. His blood was everywhere. A spike had gone right through him. He was bleeding too much! He was going to die! Then… he looked at me… His eyes were pleading, begging for forgiveness and mercy. For me… begging for me to help him. But I couldn't! His face was so pale and chalky. The blood was everywhere. His eyes went dead and he fell, tumbled to the cold, unfeeling ground. So similar to myself._

_"EDWARD!" Rose screamed out in anguish, coming out of her trance._

_I couldn't move. My mind was numb. Only one word resounded in my empty head. No. No. No. No. No. No!_

_"No… Brother can't die… It's supposed to be me…"_

_I'm the useless one. I should be dead. This is all my fault. It's my fault. It's my fault! MY FAULT! BROTHER!_

* * *

"No… no… stop… wait… brother… brother… can't die… my fault…" 

"Hey, Al. Wake up, it's okay. Al, wake up." brother's voice reached me in my dream, yanking me from it and bringing me back to reality.

Panting heavily, I was once again staring up at my brother from the bed, "B-brother?"

"I'm right here, Al. See?" he lightly touched the side of my face and I marveled at how I could feel it, could feel the rough skin, yet gentle touch of his hand against my cheek. It suddenly came to me. Then end of dream… what had happened that night in that empty room with the homunculi and the stone and the blood. I knew now… and I hated myself for it.

My lower lip trembled, unbidden tears coming to my eyes. Ed gazed at me with worry, smoothing my hair back to try and comfort me, "Hey, what's wrong?"

"You died!" I suddenly blurted out, startling my brother by my outburst, "You died, so how can you be here? How did you survive? I don't understand, brother! I don't! You died! And it was all my fault!"

I jerked my body, twisting it so that my front was buried in the bed. My hands clenched into the pillow, now in the process of being drenched by my tears and saliva. I sobbed into the material, my chest aching with the effort. I didn't want him to go away. I didn't want him to suddenly be gone upon my new discovery. I wanted brother to stay with me.

"Al…" Ed's voice was thick with his own grief, "Alphonse, look at me."

Reluctantly, I raised my tear-stained face to look at Edward. He appeared pained, so sad and at a loss for what to do. I hiccupped, choking on my own sobs. Gnawing on his lower lip, Ed placed his flesh hand on my shoulder.

"Al, do I look dead to you?" he asked me; his eyes were tired and full of despair, but other than that he looked alive.

Sniffling, I frantically shook my head, "No-o…"

Ed forced a smile to his lips, then opened his arms as an invitation, "Come here."

I flung myself into his arms, clinging to him and bawling like a baby. He didn't care though, brother just cradled me and lowered out bodies into a position that we could fall asleep in. I buried my face into his chest, nuzzling my head under his chin. I could feel him nestling his cheek against the top of my head. Eventually, my crying ceased and my breathing eased into a quiet kind. It was silent, I was then aware that Ed had begun to hum, so softly that I could barely hear him. But he was there. And he was alive.

* * *

_"Brother!"_

_I was furious and scared and in pain. Emotional pain. Without any rational thought, I began transmuting. I frightened Gluttony away from my armor and stormed past Dante and Envy. My brother needed me. I had to help him. I couldn't, wouldn't be useless to him! He didn't look peaceful like mom had when she died. He looked like he was being consumed with guilt and pain. I couldn't bear it. He deserved to be here and be happy and whole._

_"I'm sorry, brother…" For that one moment, I could almost feel tears streaming down my face. "I'm sorry."_

_A flash of red light, Envy yelling, the gate, brother, the gate took Envy, and brother wasn't dead anymore. But he was foggy and looked distant. "Al?" he called out faintly, eyes desperate._

_"Brother! Brother!" I tried to get over to him, but I felt something pulling me away from him._

_This is the price you pay. This is the price. Someone whispered, the one dragging me away towards the gate. But I wanted to make sure he'd be okay. I wanted to see brother get back safely. Your life for his. The Philosopher's Stone._

_"Al…" brother rasped, I don't think he could see me really, maybe feel my presence._

_I felt like I was being torn in two. What was I doing? Brother would be miserable and guilty for the rest of his life if he found out what I'd done for him. But… I'd be miserable and guilty if I didn't do something._

_"Alphonse?" his eyes locked onto me, even if we were getting further apart. "Al?" his voice was choked with tears. "Al, say something. Please."_

_I was suddenly overcome with fury, "No! I won't let you take me! Brother needs me! Let me go back to him! Please!"_

_"Al…" Brother could hear me, he started walking closer._

_I didn't want him to get too close, "Stay back, Ed. The gate will take you away!"_

_"Al, where are you going? Come back, please. I'm sorry. Don't hate me. Please… don't…" he trailed off, I could hear him crying._

_"Brother? Brother, no. Please. Don't cry." I pleaded, trying to fight off those of the gate who were taking me with them. "I love you, brother! I really do!"_

_Use the stone._

_I'm not sure if the gate was speaking to me or Edward, but I watched as he raised his eyes to meet my gaze. Fear and weakness being replaced by determination. He charged forward and I screamed for him to turn around. To go back._

_"GIVE ME BACK MY BROTHER!"_

_Suddenly, I was in front of the gate and brother was gone. I looked around wildly, trying to find him before the doors opened and took him away. Too late. The doors were opening and all those eyes… I gasped, recognizing a pair that also had a face and a body to go with them. Edward was kneeling on the ground, cradling something in his arms._

_"Brother! Brother!" he looked up, suddenly fearful, as I tried to get over to him._

_He shook his head, "No, Al! Don't come close! They want the stone!"_

_The eyes were all focused on me, all grinning as their hands reached out to me. "A-ah!" I was torn between helping my brother and listening to him. But I couldn't lose him. I just couldn't. I rushed forward to where Ed was, the hands ripping at my armor. I bent down to his screaming form._

_"Take out the seal!" I told him, "Attach it to something else!"_

_Ed looked at me as if I were crazy, which I probably was by then, "Al-!"_

_"Just do it, brother!" I ordered, aware that my lower torso was already being consumed._

_He looked angry and scared, "But what if I can't reattach it!"_

_"Just try!" I screamed back, "Please!"_

_His face contorted into a pained expression, shifting his burden to his flesh arm and using his auto mail to rip out my seal. The seal contained my thoughts and memories and soul, it was what bound me to something. Although I couldn't move or talk or anything, I watched as my armored body was devoured. Brother's hand clenched around the cut out of the armor that was me, then gently placed it on another surface._

_"Now…" he whispered, looking at my seal and whatever else was there with such intensity… "I'll bring you back, Alphonse. The way you were supposed to be."_

_With a clap of his hands, the gate allowed us passage and we were falling. Then Ed was gone and there was a degree of nothingness. Then I was aware. The first thing that registered in my mind was…_

_Pain._

* * *

End of the first chapter thingie. I hope you enjoyed it! Please review and tell me what you think! It will make me smile. But please, no flames... that means you Roy.

Roy: Dammit... -storms off-

Bye for now!


	2. Part II

Disclaimer: I still do not own Fullmetal Alchemist... -sigh- but I'm saving up for more FMA merchandise goodness, yay!

Warnings: Language... some blood, I think... and AU. Brotherly fluffiness and slight Elricest.

Ed: You call that slight?

Me: Compared to what I'd rather be writing? -Ed blushes-

Al: -confused- What do you mean?

Ed: Noooo! Do not corrupt my innocent, younger brother! -claps hands over Al's ears-

Me: Corrupt? Me? -innocent-like- I'm merely trying to give him a push in the right direction -to readers- Please ignore Ed, there really isn't Elricest in this chapter, just slight mentions of something more than brother love. Now... onward!

* * *

..Part II.. 

Equivalent Exchange

* * *

Two weeks… It had been exactly two weeks since I returned to my body. 

For these two weeks we had been staying in an inn in Xenotime, no questions asked about our suspiciously long stay or why my brother had carried me in here bloody, not breathing, and definitely malnourished. The kind innkeepers had provided us with what we needed and kept away when we needed our privacy. Ed had also called Colonel Mustang and informed him on why we weren't in Central anymore and what had happened to me. He swore not to tell anyone. It had been my idea for brother to call the colonel, so it was expected of him to fume and rant about it a few hours prior to it. He seemed especially pissed by the fact that Mustang had inquired on how I got my body back. Ed said that he'd tell him when we got into Central.

The memory of how I returned to my body was losing it's painful ache, fading into a scar upon my heart. Brother was alive and not hurt and perfectly okay and almost normal. There were times where I would freak and crave his presence and his warmth, but we figured with time it would pass. Now there were bigger things to focus on. One was getting me to walk.

So far, I was only able to walk from my bed to brother's or to the door frame without brother's help. But with his help, I could go around the entire inn once before collapsing from exhaustion. It wasn't much, but I was improving steadily. However, the doctor said I needed more calcium when Ed and I visited him again for another check up.

"Where am I going to get him calcium?" Ed asked incredulously.

The doctor smiled, "Why, milk of course."

Let it be said that on that day I ran very, very fast for the first time in my new body while dragging my brother with me before he could open his stupid, big mouth and say something rude to the doctor. Of course, I only managed to get us a quarter of the way to the inn before collapsing and requiring brother to carry me back again.

I sighed from my position on my bed, "Brother, aren't you overreacting?"

"I can't believe he expects me to give you milk! It's vile! It's disgusting!" he was ranting again.

I rolled my eyes, "He's not asking you to drink it. You just need to make sure I do."

"Why the hell would I do that?"

"You heard what the doctor said, brother. I need milk to get stronger and healthier. You want me to be healthy don't you?" Another good thing about having an actual face was that I could make an extremely pathetic, 'I-love-you-so-much-dearest-brother-why-can't-I-have-this-one-thing?' look.

Ed's defenses crumble immediately once I give him that look, "Damn you Al. Damn you milk." he whined, shuffling out of the room to get some milk.

The sweet, refreshing nectar that was called milk felt like something was ravishing my taste buds. Having had nothing other than water and chicken broth for the first two weeks of my newly restored life had become a regular occurrence to my sense of taste; as if everything tasted like that. But no, milk was the god of all drinks. Creamy and liquefied enough to be considered as a drink even if it was food. Even the sticky after taste was something for me to look forward to. So cold and rejuvenating. Milk was officially the best nutrients ever.

The look on brother's face was priceless.

"WHY THE HELL DO YOU LOOK SO HAPPY!" he demanded, glaring daggers at me and my glass of milk.

I smiled sweetly at my older brother, "It's good."

"IT'S MILK! HOW CAN IT BE GOOD! YOU'RE INSANE, AL!"

I took another gulp of the creamy liquid before shooting him another smile, "Then I'm insane. But only for you, brother."

Ed blinked at me, then replied, "You little brat." but I could tell he was not exactly sure what that translated to.

To be quite honest… I had no idea what I meant by that either. To avoid having to clarify what I said, I covered it up by saying, "I love you, brother." before quickly beginning to guzzle down the remaining milk in my glass. I'd forgotten how nice it was to feel something running down your throat to nourish you, but I'd also forgotten how much gulping too much at a time hurt.

"Hey… slow down, Al. It's not going anywhere." Ed gently cupped his hands around my own, making me lower the glass from my lips.

The soft contact startled me; the display of endearment was something that my brother didn't show very often. I raised my gaze to meet his, an involuntary blush visible in his cheeks. At the sight of him being embarrassed like that, the heat rose to my face too. His flesh hand crept up slowly, smoothing back my brow before releasing me and taking my glass away.

"You want some more?" he asked, heading towards the door in a careless way as he did once before.

I could only stare at him in a stupor, my cheeks still flushed, "Y-yes, please, brother."

Even after he had left my sight, the heat in my cheeks didn't leave. I clapped my cool hands over them, my lower lip worried by my teeth. Why was I blushing? Ed had only been taking my glass to make sure I didn't drown myself with milk. He hadn't even been that close to me, so why was I embarrassed? My stomach knotted up, but not in the way it usually did when I was about to throw up. This time… I felt a little anxious and uneasy. The brief moment in time replayed in my head over and over; Ed holding my hands between his, his voice so soft and gentle, his eyes were bright and glinting with remnants of the day's light and some unsaid feeling. His slightly parted lips as he waited for my reply, pinkened and so… The blush returned at full power. _Why was I thinking about my brother like that!_

I scrubbed at my face frantically. I was just having a weird "Al-day-dream" moment. Probably just because I'd been in the armor for so long and seeing brother up close like that was a surprise to me. Lowering my hands from my face, I stared at them in hopes of distracting myself. This didn't work. It only made me think about how pale and bony my hands were in comparison with brother's. Even his auto mail one. His left hand was slightly tanned and rough from all his clapping when using alchemy, but much stronger and I loved to touch both with my own and marvel at how skin could feel different on different parts of the body…

I felt really awkward again…

* * *

I don't think Ed noticed anything unusual about my earlier behavior (when he came back with the milk I had already buried myself beneath my covers in order to hide myself and my awkwardness) because he didn't pester me about it. Instead he asked what I wanted to eat. 

"Eat, brother?" I tilted my head to the side in confusion, it wasn't that I didn't know what 'eating' meant… it was just… I had been expecting chicken broth again. "What do you mean?"

Ed raised an eyebrow, "Eat. You know, where you put food in your mouth, chew, then swallow so you nourish your body? Ring any bells, Al?"

"I know that." I frowned, hating how he was just doing that to make me feel inferior or stupid or something, "I just meant, like solid foods? No chicken broth?"

He smirked, "Nah. I'd figured you've been good with the chicken broth so you're graduating to soft foods. Nothing chewy or hard; I'm not sure if your jaw could handle that yet."

I began to move my mouth as if biting something, teeth clicking together as they made contact. Ed bopped me on the head, "Stop that."

"Sorry." I replied sheepishly, then went about thinking on what I wanted to have. Anything that tasted would be fine; but everything had a taste so that didn't narrow my choices down by much. Something soft… "Are noodles soft, brother?"

So my first meal of actual food was a bowl of noodles in a light broth, a really soft, flaky biscuit with butter, and a glass of milk. And I have to tell you… I was in heaven! It felt so much more satisfying to have something solid settle in my stomach. So much more filling. Tasting was good too, and feeling the texture of the food with my mouth. It was so strange, yet exhilarating, to experience eating as if I were a small child. Especially with Ed having to stop halfway through his meal to take over feeding me.

My coordination had improved some, but I still had trouble when it came to steadying my hands when holding something and trying to move it to an exact location. I ended up with half of my noodles on my lap, in my hair, and down my shirt. The broth the noodles sat in was hot, but I was too busy admiring how it hurt, it actually hurt, to have something burn your skin. I never realized how sensitive skin was.

"Al, stop it. You're making a mess!" Ed fussed as he swiped my fork away from me, eyeing my arm with worry. I had accidentally stabbed myself with the fork several times. "Here, let me do it."

I beamed, then nodded enthusiastically, "Okay, brother!"

I wasn't ashamed or embarrassed to have my brother feed me anymore. In fact, I enjoyed it. When Ed would feed me, it gave me a happy, content feeling. It reminded me of mom, but also of how much of a good big brother Ed was. How I was lucky to have him.

Opening my mouth, I felt him gently place the forkful of noodles inside. "If I poke you, I'm sorry." I was too busy sucking the noodles off the fork to answer. By the time we were on the fifth forkful, I had come up with a way of eating the noodles. First, I sucked all the flavor off; then I slowly began to mash up the noodles with my tongue, teeth, and the roof of my mouth. Then I swallowed and opened my mouth again. I felt like a baby bird.

I giggled to myself upon thinking this, and Ed looked up at me, "What?"

"I feel like a bird."

Brother blinked at me, "_What?_"

"I said, I feel like a bird." I repeated, "A baby bird. Still in the nest and being fed by it's mom- or… err… big brother, in this case."

Brother just shook his head, "Al, you're weird. What did I ever do to get stuck with such a weird little brother?" Ed didn't mean it though; he was smiling.

* * *

In another week, I was walking around the entire inn without any fatigue. I could probably go around the entire building four times before starting to get tired. Brother was pleased with my progress, his praise made me feel extremely happy and made my stomach all fluttery. I assumed it was natural, after all, I wasn't exactly the best person to go to for advice on how the human body functioned with emotions. 

Since I could walk more, Ed took me shopping for clothes that would actually fit me. The selection in Xenotime wasn't something one would usually gape at, but it never occurred to me in the armor how clothes felt or looked or how they were organized. After trying on several shirts, I settled on one blue long-sleeved shirt, a white button-down shirt with a collar, a white short sleeved shirt, and a black one that reminded me of Edward's. Then I got two pairs of jeans, one pair of nice pants, and a pair of shorts. There were also socks, underwear, belts, shoes, and pajamas. But my favorite was the coat I found.

It was powder blue in color, very pale and soft. It was long, it went below my knees and the sleeves had to be pinned back. Plus, it was most likely a girls' coat, but I immediately fell in love with it. It looked just like brother's, only it would need some alterations to make it more masculine and more like his. The pockets were in the same place, as were some of the angles. All I would have to do would be to add some buttons that matched the red coat's, attach a hood, and add teacher's emblem on the back. That wouldn't be too hard. I just needed to learn how to sew first…

"Whatcha got there, Al?" Ed asked, approaching me once he got bored of examining the shoes.

I spun around and held it up for him to see, beaming with excitement, "Look brother! Look at this coat I found! Can I get it?"

Ed cast me a strange glance, "Al… that's a girl's coat. And it's probably at least five sizes too big for you."

"Who's so small, they can't even fit into a girl coat?" I grinned, mimicking his usual explosions of being called small. "Aw, please, brother. I don't mind that it's a girl coat and I'll grow into it. But I really like it! Can I please get it?"

He groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance, "Alright, fine. Get the damn coat. Do we need anything else?"

"I think this is good." I answered, eyeing the other articles of clothing I was planning on getting. "Is it too much?"

Ed scoffed, "I was going to say not enough, but we can always get you more clothes later. Give me the coat and I'll go pay."

* * *

So, we arrived back at the hotel with three bags of clothes. I was so excited, my own clothes! I hadn't had any clothes of my own for four years. I removed every article of clothing from the bags and lined them up, touching each one delicately and examining them closely and just hugging them to myself. I could feel Ed watching me as I did this with everything he bought for me, but I didn't really mind. 

"Thank you so much, brother!" I beamed, hugging my new coat close to me.

Ed smirked, "Yeah, yeah. Your welcome. Just stop molesting the clothes now, Al. We need to decide what we're doing next."

I stuck my tongue out at him at the molesting comment, slipping the coat around my shoulders. "What do you mean? Aren't we going to have dinner or something?"

"No, Al. I mean, where are we going to go next and how are we going to deal with me being part of the military-"

I cut Ed off, "You quit, silly." I shook my head, understanding how he'd still think about being a State Alchemist.

"I didn't quit, Al." he replied coolly.

"I know, but you will right? I mean, you only joined so we could get our bodies back… Oh!" understanding flooded my features. How could I have been so stupid and inconsiderate? "I'm sorry, brother! We still need to get your arm and leg back-!"

Ed shook his head frantically, "No, no, Al. I'm not going to get my arm and leg back."

"But-!"

He sighed heavily, then looked me straight in the eyes. His gaze was so intense, it made me recoil. "I don't want to risk losing anything else, Alphonse. I'm fine like this, really. I don't need my arm and leg back, nor do I want them. I just wanted you back… okay? That's the only thing that mattered. That's why I became a State Alchemist."

Ashamed, I turned my head away, "But… brother… we promised…" Determination flaring I faced him once more, "I'll get your arm and leg back! It's only fair. I want you to be whole and happy, too!"

"Al…"

"And, and if you were only a State Alchemist to get me back, then why can't you quit?" I continued pestering him, anger starting to well up inside me. "Didn't you say you would?"

Edward groaned, covering his eyes with his hand, "I can't just up and quit, Al. You know that."

"No I don't." I didn't mean for my voice to sound so harsh, but it got Ed's attention anyway.

"If I just quit; one, the military would be suspicious. Two, I'm not even sure if my contract allows me to quit just yet. And three, where would we be?" he cast me an 'I-know-best' look, "We need money to survive. We can't just go crawling back to auntie Pinako now, not when we've proven that we can take care of ourselves. I need the money to support you."

My anger dissipated at his explanation. It made sense. We would need money and we couldn't expect auntie to support us. Ed was sixteen, considered to be an adult by the state. And me? I was almost fifteen, despite looking ten, and well-known by the state. Besides, I knew brother couldn't go back to feeling helpless… not with all the information we had about what went on inside the military. My insides churned at all those dark secrets harbored within the authorities. Shaking my head to rid myself of those thoughts, I chanced a look to my brother.

Ed was staring at his feet awkwardly, waiting for a reply I think, "So… you have to be a dog of the military, still?"

"Yeah."

"But Equivalent Exchange!" I frowned, fisting my hands in my blankets, "That's not fair."

"Life's not fair, Al. There's no such thing as Equivalent Exchange. You should know that by now."

I glared at the floor, mustering up all my strength to keep myself from crying. _I know brother… but that doesn't mean that I still can't wish for it to be like that._

* * *

Ed shot me another look of annoyance and concern as he chatted on the phone with Mustang. I dutifully ignored it. I had been giving him the silent treatment for almost a whole day now, ever since we finished that discussion about Ed returning to the military. At first, he seemed to understand, now he was just annoyed that I was sulking like a little child. Of course, by only looking at me you would think that I was just that, a child. 

"Yeah… yes. He can walk now. Much better. No… _What!_ _WHO'RE YOU CALLING SO SHORT YOU CAN'T SEE HIM WITHOUT A MICROSCOPE! _Screw you, Mustang! Ugh… fine. We'll be on the next train to Central. _Fine._" Ed hung up, growling and fuming like there was no tomorrow.

He stalked over to the bed that I was sitting on and began tossing clothes into his suitcase. "That pompous bastard. Telling me what to do. Calling me short. You know, he even had the nerve to ask me if you were towering over me. And he knew you were ten! He is a insensitive, fucking, bastard with his perverted head up his ass!"

I said nothing as I watched Ed, trying to keep from bursting out laughing at his obvious frustration. Taking notice of my silence, he glared at me. I knew what he meant. Usually I offer some kind of comment, whether it be in favor of him or the Colonel. I simply met his gaze, our staring contest lasted about a minute before Ed chucked something at my head. It was one of his shirts all balled up. I tossed it back over to him so he could pack.

"Al, I don't need this from you either." he growled bitterly, "So just get over yourself and stop pouting like a baby. I really don't need it."

I knew he was just in a bad mood from talking to Mustang, but I didn't want to be the one to have his anger directed upon. I lowered myself down off the bed and shuffled out the door of the hotel room. Ed didn't try to stop me, he was too busy trying to gather my new clothes and stuff them into his suitcase too.

I looked around the hallway, it was nice and traditional. It reminded me of a cabin with all the wooden planks and such. The sudden urge to explore the inn influenced me to go further. I hadn't walked around it all by myself before, it was like my own little adventure. Passing the lobby, I paused to observe the other guests. An old couple, a family of four, and a group of women who began cooing once they saw me.

"Oh, look at him!" "Isn't he just precious?" "What kind of mother would let such an adorable child wander around all alone?" "I just want to take him home with me!" "He's so cute!" I blushed at all the comments, giving the women more reason to giggle over me. One nice looking women ruffled my hair in a way that reminded me of mom and brother. Another patted my head, while the others just smiled at me. I suddenly felt really nervous, my stomach twisting in new positions. Being the center of attention of a group of strangers was something that I had experienced often as a suit of armor, but it seemed different now that I could feel the pressure, the heat of bodies crowding and making the air difficult to breath. I flinched away from the next touch, scrambling to get away.

"Aw, I think we scared him." "It's okay, we won't hurt you." "His hair's so soft." "What a beautiful boy." "His parents must be so proud! They're really blessed!" I forced my way out of the circle of women, darting away down the hall. I was panicky. I don't know why I suddenly felt terrified of other people crowding around me and touching me. All I could think about was getting away. To think that I was fine around a raging, crazed Ed; but around a group of cooing women I was scared out of my mind.

By the time I stopped running, I was breathing heavily and beads of sweat hung around my hairline. I was tired and my chest ached. Shakily, I lowered myself to ground. The wall supported me, keeping me from falling over. Wiping my forehead with the back of my head, I tried to get rid of all the sweat. It was mainly from running when I wasn't used to it yet and from my panic attack. As my breathing evened out I grew calmer and could look at things more clearly.

_They weren't trying to scare me…_ I told myself, rubbing my temples wearily, _They were only being nice. They were complimenting me on how cute I looked. I haven't been called cute in so long… or complimented on my looks… I'm just not used to it…_ I paused, thinking on what one woman said about my parents being proud of me. How I must be a blessing to them. _Would they be proud of me? Would mom like who I've become? Would dad? More importantly… is brother proud of me? Am I a blessing to him?_

Sniffling, I wiped at my face hastily. There was no point in thinking about this. The answers were most likely yes. Relieved for the time being, I looked around me to pinpoint where I was. My heart fluttered nervously in my chest when nothing looked familiar. I couldn't remember the turns I had taken when I ran away from the ladies. I was lost.

Blood rushed in my ears and my heart was pounding. _I'm lost!_ Taking a gulp of air, I rose to my feet unsteadily and began to walk. The hall came to a sharp turn which led to more hall and several paths to go from there. My eyes widened. I couldn't remember which way I came from! I had been too flustered! Collapsing against the wall again I tried to sort out my thoughts. How big was the inn? How much of it had I seen with brother? How much time had passed since I left brother? Was he worried? Or was he still mad at me for acting like a baby? But if I was stupid enough to get myself lost, then I must be a baby.

I hugged my knees to my chest and rested my chin on them. I felt so insignificant and small. I wanted to cry. Brother wouldn't know where I would be… there was no river here.

"_Brother!_" I suddenly wailed, leaping to my feet and darting down the hall.

I took one turn, examining it frantically for something familiar. Nothing, it looked like all the other halls. Groaning in exasperation, I chanced the other three hallways. Only one looked different and that was because it lead outside. But it was getting dark outside. I hated going outside in the dark alone. So that left me three choices. Feeling my breath hitch, I mentally told myself to calm down. _It's okay. Stop overreacting! It's not like I'll be lost here forever. I just need to find the lobby, that's all. Once I find it, then I'll know how to get back to our room. See, that's not so hard._

I felt calmer and capable of collected, rational thoughts. Choosing the first hall to my right, I began to walk down it, keeping an eye out for anyone who'd be able to tell me where the lobby would be. Or something familiar at least. So far, the hallway looked very familiar and I began to get hopeful when I turned the next corner. My heart sank when I saw that it was a dead end.

"This isn't good!" I moaned, shuffling back through the hallway to where I started. "That took me a while! I hope the other two don't take as long. Better yet, I hope the next one leads to the lobby." I didn't care that I was talking to myself; it wasn't as if anyone was around hear me.

On wobbly legs, I ventured down the second hallway, fearing another dead end while praying for it to lead to the lobby. Glancing around nervously, I half expected someone or something to jump out at me. That just always seemed to be the luck of Ed and me. The faint whistle of a train reached my sensitive ears through an open window. _We were supposed to leave on that train… _I reflected sadly, _And it's my fault we missed it. Now Colonel will be mad at brother…_

"Excuse me, little boy?"

It took me some time for my brain to register that the person was talking to me. I frowned, and opened my mouth to retort that I wasn't a little boy, but fourteen years old… when I remembered that I looked like a ten year old. So, instead of throwing some sarcastic remark, I chose to be polite.

"Yes, miss?" It was a woman who had spoken to me, she looked like she worked at the hotel.

She looked at me sternly, her brown eyes reprimanding me for something that I had no idea of. It made me sort of nervous, "These rooms are for the owner and his family only, what do you think you're doing down here?"

"Oh, I'm sorry." I blinked in surprise, I had no idea that these rooms were private. "I got lost and was just trying to find my way back to the lobby, that's all."

Her gaze softened at my answer, "Oh, well, the lobby is down the hall to the right. Do you need help finding it?"

"Ah, no thank you, I think I got it now." I was extremely grateful and relieved that I now knew which way to go. "Thank you, miss." I bowed quickly, then hurried off down the hall.

Maybe if I was fast enough, then Ed wouldn't be so mad at me for just up and leaving. Like Rose. She had just left one night, according to Edward, I never got to see her. That's why he wasn't in the room when I woke up the first time and stared at the ceiling; he had been looking for her. Would he look for me?

Once I was back in the lobby, I found myself grinning with pride. I'd found it! Finally! Careful not to run into anyone, I began racing down the hall to our room. I flung the door open, beaming in relief, "Brother! I'm back! I'm-!"

I stopped my exclamation, staring at the sight before me. The room was empty. My arms fell limp at my sides. Taking slow, cautious steps; I fully entered the room and looked around me. I could feel the glee that had just been filling me draining away, like I had been a nice warm bath and someone pulled the plug on me and wasting all the warm water. I remembered the train whistle and shivered, looking around again. There was no brother. I sat down on the edge of the bed, my feet dangling because of my small size. _Brother's feet don't dangle._ I mused, not really paying attention. Brother wasn't here and it was now getting darker. It had been late afternoon when I last saw him, who knew how much time passed.

I'm not sure how long I sat there staring at the ground. All I know is that the uneven footsteps that I knew so well could be heard storming down the hall. Coming closer and faster with each step, getting louder and louder. Then they stopped. Afraid of what I might see, I slowly raised my head and eyes. Ed was standing in the doorway, panting and gripping the doorframe with one hand. He looked pale, his hair was all disheveled and coming out of the usual braid. But his eyes… his normally bright gold eyes were shining with fear. Fear of what?

"Al…" his voice was shaky, he gulped to get a hold of himself, "Al?"

I stared at him, suddenly concerned for why he looked so upset. I hopped off the bed and started to walk over to him, but he stopped me mid stride by pulling me into a tight embrace.

"Dammit, Al." he muttered into my hair, "Talk to me! What did I do wrong!"

My eyes widened at this display, "What? Brother, what are you-?"

"Why did you run away?" he was now whispering.

Oh… Oh! I felt like the biggest jerk in the world for not noticing sooner, "I'm sorry, brother. I didn't mean to. I got lost."

"How the hell did you get lost!" he asked loudly, holding me out at arms length so he could study me.

"Um…" I fumbled for the right words, "I wanted to give you time to cool down, so I went for a walk, but when I got to the lobby a bunch of women crowded around me and began fussing over me. I panicked and ran off, so I got lost. But I wasn't mad at you, so don't blame yourself."

Somewhere in my explanation and dark look entered Edward's eyes, "What did these women do to you, Al? Did they harass you? Touch you anywhere that made you uncomfortable? Did they try to kidnap you?"

"No! No, they… they just called me cute. One lady said she wanted to take me home, but… basically they just kept saying how adorable I was." I clarified, inwardly smiling at my brother's over protectiveness.

Ed raised an eyebrow, "You freaked out because they called you cute?"

I nodded sheepishly, then received a smack in the head. "Ow! Brother!"

"You idiot." he released me and gave me a small shove. "You're so stupid."

"At least I'm not short for my age!" I countered, taking a few steps back to escape whatever explosion that might cause.

"I'M NOT SHORT!" he shouted out.

"You're vertically challenged!"

"THAT'S IT! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!" Ed began chasing me around the hotel room, "STAY STILL!"

"No!"

"GET BACK HERE!"

"No!"

I darted around the bed, jumping over it before he could catch me. We went around the night stand, over to the desk, back to the bed, near the door, over a plant, back to the night stand again, and at the chair before brother tackled me to the ground. I yelped as he crashed into me, trying to squirm away but he had me pinned. He was really heavy!

"Brother! Get off!" I growled, fighting against his weight on my back.

He sounded pissed, "No way! Now you're gonna get it!"

I braced myself for the hit while still fighting to get him off me. Had I been in my fourteen year old body or armor it would've been easy to get him off, or at least more nourished and stronger, but he was stronger and bigger than me. The tingle that traveled through my body was something I had not been expecting. I squirmed more as he tickled me, but now laughing instead of yelling at him. I could feel him grinning in triumph as I kicked and squealed. _Squealed!_ I mean, boys aren't supposed to squeal! I couldn't get away, Ed had me trapped as his fingers traveled up and down my sides light and quick.

"Bro-th-er!" I rasped out in between fits of laughter, "Stop!"

"Not until you beg for forgiveness!" he retorted, being unmerciful again, "Or say that I'm tall. Your choice."

I was trying to curl into myself as a method of defense, but he wouldn't have it. Waves of delight filled me as I struggled against his tickling, but it was hopeless.

"O-kay! You're tall, brother!" I shrieked as he found a sensitive spot, "Please, stop!"

"Alright, I'll be nice." Ed feigned a sigh of disappointment and rolled us over so that we were on our backs instead of our stomachs.

I panted heavily, trying to regain control after the tingles settled down. My sense deprived skin had welcomed the hasty touches, giving me another new feeling that I had almost forgotten. My face was hot, I had my eyes closed and took shaky breaths. Brother had one arm around my shoulders, and I enjoyed the calmness of this touch.

"They're right, you know."

I opened one eye to glance at Ed who was looking at me, he wasn't scowling or grinning playfully anymore. It was a quiet, gentle smile. "Hmm?"

"You are pretty cute." both my eyes opened all the way as I blushed, watching as he leaned over and gave me a quick peck on the cheek.

"Brother?" I stared at him, no longer as flushed, since I saw that he looked… almost sad… It made me feel like I had done something wrong. I didn't like that look, it reminded me of those he would wear while I was armor. I couldn't do anything for him then except trust him and exist beside him. Now…

I pulled Edward close, this time he was the one with their head tucked under the other's chin. I wasn't the only one in need of a motherly embrace.

"Al…?" he sounded confused, trying to pull away at first.

"Shh..." I gently smoothed down the hair that was coming loose from the braid, it was soft and fine. I could never get enough of touching his hair. Even as little kids, I'd always enjoyed playing with his hair. At the time it had bothered him, but maybe now… it wouldn't so much? Maybe he'd even let me braid it for him, even if it was only once. I became so lost in thought that it didn't occur to me that I began petting Ed as if he were a cat.

He sighed, "Come on, Al. I'm not a cat." He read my mind. "Let's go to bed."

I stopped stroking his hair, "But, don't we have to go to Central?"

"Well, thanks to you getting lost, we missed 'the next train to Central' and I'm too tired to leave now. We'll see Colonel Bastard tomorrow, it shouldn't make that much of a difference. Now, bed."

I reluctantly released Edward, both of us rising to our feet. As we changed for bed, I watched to see if Ed would go to his bed or slip into mine. Clad in only his sweatpants, he threw back the covers for my bed, I thought for sure he'd get in too.

"There you go, Al." he patted the bed for me to lay down on before crossing the room to his bed. My heart sank. "G'night."

"Yeah, goodnight." I replied, trying to keep my voice as cheerful as possible, but it was hard when I knew that come tomorrow night, this would not be my big brother Edward. It would be the Fullmetal Alchemist sleeping across the room from me.

Ed shifted in his bed and glanced at me with confusion, "Al? What're you-"

"I'm sleeping with you tonight." I told him firmly, crawling into bed beside him.

He feigned an exasperated sigh, "Oh, alright." he curled up beside me, "But just for tonight."

I didn't believe him. He said that every night.

* * *

A/N: Yay, I'm done. Please R&R if you have the time and thanks for bearing with me as you read this fic. Thank you! -gives Elric cookies to all- And don't worry Roy lovers, Mustang makes his appearance in the next chappie. 


	3. Part III

Sorry it took so long to get this out, I wanted to write chapters 3, 4, and 5 so I could have them ready, but only managed to get 3 and 4 done. Too much school work! And finals coming up in two weeks... grr... I hope to get chapter 5 out before finals... Well, enjoy these next two chapters!

* * *

..Part III..  
Choices 

The steady hum of the engine was what lulled me to sleep several times and the bumping and thumping was what woke me several minutes into each doze. It was six in the morning. We'd only been on the train for an hour, but Ed had been out like a light ever since I finished hopping around the train. Although our destination wasn't something to look forward too, I was still excited to be on a train again. It felt so weird to have the ground moving beneath you. In fact, when we first started off, I latched onto Ed and wouldn't let go until I got used to the swaying. After that, I was just nonstop gawking. I amused Edward for a while, but he was really tired and just fell asleep about fifteen minutes into our train ride.

At first I'd been disappointed, I had so many questions! Then I began to feel my energy dwindle and I was overcome with exhaustion. I wanted to sleep so badly, but the jolts of the train kept me awake. That, and the habit of being the one to keep vigilance over Ed. I was so used to taking care of him while he slept, it was hard for me to get to sleep if he got knocked out before me.

"Something from the cart, young man?" a woman pushing the food cart asked me as she passed our cabin.

I smiled, tired but polite, "Yes please. Do you have any sweets?"

Sweets were one of my favorite foods now, it seemed I got a new one every other day, so I wanted to have as much as possible before moving onto something else. That, and I knew brother loved sweets just as much, if not even more, than I did. So, while trying to stay awake, I cheerfully munched on two blueberry muffins, a chocolate doughnut, a cinnamon roll with sweet icing, and some chocolate milk in a carton. It seemed as if I had inherited Ed's outrageous appetite as well. Just in case Ed was hungry when he woke up, since we skipped breakfast, I saved him two chocolate doughnuts and a cinnamon roll.

After finishing my rather unhealthy meal, I began to fiddle with my coat sleeves as I stared out the window. The scenery wasn't very pretty. I was disappointed; slumping back into my seat in my too-big coat. The trip from Xenotime to Central would be long with very little greenery. Had we been going to Resembool or Dublith, there would've been some pretty sights.

"Mm… I'm tired and it's ugly outside…" I mused bitterly, turning my body so that I was facing Edward.

He was across from me on the other seat, sprawled out carelessly. He was snoring softly, but you couldn't really hear it over the noise of the train. Stray wisps of golden hair framed his face, so peaceful looking now that he was asleep. All the frown lines were gone and he looked like a boy his age should. Eyes closed in contentment, pinkish lips slightly parted. I had always loved watching Edward sleep. He looked so angelic. My heart fluttered in my chest when he mumbled something softly, curling onto his side facing me. I felt my breath catch when I saw that he was smiling. _It must be a good dream, brother._ I smiled in return, relieved that my older brother could finally sleep without worry. With no nightmares.

_He looks so cute._ I thought happily, watching as he nuzzled the side of his face into the train cushion. It took me a few minutes to realize what I just thought, then kicked myself mentally for it. _Brother would kill me if he found out that I thought he was cute! He hates that!_ I wanted to dwell more on his anger rather than my own confused emotions.

I mean, I had always loved him, he was my big brother after all. We had always been together. Even when dad left, when mom died, when I lost my body, when Ed got auto mail, and when he joined the military… we were still together. We had a bond deeper than anyone else could possibly have. I had been surviving for four years with my brother's blood. His blood kept me alive. In return, I protected him and acted as his shield when there was mortal danger. That was our Equivalent Exchange, even if brother didn't like it too much. So, that obviously meant we loved each other… if we were willing to sacrifice ourselves for the other's sake. Normal brothers were supposed to love each other; but… did normal brothers ever want to touch the other so badly it hurt. Or want to smell them or feel them or taste them?

If I asked Ed this, he'd say it was perfectly normal to want those things after four years of numbness in that hollow armor. Yeah, it's perfectly normal to want to touch, feel, smell, and taste. But when it's your own brother? And is it strange for me to crave his touch in return? Or feel elated whenever he praises me, smiles at me, or hugs me of his own free will? Or blush and feel the need to get closer when we're lying together in bed? It's too strange.

As if on cue, Ed rolls over again so that I'm met with his back. _I don't think I'm a normal brother…_

* * *

My endless train of though continues to circle around and around my normality as a brother long after Ed wakes up. I hope he doesn't notice my uneasiness; if he does maybe he'll just assume that I'm getting motion sickness or worried about the trip to Central. We sit together in what I believe to be an uncomfortable silence for quite some time. Well, at first Ed had been trying to wake up, but once he had, he just smiled at me, said good morning, thanked me for the food, and then proceeded to stare out the window. I'm not sure what he saw out there… but whatever it was, it captivated him for another two hours. 

Me, on the other hand, I had been captivated by how the sunlight glinted off his hair and made his eyes brighter than normal. My hands itched to just run my fingers through his long, golden locks and then rebraid his hair. I controlled this urge through fear; what if he didn't want me to touch him? What if he was disgusted or just brushed me off? What would he think if I told him that I wasn't normal? I shuddered involuntarily, my leg twitching nervously as my eyes searched for something to lock onto.

A slight weight was pressed on my shoulders, my head snapping up so fast I gave myself whiplash. Ed was standing over me, no longer wearing his red coat. I glanced down, seeing the crimson fabric contrast greatly with the pale blue of mine. Why had he given me his coat? I looked up to inquire about this, but he beat me to it.

"You cold, Al?" he asked, peering down at me with an amused smirk on his face.

"Ah…" I blinked, gauging the air around me with my skin, "Kinda." I decided was the best answer I could muster.

He tussled my hair playfully, "You could've said something, idiot."

"Shut up." I frowned, I hated it when he made me feel stupid, "You were thinking about something and I didn't want to bother you. Was it important?"

Ed shrugged, "Nah, I was just bored. I was thinking about being bored because you were thinking and being boring. Because it can be so boring to just sit there and have your boring little brother not talk to you and let you sit in your boredom-"

"I get the point, brother." I interrupted, growing steadily annoyed with his constant use of the word 'boring' or anything related to that state.

"Was it important?"

I raised an eyebrow, "Hmm? What was?"

"What you were thinking about. Was it important?" Ed was now collapsed against his seat lazily, arms spread out on the headrest and looking at me intently.

I blushed, then looked away to hide it, "No… nothing important."

* * *

I now know where I got my esteemed "pestering", as Ed calls it, it was from my nosy brother himself. Despite how many times I assured him that I was fine; that what I had been thinking about wasn't important in the slightest, he still refused to let it sit under the rug. At first, he'd only been teasing me and playfully trying to force it out of me. However, when I did not relent, he began to get that older brother concern that made me feel guilty. 

Although most people used to say that I was the one who could weasel anything out of Ed, if he tried hard enough then my defenses would just crumble. Like now.

"Alphonse." his golden gaze was meeting mine, hard and full of guilt and concern, as if whatever was on my mind was all his fault. The way he said my full name made me shiver, Ed rarely used it so it was clear that he was serious about all this inquiring. "Did something happen while I was asleep? Do you feel sick? What's wrong?"

"N-nothing." I managed to get out before he could take off on one of his little fantasies of what could've happened to me.

He was getting angry now, "Dammit, Al! You've been saying that the entire time!"

"Did it occur to you that maybe there isn't anything wrong?" I countered, already used to having this argument. It's happened twice already.

Brother sagged visibly, a sign of defeat or offense. "I know when something's bothering you, Al. Do you think I'm stupid?"

"No, but you act stupid sometimes." I crossed my arms, watching him warily.

"Thanks, tell me something I don't know." I had to smile at his sarcastic remark, it was hard to stay mad at him when he started to agree with me. Somewhat. "I just hate seeing you upset, especially when I can't do anything about it."

I softened, feeling a tug on my heartstrings at the confession. "I know, brother. I feel that way too sometimes." It was true. As a suit of armor I couldn't very well comfort my brother. I was cold and hard and pointy. I was never sure of how strong my grip was. I couldn't tell him that it was okay when I knew it wasn't. I couldn't do anything other than just be there. Exist beside him and talk to him and let him know that I was still there. I hated that feeling; so I shuddered at the thought of Ed feeling similar.

"Brother… I promise to tell you as soon as I figure out what's wrong, myself. Okay?"

He didn't like the answer, that much I could tell, but he didn't say another word about it. _I'm sorry, brother. But I'm not sure what your reaction would be if I told you how I feel sometimes. I'm sure you'd be disgusted. So for now, I just want things to be normal for as long as they can._

_That's an Equivalent Exchange, right?_

* * *

I had never known how huge Central was. On the entire walk to Headquarters, I had insisted on walking, I was bouncing around and touching the buildings, staring at the cracks in the sidewalk, and simply elated about everything. People were giving me strange looks, but I didn't really notice until brother had enough and dragged me off to HQ. Even with him doing that, I was still acting like a little kid on sugar-high… which I might as well have been considering all the sweets I'd been consuming as of late. 

"Brother! Look, the gates are cold! And really smooth!" I had latched onto one of the poles of the HQ gates, running my hand up and down. "Come on! Touch it!"

Ed was looking at me as if I were insane, "Yeah. It's cold and smooth, now come on! People are staring."

"Please, brother! I want you to feel it too!" I grabbed his left hand and pressed it against the cool metal. At first, it had been mild annoyance that graced his facial expression. As soon as his hand touched the bar though, it melted away into amusement that was dashed away by alarm.

He yanked his arm out of my grasp and stormed off towards the doors, "Let's go, Al."

I blinked in confusion. What had I done to make him angry? I was only trying to cheer him up about the whole explanation to Mustang and stuff. Two of the military guards were staring at me funny. I shifted uncomfortably under their gaze, shuffling forward after Ed. _What did I do? I only wanted him to touch the gate… to feel what I felt… oh. _I paused, remembering the texture of the metal. Smooth and cold. Cold and metal and unfeeling. _The armor?_ I had never felt the armor, I didn't know what it was like to touch it. Even as a little kid I had never dared to touch it, mom had told us not to. But obviously Ed had. Was hearing my voice while touching the cold metal reminding him of that?

I sped up to meet his quick pace, stumbling over myself a bit. Once I reached him, I took his flesh hand. On impulse, he looked at me with a 'not-now' kind of expression. But I skillfully ignored it. Squeezing my eyes shut and tightening my grip, I blurted out, "AmIwarmandsoftnowbrother?"

I could feel him involuntarily tense even if he couldn't distinguish what I had said, "What?"

"Am I warm and soft now?" I repeated, slower this time, meeting his gaze with determination.

Golden eyes blinked unsteadily, then understanding flooded through and I found myself relaxing with him. "Stupid. Of course you are."

"Good." I smiled, stepping away from him and walking towards the front doors, "Come on, brother! Colonel Mustang won't wait all day!"

"I'll make that bastard wait if I want to!"

"Wonderful to see you too, Fullmetal." we both whipped around quickly at the sound of Mustang's voice. Ed with anger and me with surprise. "Though I must say, you've already made me wait a day so I believe that's long enough. Come with me to my office."

The Colonel brushed past us, with 1st Lieutenant Hawkeye right behind him. As he passed me, a look of surprise, wonder, and a hint of satisfaction came to his face. The it was gone. I hadn't realized how powerful looking he could appear, and I could pick up on the arrogance that Ed was always complaining about. Like right now.

"I had more important things to take care of, Mustang! I couldn't waste my time following your orders with all the stuff I had to do!" he shouted out, walking fast again.

I began to follow behind him, but once we got inside HQ, Mustang stopped me. "I'm sorry… um… Alphonse…?" I nodded, realizing how difficult it must be for everyone to recognize me now that I wasn't a suit of armor and shorter than Ed. "I'm… afraid you'll have to wait here until I'm done talking with Fullmetal. Is that alright?"

I swallowed, searching for the right words to say, "I… well, yeah… I guess."

"It is not okay!" Ed piped up, glaring daggers at Mustang, "You can't just leave him alone out here!"

"I'm not." sharp black eyes met brother's golden ones, "Lieutenant Hawkeye will be keeping him company. It will only be a few minutes, Fullmetal. Now come on."

Mustang continued on towards his office, expecting Ed to follow him. Brother still had an irritated look on his face, but as he walked past me he whispered something to me, "Don't worry. I'll be right back." I nodded, watching his back as he went further in military headquarters. _There goes my brother… next time I see him, it'll be the Fullmetal Alchemist instead._

* * *

Hawkeye was very polite and understanding while we waited for Mustang and Ed to return. She had been doing some paperwork at first, trying to catch up on what the Colonel didn't finish. My uneasiness must've been radiating off me because she stopped and tried to engage in a conversation with me. I think she understood that I was unused to being alone in this body, even if my brother was just down the hall. 

"So, you've been doing well, Alphonse?" she asked me, stopping my fidgeting for the time being.

I smiled shyly, "Yes, Lieutenant. I'm really getting used to my body now. And, umm, how have you been?"

"Well, frustrated to say the least." she smiled back, "Colonel is still slacking off on his paperwork. I'm afraid I'll have to superglue him to the chair or handcuff him to me so he can't escape." I laughed a the idea of a cowering Mustang handcuffed to an evil looking Hawkeye threatening to shoot him or dump water on his gloves. "But I'm glad that you seem to be doing better. Edward was really worried about you."

"You mean, you talked to brother before today?" I inquired, feeling a little confused about the way she worded her last sentence. "Was it when he called the Colonel?"

She shook her head, "No, he called me at my house about several weeks ago. You were sick and he didn't know what to do. I asked him if he wanted me to see you two, but he said that it was okay. However, he sounded like he was in quite a state. An aftershock of getting your body back or maybe just the initial fear that something was wrong with you… whatever it was, I'm just glad that he's back to normal and you're looking much healthier."

I looked down at my feet. I had probably been a huge burden for brother, unable to take care of myself or fight off illness. How many times in that first week had he feared that he would lose me? When he had to watch me vomit the little food he was trying to nourish me with or when I would collapse or lie motionless in the bed because I didn't have the strength or muscles to do so? He took such good care of me…

"Are you alright? Alphonse, you look pale." I swallowed thickly, trying to find my voice as Hawkeye came over to my side.

"I-I'm okay." I nodded, cradling my head in my hands, it felt really heavy. My eyelids too.

Hawkeye placed a hand on my shoulder, "You must be exhausted. Why don't you take a nap? I'll take you to Edward's dorm if you want."

"He'd worry… or something." I think I mumbled, but she was right, I did feel very tired.

I could feel her smiling, "It's alright, I'll tell him where you've gone so he won't worry."

"Okay." I rose from the chair I had been seated in and began walking to the dorms on wobbly legs. I had memorized the path to the dorms, so I didn't need to be entirely coherent to get there. I'm sure many soldiers were staring at me funny, unable to place who I was. Ed never locked the door, so it was easy to fumble with the door handle and stagger into the room. My legs were throbbing, I had been using them too much today. Lowering myself to Ed's cot, I inhaled the faint scent of him and snuggled deeper into the warmth.

* * *

A soft caress was what brought me back to the waking world. Subconsciously I was relieved by this, knowing that in the dream I had been in moments before… if I had slept for another minute… I would've had to see Edward die again. _Again. Again. Again._ My body tensed, the caress moved from my hair down to my back. I could feel the muscles loosening and I relaxed. Brother was back now, that was good. The gentle strokes continued until I was so close to falling asleep again. It felt so nice, so comforting and happy. When the touch left, I felt strangely exposed and cold. I whimpered in protest, cracking open an eye to cast a look of irritation in the direction of my brother. Ed was grinning cockily. 

"So. You were awake." he looked amused for some reason.

I scowled at him, "Why'd you stop?"

"Because I could tell you were awake and we need to go." Ed replied, still wearing that stupid grin, "Why did you want to know?"

"Because it felt good." I informed him shamelessly; I was completely truthful in saying this.

He laughed out loud at my response, "Oh, it felt good huh?" He placed his hand back in it's original place and began to rub gently again. I sighed happily, nestling back into the covers of his bed. Then his hand was a fist and digging into my back. Yelping in surprise, my arm struck out and flailed a bit to find some leverage. I flung myself up, knocking his hand off while I was at it and glared at Edward who was currently laughing his head off at my reaction.

"ED!" I did not like how he was making fun of me, "That wasn't nice!"

He put his hands up in defense, "Hey, I told you we had to go. I can't have you falling back asleep on me now. We're already half an hour late for our 'official meeting' with the Colonel Bastard. Now, up up up, Al!"

I groaned, rising groggily and rubbing at my drooping eyelids. I was just in a bad mood because Ed woke me from my nap, "Why can't I just sleep, Ed?"

"I just told you, Al." He informed me, growing impatient with my slow pace and chose to yank me up off the bed, "We need to go see Mustang. He wants to talk to you too, now lets go."

I half walked, half let myself be dragged by my brother. My legs were a little wobbly, but I'd been on them almost all day. I leaned most of my weight against Ed, it was slowing us down, but I was tired. He didn't move, so I assumed it was alright. I don't remember when the dorms ended and outside began; or much of anything about the walk. By the time we were standing in Mustang's office though, I was near to fully awake. At least I was coherent enough to salute with my right hand and stand up straight.

Mustang was leaning back in his chair, his scrutinizing gaze on me. He seemed to be quite interested in my appearance. Well, what alchemist wouldn't be? I was the first successful transmuted soul, after all. I involuntarily shuddered at the thought, but both Mustang and Ed passed it off as me just being cold.

"Turn down the air, Mustang! It's like a freezer in here!" Ed was grumbling, rubbing his arms in an act that he was the cold one.

Mustang merely smirked in response, "Already done, Fullmetal. Now, I'd like for us to get to business if there will be no further delays. Alright, Alphonse?"

"Uh, yes sir." I nodded, lowering my arm and allowing my stiff posture to relax.

He nodded, folding his hands on his desktop and looking at me intently, "First off, I'd like to know how your body's been holding up. Nothing unusual? No… strange side-effects or anything like that? Maybe a symbol… or…" his gaze darkened, "A tattoo?"

"A tattoo… sir?" I blinked, then it registered what he meant, "No! I'm not a homunculus!" I looked at Edward for some support, but his head was bent low. I couldn't see his eyes and he didn't seem upset by this. _Why?_ Glaring, I turned my attention back to Mustang, "I'm not a homunculus! I'm not! My brother would never do that!"

"Calm down, Alphonse. It's just a question." Mustang seemed amused by my reaction, "It's just… you can't see your own back all too well. What if there was a mark of some kind?"

Despite his calm demeanor, I felt more fury in me at the accusation, "No! There isn't anything! I'm human!"

"Alright, alright. I believe you." the Colonel chuckled, confusing me even more. I understood why Ed would get so pissed now when he talked with him. "Now, really, how've you been holding up since the transmutation?"

I allowed the fury that settled in my stomach to recede, even if I didn't like the question he'd kept pestering me with. "Fine." I muttered in response.

"That's good. So you don't feel sick anymore? No strange symptoms?"

I shook my head, "No, I don't. And nothing feels out of the ordinary except for the fact that I can feel."

Roy nodded his approval; brother was scaring me by being so quiet. "Okay then, now, we need to discuss the future of the two of you. Obviously, you are both aware that Edward can't just back out of the military at this time. Too much suspicion and with… with the Fuhrer…" he trailed off, looking pained for a moment, "Anyway, it's just no can do right now. That doesn't mean he can't ever quit though. Maybe in a couple years." It was I that nodded the next time, "So, what to do about this. Since Edward seems very unwilling to take you with him when he travels and you seem very unwilling to be left behind, what do you propose we do?"

"What?" I narrowed my eyes in an inquiring expression, "You're having me decide what we should do?"

"Well, we want your opinion." he replied, glancing towards Ed, "Right, Fullmetal?"

Ed looked a little distracted, "Hnn."

"_Fullmetal_."

Ed jumped a little, surprise evident on his face. It quickly became an annoyed expression. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever, Mustang. Just hurry up."

I smiled at my brother's response, inwardly laughing. He had no idea that they were asking my opinion of something and he was acting as if he didn't care. "Okay, brother."

"Edward," Mustang was grinning smugly, "It seems that you don't care for what Alphonse thinks, do you?"

"What? What the hell kind of question is that! Of course I care!" he growled out bitterly.

I tried to suppress my giggles, so the Colonel continued, "Then you weren't paying attention. But that's alright, I can fully understand your SHORT-attention span…"

He did that on purpose…

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT EVEN A BEANSPROUT WOULD SQUASH HIM!" Brother was near-screaming as he lunged forward.

I worried that he might try to bash Roy's head or face in, so I grabbed onto his middle to hold him back as I did so many times in the armor. Only, it worked better then because I was bigger and stronger. Now I just managed to make both of us fall on our faces.

"AL!" Ed glared at me, "Why'd you push me down! I need to beat up that pompous bastard!"

I immediately leapt off of him, "I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to knock you down! It was an accident!" I could feel his glare still on me, though softening very slowly, even as I looked away. "Besides… it was your fault for not listening."

The silence was thick. Almost tangible. It was as if all the air had been sucked out of the room… or at least the ability to speak. I chanced a glance at Roy and Ed; the Colonel was alternating between looking at me or Ed. While my brother, he was still staring at me, but it was more of a searching gaze rather than a glare as it had been previously. I met his gaze evenly, waiting for him to say something. Anything! Those deep, gold eyes made me very nervous. I didn't like how it looked like he could see every one of my thoughts.

Finally, I broke the silence. "What?" I asked Ed, not taking my eyes off his.

A faint blush came to his cheeks; golden eyes averting quickly. "Nothing…" he muttered, managing to heave himself up off the floor.

"Are you two done?" Roy inquired with the hint of amusement returning, "May we proceed, then?"

"Yes, sir." we both spoke in unison, both oddly quiet.

"Alright then. Well, Fullmetal and I discussed the options of him traveling and doing fieldwork just like he had been before. He would travel when called and ordered to do so, but that would be far and few in between. Unfortunately, this would mean that he'd have maybe six months with nothing but the occasional reports and then maybe two to three month assignments. And according to Ed's wishes, you wouldn't accompany him." he nodded in Ed's direction, who in turn made a affirmation noise, "Then there's the possibility of him landing an office job. With this, he would have paperwork to do, come into headquarters on a daily basis, and he'd be busy to say the least. But he wouldn't get called on any assignments unless they were of dire emergency and there were no other State Alchemists available to take on the job. So, there are choices, Alphonse. You don't have to lose your brother."

I stared at the ground blankly, taking in all that he'd just told me. Weighing the options in my head, I took a shaky breath. _Well… both have their good and bad points. With the office job, I wouldn't have to worry about him leaving… but I know he doesn't like to be cooped up and he'd be busy with paperwork. But with a field job, I wouldn't see him for months at a time… but he'd be moving and helping people like he likes to do. But I would miss him. But this isn't about me. But they want my opinion… Arrgh! This is getting confusing. I don't know what to choose… I don't want brother to be unhappy, but I don't want to be unhappy either. Why can't I just go with him on missions? It would makes things so much easier…_

The gentle touch to my shoulder jerked me out of my thoughts. My head whipped up, long bangs getting in my eyes. I looked to my side, facing Ed who was the culprit of bringing me out of my head. "I'll do whatever you want, Al." I blinked at his blunt statement, "Whichever position you want me to take, I'll take it without complaint. I promise, I'm not going to make things any harder for you then they need to be. So, what do you want me to do, Al?"

"I…" tiny pinpricks behind my eyes made it hard for me to reply._ I don't know!_ I wanted to scream, _You've already made it too hard, brother!_ "I… uhh… I want you to…" I was making this into too big of a deal. I just needed to get it out. I opened my mouth, was going to say what I think would be best, but then I closed my mouth before so much as a breath got out.

"It's your choice, Alphonse. Don't worry." Roy was telling me, but his voice sounded far away. In fact, everything looked far away. Like I wasn't really there, but watching it all through someone else.

Ed's voice too, it was far away, "Al? Hey, it's okay. I won't be mad. What do you want me to do?"

"Stay…" I managed to breath out, "I-I want you to stay, brother. Or-or at least let me stay with you! I can't decide! I can't! I know you want the field job, but you won't let me come too, so then you should get the office job! But you hate sitting still for so long, so I don't know. I don't know, okay!" I was talking too fast, I could barely hear what I was saying. I didn't even have time to register what I was saying.

"Al. Al! Slow down, I can't understand a word you're saying!" Ed shook me lightly, I shook my head. Back and forth and back and forth.

"I can't." I whispered, "I can't, brother."

I could feel him smiling, even as my head kept shaking, "Sure you can, Al. It's easy. Just say what you want me to do and I'll do it."

"No. No. No. It's your life. It's yours, not mine." I had no idea what I was babbling about. It was all really fast, like my heart beating. It was beating really fast. "It's your life; everything you've done so far has been for me. Do something for you. It's not my decision. It's yours. It's your life, you decide. Please. I can't."

Suddenly I was aware of something under me, which was probably a good thing since I didn't trust my spaghetti legs. Roy was saying something, "Take a deep breath, Alphonse." I did so, even if it didn't feel like I was. Everything was moving really fast. Mustang was talking again, but I don't think it was to me. "Does this happen often?"

"N-no. It doesn't. I've never seen him act like this!" Ed was talking, he sounded worried. Guilty. Maybe a little mad? I don't know.

Roy was addressing me again, "Has this happened before?"

"Has what happened before?" I repeated, trying to grasp onto his words before they flew past me with all the other fast stuff.

"Describe to me what you're feeling."

"I don't know." I replied, my voice didn't sound like me. It was someone else's voice. It had to be. I couldn't possibly be that calm. "I don't know; things are just fast and far away and I don't like it."

"Is it hard to breath?" he inquired, he was close but I couldn't see him.

"Kind of."

"Hard to think?"

"Kind of."

"What else?" I could hear frantic pacing of auto mail and flesh. Step. Clonk. Step. Clonk. Step. Clonk. Edward was probably freaking out, I felt bad.

"Nothing."

"Nothing? Have you ever felt like this before?"

I thought for a moment, but it went by really fast. "Yes."

"When?"

"At the hotel, when I woke up. I was alone." I curled into myself, but it didn't feel like I was moving at all, "Then again when I got lost. I couldn't get out. I was lost and fast. Too fast. Why is it fast?"

"You're hyperventilating, that's all. A panic attack. Just take a few deep breaths and relax. Don't panic." Mustang's voice sounded calm, but I couldn't anchor to it. "Relax now, Al. Fullmetal! Stop pacing! You'll wear a hole in the floor!"

Ed wasn't so far away now, another deep breath. Things were getting clearer. Slowing down. "Well I'm sorry, Colonel jackass! But my little brother here is… is hyperventilating and I have no idea what to do!"

"You remain calm, that's what you do." came the rational, 'why-can't-you-think-like-a-normal-person' remark.

I groaned, slumping in my seat when everything came to a halt. In front of my eyes were millions of little white dots clouding my vision, but they were fading away one by one. Once I could see again, for the most part, I searched the room for my brother's face. He wasn't as far as I'd thought. In fact, he was merely a foot, if not less, away from me. Mustang too, he was sitting beside me on the couch in his office. I rubbed at my face wearily; my skin felt all clammy and gross. What did one do while hyperventilating?

"Al?" I blinked at Edward, he knelt down in front of me quickly, "You okay now?"

Yawning a little, I nodded, "Mm-hmm… sorry, brother."

"No, no, no. Don't be sorry. It's okay. It wasn't your fault." he told me, patting my knee to reassure me of this.

I shook my head, "Mm-mm. It was. I overreacted, I should've just answered your question."

The room was silent again. I think they were both thinking about what I had just said. The quiet didn't bother me this time, I kind of liked it. Well, except for the fact that Ed was looking at me funny and then mentally berating himself. I can tell when he does it… when he blames himself. I hate it. I slapped at his arm lightly, barely making any force, and muttering a small 'stop it'.

"So, this was about the question of Edward's new position?" Mustang broke the silence, wanting me to clarify, "Why would you panic about this?"

I shrugged, but I did know why I'd panicked. It was the same reason as all the other times. I didn't want my brother to leave me and forget about me. To me, that was probably what scared me the most… aside from him dying… "I don't know." was all I muttered. I couldn't say why in front of Ed, it would just make him feel worse. "But, brother? I can't decide for you… I'll be happy for you and support you no matter what position you choose. Okay?"

Ed gazed at me sadly, but with determination too. A small grin forced it's way onto his lips, "Right, Al. Okay." Sighing, he turned to face Mustang, "I'll take the promotion. I'll work the desk job, but on one condition."

I can't even begin to explain the feeling of relief that overcame me.

* * *


	4. Part IV

..Part IV..  
Starting Over 

I don't how he managed it, but Edward had convinced Mustang and the higher ranks to allow him to work from home. He'd make trips down to headquarters to drop off the papers, but he'd fill out the day's worth at home in the study. However… a house would be required for this plan to work.

For the first week of our stay in Central, Ed and I slept in his dorm. It was kind of awkward at first; I mean, I was back in a room that I had been in as a suit of armor… it held a bit of nostalgia and unfamiliarity at the same time. It was during this time that we decided to get a house of our own. A real house, too, not some old apartment. This got me excited. We hadn't lived in our own house since mom died, so it would be nice to live like that again. At least I thought so. Ed seemed excited and happy about it too, constantly counting his savings and plotting out routes from HQ to all the different neighborhoods that would be good, safe, but somewhat close to town for shopping necessities. But I wasn't sure if he was just pretending to be happy for my sake or if he was truly happy.

When this thought hit me, I was curled up on Ed's cot and reading some book that Hawkeye let me borrow. A memory of when we were a little younger struck me, I'm not sure if I was in the armor then or not… but it was clear.

_"Do you think we could ever live like that again, brother?"_ I had asked.

Ed merely grunted, _"No, Al. I don't think we can. No house would be a home without her there. Never again."_

_"Oh… okay."_

Armor, yes, I had been in the armor at that point. Slipping the book beneath the pillow, I reflected upon that conversation. It had been a while ago, maybe three years ago? Ed could still harbor those feelings… or he could've lost them at this point and honestly look forward to living in a house again. A home. Just for us.

"Hey Al!" the door flew open, making a loud crash against the wall as Ed burst into the room. I flinched at the loud noise, but didn't reprimand my brother for flinging the door open. He looked extremely pleased for some reason. "Al! Take a look at this!"

A piece of paper was thrust my way so I tentatively took it from him. It had a few numbers on it. I think they were codes of some kind, then there was a price number. Further examining it, I saw that there was the name of a street and a number. _An address?_ I wondered, reading the rest of the document. There was a picture of a little house; in black and white though so I wasn't sure of the color based on the picture. However, in the description portion; it said it was a light beige. Then it listed how many rooms there were and square feet and if there was a backyard and stuff. My face lit up, a flyer for a house! Ed was thinking about buying this house and wanted to show me before making any decisions.

"Is this the house you want to buy?" I asked, leaning my head up so that I could see him better.

Ed grinned, hands on his hips and his stood in his 'I'm-so-awesome' stance, "Yep! But only if you like it, Al. I'm not going to buy anything that we-"

"I like this one. Can we buy it?"

"Eh?" golden optics blinked, he hadn't expected me to cut in, "Y-you really want this one? But we haven't even seen it in person yet and there were all those other flyers-"

Yet again, I interrupted him. This was for his own good though, because if I didn't he would start doubting himself and his judgment. "It's just something about it, I'm not sure. But it sounds like a nice house and it's at a reasonable price. Plus, it looks so cute in the picture! And it's not far from where you work. It's perfect." I flashed him a reassuring smile, "Good job, brother. You found us the perfect house!"

He looked cocky for a split second after considering this, "Now that you put it that way… Yeah, I guess I did. What do you say to your older brother, Al?"

"Thank you, brother." I replied cheerfully, but rolled my eyes at his cockiness once he turned away. Honestly, Ed could be so weird. "So when can we move in?"

Edward started laughing, "Al, we have to talk to the people selling the house first and then make an offer and get real estate and all that crap! We probably won't get to move in for a little while, so we'll be stuck here until then." He noticed my expression falter, "But don't worry, Al. I'm sure it won't be longer than a month or so." He must've been worried by the way I raised an eyebrow at his reassurance. "C'mon, Al. You trust me, don't you?"

I smiled wanly, "Okay, Ed. I trust you."

* * *

I'm not sure how he managed to do it, but within the next week, Ed had managed to purchase the house. I had never heard of houses selling so fast; unless a very, very high price was set for them. Which in this case, it was.

"You didn't have to pay that much." I was staring at the paper that officially stated that the house on 423 Cheshire Avenue was the property of Edward and Alphonse Elric. The one-story house had been going for about $7,300 for it's convenient location and spacious front and backyard. Apparently, not too many homes in Central had that. Ed ended up paying $9,000. "I mean, I'm sure $8,000 would've been reasonable…"

"But Aaaalll…" he was sprawled out on his cot, looking at me upside down and pouting, "It's fine. I have plenty of money saved up from the military-"

"-which you also need for auto mail." I added, still reading through the paper. _Property of Edward and Alphonse Elric._ It had a nice ring to it, I liked the sound of it.

Ed sighed dramatically, "Which I also need for auto mail, but I have the money for the auto mail and plenty to spare."

"On food, I hope." I mumbled, "You know that we won't get free cafeteria food with our own house, brother. We'll have to buy furniture and groceries and clothes and all sorts of things!"

"Yes, but in order to get that stuff, we'd have to get a house." he pointed out, frowning at how logical I was trying to be, "And in order to get a house, we have to pay money for it. And if we want a good house, then we have to pay a lot of money for it. Al, think about it. Most houses in Central that are like the one we're getting go for $10,000 or higher. We got a pretty good deal still."

I sighed, "Fine. You win."

"Haha! Yes, finally!" Ed rolled over onto his stomach and smirked, "Be happy Al! I thought you wanted this house?"

The way his voice lowered a little made me fidget, "I do! I just don't want you to do more than you have to, brother."

"I'm not. Don't worry so much." he instructed me, crawling off the cot to join me on mine, "Scoot over." I complied, and he pressed up against me so that our shoulders were touching. "Now, there are two bedrooms and one and a half bathrooms…"

"How do you get half a bathroom?" I asked, curious as to why it would be called that. An image of everything in the bathroom being divided in half came to me.

Ed's brow furrowed as he thought, "Hmm, not sure. Well, we'll find out. Okay, so then there's a study, which will be my office, the living room slash dining room, the kitchen, and a laundry room. The backyard and the front yard put together equal about half an acre, which is pretty big."

"Sounds nice, and kind of bigger that I thought." I replied, "I imagined it being smaller for some reason."

My brother snorted, "Probably because the picture's so miniscule."

I bit my tongue to prevent myself from comparing Ed with the picture out loud. I did fail at stifling the chuckle though.

"What's so funny?" his gaze was suspicious.

Coughing to get rid of my laughter, I smiled, "N-nothing, brother." I decided to change the subject, "When do we move in?"

"Next week." He grinned, shifting a little. I blushed slightly when I felt his thigh press up against mine involuntarily. Excitement of having a new home attempted to drive away the awkwardness in my stomach.

"Next week!" I bounced a little on the bed for emphasis, "That's so soon! That's great, Ed!"

Ed laughed, "Yep! Next Thursday; so tomorrow we start our furniture shopping. Is that okay with you?"

"Of course!"

Brother had tomorrow off so we were free to do whatever we wanted. The prospect of shopping for our very own furniture seemed difficult to believe, but exciting at the same time. Finally, things might start returning to normal. Ed and I could have another chance to gain a sense of family. Relaxing my body against his, I met his gaze and smiled. I guess it didn't really bother me that he spent this much if wanted it as much as I did, I just didn't want him to spend all that money just for me.

Thinking about settling down reminded me of something important, "Oh yeah. Brother? How did Winry and Auntie take to the news?"

"Hmm? News?" he sounded distracted, toying with his pocket watch absently.

I nodded, "Yeah. What did they say when they found out that I'm back in my normal body? Do they want to see us?"

Ed froze once he processed what I asked. I blinked at his reaction, his mouth gaping like a fish's. Slowly, his head turned to knock into mine. The expression was priceless. Sheepish, shocked, frightened, and cocky all at the same time. I was not aware my brother could make such a face.

"Well… uhh, you see, Al…" he struggled for the right words, "They kinda… umm… I-I mean…"

"You didn't tell them yet, did you?"

He blushed, "W-well, I've been really busy! I mean, taking care of you and getting back to Central and buying the house was all a lengthily process and we were tired and I wasn't sure if you were up to the trip or not-"

"You forgot, didn't you?"

Ed ducked his head and knocked into me, "Alright! Alright! I forgot, so sue me!"

"Brother, you know Winry will be mad. You haven't talked to her since we left. She might think…" _What would she think? That we're dead? What would she do if I told her brother died for a little bit? What would I do?_ "…That we're in trouble or something."

"Hnn, yeah. She'll probably hit me with that damn wrench of hers." he muttered bitterly, then sighed, "Well, better to get the painful reunion over with now rather than later. You want to break the news to her on the phone or in person?"

"Whatever's easier for you, brother." I told him, examining the expression he wore. He was wincing as if the wrench was already leaving a bruise.

Ed hopped off the bed, leaving my right side cool and exposed, "The phone. Wrenches can't fly through phones."

Dragging his feet across the floor of his dorm, Ed reached the door where he lazily slipped on his boots. He looked less than thrilled, but I figured it was just an act. I scrambled off the bed as well, tugging on my sweater so that it covered me completely instead of leaving my stomach exposed. I hated that. Lacing my own shoes on, I could feel Ed watching me. He was unusually patient as I fumbled with the laces. I still had trouble with stuff like this. Even before I was the armor, I couldn't tie shoes very well. That's why I usually boots that could slip on and off or sandals.

"Here, give me those." Ed took my laces from me and did them up quickly. "You really need to learn how to tie your shoes, Al."

I blushed, "I-I know…"

Straightening himself up, Ed offered me his hand to help me up off the floor. I took it gratefully, not letting go even after we exited his dorm in search of a phone. I usually didn't leave my brother's dorm, only to eat or get some exercise. Sometimes I'd sit out in the garden or wander around until Ed could leave his office. Actually… it was more like Mustang's office.

_"I see no point in getting you your own office if you're going to be working from home, Fullmetal. So until you get your own house, you'll be working in my office."_ he'd told brother, rather smugly if you ask me. Roy must really enjoy tormenting him.

After that, Ed had rambled on and on about how Roy was a selfish, conceded bastard who only cared about looking good and women and becoming Fuhrer and didn't give a damn about anything other than stepping on people and being an ass. A direct quote.

Brother was leading me to the break room. He said no one would be there now, they were probably all eating or working, so no one would eavesdrop. Ed really hated having to talk on the phone in front of others. Except me for some reason…

As he dialed Winry's number, I sat down on one of the table and swung my legs back and forth. My toes barely grazed the carpet. I frowned, hoping that I'd grow taller someday. Then I quickly wished for Ed to grow too, because if I did and he didn't… well, he might just get a little too violent for my liking. He was already crazy enough as it was, he didn't need another reason added on.

"Hey Winry, it's me, Ed." he was talking into the phone, leaning against the desk both the phone and I sat on. Although he was trying to look nonchalant, I could tell he was happy to talk to her. "Sorry we didn't call you for a while… things have been… hectic."

There was a pause, so I assumed Winry was talking. Ed quickly threw up one hand in defense, a habit of his that I inherited apparently, "I know! I know! I'm really sorry, we didn't mean to make you worry." Another pause. "Yes, I'm fine." A sigh. "No… the auto mail's not broken…" He was listening again, "Yeah, we managed to stop the homunculi for the most part. Mustang got Bradley, Al and I took care of the rest." I blushed at this, I really hadn't done anything other than lie there. "Oh… Al? Y-yeah… he's okay. No! Really! He's fine, no… he's better than fine. ….. Then ask him yourself if you don't trust me!"

Ed tossed me the receiver, I caught it clumsily, "Uh, hi Winry."

"Al! It's so good to hear you again." Winry sounded really relieved to hear me, "Your stupid older brother didn't go and almost get you killed did he?"

I think I paled a little bit, because Ed was mouthing 'what's wrong' and pressing his left hand against my forehead. "N-no… he took real good care of me."

"Oh, really?" she laughed, not noticing the shakiness in my voice. "That's hard to believe seeing how reckless he is."

I licked my lips, they felt really dry, "Um, yeah… he did take care of me. He stayed with me when the homunculi were going to use the Philosopher's Stone. Even when I was throwing up on him he stayed with me."

Ed laughed at that comment, not phasing him that I'd just told Winry that I'd thrown up. Armor isn't supposed to get sick. I picked up on this quickly. "Um, I mean…"

"Al, how could you throw up on Ed?" Winry sounded suspicious and worried, "You know… come to think of it, you sound a little different. Are you okay?"

I nodded, then remembered she couldn't see me, "Yeah, I'm fine. Really Winry. It's just that…" I swallowed, "Well, brother… he managed to make a successful transmutation. He reattached my soul to my body. I'm me again."

I held my breath, waiting for her reaction. All I received was silence as a response. Ed had stopped laughing and was looking at me intently. "Well…?"

"I don't know." I whispered, indicating that she hadn't answered, "Uh, Winry? You there?"

"Come to Resembool, now." her voice was sharp and sudden in my ear.

I blinked, "Wait- what?"

"Come to Resembool, now." she repeated firmly, then promptly hung up.

As the dial tone sounded, I carefully pulled the receiver away from my ear and stared at it with much confusion. Ed looked from the phone in my hand to me then back to the phone. I could tell he was confused too.

"What'd she say?" he asked, watching as I set the phone in the cradle.

I tilted my head to the side, "Well, she said to come to Resembool right now. Then she hung up. Can we do that?"

"Dammit…" Ed groaned, bring his fingers to his temple, "I guess we have no choice. Tomorrow's my day off, so there's no conflict. And I don't have to work the next day either." Crossing his arms, golden eyes stared at the floor, "And when she puts it like that… I guess we're going to Resembool, Al. That is, if you don't mind postponing our shopping trip?"

I shook my head, climbing off the desk, "That's okay. I'd like to see Winry and Auntie anyway!"

"Alright then," Ed smiled and clapped his hands together, "We'd better start packing."

* * *

Although the train ride to Resembool was shorter, I still felt incredibly drowsy. I caught myself dozing off a couple times, having to shake my head to keep it clear from sleep. Ed sat in front of me, occasionally nudging me with his foot every time I started drifting off. It wasn't that I was tired; it just might be trains. Trains probably make me sleepy now, so it wouldn't matter if I had gotten twelve hours of sleep. I'd still fall asleep.

Ed seemed to be doing well on this trip though, he didn't look very tired. But I'll bet that the discussion we had with Mustang was still in his mind. We had to tell him that we were leaving to go see Resembool for the holiday and that we'd be back in about three days.

_"So 'short', Fullmetal?"_ Mustang had smirked, observing the telltale signs of an explosion from my brother.

_"WHAT THE HELL DOES A SIMPLE TRIP TO OUR HOME TOWN HAVE TO DO WITH MY HEIGHT!"_ Ed had shouted, flailing around as I held him back from attacking Mustang.

But, that was basically our goodbye to the Colonel. Not a very good one for Ed… but a goodbye all the same. I caught him mumbling something under his breath, something I couldn't hear. It was probably just something about Mustang, so I kicked him to keep him quiet.

"Al, what the hell was that for!" he exclaimed, rubbing his sore knee.

I rolled my eyes, "Just stop whining about what the Colonel said, brother. It's over. Deal with it."

"Well, it's not like it's my fault!" Ed countered in defense, "He's the one that starts acting like an arrogant asshole!"

I sighed, "Because you react. If you didn't like that every time he annoyed you, then he'd stop. You know he only does that because it amuses him to see you all frustrated and stuff."

"Why are you on his side?" he pouted, slumping in his seat and crossing his arms, "Traitor."

I rubbed absently at my temples, the train kept rolling along, "I'm not on his side, Ed. I'm just trying to help you out."

"I can handle Colonel Bastard just fine on my own, thank you very much." the retort was harsher than I had expected, probably because he mentioned Mustang in the sentence. "Come on, we get off in about five minutes."

"Alright," I wiped at my eyes before standing along with Ed. We lifted up our bags and started navigating our way through the train.

As the train pulled into the station, I felt my annoyance at my brother and my weariness drain away. Butterflies began dancing in my stomach, it felt all flippy-floppy and anxious for some reason. I hadn't been home in the flesh for so long, I guess it was normal to be a little nervous. _What will people think? How will they react? I haven't aged a day to them, won't they be suspicious?_ Who knew what the people in town might think. Along with the people in town, there were so many things that I wanted and needed to do. First, I had to see Winry and Auntie of course. Then… then I wanted to go and visit mom.

The train was slowing down. I began to bounce happily on the balls of my feet, nervousness and eagerness melding together. Ed simply tapped his foot impatiently while watching me out of the corner of his eye. It seemed that he was always watching me now, well, when we were together at least. Usually when we were alone together. I flushed a light pink at this thought, attracting Ed's attention.

"Hey, Al? Something wrong?" he asked, probably thinking that I might have a fever because of my complexion. "You feeling okay?"

Subconsciously rubbing at my cheeks, I replied, "No… I'm fine, brother."

Ed just raised an eyebrow, but said nothing more as the train finally halted. A low hiss came from the engine and the brakes squealed. The conductor opened the doors of the train, allowing us to leave the compartment. Brother hopped out first, then I followed. Finally! We're in Resembool again! I thought cheerfully, distracting myself from blushing like an idiot.

Gripping the handle of his suitcase with his right hand, Ed placed his left hand on the small of my back to get me moving forward and to make sure I stayed with him. This didn't feel awkward at all, but then again, I was too busy gawking at the scenery to notice. Everything looked so familiar, but it felt really different at the same time. The hills were the same, but I could smell the long grass and wildflowers. I could see the grass move in familiar waves, but I could feel the gentle breeze that blew them in that direction. This air was different from Central's; cleaner and fresher. It made me want to run around through the fields like when Ed and I were younger and all that mattered was getting home before mom worried. So I did.

"Al!" Ed called after me, "Al, come back here!"

I was laughing, spinning around in a complete circle before facing him, "You'll have to catch me first!" Then I ran again.

"Hey! No fair! You got a head start!" I heard him whine, then the familiar sound of his auto mail as he sprinted to catch up with me. I was always faster though.

_Was_ was the key word though. While I enjoyed the rush of clean air and my heart pumping, I managed to stay ahead of him for a while, but soon my legs got tired and my chest was tightening. It was difficult to get air, so I had to stop to take a breath. It was then that I noticed that Ed hadn't been more than five feet away from me. He had caught up rather quickly. Patting my back with his good hand, he waited until my breathing level was normal.

"You okay?" he asked softly, making me feel warm inside with the concern lacing his words.

I nodded, straightening up, "Yeah, I'm okay, but let's just walk for now."

Ed smiled and nodded, taking up a normal pace that I could easily keep up with. We walked silently until we came to the dirt path that ran throughout most of Resembool, up to Aunt Pinako's house too. Ed and I had walked this path so often as children, waves of nostalgia came back to me as we continued along the familiar road.

I turned to glance at my older brother, who seemed set on looking straight ahead, taking in how much older he looked for the first time. We'd always been a little more than a year apart, that was how we had been born. Ed's birthday was in early winter, on the day when the first snow would usually occur, while mine was in late spring. Always a year apart; so close that many mistook us for twins once I was the same height as Ed, then I surpassed him by about two inches. Now looking at him, on the same path we walked on as kids, his eyes weren't as bright or playful. They'd seen too much for someone of his age, things people shouldn't have had to see. He also had the body of a sixteen year old, a little slender, but built with defined muscles and decorated with various scars that I pretended not to see. The auto mail too; it weighed him down and made him tense and… and maybe a little more grown-up.

Yes, seeing brother now, I could definitely see what other people had been seeing all this time. My big brother was an adult. I guess it happened on the night we tried to bring back mother… I just didn't really notice because of how big I was compared to him. I was a seven-foot tall suit of armor and to me he was just a little child. Maybe because he was so much smaller than me… and could break so easily. While Ed can still break, I can now too. I'm the child now. I haven't changed much at all from when I had last walked this road in my rightful body. I know a little more now and I've seen my share of gruesome things, but… for some reason, what Ed's done and what I've done can't really match up. Even if we shared the entire experience together, it feels like what I saw was completely different from what he saw… and felt.

"What?" I blinked, Ed was now staring at me with a mixture of confusion and mild annoyance. _Just like back then… but…_

I felt my cheeks heat up, so I quickly averted my eyes, "Ah, nothing. It's nothing."

"You were staring at me." he retorted, arching an eyebrow.

A stray pebble was kicked along in time with my steps, "I was just looking. Can't I look at you?"

"There's a difference between staring and looking, Al." Ed shook his head, setting his left hand on my head and messing up my hair with it, "And you were staring! Besides, what's so interesting about me to look at? You see me everyday."

"Yeah, but…" I opened my mouth to continue, but was stuck at how to explain why exactly.

"But…?" Ed cast me an expectant look, waiting for my response.

"Umm," I kicked the pebble too far, "Well, I haven't seen you like this before. I mean, we're back home now so it's kinda different."

"Hmm." he shrugged his shoulders lightly, apparently accepting my answer, "Well, Al, in a few more days this won't really be home anymore. We'll a new place to call home."

I stopped walking as he said that, feeling a strange ache in my chest. The thought of Resembool not being home anymore… "This will still be home, brother. Even if we don't live here."

"Oh, I know that, Al." Ed grinned, as if to reassure me or himself of something, "It'll just be different, you know? We won't have to worry about burdening people with our lack of a roof over our heads. We can visit here all we want too, you know. It's not like we'll never come back."

I nodded, but the dull throbbing in my chest didn't leave, "I know." There wasn't much else I could say, but I really didn't want the conversation to end on a bad note. "Besides, Winry would never let us just leave."

Ed cringed, "Oi, I know! I'd have permanent brain damage and various metals parts lodged into my skull if we never came back!"

"How do you think she'll greet us when we come today?" I asked, feeling my mood brighten a little.

With an indignant snort, he pouted like a child, "She'll probably give you a big hug and then punch my lights out. How come she likes you better?"

I giggled at his whiny tone of voice, "Because I'm cuter, brother! That's why!"

"What?" His pout increased even more, "Whoever said that you were the cuter one?"

"I believe, you did, brother." I pointed out, smiling sweetly at him.

A furious blush rose to his cheeks, "W-what? No I didn't! When did I say you were cuter than me?"

"When we were in Xenotime!" I informed him, remembering the night before we left, "After I got lost, you told me I was cute."

While his blush died down, Ed's cheeks were still tinged pink as he frowned, "I said you were cute, not cuter than me. No one can possibly be cuter than me." Then he promptly stuck his tongue out at me.

I sighed, he was still as arrogant as ever, "Kitties are cuter than you."

"Cats are animals, they don't count." he poked the side of my head, "And you don't really think cats are cuter than me, do you?"

"Kitties count!" I was now pouting, "And yes, they are a million times cuter than brother."

Ed didn't say anything to my face, but he grumbled something about the injustice of domesticated felines and how little brothers are so cruel. I would've argued with him more, but the sight of Aunt Pinako's house distracted me. Upon seeing the familiar yellow, building, I jumped up a little before racing off. Ed yelped in surprise, but I didn't stop. I really wanted to see the surprised looks on Winry and Auntie's faces when they 'd see me. Also, it was fun beating brother in races.

"Winry!" I hollered, beaming as I hopped up the steps to the porch, slightly out of breath, "Winry! Auntie! We're home!"

Ed had caught up to me shortly after, "Jeez, Al! Don't do that." He frowned at me, but his attention was captured by the front door opening.

There in the doorway stood Aunt Pinako, pipe in hand as she eyed us from behind the tiny wisps of smoke. She looked the same as I remembered, even when I had been in the armor. Her expression was impassive as she looked us over, nodding her approval to Ed before focusing mainly on me. Her eyes widened behind her glasses at first, probably surprised to see me as a ten year old.

"Alphonse?" she raised an eyebrow, waiting for me to nod or something.

I did so, still grinning, "Hi, Auntie!"

"Humph." I could see the corners of her mouth twitch up into a crooked smile, "Well, I must say, this is quite a surprise, boys."

I glanced to the side at Ed, before replying, "Yeah… I'm still getting used to it."

"Come inside now, you two. I'll go get Winry. I'm sure she'll be happy to see you." Auntie had a bigger smile as she pat my shoulder, leading us into the house that we knew so well.

Ed smirked as Auntie pat his shoulder as well, "I can't believe she didn't hear us. With Al shouting like that."

I frowned, blushing, "I wasn't shouting…"

"Well, you were pretty loud." Auntie remarked, heading for the stairs, "But I expect that from you boys, Ed mostly, though."

I cast Ed a superior glance as he sulked for the moment.

"Winry!" Auntie was calling up the stairs, "We have some visitors!"

A loud thump could be heard from above our heads, Ed and I both looked up questioningly. Right after that, I could hear the sound of someone scrambling across the floor and several more clanks and clatters. I blinked, sliding behind Ed a bit as the thumps headed for the stairs. A big black dog, our loveable Den, barreled down the stairs. He barked excitedly and I jumped at the suddenness of it. While distracted by Den's appearance, I barely had time to notice a wrench fly down and smack head square in the face. I gasped as my brother stumbled back into me, rubbing at his now red face angrily.

"What the hell kind of greeting is that!" he shouted towards the stairs.

I turned to look in that direction, where Winry stood tall and fuming. I'm not sure if it was just the stairs or not, but she looked a lot taller and older to me. Well, except for the fact that it looked like she was going to throw a tantrum any second. Dressed in her work clothes, I assumed that she'd been handling someone's auto mail, plus she had another shiny tool in her hand. I scooted closer to my brother, I didn't want a wrench to hit me either.

Winry stormed over to my brother, "It's what you get for not calling or visiting in over a month!"

"I already told you! We were really busy!" Ed countered, glaring right back at our friend.

"That's no excuse!" she threw it right back at him, "Besides, I was really worried about you two…" Her eyes were slowly drifting to my form. I bit my lower lip as I watched her expression of anger transform into one of surprise and shock, "Al…?"

I nodded tentatively, stepping out from behind brother and smiling shyly, "Y-yeah… hi Winry."

"Al, you're… you're so little…" For a moment, she looked almost sad. I guess she didn't expect me to look ten again either. Suddenly she was beaming and wrapping me in a tight hug, "Oh, Al! You're really back to normal!" she squealed, then paused, "Wait… does that mean Ed's limbs are…?"

Seemingly in a better mood now, Ed pulled back his sleeve to reveal the glinting metal of his auto mail arm, "Nope! Still got your auto mail, Winry." he grinned, shaking his arm around to prove that it wasn't broken or anything. "But, look at Al! I mean, he's finally in the flesh again, isn't it great?"

"It's wonderful!" Winry smiled, hugging me tighter.

While I enjoyed the sensation of being hugged, it was a little too tight for my liking. "Uhh…Winry? I need to breath."

"Oh! Right, sorry." she released me, then stepped back to look me over, "Aw, you're such a cutie, Al. Just like I remember."

I felt the heat rise into my cheeks again, ducking my head as Ed reached out to mess with my hair again. I don't know why, but he seemed to like doing that. Not that I minded… I just wondered why. Auntie broke the little gushing session Winry was having over me, quickly gathering the three of into the dining room to eat. My stomach grumbled loudly at the mention of food, my cheeks getting hotter as Ed and Winry laughed at me. It was all out of fun, but… something felt out of place…

I shook the thought away, following after brother and Winry to the table for some food.

* * *

The words of Colonel Mustang didn't sting so much at first. I mean, I'd blown off his questions with sheer indignation. To me, there had been no possible way that I was a homunculus.

_"No… strange side-effects or anything like that? Maybe a symbol… or… a tattoo?"_

I wasn't faced with any unusual side-effects other than those that came with regular illnesses or malnourishment. At least… I was pretty sure I wasn't. From what I knew, homunculi needed to eat the red stones in order to keep a human-like form. So, if I had been a homunculus, then I would've needed to eat red stones and I don't remember doing that. Plus, where would Ed have gotten them from anyway?

_"It's just… you can't see your own back all too well. What if there was a mark of some kind?"_

Every now and then, I found myself rubbing at the base of my neck or lower back subconsciously. I wasn't meaning to, it just sort of happened. Also, sometimes after I showered, I'd try to examine my back in the mirror, to see if there really wasn't a tattoo. _I can't be a homunculus, I'm just being paranoid._ I told myself, pulling a night shirt over my head in the guest bedroom of Auntie Pinako's house. _But… maybe… Brother could've gotten red stones before he came to find me. He could've fed them to me while I was in that daze for the first few days…_

I shook my head violently, glaring at myself, "No! Brother would never do that! Stop being so paranoid…"

These thoughts conflicted within my mind some nights when Brother was working late and I was alone in the dorm room. I'd wait up for him, I could never sleep if he wasn't there, so it reminded me of when I wasn't able to sleep in the armor. Back then, too, unwanted thoughts crept up on me and preyed on my uncertainty. Sitting alone in the guest room brought back these thoughts too.

"Hey, Al?" the sudden rap on the closed door and Ed's voice made me jump right off the edge of the bed and to the floor, "You done changing?"

I stood abruptly and dusted my pajamas off, while replying hastily, "Yes, Brother. You can come in now."

Ed entered lazily, dressed in only a pair of boxers and a white t-shirt. His hair was still in it's braid, fingers struggling with the rubber band clumsily. I didn't have to force myself to smile at this. As he walked over to the bed he normally slept in, I intercepted him and pointed at his braid.

"I'll help you with that, Brother." I offered with a smile, receiving a tired look in response.

"Hnn…" he nodded, plopping down onto the bed, "M'kay."

I followed suit, positioning myself behind him and slipping the rubber band off his hair. I ran my fingers through the golden locks, long and silky as they fell around his shoulders. There were several waves and indents in his hair because of the braid, but it was usually like that. Combing my fingers through the strands to get rid of any tangles, I sighed contentedly. _There's no way that my brother would ever make a homunculus of me. I'm human; Mustang was just joking. I'm perfectly human for my brother._

I slid my hand out of his and smiled at Ed's back, "Okay, all done."

Ed made another affirming grunt before lowering himself to the blankets and tugging them up around his body. I helped him do so; I could see how tired he was. He didn't get much of a break today after work and train rides always made him sleepy. The excitement that Winry poured on us was also taking it's toll on him. Once he was efficiently tucked in, I made sure he was in a deep sleep (which took all of two minutes) before pressing a feather-light kiss to his forehead. I'm not sure why I'm so hesitant to do that while he's awake, let alone sleeping. Maybe because I fear him pulling away from me…? Whatever the case was, I wasn't going to dwell on it. I crossed the room and ducked out the door, trying to be silent so that Ed wouldn't wake up.

"Oh, hi, Al." I smiled at Winry as she greeted me from my descent down the stairs.

She was sitting at the table, various tools and metal parts strewn about. Her long blonde hair was tied up and held back with a bandana. It looked like she was working and I didn't want to bother her, so I made to leave the room once again. But she motioned for me to sit down in a chair next to her, so I did.

"Hi, Winry." I replied softly, taking the offered seat, "You still working?"

She nodded, "Yeah, I slept in this morning so I'm not real tired yet. It's also fun to work on auto mail when everything's quiet."

"Oh, am I bothering you?"

Winry giggled a little at my question, "Nah, Al, you're already really quiet. It's your loudmouth brother I have problems with. Did he go to bed?"

"Uh-huh. Brother's really tired." I propped my head up with my hand while resting my elbow on the table top. "He fell asleep right when his head hit the pillow."

"That's so Ed." Winry shook her head, smiling at what I'd told her, "What about you, Al? Aren't you tired?"

I shrugged lightly, "A little. I just wanted to say goodnight to you first and see what you were doing."

"Aw," she gave me a light pat on the head, "Thanks."

During dinner, Ed and I had been required to tell Auntie and Winry about how we had been doing with my restored body. Winry had asked how it happened, but I said nothing and Ed made up something about a rebound of the Philosopher's Stone. Although it was rather uncomfortable at first, I eased into the conversation once Ed and Winry started poking fun at my inability to hold a spoon. After our story, Winry disappeared to do the dishes and Auntie instructed us to get ready for bed.

"You are okay, right, Al?" Pale blue eyes that glistened with worry and an unasked question settled on me.

I nodded hesitantly, "Y-yes. I'm fine, Winry. Really."

"You'd tell me if something was wrong, right?"

Another nod, this time less hesitant, "Of course." I gave her a reassuring smile, "You're my friend. I know I can count on you when I need your help. You don't have to worry about us keeping secrets from you now, Winry."

Her smile looked sad at first, but I could tell that my words really touched. Giving me a friendly hug, she pat my head again, "Thank you, Al."

Without another word, I returned the embrace before going back to the guest bedroom. It had felt awkward for me to hug someone that wasn't Brother, but I told myself that it was just because I wasn't used to hugging yet. Closing the door behind me, my gaze settled on the lump under the covers that was my brother. I grinned, going over to his side and tugging the sheets down so I could see his face. My grin faded when his expression came into view. The moonlight outside our bedroom window illuminated his features, allowing me to see the pained look Ed was wearing. His teeth were clenched on his bottom lip, I was afraid that he'd draw blood. Shaking his shoulder lightly, to wake him up, all I managed to do was get a whimper and a quiet plea out of him.

"Brother…" I whispered harshly, not wanting to surprise him by yelling or anything, "Brother, wake up."

His breathing was heavy, limbs twitching as if he were trying to escape something. It sounded like he was close to crying. My brother wasn't supposed to cry, not over nightmares. I felt my heart clench, shaking his shoulder desperately. The animal-like whimpers that came from him were scaring me.

"Brother!" I pleaded with him, slightly louder this time.

He grunted in his sleep, "No… No…! Please…"

"Wake up!" I called again, now completely on the bed with him. There had to be some way to wake him up! "Wake up you short, pipsqueak!"

"Who're… n'you callin'… a pip…pipsqueak…" Ed slurred, cheeks glistening with the trails that the tears left in their wake.

I felt myself calm down now that he wasn't trapped in a nightmare, "B-brother…?"

He blinked the film of sleep out of his eyes before turning his attention to me. His eyes went wide, I must've looked pretty shaken up. I was also kind of on him, so that might've surprised him too. "Al? Hey, what's wrong? You okay?"

"Y-yeah, but…" I took in a shaky breath, "You… Brother, you were having a nightmare."

He blinked again, then rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, "Oh, was I? I'm sorry, Al. I didn't mean to wake you up-"

"You didn't. You just scared me, that's all. You sounded so sad…" I stared at my hands fisting themselves in Ed's blankets.

"Al, it's okay. I'm fine, see?" Ed grinned to convince either himself or me of this, "It was just a stupid dream."

I nodded hesitantly, "Right… what was it about?"

Ed frowned, then shook his head, "It was nothing. Stupid, really. Just some bad memories. Nothing to worry about!"

I wasn't too convinced with his attempt to brush my question off. The look I gave him must've gotten this through to him. "Brother…"

"Al, please." My brother sighed, deflating as he did so, "Don't worry about it. It was nothing."

Reluctantly, I backed down, "Okay, Ed. If you say so…"

I hopped off the edge of the bed, crossing the room to where I would sleep. It was the same bed that I'd stayed in as a child after mom died… even if I still looked like a child. A cough broke the uneasy silence, I turned and looked back at my brother. Ed wasn't looking at me, but I could tell he wanted to say something.

"Uhh… Al?" he coughed again.

I stared at him, bemusedly, "What is it, Brother?"

"You know… if… if you want to… you can, well, sleep here with me if you want." even in the darkened room, I could see his cheeks burning red.

A small smile came to me, even if he didn't want to admit that he was scared, it still meant a lot that he wanted me to be there with him to help protect him, "Okay, Brother."

Slipping under the covers beside him, I snuggled up to Ed. Together, we drifted off to sleep listening to the rhythm of the other's heartbeat.

* * *


	5. Part V

OMG! I'm so sorry for the really long wait... it was uncalled for. But now school's over and it's summer and I have more inspiration for teh fic! Yay! So please enjoy!  
Disclaimer: Really, I don't own any of this... don't hurt me!

* * *

..Part V..  
Simple Gestures 

The sunlight coming in through the open window was what managed to wake me up from my deep sleep. My eyelids felt like they were glued together as I blinked. I wanted to raise my hand to rub away the sleepiness that gathered there, but my arm didn't move. Even in my barely coherent state of mind, I was puzzled by my immobility. Bending my head so that I could look down at my body, I caught sight of my arm. It was tingly because it had been numb for some time, the source of the problem currently inches away from me. Ed had draped his auto mail arm around me, hugging me close to his chest. Although it was uncomfortable having my arm asleep, the look on my brother's face was worth it. Much unlike the pained expression he wore last night; a calm, peaceful one had take it's place. His lips were upturned slightly, his smile barely noticeable. But it was enough to make me smile in return and have my heart skip a beat.

Since my back was pressed up against him, I had to crane my neck at an odd angle to look at him. I was starting to cramp up because of the positioning. Shifting my weight just a bit, I managed to turn my body so I faced him completely. In response to my wiggling, Ed mumbled something unintelligible and pulled me closer to him. He was like a child clutching their favorite stuffed animal. My cheeks got hot, his embrace abruptly changed direction. Instead of clingy, he was suddenly protective. I wiggled around a little more to loosen the hold that had me crushed against his chest. While I loved being held by my brother and filled with his warmth, I didn't enjoy having auto mail digging into my back. Once the death grip with his right hand relaxed some, I sighed happily and let my cheek rest on his chest as it went up and down with his easy breathing.

My brother was very strong, so all his muscles were firm and defined. But he was also soft and warm and easy to cuddle up to in most places. Especially the place where his chest and neck met. It was molded so that I could let my head rest there and it would fit against him perfectly, tucked under his chin and listening to his reassuring heartbeat. We were made to fit together like this, I think.

Nuzzling into his chest, I felt the warmness of our bodies mingle with the haze of sleep and wooly blankets. His shirt was bunched up because of our clinging, so I brought my hand up to rest on his stomach. Tugging on his shirt lightly, I wanted to have Ed covered up so he wouldn't be so exposed like usual. A habit of mine. He mumbled again, burying his face into my hair.

"Mmph… hm? Al…?" the words were thick and heavy as Ed gradually woke himself up. My hair had probably tickled his nose.

I wrapped my own arms around him, not having to worry about waking him up now, "Good morning, Brother. Sleep well?"

"Nn… 'morning, right…" he yawned, settling back down, "Mm, slept alright. You?"

I nodded against him, "Yes, it was very nice." I was happy to see that Ed did have any more nightmares after I joined him last night, "Should we get up soon?"

Ed snorted, "No. Too comfortable. You're nice and warm, Al, we sleep more."

"But…" as reluctant as I was to leave this position, I knew we'd have to move sooner or later, "I'm sure Winry and Auntie will want us up soon." it was my turn to yawn, "And I wanted to go visit mom today."

For a while there wasn't a reply, which led me to believe that he'd fallen back asleep. Continuing to rest beside him, I wondered what time it was and if anyone else was awake. It startled me when my brother broke the silence abruptly.

"Okay, Al. Let's get up." Ed released me, his tone was a little bit reluctant and sad. I think it was because I mentioned mom.

Unwrapping my arms from around his middle, I sat up after him and rubbed at my eyes finally. The stickiness had been beginning to bother me. My gaze was drawn to my suitcase discarded on the floor. As Ed wandered off to his own suitcase, I shivered. The lack of my brother's warmth made me ache for him to touch me again, but I shook the thought away before it could affect me much. Sliding out from under the blankets, I set my bare feet against the cool, wood floor and padded over to my suitcase. I started picking out my clothes for the day, laying them in a row on the other bed.

I chose a plain black t-shirt with a white button up shirt over it and jeans. I also took out my half-finished coat to see how it looked. So far, I'd managed to alter it with help from Lieutenants Hawkeye and Ross. Lieutenant Ross had thought it was sweet of me to want to do this, it had made me blush. The symbol of the serpent and cross was etched onto the back of my blue coat, matching the one that was on Ed's red coat. All that needed to be completed was some hemming and cuffing. The sleeves needed to be shortened and I wanted the edges of my coat to match my brother's. I hadn't let him see it yet, but I decided I wanted to wear it when we went to visit mom. She would've liked us to match, I think.

"Lemme see that thing, Al." Ed's grabby hands were reaching for my coat and plucking it out of my own. His scrutinizing gaze made me roll my eyes, he was being over-dramatic with this. "It looks good. Almost like mine, except extremely girly."

I scowled, "I'm not finished yet, Brother."

"I'm only teasing!" he playfully bat at the side of my head before returning to his half of the room. "Don't be so sensitive."

"I'm not!" I countered, setting the coat back down.

Since we were both dressed, Ed and I went downstairs to find Pinako sitting at the table. She was smoking her pipe and reading the paper, just like I remembered her doing. There was breakfast sitting in the kitchen, left for me and Ed to heat up. I didn't see Winry though.

"Good morning, Auntie." I greeted her while Ed just grunted and went straight for the food and coffee. "Sleep well?"

She gave me a strange look, I guess she wasn't used to me asking that, but finally being able to sleep again made me realize that you could sleep terribly or very well. "Good morning boys. And yes, I did sleep well."

I smiled, then went to get my breakfast. Ed motioned for me to go sit down, he was taking care of the food. I sighed, he was really set on taking care of me most of the time. At least he wasn't cooking the food, but who knows what my brother can do in the kitchen. Still, I reluctantly followed his orders and sat down beside Pinako at the table.

"Where's Winry?" I asked, looking around the room and finding no sign of her.

Pinako huffed, "She went to town to pick up some auto mail parts. You boys slept in awfully late. It's already eleven thirty."

"Sorry." I rubbed the back of my neck sheepishly, trying to ignore the curses coming from the kitchen. "Maybe I should go help Brot-"

"Please do." she replied, "I don't want him burning down my house."

"Right." I stood back up and poked my head into the kitchen. Ed was having some difficulties, "Need help, Brother?"

"No! I've got it!" he growled out, poking and prodding at what looked similar to eggs with a whisk.

I coughed uneasily, "Umm… that's not what you use a whisk for…"

"I know!" Ed threw the utensil across the room, "Give me a little more credit, Al!"

"Sorry." I rolled my eyes, stepping up and taking the plate of food from my incompetent brother, "I don't know about you, but I want my food to still be edible when I get it."

Ed pouted and sulked, "Fine. If you're so good, then you do it."

"You just set it in the oven for two minutes, Brother." I sighed, closing the door to the oven containing both our meals. "It's not that hard."

"Shut up! I need some coffee." he stalked across the room to the coffee pot and poured himself a cup. I scrunched my nose, I didn't like coffee. It tasted too strong, or at least the way Ed made it. But even with milk and sugar, it was still very bitter. The smell was also heavy, it made me sick to my stomach if I was around it too much.

"I don't see why you like that stuff." I mumbled, watching as Ed downed a cup of black coffee in seven seconds flat.

Golden eyes wandered over to me, looking more aware now, "What about it?"

"It's gross tasting and it smells funny." I pointed out.

He just shrugged, "Hey, it keeps me awake. You don't have to like it, but I have to drink it."

I just 'hmmed' and opened the oven to pull out our food. Suddenly, Ed's hand slapped mine before I could even touch the food. "Ow! Brother!"

"You idiot, get something to cover your hands before shoving them into a hot oven!" Ed scolded, beginning to rummage through some drawers for oven mitts.

I had to admit, he was right. I didn't know how hot the oven was, so I could've accidentally burned my hand. Accepting the mitts from Ed, I bent back down to pull out the plates. The food looked more like food rather than mush and felt warm. Satisfied with the result, I set the plate on the counter and removed the oven mitts.

"Can you get the forks, Brother?" I asked, taking one plate in each hand again, keeping my fingers away from the center where it was hottest.

"Sure." he agreed, already halfway through his second cup of coffee.

* * *

It was a relaxing day. Sighing in contentment, I leaned back on my elbows in the grass, my legs dangling off the riverbank in the cool water. I was enjoying some quiet time to myself. Well, Den was with me, but I'm not sure if he counted since he never spoke or bothered me. Winry had gotten home a while ago and insisted that I go outside to play. I was going to comment that I wasn't really a ten-year-old kid, but she managed to get me out of the house and lasso Ed into helping her unpack her new tools or whatever. They had told me to take Den too, I guess they didn't trust me to wander around by myself. _Oh well._ I shrugged it off, not really minding the silent company that the dog provided. Even if he was just sleeping. 

I smiled to myself, shaking my head as Den growled in his sleep. He must've been having some kind of dream, his legs and ears were twitching. Turning my gaze from the dog, I stared back into the water. My reflection was smiling back at me. It was still really weird to see flesh and hair and eyes… I still half-expected to look at my reflection and see red lights staring back at me and metal shell that served as a body.

"I wonder what happened to you…" I murmured aloud, fingertips dancing on the water.

It had crossed my mind before; the disappearance of my armored body. I supposed that it was either destroyed in the alchemic reaction or the gate completely devoured it. But there were other possibilities, right? Drawing my knees to my chest, I continued to gaze into the bluish water below me. It was risky then… if the armor was eaten away. _I wonder how Brother felt watching it disappear before his very eyes, even if he had my blood seal with him… It probably scared him._

I wrapped my arms securely around my legs, resting my chin on my knees._ I shouldn't be thinking about this. It doesn't matter anymore. All that does matter is that I'm here, Brother's here, we're alive, and we're human._ Sighing deeply, I turned my head to look out in the direction of our old house. I felt the rising desire to go visit it, right then and there.

Grabbing my shoes and my socks, I slipped them on one by one. I tied my shoes myself, knowing that Ed wouldn't be too happy if I didn't, and stood up. I dusted my jeans off and straightened my now bunched up shirt. Hopping over the sleeping Den, he blinked wearily at me before yawning and rising to his feet. Together we began walking along the river towards the remains of our house. I wasn't sure if Ed would approve of me going that far, but I had told him I wanted to see it and mom today. Besides, it wasn't as if I'd get lost in Resembool.

I remembered having to climb a hill to get from Winry's to our house, then our house was actually on a hill. I ran up the hill rather than walk because it was faster that way, but Den followed at his regular pace. I smiled at the aging dog before continuing on our way. The excitement and anticipation I felt at the idea of seeing the house again was unexplained, it wasn't as if I hadn't seen it before. But for some reason this felt different.

"There it is, Den! The house!" I grinned, breaking into a sprint while Den barked happily.

As I came closer to top of the hill, I slowed down to take in the image. My heart sank. The charred frame of the once beautiful building was pretty much all that was left. Everything was a pile of pitch black ashes, even the tree that had been by our house. I knew it would be like this when I saw it, but for some reason, just thinking about seeing it wasn't as bad as actually seeing it. The heavy scent of decaying wood and old smoke that soaked into the beams of the house filled my senses. It made me gag. I shook my head and just stared at the remains.

Hesitantly, I took a step forward. Then another. Soon, I was walking through what had been the front door just like I had when I was armor almost a year ago now. When we had been visiting Winry for some repairs because Scar had destroyed my brother's arm and half my body. This sight hadn't bothered my so much then. My small hand grazed the rough, uneven edges of remaining wood that once supported a wall. _The living room was right over there…_ Stepping around the clumps of ash and other burnt up things, I made my way towards the entrance to what had been the basement. I felt awkward and clumsy around all the stuff, but seeing the place where the door and the stairs had been… My chest tightened. _That's where we… tried to bring back mom…_

_Mom…_

I could actually see our mom locking the door to the basement, then turning around to remind us to never, ever go into the basement. It was dad's place and we weren't allowed to go there. Just like how alchemy was our dad's and we were never allowed to touch something of dad's… but we did anyway…

There were so many times in my life where I wondered if we would've been better off if I hadn't asked Ed to read the title of that book that we found on dad's desk…

_"Bwothow! Big bwothow!"_

_Gold eyes looked annoyed, "What is it, Al? And stop being so loud! We're not supposed to be here, so shush!"_

_"But Bwothow! I wanna know what dis says! Can you weed it to me? Pwease?"_

_"Fine! It says… Al… cha.. em… me. Alchemy. Happy now?"_

_"Big Bwothow, it says 'Al'. Big Bwothow call me 'Al', is it 'bout me?"_

_Gold eyes look confused and curious, "I dunno. Lemme see…" the book was opened and the first few pages were read._

_"Bwothow, 's 'bout shapes!"_

_"No, it's about science, Al." a pause, "Wow! You can trans…si…moot stuff! I wanna read this, c'mon Al!"_

_"'Kay Bwothow!"_

I'm not sure how long I stood in front of the basement door… Or even how I got to the place that had been the room that Ed and I shared. Our bedroom. I didn't even hear Den barking. But suddenly there was a warm body beside me and the sun was setting and my face felt sticky from dried tears. I was curled up where my brother's bed once was, hugging my knees close to my chest. Tentatively, I turned to look at my new companion.

Ed was sitting beside me, his own legs drawn up as well and golden eyes staring out at nothing, but seeing something. I blinked, not aware of when he came to join me, but it must've been a while ago since it didn't look like his position had changed much and the dust and ashes were still and undisturbed. His chest vibrated with the hollow sound of a chuckle. A small smirk came to his lips and those beloved eyes slipped shut. When they opened again, they were focused on me. I stared back, searching his gaze for any telltale signs of guilt or bitterness.

"Did you visit mom?"

I shook my head and he made some kind of affirming grunt. A comfortable silence resumed, although we were both staring at each other… as if trying to weasel something out of the other. For once, I couldn't determine exactly what my brother felt. The look in his eyes was somewhat regretful, but tender and relieved and curious all the same. He was thinking about something, but I didn't know what it was.

He broke the silence again, "I looked for you there, you know."

He was talking about mom's grave, so I didn't know how to respond. I just shrugged, resting my chin on my knees and avoiding his gaze. It was making my face feel hot again.

"So… have you been here the entire time?"

I shook my head, but I could tell that Ed wanted me to give a verbal response, "I went to the river for a while… then I came here."

"Hmm…" Ed looked away from me, back to the place before, "I wanted to come here with you, you know."

I looked at the object of his observation, "I'm sorry… I just wanted to see…"

"Is it different?"

I knew what he meant, was it different being here in the flesh rather than in the armor, "Yeah, kinda."

"Bad or good?" Ed was full of questions today.

I chuckled to myself, muffling my voice by pressing my mouth against the fabric of my pants, "Bad different. I remember more now."

"You did look a little out of it." he commented, choosing to lean back on his elbows now. "What were you thinking about?"

"I don't know. Stuff. When we first learned about Alchemy and you pronounced it wrong." he laughed when I said that and I felt myself smile, "How long have you been here?"

Ed tilted his head to the side, "A good hour, I'd say. You didn't notice?"

"I did about ten minutes ago." I replied sheepishly. "You and Winry finish whatever you were doing?"

"Yeah, that was a while ago. I spent most of the time looking for you."

I chanced another glance at him. "Sorry. I wasn't planning on being here long."

"S'okay. I wasn't really worried. There aren't many places you'd run off to." he grinned to himself, punching my shoulder lightly.

That was Edward language for: 'It's not okay. I was really worried. You might've been kidnapped or injured or ran away because you hate me.' I was relieved I could decipher that much, "I'm still sorry. I shouldn't have gone this far, even with Den."

Ed laughed, "Well, Den's starting to lack some of his watchdog skills. He was fast asleep when I found you guys!"

"He was tired, Brother." I tried to reason, but Ed didn't listen.

"It's either because he's old, you tired him out too much, or he's old."

I sighed and shook my head, "Think what you want. Poor Den just wants to help and you can only find ways to bring down his self-esteem. Shame on you."

"Oh, please!" Ed snorted, "He's a dog! He doesn't have self-esteem! Even if he did, it's not like he can hear us or understand us."

I just 'hmmed' choosing not to get into a heated argument over whether or not Den was capable of self-esteem. It would be a pointless fight. The sky was now an odd, but lovely mixture of purple, orange, and yellow. It looked like someone had painted it; it was really pretty.

"Hey, Al?"

I was drawn away from the sky, "Yes, Brother?"

He gestured toward the spot he was looking at almost the whole time, "You remember what used to be on that wall?"

I shook my head 'No'.

Ed smiled, but not at me. He was smiling at a distant memory. "A picture. You drew it. It was of mom and me and you. I said it was crappy at the time, you were only five, but I tacked it up on the wall anyway." he chuckled sadly, "Funny… I don't remember anything else you drew except that… and my comment on that drawing made you cry…"

I gazed in awe as my brother seemed truly conflicted. He was happy that he could picture this in his mind, but sad because he believed it had hurt me in some way. _That was years ago, stupid Brother._

"I don't even remember that, so it must not have been important." I told him with a small smile of my own. "I'm just gladthat I did something worth remembering."

Ed sighed, placing his flesh hand on my head, "Al, everything you do is worth remembering. It's my own fault if I can't…"

I frowned at this, "Brother, you can't expect to remember and record everything I do. Besides, that's kind of creepy."

"Yeah, well," the hand stroked my head for a second before giving me a pat and rising from his position, "I'm just glad I didn't forget today! Come on Al! We'd better get home before it gets dark or Winry will be pissed."

I scrambled to my feet so I could follow him, "But Brother… I thought we'd see mom today…"

"I promise we'll visit mom tomorrow, okay? I really promise!" he sounded on the verge of desperateness.

I nodded, "Alright Brother, I know you keep your promises."_ Unlike me…_ My gaze settled on his right arm, _And it won't be something I'll be able to forget. Ever._ Without another word, the two of us gathered up Den and raced to see who'd get to the house first.

* * *

"Okay, Al. Wait there!" Ed told me once we'd reached the front steps to the house. 

I raised an eyebrow at his command, "Why?"

"Because I said so!" he retorted, as if being my big brother explained it all. "Now, wait there and no peeking!"

As he ducked inside the house, I chuckled at his giddy mood. For some reason, as we got closer to Winry's, Ed got happier and excited about something. It was almost like my first time in Central in my human body, when I was bouncing around the streets. I wonder what happened… It took a lot to make Ed all chirpy like that, so it must've been something important. Leaning back on my heels, I made a list in my head of what would make Ed really happy.

_1. There was a disaster and now milk can never be produced again.  
2. Mustang got demoted.  
3. Brother grew.  
4. He magically got his arm and leg back_

A twinge of guilt ran through me at that one.

_5. Everyone who ever called him short must now be shorter than him.  
6. He got free food.  
7. Mom's alive again._

Another bout of guilt and sadness welled up in me.

_8. The homunculi will never, ever, ever come back.  
9. He… uhh… grew.  
And 10... He loves me the way I love-  
No! No! No! What is THAT!_

Shaking my head, I quickly willed that thought and blush away. _Think of something else!_ But I couldn't think of anything else for number ten. Luckily I didn't have to because Ed came back outside. He was grinning mischievously, obviously knowing something I didn't. I was still confused about his change in behavior.

"Have you figured it out yet, Al?" he asked smugly.

I frowned, "Figured out what?"

"What this is all about, silly!" he poked me in the side, casually leaning most of his weight on the doorframe, "Don't tell me you don't know what today is!"

I felt uneasy that I should know what was so important, but I honestly had no clue, "Why? Is it supposed to be important?"

The grin that had been gracing my brother's face faltered. He blinked at me for a moment, so I did the same. I didn't like how his eyes got that look… he got it a lot when we were searching for the Philosopher's Stone and I'd ask what something felt like. I hated that look.

"You… you really don't remember, Al?" he asked softly, not joking or smiling anymore.

I worried my lower lip with my teeth and shook my head, "No…"

For a while there was an uncomfortable silence. I quickly rummaged through my memories to see if I could come up with anything that might've happened today. _It must be something really important or else Brother wouldn't be this upset! What was it though? The day we transmuted mom? No! He wouldn't be smiling! Something happy… the day he became a State Alchemist? That's not very happy either… His birthday? No… that already happened… Winry's birthday was in fall… Mom's birthday? No… that's in June… it's not a holiday either… Oh what is it!_

Ed chuckled quietly to himself, startling me out of my wondering, "What?"

He shook his head, then placed his good arm around my shoulder to help lead me inside, "It's nothing, Al. C'mon, we have something to show you."

"We?" I asked, not understanding what was going on. _What's today? April… twenty-third…_ "Brother what's going on?"

He didn't answer as we entered the house. It was pitch black. I blinked, hesitant to go much further. Knowing Ed, it might just be a prank. But that look in his eyes… No, it wasn't a prank. The silhouettes of two people were over near the door to the kitchen, I guessed it was Winry and Pinako. _What're they doing in the dark…?_

Suddenly, the lights were on. Blinking the temporary blindness away, I strained to see what the light revealed. I felt my eyes widen at the scene in front of me. A handful of balloons were floating in one corner, while multi-colored streamers hung from the ceiling. Winry was smiling happily, holding a chocolate frosted cake in her hands. Pinako was just smoking her pipe, but a sly smile was also evident. Den rushed in, barking cheerfully and went straight to Winry before turning to look back at me. The room was so colorful. Then a little white banner that looked hand-made was hanging on the banister of the stairs. It read: "Happy Birthday, Al!" in big blue and green letters.

I was struck speechless. Literally. My mouth would not do anything except form a rather large 'o'. _My birthday! It's my birthday! Of all the days for me to forget!_ I mentally smacked myself, trying to shake off the initial surprise and shock. I hadn't had a birthday party in five years… now all this… and I can't even say a single word.

"Happy birthday, Al!" Winry broke the silence by squealing and beaming at me.

Pinako nodded, "Yes, fifteen years old already. My, my…"

I blushed under all the attention, finally finding my voice, "W-wow… so this is what you guys were doing? Why you wanted me out of the house?"

"Yeah, but we figured you would've caught on by now." Ed grinned, walking forward to go inspect the cake, "It didn't occur to me that you'd forget."

Winry looked from Ed to me, "You forgot? You forgot it was your own birthday!"

"W-well!" I put my hands up in defense, "It's not like I celebrated religiously or anything! I mean… I haven't celebrated my birthday in four years!"

Winry focused a glare on Ed, "You're telling me that all this time… Al hasn't celebrated his birthday once?"

"Uh, well…" Ed rubbed the back on his neck sheepishly, "I mean, what could we do? You can't really get a suit of armor a cake! He couldn't eat it! And the only present I wanted to give him that would be acceptable was his body back!"

Winry gave him a stern look, "Well you could've acknowledged it instead of letting him forget."

"I… I thought he'd remember."

I didn't like how they were both discussing me as if I wasn't there with them. Frowning, I stepped forward and looked between them, "It's not anybody's fault, okay? It's just something that happened in the past, but it's over now. I'm sorry I brought it up…"

"Al…" Ed looked at me with guilt creeping up into his gaze, "I'm-"

I shook my head, flashing a reassuring smile to my brother. "It's okay, really. I was wondering though… can we eat the cake now? I'm kinda hungry."

"Of course, Al." Winry was relaxed now, I guess she was happy to see that nothing bad was going to happen between me and Ed. She always worried about stuff like that. "Let's have cake and ice cream! Hopefully Den won't eat this one!"

Ed gave a little half grin, not sad or fake, "Okay."

* * *

I went to bed truly happy. After Ed got over his brief guilt-trip, we all really had a fun time. I had three slices cake, it was really good, but Ed beat me by having four. Winry baked it from one of Mrs. Hughes' recipes and Pinako made the dinner. She just watched us while the three of us talked about our birthdays as kids, but she looked content. 

I wasn't expecting any presents, the party idea itself was great enough for me. But Winry and Pinako picked up some more clothes for me and a few books that they thought I'd be interested in. I was really grateful with all the attention, but it still made embarrassed. I wasn't used to it. The house that Ed bought us was his present to me, but I really didn't think he'd have to get me anything. Not ever. Having my body back and being with him was more than enough for me.

Curling up in my bed, I wondered what was taking him so long to get to bed. It was late again. I sighed, rolling over to lie on my back. There was no point in worrying since we were in Resembool and there wasn't anything for Ed to study constantly here. Still… I just wanted to make sure he got to bed. Habit, I guess.

I slipped out from under the covers and shuffled across the wooden floor. The door opened a crack and I peered out. The hallway was pitch black. _Everyone must be asleep… except Brother…_ I mused, stepping out into the darkness. A thin beam of light shone from under Winry's door and I blinked at it. _Maybe Brother's with Winry?_

My face flamed at the idea of Ed and Winry alone together. Despite my best intentions, the first thought that came to me was: Mine. I shook my head frantically, _Where did that come from!_ I hated how my thoughts kept betraying me like that. _They're only talking… a-and it's not like it matters any… if they're…_ A gnawing ache in my stomach prevented me from continuing the thought. Instead, I chose to knock on the door to ask Winry where Ed might be.

Before my fist even came close to knocking on the door, Winry's voice floated out to my ears. "…think it's wrong."

I caught the last bit of the sentence, so I wasn't sure what they were talking about. Normally, I would've left and respected the privacy of Edward and Winry. But… for some reason I felt compelled to stay and listen to what they had to say.

"I do too, but do you think I can control it!" Ed's voice sounded on edge, teetering between angry and upset. "I didn't ask for this!" _Didn't ask for what, Brother?_ I wondered silently, leaning in closer to the door.

"…You asked for it when you got his body back, Edward." Winry sounded upset too, but this statement was what shook me. _Me? What does all this have to do with me? What did I do? What did Brother do?_ I pressed my ear against the wood, "You acted to rash and on pure-" she was cut off, but by silence. I stayed quiet too, so I could listen and keep hidden. "Someone's listening…" I heard her say, followed by a loud sound that was probably Ed's auto mail leg.

I quickly pulled away from the door and darted back to my room. If Ed had found out that I had been eavesdropping, then he wouldn't be happy. Besides, it sounded like something private… something that Ed didn't want anyone to know. Whatever it was; it involved me and made Winry feel betrayed.

I shuddered as I crawled back under the covers, taking deep breaths to ease the tension. Ed's footsteps got closer to the room, but stopped once they got to the doorway. I lay motionless, feigning sleep as well as I could. It wasn't until I heard his footsteps fade away and Winry's door click shut, that I rolled back onto my back and stared at the ceiling. I still couldn't sleep without my brother in the room.

* * *

"Does it feel any different now?" 

I stared down at the cold headstone that symbolized our mother's grave. The pinpricks of tears were behind my eyes, but I didn't cry at all. Edward and I had gone to her grave, to say goodbye. We were leaving for Central today, so it seemed fitting for mom's grave to be the last place to see before we set off. We had already said goodbye to Winry and Pinako, they understood that this was something we needed to do alone. It was already mid-afternoon when we arrived, our train was scheduled to leave at five in the afternoon. It was already getting darker.

I took a shaky breath, drawing out the moment of silence that lingered between me and my brother. I knew what he was asking. He was wondering if it was different for me to be here in the flesh rather than the armor. After all, I hadn't visited like this since her funeral. I could feel his penetrating gaze on me again; it made me feel exposed and an urge to… I'm not sure what it was, but it was uncomfortable and enjoyable at the same time. It made my heart all fluttery, while at the same time it ached.

I swallowed thickly, "It hurts more…"

It did. I could actually feel the light breeze on my face. My heart that beat while my mother's was stopped. The cool, smooth surface of the stone that had her name written on it. The lack of flowers for her grave. It all piled up until I felt it choking me. The pinpricks tingled and the last thing I wanted was to start crying again. It would be a repeat of her funeral, only this time Ed and I had seen more. We weren't innocent children anymore. Somewhere in our journeys, the two of us had grown up.

"Al…" I felt the cold metal of his right hand in my left and I clung to it.

"What about you, Brother?" I ventured to ask, not looking away from the headstone.

Ed was quiet, just like I had been, before answering, "It hurts me too, Al. It always does."

"…It'll never get easier, will it?" I murmured, thinking back to all the people who had died in our lives, "Death, I mean…"

His hand tightened around mine, "No, Al… it doesn't get easier…"

While the answer was truthful, and I was grateful for that, it was still painful to know that no matter how many people would pass on and leave us… it would still be there. The emptiness and the heartache._ I never want to go through that again, though._

"Al… promise you'll never leave me, okay?" Ed's hand was still desperately grasping mine, though I think he was wishing that it was his flesh hand instead. "Don't ever leave me… I need you too much…"

"Brother…" I was now looking at him, watching as his face was contorted into a pained expression. But he didn't cry. Not once. My big brother never cried… This was as close as he'd let himself get. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise. We'll always be together… right, Brother?"

He sniffed, rubbing at his face with his left hand, "Yeah… we will." it was muffled by his hand, but I heard it anyway. "You and me, Al…"

Even as we were sitting side by side on the train, hand in hand, I couldn't get that out of my head. Something about my brother's tone didn't sit well with me. I felt like he'd leave me… instead of the other way around. Looking at his figure, slumped over in his seat with his head resting on my shoulder, I prayed that I would always get to see him like this. That I'd get to see him at all.

"I love you…" I whispered softly to him, watching as he squirmed a little in his sleep. If he had heard me while he was awake, he would've treated it as any other one of my 'I love you's'. But this one was different. I didn't mean it in the way a brother should.

I felt bad after saying it.

* * *


	6. part VI

And here is... Chapter Six! Mwahaha! I didn't take as long this time! But this chapter is a bit short for my liking... and pretty strange in my opinion o.O;; I dunno. I hope you guys like it! I was so inspired for the later chapters of this fic, but they're later and... not now so it makes me frustrated. Well, I'll just have to work faster and better to move up to the climactic moment! Which won't happen for a while...But it will happen! It has too.  
Okay, I will stop with the rambling and get on with the fic! Enjoy!

* * *

..Part VI..  
Some House-warming… 

The house was so much nicer in person. Ed and I had gone to the house right after we packed up some of our belongings that were still in the military dorms, but I hadn't anticipated the feeling of excitement that overcame me._ Our very own house! Just for me and Brother!_ I beamed up at the little, but cozy-looking house.

"What do you think, Al?" Ed asked, looking much better than he had the past few days since our return from Resembool.

I nodded enthusiastically, "It looks beautiful, Brother!"

Ed grinned, appearing proud of his efforts to find a house, "It's great, I know. But this is just the outside! Wait until you see the inside!"

I couldn't but smile at his enthusiasm, Edward really was excited to have this house too. Grabbing my hand, he dragged me in towards the front door. Suddenly, he stopped and turned around to face me again. I blinked, not sure why he was stopping, so I opened my mouth to ask him. All that came out was a gasp of surprise, since I found myself being lifted into the air and carried into the house bridal style.

"Home sweet home, honey." he teased me.

I turned bright red, partially from embarrassment and partially from anger, "Put me down, Brother!" I thrashed against him, but his grip was tight, "ED!"

"Aw, but you look so cute, little brother." Ed really enjoyed this and for reason it made my stomach flutter again. I glared at him, a sharp, continuous glare that got him to back down quickly, "Okay, okay. I'll put you down."

When I had told him to put me down, I hadn't expected to be tossed onto the couch.

"Stupid Brother."

* * *

Once Ed was done laughing at me, and after I shoved a carton of milk into his mouth, we came to a truce and we investigated the rest of the house. The front room was large, but it had to be to allow passage for three rooms. It was mainly the foyer and living room, but the dining room and kitchen were also part of it. The half bathroom, we discovered, was just a sink and toilet at the end of the hall. On the left side of the hall was the master bedroom and the regular bathroom was inside it. And one the right was the other bedroom and what would pass as a study and office for Ed. 

The bedroom and office were roughly the same size, both could barely fit a bed, let alone a bookshelf and desk and all the works for an office. I frowned, I knew Ed would need more room than that for all his stuff. I'd assumed that he would complain about it, but he said nothing as he began to unpack one of the boxes containing dishware.

"Brother?" I piped up, helping him unwrap the plates covered in bubble wrap, "Are you sure you're okay with the office?"

Ed started putting the dishes in the cabinets, "Yeah. Why?"

"Oh, I don't know." I replied, handing him another stack of dishes, "Maybe because you're so messy when it comes to your work and there's no room in there for you to be messy?"

He just shrugged, taking the dishes from me, "Motivation to be cleaner? I don't know, Al. You're always on my case about being unorganized anyway."

"Yeah, but that's only to bug you." I smirked to myself while Ed threw bubble wrap at me for revenge, "Really, Brother, maybe we could combine the office and bedroom together?"

Ed pouted, amusing himself by popping some of the bubbles, "But then where would I sleep? You're getting the real bedroom, Al, and I'm getting the smaller one. If we combine the rooms that's one less bedroom."

"You can sleep with me." I offered, putting the now empty box on the floor, "That bedroom's too big for just one person anyway, and I'd feel better if you were in there."

"You won't feel that way forever, Al." he reminded me, still messing with the bubble wrap.

I blinked at him over some other boxes, "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean," Ed sighed, tossing the bubble wrap into the trash, "You're not going to want me in your space forever, Al. Sooner or later you'll get more independent and won't want me hanging around you as much. If we share a room it'll only get frustrating."

I frowned at this presumption, "How do you know I'll feel that way?"

"It's what always happens. Kids grow up and they lose attachments." he said matter-of-factly, waving his hand as if to signal that it was the end of the conversation. There was no way we were stopping there.

"I'm not a kid." I glared at my hands, not wanting to look at my brother for the moment, "You know that! And you know that I'd never not want to be with you! If you don't then you're stupider than I thought!"

"Al, I-"

"No! You look at me and tell me that you think I hate you." I was now staring hard at him.

Ed shook his head, "Al! It's not about that!"

"Then what's it about!" I countered angrily, loosing my patience with his weird attitude on this.

A look of frustration crossed his face and he threw up his arms in exasperation, "I don't know! Just stop yelling at me!"

"I will if you stop yelling at me!" I threw back at him, clenching my fists at my side.

"I'm not yelling at you!"

"You just did!"

"No I didn't!"

"Yes you did!"

"Oh!" Ed grit his teeth and glared back at me, "Just grow up, Al!"

That did it, all my patience was gone. "Well it's not my fault I'm like this!"

As soon as the last word left my mouth, my hands were clasping over it. The anger that had been on my brother's face melted faster than ice cream in an over, leaving a stunned expression. I mirrored the look, I couldn't believe I had actually said that. _Way to go, idiot! You say you don't blame him for anything and then you throw that at him! What a wonderful little brother you are._

I shook my head, trying to blink away my initial surprise, "B-brother… I… I didn't-!"

"You don't have to say anything." Ed brushed past me and stormed down the hall, slamming a door behind him.

I stood stone still in the kitchen, unable to move let alone go after my brother. My hands clenched on themselves, my fingernails leaving little indents in my palms. I worried my lower lip with my teeth, my entire frame was trembling. I felt myself lowering into a crouching position on the floor, wrapping my arms around my knees and burying my face into them. _Some home-warming present…_ I didn't cry. I couldn't cry. But my body rocked back and forth on the kitchen floor as a method of comfort. Just back and forth…

* * *

The kitchen was all put together and organized. The living room had it's furniture in the rightful positions. The dining room was complete with table and four chairs. I was curled up on the couch, one of the only pieces of furniture in there, watching the sun as it began it's descent. I didn't dare go down the hall though. The temptation to check on my brother was too great and I didn't want to make him angrier. 

My cheek was pressed against the arm of the sofa, my eyes focused on the window and sun. I'm not sure if I really saw it though, because when I remember blinking it was suddenly pitch black and the only light was from the moon on the other side of the house. It could've been minutes or hours; I hadn't noticed. My mind had been blank, so much like those nights where sleeping was impossible and thoughts got too grotesque for me. When the loneliness became so unbearable it made me want to cry, but I wasn't even granted that one little relief.

Pushing my heavy, lead-like body up off the couch was a slow process. I didn't have the energy to move anywhere. _I must have spent it all… running around Resembool and Central…_ Although, I knew that wasn't true. I padded down the hall, not even watching to make sure I didn't run into any boxes. Standing in the doorway to the large bedroom, my gaze roamed it half-heartedly. The bed had already been placed in there, Ed had ordered it before we left for Resembool. It was a full-sized bed with royal blue comforters and pale, sky blue sheets with white patterns etched into it. But without any light, it was merely a box-shaped mass of dark.

I stumbled inside what was now my room and went straight for the bed. My foot bumped against the nightstand, along with my hip, but other than that I made it to my room unscathed. The covers were pulled back to reveal the warmth of my bed. I crawled into it's depths automatically, clad in my jeans and an over-sized t-shirt. However, the bed was still cool from it's lack of a body. It felt lonely too.

The door had been left open, so I could see into the hallway. Beneath the door to Ed's office was a thin crack of light. I stared at it for a while, not sure how to react. I could stay in bed, or I could go and apologize for blowing up at him. It wasn't like me to do something like that. I'd never purposely say something to hurt my brother.

Without another thought on the matter, I was leaning against the office door and knocking softly on it. There was no reply, no sound at all actually. A lump grew in my throat, but I forced it down to keep my voice steady.

"Brother…? Brother, are you there?" I asked quietly, but with enough volume to get through the door.

Still, no answer. I fidgeted uncomfortably, hoping that Ed was just being difficult and not missing from the house. _Though he has every right to behave in either of those ways._ For a while I waited for him to give me any sign of life. Ed gave no comment, no reassurance… there might've not even been an Ed in that room as far as I knew.

"Brother, please…" I tried again, but my attempt was fruitless, "Well, if you won't answer me… at least… listen to me. I'm really sorry, I- … I can't even begin to say how sorry I really am. I didn't mean any of it. Not a word. I was just… I don't know… I wasn't thinking clearly. All I know is that I'm really sorry… can you please forgive me?"

I fell silent and listened closely again, trying to detect some sort of life beyond the door. Nothing. An ache grew in my chest; silence was always a bad thing with Ed.

"Will you… think about it? Or… talk to me about it?" I was close to begging or pleading, I don't know which, "I'll be here… I'll listen…"

I waited for something, anything, from on the other side of the door. He doesn't want to talk to me. _Well, I wouldn't want to talk to me either. Stupid, stupid, Alphonse._ My body slumped against the door, sliding downwards until I was slouching on the floor. I'd just wait then. I'd wait all night and all day tomorrow for my brother to come out or answer me. My eyelids were growing heavy, but I was determined…

I don't remember leaving the door that night, but when I woke up, I was back in my bed and the sun was shining again and I could smell burning bacon…

* * *

The silence lasted two days. It was the third when I decided that pacing around the living room and wearing holes in our new carpet would not do either of us any good. I had tried talking to Ed several times, but the words would get stuck in my throat or I'd become intimidated by his silence. It wasn't exactly how I'd pictured the first few days in our very own house. 

_Well, we're brothers. We're supposed to fight once in a while._ "But not like this." _It's normal for there to be some tension._ "No, it isn't." _It'll all blow over in a few days, you'll see._ "I hope so…" I sighed, "I'm talking to myself… great, now I'm going crazy too."

I rubbed at my temples, the oppressing silence was getting to me. Other than the clock ticking or the crumpling of papers behind a closed door or other various sounds, we had been living in silence for almost three days.

I sighed heavily, sprawled out on the couch with the book I'd read twice already on my stomach. It had been one of the ones Winry got for me for my birthday. It was a fictional story about a boy, about seventeen, on a deserted island and had to learn to survive by himself, all the while wondering if his family was okay. They had been on a ship, and it sank in a storm and the family got split up in the life boats and the boy had jumped out of one to rescue his sister. But by the time they got to island, she had drowned and died. The boy was very sad and thought it was his fault for not making sure her life vest was tight enough, but he knew he had to try and live for the rest of his family. So he goes through all these hardships and in the end he finds his other sister, mom, and brother and they get rescued, but the dad ended up dying too. It was a sad book, but had good morals in it. The boy kind of reminded me of Ed, which only made me more depressed over the fact that we still weren't talking.

Well, I had enjoyed the book nonetheless.

I stretched out on the couch, wondering what to do next. I wasn't in a reading mood, or an eating mood, or a much of anything mood. _I just want my brother… I feel so bad for what I said… can't he see that? Or is he wallowing in guilt? Or maybe he just hates me… I don't know what's worse, him hating me or him leaving._

I yelped when the doorbell rang, leaping off the couch and rolling onto the floor. I had been so engulfed in my thoughts that the sudden sound had startled much more than it should've. Shaking my head to clear it, I got up to my wobbly legs and went over to door to answer it. It didn't seem like Ed was going to anyway.

"Hello?" I opened the door, blinking up at the visitors. It was none other than Roy Mustang and First Lieutenant Hawkeye. "Oh, hi Colonel. Lieutenant Hawkeye. It's nice to see you again." I spoke with the tone that I had often heard coming from my armored body. _Why am I like this?_

Hawkeye cast me a searching look, she was obviously suspicious, but Roy seemed to ignore it for the most part, "It's nice to see you too, Alphonse. How was your trip to Resembool?"

"Oh, it was good." I replied honestly, sounding a little more like myself. "Would you like to come in?"

"We'd love to-" he started, but was cut off by Hawkeye, "Thank you for the offer, Alphonse, but we need to get back to Headquarters soon. We're just here to give this invitation to you and Edward. Is he home?"

I nodded, wondering what the invitation was, "Yes, he is. But he's working right now." That sounded so strange to say, "I don't want to bother him right now. But I could tell him you came by."

"That would be nice." she smiled at me, handing me an envelope, "Edward is invited to the promotion ceremony being held for certain military positions. Please consider coming."

I took the envelope marked with the military's seal, "Okay, thank you. I'll tell him."

"Alright, have a good day, Alphonse." she told me before heading back towards the car.

Roy sighed heavily, looking less than thrilled to get back to the office, "Well, tell Fullmetal to get the papers in on time, today."

"That's funny coming from you, Colonel." I replied, grinning a little to myself.

He blinked at me, then relaxed, "I suppose it is. Have a good day." then he too was walking away.

I waved, clutching the envelope in one hand. Once the military car was out of sight, I felt my forced cheeriness dissolve and I closed the front door. Fingering the envelope gently, I hummed to myself thoughtfully. _I'd better go give this to, Brother._

Turning away from the door, I started to walk down the plain hall to where Ed's office was. I was hesitant to knock, but I figured that giving him the letter wouldn't cause much of a problem. With a light rap, I paused and waited. And waited. Sighing, I knocked again, a little louder this time, and spoke up so he could answer me.

"Brother? It's me, can I come in?"

Then I heard the most wonderful sound, something I had heard for the past three days. Ed grunted. I knew it wasn't much, but it was something! And that something made my heart hammer loudly in my chest. _This isn't the time to be thinking about that!_ I scolded myself, taking a deep breath and opening the door. My brother was hunched over the tiny desk in the corner of the room, papers scattered everywhere along with books and looking very cramped. Easing my way in, I maneuvered through the piles that I didn't want to topple over. _Messy… I told him this would happen…_ I felt a little ping of guilt, shaking the thought away as I hopped over one last pile. _We're here not even a week and it's already like this…_

I cleared my throat, looking at Ed's back, "Brother… Colonel Mustang came. Lieutenant Hawkeye, too. They wanted me to give this to you…" I held the envelope out to him, "They said it was an invitation."

"…" Ed glanced up at me, then took the letter from my trembling hands. I hadn't realized they were shaking like that. He stared at my hands for a moment longer than he probably should've. Then he looked away, bangs shielding his eyes as he focused back on the paper in front of him. I couldn't make heads or tails out of it, but I was too distracted by the way he was acting.

"Brother…" Ihad my hands clenched to keep from twitching, "We can't keep doing this. We need to come to some kind of compromise, or just forgive me so we can forget this ever happened. I don't like not being able to talk to you, Brother. And I don't like seeing you do this to yourself… So, can we please just move on?" My gaze was met with the side of his head, my entire body was trembling now, "But… if you don't want to stay here anymore… I'll understand." Quietly and lowering my head, I added, "I wouldn't want to stay here with me either."

The stupid ticking of the clock was the only sound again once I finished my piece. I was about ready to smash it into little bits. I noticed a tremor in my brother's hand. He lifted it up off the desktop and then… waved me away…

I gaped at the gesture. _He doesn't want me here…_ I backed away slowly, my eyes wide with disbelief, _He doesn't want me anymore!_ Panic welled up in my chest and I scrambled to get away. All the papers surrounding me made the floor a slippery surface, so my body lurched forward. I heard a loud crack, my head pounding and throbbing like nothing I'd ever felt before. Blinking away the white dots swimming before my eyes, I realized that I hit my head on the corner of the door frame. Pushing myself up off the ground, I darted out of the room. Out the front door. Down the street. I had no idea where I was or where I was going. My head hurt so badly._ Why…?_ I pressed my palm to where I had hit my head. It was wet. _Why doesn't he want me anymore?_ I pulled my hand back and looked at it. It was covered in blood. _That's right… I can bleed…_

Clenching my hand into a fist, I squeezed my eyes shut. _Why did I run? Why am I out here?_

I kicked at the ground, the blood on my hands was drying quickly, making it all stiff and sticky. "You just had to be an idiot and run out of there! Stupid… stupid! He didn't mean it that way! You just had to assume that he did!" I let my body flop onto the hard pavement below me, moving myself so that I was in a sitting position.

Grinding my teeth together, I felt a dreary, bitterness settle over me. I just couldn't do anything right. _Why am I so paranoid? With every little thing… I'm afraid he'll leave me or ask me to leave. I'm so pathetic._ I groaned, blood was now getting on my sleeve. My head still hurt, but it wasn't bleeding very bad. It just looked bad. _What do I do now?_ I didn't want to stay out here, but I wasn't looking forward to going back in there._ Brother probably thinks I'm weird… when should I go home…?_

"Sooner rather than later…" I mumbled, getting up off the ground.

I had left the front door open. Wandering back inside, I started to go towards the bathroom to clean up my head and hair. Which meant I had to pass the office again. The first thing I noticed was a small stain on the door frame, it was reddish. The second thing I noticed, was my brother. He was crying.

* * *

"What do you want for dinner, Brother?" 

I watched as Ed jumped out of his chair, stumbling over his own legs in the process. He gaped at me, blinking and looking as if I was last person he expected to be standing in the doorway. I was nice and clean now, the shower had made me feel better and got all the dried blood out of my hair and off my hand. Ed's painkillers, the ones for his auto mail, also helped. They were a really strong dose, but it eased away my headache. I blamed my behavior on little sleep and my rationality flying out the window.

Ed was still standing there, but he was just staring now, his gaze so soft and vulnerable. I wanted to go and hug him, but given the circumstance…

"Are you hungry, Brother?" I asked, tugging on the long sleeves of a sweatshirt I'd pulled on. "I'm making dinner now, I'll make your favorite if you want."

The internal argument he was having was reflected on his features. He looked so conflicted. Confused too. I must say, I've seen Ed at his worst so nothing could ever really compare to that, but his expression was still heart-wrenching. His golden eyes were gazing right at me, clouded by sadness and guilt. I stared back at him, unsure of where this was going. He hadn't looked at me like that since we started this pointless silent treatment. I waited, I was going to be patient.

"…" he opened his mouth as if to say something, but was held back by the tears gathering in his eyes, "..A-al…"

I had never been so happy to hear one word, it was even better than hearing him grunt. I grinned, my own eyes tearing up, but with happy tears. I was so… relieved. Relieved and very, very happy.

It just made Ed choke on his tears, "Al… I… I'm sorry."

"Don't be." I was close to laughing, but I was too busy keeping my voice steady, "You didn't do anything wrong."

"Al…"

"I missed you…" the words felt heavy, but still they spoke the truth.

I could hear the emotion in Ed's voice too, "I missed you too."

"I missed you more!" I flung myself into him, catching him by surprise and sending us both into the wall.

I could feel his muscles under his shirt tense, but I just held him tightly. Slowly, so slowly, he relaxed. I felt him lean into me, probably from weariness and worry. "Al…"

I convinced Ed to move into my bedroom on account of nightmares.

Plus, he agreed the office was too small.

Go figure.

* * *

"You're wearing the tux and that's final!" 

I was fumbling with the buttons on my own tux, getting aggravated by Edward. He was refusing to wear the stupid suit. Once I had discovered where the thing was tucked into, I began to look for my socks. _Damn, where'd I put them?_ I got onto my hands and knees and crawled around on the floor looking under our bed. _Aha!_ Tugging them out from between the sheets of the bed with triumph, I set about getting them on while glancing around for my shoes.

"Don't make me have to go in there and help you change!" I shouted into the hall, my shoes had been in the closet. Along with Ed's tux. "BROTHER! We're going to be late!"

I stormed out of the room with his suit in my arms. I was determined to get this on him, whether or not I'd have to do it all by myself. The figure on the couch was on the receiving end of my glare. Tossing the heap of fancy, rented clothes on top of him, I crossed my arms and waited for him to put them on.

"But A-al!" he whined, pulling the clothes of his head, "I don't even want to go!"

I shook my head, "Brother, this is important! It's your promotion ceremony!"

"Like I give a damn!"

"Well, I do!" I stamped my foot on the ground for emphasis, "And I expect to see go up to the Parliament looking presentable and nice! Lieutenant Hawkeye said this was a formal event in the invitation! So you're wearing the tux whether you like it or not!"

"Nooooo!" Ed threw the clothes back at me with a pout.

The straw that breaks the back. "That's it! I'm going to have to dress you myself!"

"WHAT! AL!"

"What are you? Two?"

"AL! THAT'S MY SHIRT! NO WAIT-! NOT MY PANTS!"

"Sorry, Brother! But I'm keeping your pants-! Oh my…"

"AL! STOP LOOKING!"

* * *

"Well, you boys sure sounded lively." Colonel Mustang, about to become Brigadier General Mustang, was smirking at us from inside the car. 

We were both in the back with him, I was squished between him and Ed. And blushing like crazy. Really… you should tell someone when you decide to go commando and they're trying to get you dressed. Ed was also blushing madly too, but I'm sure it was for different reasons than me.

"Shut up." we both muttered in unison.

* * *

Well, there was chapter 6. Now... I'm not going to jinx chapter seven at all! It will happen whenever! Luckily, I'm in summer school and I usually get inspiration in school and since I have a million minutes of free time in the class, I'll prolly be able to write stuff there. Yay!  
Oh, and a note. The book that Al describes in this chapter? I have no idea if there is a book out there like that.It's just made up for that part! I didn't know what kind of books they would've had other than alchemy books, so I made my own. Sorry if it's weird sounding... And the invitation formal event stuff will be explained in chapter 7. Originally it was part of this chapter, but it was too quick and abrupt so I changed it. So, if it's confusing-ish, then it'll be explained next time. 

Go inspiration!


	7. Part VII

Sorry for the really long wait! I was just frustrated with stuff and decided to write chapters 8 and 9 too. So, I'll be posting three chapters all at once for your enjoyment! Yay!

* * *

..Part VII..  
From water to wine 

The large hall sparkled and was decorated rather nicely. A banner hung from the ceiling mentioning various things about how grand the military was. There was a long table off to the side where dishes of food and bowls of punch and wine were located. Many chairs and tables were all gathered in the center of the room facing towards to the stage. On the stage were the chairs and table for the Parliament to sit at. Everyone looked so dressed up, it was interesting see Hawkeye in a gown rather than a military uniform. Same with Lieutenant Ross.

"I still don't see why we're doing this…" Ed grumbled as we walked around in search of our name cards on one of the tables. "I mean, people get promoted all the time and they don't have big ceremonies."

I smiled to myself, "Well, it's also to celebrate the rising of Parliament. There won't be anymore Fuhrers and the military's going to be changing. I guess they just wanted a special event for that and decided to add in the promotions."

"Suck-ups." he groused.

"Brother!" I reprimanded, frowning at his sulky attitude.

Reverting back to our search, I couldn't help but notice several young women giggle and blush and look over at us. I blushed faintly, mostly at being noticed, until I saw that their gazes weren't on me. After all, who, in their right mind, would look at someone my age like that? No, they were fawning over my brother. I felt my face flame in jealousy, those girls didn't have any right to coo and giggle over my older brother. He probably wasn't interested in them anyway. Ignoring them, I linked my arm with Ed's and tugged him off in another direction. There were audible sounds of surprise and disappointment coming from them, but I didn't care.

"Al? What's with the rush?" Ed asked me, sounding a little confused as to why we were walking like this.

I shrugged, "I thought I saw our names over here. Sorry." I flashed him a sheepish smile, but I watched as he glanced over at the girls.

His brow creased, "C'mon, Al." he lead me in another direction so that we could look for our names without dealing with those stares.

"Okay, Brother." I nodded, following him into the crowd of people.

"Well, it must be hard for you to find your seat, seeing as you're so short…"

Ed bristled, spinning around and immediately opening his mouth to scream, "WHO'RE YOU CA- mmph!" I clapped my hand over his mouth, sighing heavily.

"Brother, you could try to behave… we're at a formal event, you know." I looked away from my brother and nodded to Roy, "Sorry, sir."

I could hear Ed mumbling against, "Traitor…" was one of the things I managed to catch.

The colonel, I mean, brigadier general smirked, "Not a problem. It's one of the best way to be entertained, after all."

I could feel Ed's face getting hot with anger. He was also breathing heavily and warming my hand it. I was afraid he'd bite my hand, but I didn't dare pull it away. Who knew what obscenities would fly from his unsparing mouth if I did? Besides, I had to keep a tight grip on him anyway so that he wouldn't jump and attack Roy.

"YOU MMPH MMM ER MA NERPH MRRMM MMM!" I had no idea.

"Well, Fullmetal, as much as I enjoy tormenting you, there was a purpose in me finding you two. We found your name cards." He finally got to the point of his whole appearance.

I smiled nervously, "Really? Where is it?"

Roy opened his mouth to reply, but he stopped short and stared somewhere off behind us. I blinked, trying to figure out what his was looking at while keeping my brother from pouncing. Then I heard it.

"ALPHONSE ELRIC!" both Ed and I tensed at the all too familiar voice we heard echoing in the hall, "AT LAST WE MEET IN THE FLESH!"

Suddenly, I felt my body being yanked up into the air and twisted into a very crushing embrace. If you could call it that. It felt like all the oxygen in me was being squeezed out. I kicked around to try and free myself, but nothing worked. Major Armstrong was just too strong.

"I see you have gotten your body back! How marvelous!" he continued booming, "The devotion and dedication between you two brothers is so inspiring! Never before have I seen such efforts so well rewarded! You must tell me of all the trials you've gone through!"

"M-major…!" I squeaked out, air was really a necessity. "C-can you… p-put… me down…? Please…!"

He carried on as if he hadn't heard me, though he probably hadn't anyway, "All the perils! The dangerous climax! Then the heartwarming conclusion-!"

"Major!"

"-the undeniable reunion! It touches the soul, truly it does!" Armstrong was teary and not relinquishing his strong grip that "has been passed down through the Armstrong family for generations in a most beautiful and graceful way" or something like that.

"Yo, major! Al can't breath, could you put him down?" Ed intervened, sounding annoyed and irritable still. Though I don't blame him.

I took in a deep breath as my feet met the floor, Armstrong had put me down, "Right. Sorry about that."

I nodded, rubbing my sore arms, "It's okay…"

Ed had crossed his arms across his chest, wrinkling the suit coat he was wearing, and was tapping his foot impatiently, "Mustang, hurry up and tell us where our damn seat are!"

"Brother!" I hissed at Ed, who had attracted the attention of several people in the vicinity.

"Calm down, Fullmetal. They're right over there." he made an exaggerated gesture towards the table that Hawkeye was sitting at. Her name card was next to Roy's card, which was next to Ed's, which was next to mine.

"NO WAY!" my brother clenched his hand into a fist, "There's no way I'm sitting at the same table as you, not to mention NEXT to you!"

Roy Mustang just smirked, "It's where your card is, Ed. I didn't have any control over where it was placed."

"Like hell you didn't." Ed growled.

He shrugged, "Well, if there's an empty seat at another table… you're free to take one of those."

"Gladly!"

"What a wonderful proposition, sir!" Armstrong cut in, "As it so happens, there are several emptied seats at the table I am occupying! You boys are welcome to join us!"

I blinked, then looked at Ed to see what he would say. My brother looked positively horrified. I had to bite lip to keep from bursting out in laughter. But I had to admit, sitting with Armstrong wasn't exactly my dream sitting place either. I would rather have a table for just me and Ed, no one else. Maybe we could hold hands and… stop it now. I wanted to dunk my head in the bowl of punch because my face was really hot again.

"Wh-what do you think, Brother?" I asked, trying to avoid looking at him while talking to him.

Ed groaned, "Why… why is fate against me!"

Yet again we received strange looks from the people around us.

* * *

"I hate you, Al." Ed was sulking, arms crossed and lips pouting. He looked so adorable. 

_Bad thoughts! Bad thoughts!_ I wanted to bang my head into the table, _Stop thinking about him like that! These are bad thoughts!_ I covered my entire face with one of the napkins I had. _I'm supposed to be frustrated with him! Not thinking that he looks so cute with his lips pouted and looking so… no. No. No. He does not look cute. He looks like Ed. Ed. Is. Not. Cute. He's… oh, he's…_ I wasn't sure how much more I could take of this. _Stupid hormones!_ It didn't help that I was a fifteen year old boy in an eleven year old body.

"Alphonse, are you alright?" Hawkeye was looking at me from across the table, hands folded neatly on her lap.

I removed the napkin I had pressed to my face, "Uh… y-yeah… I'm fine. I-I thought I was going to sneeze… that's all."

She arched an eyebrow, but didn't question any further. She suspects something… great. At least Brother didn't notice. I glanced over at Ed who was still grumbling about the injustices of being taunted by Roy.

"-and then I told the ant that he reminded me of one of my subordinates. Can you guess who, Fullmetal?" the colonel, brigadier general, had yet to stop his cracks on my brother's height.

Ed clenched his fist, "DAMMIT! Just shut up already!"

"Yes, sir. I believe that's enough." Hawkeye went for her handbag and Mustang froze. I'm guessing she hid one of her guns in there just in case.

Besides the four of us, Havoc, Breda, Fuery, and Falman were at the table as well. It was a circular table, and I was sitting between Ed and Fuery. All the tables were set up this way, all scattered throughout the decorated room. Well, except Parliament's. They had a long, rectangular table where they all sat on the same side facing out towards all of us. They were talking about something to one another, probably deciding if they should begin the ceremony or not.

A loud grumble came from beside me. I frowned and had my gaze trail over to Ed. He was still pouting and poking at his stomach. I tapped his shoulder to get his attention, but all I received was a look of annoyance.

"Brother, don't slouch like that. You look messy." I told him sternly.

Ed rolled his eyes, "You already got me in this damn suit, I'm gonna sit however I want to sit." his stomach growled again, "Aaal… I'm hungry…"

"You can get some food when it's time to eat." I replied, then thought about what he said again, "How can you be hungry? You ate an entire bowl of spaghetti before we came here!"

He thought about this for a minute, remaining silent for some time. Finally, his stomach grumbling broke the silence. "I'm huuuungry…"

I sighed heavily, giving up on figuring out my brother's odd, vortex of a stomach. Havoc chuckled as my efforts failed yet again. "Hey, chief, relax. The food will be here soon. Why not admire the ladies until then?"

I stiffened on impulse, receiving another probing look from Hawkeye. Ed glanced at me out of the corner of his eyes, then smirked, "Yeah, I think I will. Won't you, Al?"

I flushed again, blinking at the strange look he was now giving me. The first thought in my mind was _Does he know! Oh my god… he knows and he's making fun of me… he hates me. I'm disgusting. Oh god, he knows!_ My hand instinctively clenched on the napkin I was holding still. _Calm down… he doesn't know. Ed's oblivious. He can't possibly know… especially since I barely know…_

_AAAAAACKK!_

I must've gotten a strange look on my face, because Fuery was looking with concern, "Are you okay?"

"Uhh… y-yeah…" I steadied myself by placing one hand to my temple and the other stayed clenched around my napkin. "I just… spaced out for a second. I'm fine."

"Alright. You look really pale though." he commented, I was thankful no one else was paying attention. Everyone except for Hawkeye, they were all gawking at women trying to find Havoc a girlfriend. Even Ed was… I guess he really was bored and hungry.

I frowned, reminding myself that he had every right to do this. After all, what I wanted was wrong. It wasn't natural… I was supposed to want a girl… or a guy not my brother, I guess. Yet here I was admiring how the lighting complimented my brother's complexion. Normal little brothers didn't do that. Staring at the table top instead, I drummed my fingers lightly to distract myself. Please let the stupid thing start soon! Please!

As if answering my silent pleas, one man from Parliament stood up and addressed us all. Our table got quiet, as did the ones around us. Everyone was listening attentively to the introduction speech, well… everyone except for me and Ed. He was too busy occupying himself by seeing how many times he could poke me before getting a reaction. I was too busy trying to keep my thoughts collected and my face from changing different shades of red. Even if he was just poking me… I liked the contact. Maybe a little too much.

"Brother, stop it." I hissed to him, trying to be as quiet as possible.

Ed pouted, "But I'm bored."

"Then listen to the speech!" I whispered back.

"But it's not even an important speech!"

I narrowed my eyes, swatting away his hand. I had a front to keep up. I needed him to believe that it was just like when we were kids and I'd get annoyed with him if he poked me. It also gave me an excuse to hold onto his wrist, which was almost like holding hands.

"How do you know it's not important if you don't listen?" I retorted.

"I-" Ed opened his mouth with a comeback, but was silenced by Hawkeye's glare. After that we sat in silence. Until Ed reached over to poke me with his other hand and I slapped it.

"…and now for the new colonels. Colonel Devin Carter." a pause for people to applause was given as some man walked up to the stage. "Colonel Hank Connor."

I smiled to myself, _Finally!_ I get to see Brother go up there. We had already sat through the Parliament's whole introduction and their plans for a new and improved government system. More democratic, not focusing on one ruler so that a repeat of the Fuhrer Bradley incident did not occur again. Not so bad… but having to go through each major promotion and lieutenant colonels was a little annoying. My stomach was now harmonizing with Ed's, although I was more embarrassed about it than he was.

"Colonel Edward Elric."

"Finally." he muttered, rising from his chair to the sound of applause echoing in the room. I don't think he really cared though.

I beamed at him as he walked up to the stage. While we weren't too thrilled about him having to stay in the military, I couldn't help but be proud as I watched my big brother go up to a member of Parliament and accept the document stating that he was now a colonel and accepting a badge. I doubt he'd wear the badge, or even keep it, but that didn't matter. Just seeing him up there and being praised by everyone in the room. It might've just been me, but the applause for Ed seemed just a bit louder than anyone else's. While it went on, he stood up straight with a serious expression on his face. He looked so grown-up, as if he'd never be caught dead whining about his stomach or poking me. His features were defined in the lighting, his hair catching it and looking brighter. He looked so handsome, my heart skipped a beat when he took the document in a casual manner and lightly shook the man's hand. His nonchalance was clearly evident now, his serious expression had been mistaken for one of boredom. When he turned around to get off the platform, he faced towards our table. As he looked up, our eyes met for a second. I grinned at him through my blush, clapping as much as I could for him. I'm not sure what it was… but something about seeing me made him smile. A happy smile.

I don't know. That might just be the sap in me talking.

* * *

"Food! I can't tell you enough how happy I am to see you!" I was afraid Ed would start hugging his food. "Except for you, fruit punch! You taste like watery sugar! It's gross! But I love the food!" 

Sitting down beside him with a full plate of food, I rolled my eyes, "Brother, please don't embarrass yourself." But he was right about the fruit punch.

"As if I care what those pompous assholes think! I finally get to eat!" If given the chance, he probably would've started laughing maniacally.

I sighed, "You're crazy…" turning my attention away from Ed, I looked over at Roy, "Congratulations, Brigadier General Mustang."

He nodded with a small smirk, "Thank you, Alphonse. Tell your pig headed brother that I offer him the same."

"What! So now you're calling me pig-headed!" Ed was momentarily distracted from his dinner.

"Hmm… you're right. That doesn't suit you. It's not just your head that resembles a pig." Roy chuckled, sipping his wine. "Relieved you don't look like your brother, right Alphonse?"

I sighed, knowing the explosion that was bound to come from Ed. "Uhh…"

"I DO NOT LOOK LIKE A PIG! AND I'M NOT SHORT!"

"No one said you were, chief." Havoc commented off-handedly.

"SHUT UP!" Ed turned to grab his glass so he could drink something, but somewhere during the conversation, Roy accidentally grabbed Ed's glass and left his own nearly full glass.

By the time I noticed whose glass he'd grabbed, it was too late. "Brother! Wait, that's-"

Ed downed an entire glass of red wine. He thought it had been the fruit punch.

* * *

The ride home wasn't pleasant for me. Sure, Roy and Ed were having a grand old time and Hawkeye wasn't having any problems. Havoc was also pretty happy, so he couldn't drive. I was stuck in between the drunk idiots having the grand old time. Hawkeye gave me an apologetic look in the rearview mirror, but I ignored her. Sulking was much better. Ed hiccupped beside me. 

It wasn't just the fact that he was drunk that bothered me, that had been an accident. It was the fact that while he was drunk, he was awfully friendly with some people… I'm not saying that I was jealous or anything! I was just… extremely jealous… yeah. Another hiccup. I just didn't like the idea of my brother flirting with complete strangers! Or even the people I knew! I mean, he and Mustang had seemed to be having an interesting chat before Hawkeye turned scarlet and declared it was time to go home. I don't think I ever thanked her so much at once. Another hiccup.

"I swear… if you hiccup one more time, Ed…" I was twitching, the insufferable hiccupping was never-ending! As were the giggles…

"Al, you know what? Y-you know what? You know what, you know what?" he lurched forward, "You know what? Listen. Listen to me. Listen, listen. Listen to me. You know… Are you listening? Are-are you listening to me?"

_Hiccup._

"That's it!" I fumed, leaning over my brother and opening the door to the car. Hawkeye stared at me and had the car come to an abrupt halt. I undid Ed's seatbelt and gave him a light shove out the door. "You're walking home now!"

"Alphonse…" Hawkeye sighed, turning around in her seat to face me, "Do you really think it's safe to let Edward wander around drunk?"

I scoffed, "He'll be fine. He's probably faking most of it."

"No, I meant for the civilians he might run into…"

"Oh…"

_Hiccup._ This time it was from Mustang.

"You know what? We're close to home, we'll walk the rest of the way. Thank you Lieutenant Hawkeye. Bye." I slid out of the car and hopped onto the pavement beside my face-planted brother. "Drive safely."

"Good night, Alphonse." Hawkeye smiled.

Havoc saluted, wiggling the cigarette in his mouth, "See you 'round, kid."

With that, I shut the car door and watched as the black military car sped away into the night. It was late, so I was a little more than anxious to get home. Especially since I was a supposed eleven year old toting my drunk older brother home. I sighed, kneeling down to hook Ed's flesh arm around my shoulders so I could help him walk steadily. He hiccupped again, but I chose to ignore it.

"Brother, your breath smells." I wrinkled my nose, trying not to gag or cough as we walked. "We're brushing your teeth when you get home."

Ed giggled, "You can't brush teeth! They have no hair!"

I blinked twice before casting him a strange look. It must be worse than I thought. I shivered, not liking how Ed was acting in this state of mind. The sooner he gets sober, the better. I wonder what would be worse to deal with… a drunk Brother or a hung over Brother? I shivered again, now I was really dreading the next twenty-four hours.

I felt Ed stumble beside me, so I paused to help him along. But he stopped me. I was going to ask him why, but then him leaned on me while trying to put his jacket on me.

"B-brother? What are you doing?" I tried to force most of his weight off me.

He smiled stupidly, "Al looksh cold… doesh Al need a ja-hic-ket?"

I found his expression amusing, even if I was trying my hardest to be annoyed with him, but he looked so cute like that, "No, Brother. I'm fine. You need your jacket."

"Nooooooo…" he whined, leaning on me again so I almost fell off the curb.

"Brother! You're heavy!" I protested, prying him off me once more.

This time, he latched onto my arm. His own body was sagging a little, but I did my best to help him along. He did manage to get his coat on me after some effort. This was probably as we entered out neighborhood. He hiccupped several more times. I was back to feeling annoyed again. Seriously, you can only take so much of someone hiccupping before it drives you insane! Or maybe the stench of Ed's breath was making me light-headed… it was pretty bad.

"We're almost home." I said tiredly, but relieved. It was more to myself than Ed.

"Yaaaay…!" he hiccupped again, trying to clap his hands.

I stumbled with him, "Ah, Brother! Shh! People are trying to sleep!"

"Shleeeepy time?" he looked at me with hazy eyes, "'S Al's shleepy time now. Go to bed."

I groaned, "I can't go to bed now, I have to get you home and taken care of."

"I can take care of mehshelf…" he protested weakly.

"Of course you can, Brother."

The neighborhood was pitch black, everyone was definitely asleep now. I wonder what time it is… My insides knotted up from nerves, but I had to focus on getting Ed home safely. Funny how I was still the more responsible one despite the age difference between our bodies. After a few more stumbles, we came to our street and could see our little house just within reach. _Almost there! Just a little farther and then I can sleep!_ I yawned sleepily, _Well, first I have to take care of Brother…_

"Shee?" he slurred, looking exhausted now, "Al ish shleepy time…"

"Alright, Brother. Sleepy time is soon." I nodded, shifting our weight so I could get our house key out of his pants' pocket. He moaned softly when I did that, he was probably really tired now. All the sugar in the food he ate along with the alcohol probably made him crash.

I slipped the key into the lock, turning it from right to left so it could open. I pushed against the large, white-painted door so it would swing open. Quietly, I edged into the house while dragging Ed behind me. He was mumbling incoherent nonsense, so I let him continue while we headed for the bathroom. Stepping into the white-tiled room, I maneuvered Ed into the narrow space between the sink in the toilet. Taking the tube of toothpaste in my free hand, I attempted to squeeze some of the mint flavored gunk onto Ed's toothbrush. This ended up being more difficult than it needed to be. Since I was supporting Ed's weight with my right arm and my left hand was holding the tube of toothpaste, there was no way for me to steady the toothbrush. Every time I leaned in to put the toothpaste on it, the toothbrush would fall over. It was really frustrating.

"Brother, hold your toothbrush." I commanded, handing him the thin brush-like stick for teeth.

Clouded, golden eyes blinked in confusion, but he held the toothbrush anyway. It wasn't very steady, but it would have to work. I squeezed out a generous amount of toothpaste onto the brush, his breath definitely needed it. Setting the toothpaste down, I carefully took the toothbrush from Ed's hand. He could even stand up by himself, so I doubted that he could successfully brush his own teeth.

"Open your mouth, Brother." I coaxed gently, but immediately regretted it. _Never never never let Ed drink again!_ I almost gagged on the smell. _Why me!_

Taking in a deep breath, I held it as I leaned in close and started to scrub at his teeth and tongue. _Clean breath! Please get clean breath!_ Ed began squirming, clearly not liking this, and tried to say something. This resulted in him spitting toothpaste on my face.

"Gross! Brother! Why'd you do that!" I grimaced, grabbing a washcloth to wipe off the toothpaste. "You got it in my hair!"

Ed just stared at me with a mouth still full of the mint-flavored, frothy paste.

* * *

I sighed heavily, flopping onto my bed. I was still fully clothed, in a tux no less, with wet hair from sticking my head in the sink. Taking care of an intoxicated Ed wasn't fun. _He's finally in bed now… it was so hard getting him dressed again… at least he was still wearing underwear this time…_ I was so exhausted, I didn't even feel the bed dip as more weight settled on it. 

There was warm breath on my ear, "Al."

"Mmm…?" I opened my eyes and rolled onto my back, "B-brother…?"

Ed was positioned so the he was hovering over me, one arm was supporting him on one side of me and the other arm did the same on my other side. His knees were on either side as well, so he was straddling me. Our faces were really close, I could feel mine heating up while I stared at him. He licked his lips as he gazed at me and for a moment, it looked like he was really there and not just drunk.

"Al…" he breathed out; fresh, cool mint with only a hint of alcohol filled my senses.

I flushed darkly, "Y-yes? What do you need, Brother?"

"You…" I yelped as he lowered his body so it rested on top of mine, laying his head on my shoulder, "…so warm and pretty… my Al is pretty…"

My heart was hammering loudly in my chest, I felt something similar to joy at the way Ed spoke to me. He nuzzled his head into my neck, his breath tickling the hairs at the nape. His left hand trailed upwards to stroke my hair, his thumb caressing my cheek. I placed my right hand on his left, marveling at the roughness, yet tender touch, of his skin.

"My Al…" he murmured again, "My pretty baby brother…"

Suddenly, this perfect moment shattered.

_Brother doesn't know what he's doing. He's drunk. He's only thinking of me as a little brother. He's drunk. He'll never say things like this again. Stop enjoying it! Why are you enjoying this! Stop! Stop! But I like hearing him say these things. But he doesn't mean them. He doesn't know what he's saying. He's drunk. He doesn't want this. I don't… I don't… I don't…_

_I do…_

"Al?"

Tears streamed down my cheeks and a strangled sob worked it's way out of my throat. I shook my head, trying to stifle the sounds I was making. Ed pulled away, his hands groping at my face. He was trying to see what was wrong. Even if he was intoxicated, he was still acting concerned. I only started crying harder. I was such a bad little brother. Letting him do that… if he found out, he'd hate me. Or he'd hate himself for acting like that. I sobbing uncontrollably when Ed lowered his body back onto mine.

"Shh… s'kay Al. S'kay…" he mumbled drunken nothings to me, trying to comfort me but only making it worse. "Al… don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry."

He began placing sloppy kisses on my face, trying to make it better. All the while, coaxing me to stop crying in between kisses. I whimpered through my tears, hiccupping and coughing as I tried to calm myself down for him. Yet the thought was still there… _I like it, he doesn't. You like it, he doesn't._

"I'm sorry!" I cried out, burying my face in his hair and tried to let everything calm down.

_Stop it… Please…_


	8. Part VIII

..Part VIII..  
What is incest?

_It's so bright. Must be morning… Mmm… I'm too tired to get up. Went to be too late… wait. Went to bed… BROTHER!_

My eyelids flew open as I shot up in bed. Breathing heavily, my eyes searched the room frantically. My paranoia had gotten the better of me. I was alone in the room. Placing a hand to my chest, I willed my heart rate to slow down. It listened, though it took some time to get it back down to a reasonable pace. I swallowed thickly and had my eyes trace the room once more. _He's not here… b-but I'm sure I fell asleep with him in here… o-on me…_

_"Don't cry, Al. Don't cry. Don't cry."_

_"I'm sorry!"_

"Uggh…" I pounded my fists into my head, "Stupid, stupid Alphonse… what if he remembers all that?"

My eyes went wide. If Ed wasn't in the room… that only left his office, which he isn't in until after lunch, or the kitchen, which he isn't in until he smells food, or the bathroom, which he isn't in until I wake him up. But, considering that Ed normally doesn't wake up until I do it for him or a little after eleven, he could be in any of those places. Or he could've left…

"OW!" I yelped in pain, rubbing my head where it hit the floor, "Note to self… never try to leap out of bed with the covers tucked around you… Huh?"

I blinked, glancing back at my bed. I was almost positive that I had gotten onto the bed, not into it last night. _So… how did I get tucked in?_ Feeling suspicious, I looked down at my clothes. I was still wearing my tux, but the shoes had been taken off and so had the suit coat. I hadn't done that. _Did Brother do all that? Or am I just suffering from memory loss?_ I shook my head, rising to my feet so I could go look for Ed.

I poked my head out into the hall. The bathroom door was still open, so he couldn't be in there unless… he didn't mind privacy? I shook my head, No, he's not there. I started walking down the hall, peering into his office as I went. It was empty in there, too. A soft groan came from the kitchen area, so I started to look over there. Ed was sitting at the table with his head cradled in his hands and a glass of water beside him. He looked like hell, but at least he had dressed himself.

"Brother?" I called out hesitantly, watching for his reaction.

"Shh!" he hissed, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands, "Don't talk so damn loud…"

I lowered my head, bringing my voice down to an audible whisper, "I'm sorry…"

"Hmm, not your fault… damn hangover…" Ed reached for the glass of water and sipped at it. "… I feel sick…"

I started walking over to him, not liking how his voice sounded, "Maybe you should lie down?"

"Mmm…"

I placed a hand on his shoulder, much too relieved that he was still here. Why am I so paranoid that I'll wake up and he'll be gone? I felt him tense beneath my hand and I pulled back. Maybe he doesn't want me to touch him… I wondered, taking a step back when his hand lashed out to grab my wrist. I stared at our hands, glancing up only to see him glowering at me. I blinked back, why was he looking at me like that?

"Did I tell you to move your hand?" he asked tiredly, "I'm not gonna bite you, Al. You touched my auto mail port, it's a little sore, that's all."

I nodded, "Oh… alright. Do you need anything for it? Or for your hangover?"

Ed grunted, thumb stroking the underside of my wrist absently. A shiver ran down my spine, it felt good. "Some more pain medication maybe… the stuff Winry gave me? Yeah… then a nap…"

"What about that salve Winry told you to put on around the port? Have you been doing that?" I asked, wanting to go get his medicine for him but also wanting to stay with him. Plus, he wasn't letting go of my wrist.

Ed snorted, "No… that stuff feels gross… besides, it's hard to put it on myself…"

"If you just asked for help, then it wouldn't be so hard." I smiled, remembering to keep my voice low, "Come on, Brother. Let's get you to bed."

If I could avoid talking about last night, then I was definitely going to take that opportunity. It was too awkward for me, the way that I loved it and hated it at the same time. _No, I didn't hate what he was doing to me… I hated myself for enjoying it… why do I like it?_ These confusing thoughts were only serving to bring me down, so I pushed them away and concentrated on helping Ed to the bedroom.

"What the hell did you do to your bed?" Ed squinted against the light, gaze directed on my bed.

I laughed nervously, the sheets were all tangled up on the floor in a heap and the night table between our beds was knocked to the side a bit. "Uhh… I fell out of bed."

"Clumsy, idiot…" he mumbled, sounding amused while being in pain. "Head's throbbing…"

I nodded, "Okay, hang on, Brother."

I sat him down on the bed, leaving him to get all situated by himself. In the kitchen, I refilled his half-empty glass of water. After doing that, I carefully walked back down the hall into the bathroom to grab the bottle of pills for Ed's pains. The normal dosage was two pills for someone his age, but I figured he might want a little more, so I added a third pill. I went back into the bedroom and sat down on the edge of Ed's bed. He was propped up on his pillows, obviously waiting for me to get back, but was shielding his eyes.

"It's too bright, Al…" he grumbled, taking the water and pills from me.

I nodded, "Okay, I'll go close the blinds."

I could feel eyes on my back as I got up to go to the window. Fiddling with the blinds, I felt my cheeks heat up for no good reason, and darkened the room to suit Ed. I peered at him over my shoulder. His head was lowered onto the pillows once again, the glass of water sitting on the night table. A serene smile was plastered to his face, his eyes slipped closed in contentment. The sight was breathtaking, but I tried my hardest to ignore that as I went back over to him.

"Mmm… that's good, Al. Thanks…" he mumbled, cracking one eye open to watch me tuck him in.

"You're welcome, Brother." I flashed him a little smile, "Just get better soon. If you need anything, just ask, okay?" I straightened up from his bedside and began to leave the room. I was going to call Hawkeye to ask her for advice on dealing with people with hangovers. I figured she'd know and be nice about it.

"A-al?" Ed's voice came out muffled from being pressed into a pillow.

I froze in the doorway, paranoia taking over again; _He'll ask about last night! He knows!_ Instead I turned around to face with a forced grin. "Y-yes, Brother?"

"I…" I watched his fist clench, he was worried about something, "I was… d-did I…? Never mind… it's nothing…"

"Tell me." the response was automatic, I wasn't sure if I really wanted to know… but if it would help my brother, than I was willing to hear it, "What's wrong?"

Ed shook his head, curling into himself, "It's nothing… and don't talk so loud…"

"Brother, don't hide it. There's obviously something wrong-"

"I said it's nothing." the harsh tone surprised me, I rarely heard Ed speak like that and it was never to me.

"Right…" I nodded, inching out of the room, "I'm sorry. I'll let you sleep." My hand reached for the doorknob, my palm was sweaty from nerves.

Ed sighed from his bed, "Al, I-" I didn't want to hear him apologize. I shut the door with a soft 'click', letting my hand linger on the knob. It was my turn to apologize. For all my empty promises and thinking about him in that way without his permission.

"I'm sorry." I told him through the wood, not waiting for a reply.

I shuffled into the kitchen, my hand groping for the back of a chair. Running a hand through my hair, I slumped into the chair. I_ just need some time to think this over rationally… and I need to stop being so… I need to stop having this crush on Brother… uggh! Why do I feel this way about him! It's not like there's anything that can explain to me why I feel this way… I can't just ask someone for advice, they'd probably think I'm weird. And it's not like there are any books on the subject…_

_…or are there?_

The sound of someone heaving came to my ears. I frowned lightly and got up from the chair. I had an idea of what I could do about researching my problem, but first I needed to get Ed situated. Taking the phone from it's cradle, I dialed the number to get to Lieutenant Hawkeye's line. It was hard, since I was using an outside line, but I knew the codes and the military knew me.

"Hello, Alphonse." I heard Hawkeye greet me after a few moments of silence from the secretary.

"Hi Lieutenant Hawkeye, how are you?"

I heard her sigh, "Well, I could be better, but at least I'm not the one suffering from an intense hangover." I assumed she meant the new Brigadier General. "It's the first day of his promotion and all he can do is moan and groan about how his head hurts. At this rate, no paperwork will be done at all."

"I'm sorry about that." I told her honestly, "But speaking of hangovers, I need some help. What should I give my brother to make him feel better?"

I could feel her smirking, while I heard Roy groaning in the background. He was whining about having a headache and being forced to do paperwork. "Well, there's not much you can do. Just give him some aspirin and have him drink a lot of water. Once he's not nauseous, you should have him eat a lot of heavy food to replenish the nutrients in his body. Other than that, he should just relax and stay in bed." Roy grumbled about having to be forced to work while Fullmetal gets to sleep at home and get nursed by his brother. "Sir, calm down."

"Alright. Thank you, Lieutenant Hawkeye." I replied, somewhat hesitantly as I heard a loud crash in the background, "Is everything okay?"

"Of course, the Brigadier General is just about to get a bullet through his head on the first day of his promotion. That'll get rid of your headache, won't it, sir?"

I paled, "Uhh… good luck with that! Bye!"

* * *

"There you go! All the books I managed to find about human emotions and relationships!" a rather large stack of books was shoved into my arms, causing me to stumble backwards under the sudden weight and lack of coordinated balance.

I blinked at the pile, it was almost half my size! "Uhh… thanks, Sheska, but I don't think I need all these…"

"Well, you asked for all the books I had on the subject!" she huffed, grabbing one of the books from the stack before it fell.

I grinned sheepishly. I came to Sheska's house to collect some books that could possibly help me sort through my problem, I just hadn't figured she'd have so many. "I guess I have a lot of reading ahead of me."

I had to lie to Ed about where I was going, I told him that I was going to the market to pick up some things that Lieutenant Hawkeye suggested for his headache and stomach problems. He said okay, but only after vomiting three times. I felt bad for him, I knew it wasn't any fun to be sick so I planned to pick up some medicine and stuff on my way home. Although I wasn't sure if I could carry it all.

"Umm… I think I'll leave some of these with you." I told her, clearing off a small space on a table.

I placed the stack of books there and began scanning the table of contents for each text. I had a pretty good idea of what I needed to find. I ended up picking three of the books Sheska had handed me. I believed these three had the most information on what I was looking up. Sheska had been watching me carefully before shrugging and picking up the leftover books.

"What exactly are you looking for?" she inquired curiously.

I tucked the books I was borrowing from her into a bag I had brought along, "Honestly? I'm not really sure…"

I said goodbye to Sheska and thanked her again for letting me borrow the books. She was still confused and curious about why I would randomly choose those three books to read, but I couldn't really tell her. I wasn't so sure if I could tell anyone about why I picked those books or what I've been thinking about these past few weeks. The books I'd picked had extensive information on family relationships and bonds, homosexuality, and relationships in general. Since Sheska had a photographic memory when it came to books, I was kind of nervous that she would suspect something. But there were so many other sections in those books, so I could really be looking up anything.

It was a pretty long walk from my house to Sheska's. And I needed to go to the market, too. I sighed heavily, my arms weighed down by the books now. I was really curious about what the books would say, I wanted to read them right away, but they'd have to wait. By the time I'd get home it would be time to start dinner._ I wonder if Brother's worried._ I mused, checking my watch. I'd left home two hours ago at one. _Nah, he's probably sleeping._ I laughed a little, imagining Ed sprawled out on the bed snoring and leaving his stomach exposed like always. Shaking my head, I quickened my pace so that I'd have plenty of time to go to the market. That's where I was supposed to be anyways.

"What should I make for dinner?" I hummed to myself, _Something hearty and meaty for Brother. Maybe meatloaf? Or lasagna? Or maybe stew… Brother likes stew. So maybe I could-_

I paused, mid-thought, and stopped walking as well. My eyes widened as I took in the sight. I had just turned the corner to get to the market, but instead I was met with a swarm of soldiers. A whole bunch of people from the military were there, some members of the hospital staff were too. I even spotted Falman and Fuery, so I was almost certain that Breda and Havoc would be here as well. Mustang and Hawkeye, too. Without a second thought, I hurried over to one of the guards.

"Excuse me, what's going on?" I asked, curious and a little wary.

The guard just looked at me funny, "Move along, kid. Nothing to see here."

I opened my mouth to inform him that I was not a kid, when I figured that it would all be in vain. I looked like a kid to him, I couldn't help that. Disappointment filled me when I realized that I wouldn't be able to help at all, not without my metal body.

"Hey, kid."

"Oh, Alphonse, what're you doing here?"

I glanced over to the right of the guard just in time to see Havoc and Fuery walking towards me, "Hi Lieutenant Havoc, hi Fuery."

The guard looked between me and the other two, then leaned in to speak with Havoc, "You know this kid?"

"Yep, we're old friends." Havoc spoke through his cigarette, "So, what brings you out here?"

"Grocery shopping… but what happened here?" I pointed towards the white sheets on the ground and the military personnel.

Fuery answered for me, "A shooting. Some guy just lost it and shot at several citizens apparently. We don't know the details, we just got here, but I've heard that he's been apprehended. I think the entire story was broadcasted on the radio a little while ago. Didn't you here about it?"

I shook my head, "No… but that's terrible! Why would someone do something like that?"

"We dunno, kid. He's probably a little crazy in the head. Keeps muttering about some kind of ritual." Havoc replied, blowing out a thin stream of smoke. "By the way, does Ed know you're here?"

I nodded, "Yeah, he does…" I paused, what was the probability of Ed randomly turning on the radio to listen to the news? I didn't think it was very high… but if Ed was extremely bored… or if I accidentally left it on again…? "I-I think I'd better-"

"I'LL GET YOU BASTARDS!" a series of gunshots and shouts were heard, "THEY'LL ALL DIE!"

Havoc grabbed his gun, "Kid, get out of here!"

A man, big and lumbering, darted out into my field of view. He was firing some kind of large gun at the military. I could see flames from Roy, but the general wasn't in sight. I froze, my legs wouldn't move. I could only stare as several military men were shot at… their blood splattering against the pavement. Suddenly the man turned, his dark, inhuman eyes staring at me with a hunger. His tangled, dark hair and wild appearance made him look like a crazed animal. I trembled, backing away slowly. I couldn't look away.

"Another child for the sacrifice!" he bellowed, pointing his gun right at me.

I didn't know what to do. I couldn't run. He was going to shoot me. I was going to get shot! Someone pushed me to ground and snapped. I stared up at Roy, firing at the man while officers apprehended him once more. But he was still firing like crazy.

"Alphonse, go home!" Roy shouted to me, shoving me off in the direction I had come from. "Run!"

Panicked, I broke into a sprint towards home. All logic fled me and I only had one goal, to get away from those gunshots. The firing echoed in my ears as I barreled past guards rushing in to aid the officers.

"Be careful!" I heard Havoc shout to me, but it was suddenly lost among the sounds of frantic shouting. It was a chaotic nightmare.

I sped around the corner, clutching the bag of books tightly against my chest. I was running as fast as I could on pure instinct. Turning another corner, I hastily tried to focus on which turns to take to lead me home. Another gunshot was in the distance and I ran faster. The confusion reminded me vaguely of the time I got lost in that inn, but this time there was real danger. But, the plus was that I knew where I was going, sort of. With my breathing picking up, I stopped at a four-way intersection and waited for the traffic to stop. My leg twitched out of nervousness. Finally, there were no cars and I darted across. Then I turn… left!

The soles of my shoes were getting hot. My paranoia of the animal man was rising with each step. I kept imagining him coming up behind me with that huge gun of his. I shoved it away. _The military's handling it. The military's handling it. He's in custody. He's in custody._ I chanted inwardly. My chest was tightening up, I lost track of how long I had been running for. I barely missed getting hit by a car as I made a mad dash along the street I'd been dropped off at the night before. _Almost there!_ I could've sworn I heard another gunshot, so I ducked behind a nearby fence. It was only a tire popping. Panting heavily, I started running again. My neighborhood came into view and I dashed towards it. My feet pounded against the pavement, my heart hammering just as loudly. _My house!_ I would've smiled in relief if I wasn't so anxious and tired, neighbors who happened to be outside looked over at me. I clambered up to the front door, flinging it open and tossing the bag aside.

I stood in the doorway, completely out of breath and leaning most of my weight on the arm that was propped up against the doorframe. There was a huge mess in the living room, or was it more the dining room? Well, whichever room it was, three of the chairs from the kitchen table were knocked over into this main room. One of them was even broken. The couch was at an awkward angle, as if someone pushed it, and the end table where the phone sat was knocked over and broken as well. The phone was out of it's cradle and laying on the floor, the cord was still in the wall though. Something was ripped up on the floor, papers of some sort. I jumped at the sound of crack of static. It came from the radio. It was on.

I could hear him storming through the house before I even opened my mouth to call for him. "WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU!"

I gently closed the front door and slid the lock into place. I didn't want to scare the neighbors… again… When I turned around, he was standing no less than two feet away from me. His face was bright red with anger, well that's what I was guessing, and the scowl that creased his brow wasn't one of the more gentler ones. His expression mirrored that of one he would give to Mustang if the man did something he didn't like. Edward was livid.

I gulped, "H-hi, Brother… Are you feeling bet-?"

"DON'T 'HI BROTHER' ME! NOT NOW!" I winced at his loud voice. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!"

I was trying to calm him down by acting relaxed, despite my panting, "I… I was thinking about what to make for dinner…"

Ed growled, that hadn't been the best answer, "Al… do you know what happened at the market? Do you!"

I hung my head, feeling like a child that got caught by their mother with their hand in the cookie jar, "Yeah… a man shot some people… Havoc and Fuery told me." He didn't need to know that I actually saw the man.

"He massacred children, Al."

I paled, knees locking. I must've heard wrong. They didn't tell me that at the crime scene. They would've right? _"We don't know the details, we just got here. I think the entire story was broadcasted on the radio a little while ago."_ Children? But… why? I felt Ed's eyes boring into me, for some reason it scared me.

"Brother… no… he couldn't have…" The gun had been pointed right at me.

Ed's voice trembled, torn between fury and panic, "He massacred children. Nine of them. In broad fucking daylight. Nine families, nine families, are broken now. Did you even consider that this, this family right here in this house could've been broken too! Did you even think about the possibility that there could've been ten deaths instead of nine, or that a certain idiot standing in front of me could've been one of the nine!"

_Almost… _I didn't say anything, I couldn't. I just stood there in front of him, avoiding his accusing gaze. _Those poor families… losing a child must be so hard… and what did those children do to deserve a death like that… or a death at all? Nothing, I'm sure. Where's the equivalency in that? Equivalent exchange…_ Tears of frustration and fear welled up in my eyes, temporarily blinding me. _What if that had been me?_ I kept my head bowed so I wouldn't have to face the disappointment in my brother's eyes.

"I'm sorry…" I whispered softly, almost inaudible, but he heard it.

"You're sorry? I know you're sorry, Al!" he grabbed my shoulders and shook me a little, forcing me to look at him, "Tell me why you thought it was okay to stay out there two hours after he killed them! Why did you think it was okay to leave me here wondering if you were alive for two damn hours? Why didn't you call! Why didn't you come home! Answer me, Al!"

"I didn't know!" I suddenly screaming, jerking myself out of his grip and darting down the hall, "I wasn't even there!" I slammed the bathroom door shut and locked it. The bathroom was the only room in the house with a lock.

Breathing heavily, I gripped the door knob tightly. My knuckles turned white. I reluctantly released it, sliding down until I curled up on the floor. I felt so bad. My brother had been worrying about me, but I hadn't even been there. He really didn't have any reason to have been worried… other than the fact that I saw the animal-like man. But I came home. Other families wouldn't get to see their son or daughter or brother or sister or grandchild come home ever again. Those innocent children who had only gone out to run an errand, who didn't know that it would be the last time they saw their families. They were only normal kids. They hadn't seen terrible things that children shouldn't see, forbidden things. They weren't like me. It wasn't fair! What did they do! Why did they have to die! How have I been able to escape death so many times while they couldn't even escape it once!

What did I do to deserve to live? Why am I still alive? What did I do?

* * *

Ed didn't try to get me out of the bathroom. He left me alone, which I was thankful for. I didn't want him to see me. I didn't want him to find out about all my bad thoughts. Instead I just laid down on the tile floor. I could hear him clapping and the familiar crackle of alchemy. He must've been fixing everything he messed up. The bathroom was a little messy, too. I think he might've punched the mirror… it had a large crack in it. And I think he threw up again, the smell lingered and made me nauseous as well, but I didn't have the urge to get up and leave.

"Al?" I heard him knock on the door gently, "Hey… you can come out now. I'm not mad at you."

He felt bad, too. I made him feel bad because he thought he hurt me by being mad. He deserved to be angry with me, though. I shouldn't have lied to him. I should've gone straight home from Sheska's. I shouldn't have gone to Sheska's in the first place. I shouldn't have strange feelings about my brother.

"Alphonse?" he tried again, it reminded me of the time Ed wasn't speaking to me when we first moved in, only the tables were turned. It had already been three weeks in this new house.

I decided to be a good little brother, "Yes?"

While my voice hadn't come out like I'd wanted it to, it was more monotone than anything, he still sighed with relief, "You okay? You want to come out?"

"No." _I like it in here. You don't have to look at me._

"Oh… alright…" _Step. Clank. Step. Clank._ He was walking away from the door, probably just going to his study or back to bed. _Or maybe neither… I don't know._

"He almost shot me." I suddenly heard myself saying. "He pointed the gun at my head."

We need a new bathroom door.

* * *

I was wrapped up in a big, fluffy blanket. I knew it was supposed to comfort me, but it just made me feel itchy and hot. I was watching Ed fix the bathroom mirror. He clapped once and slammed his hands onto the glass, the crack disappearing with a flash of alchemic light.

"There, everything's fixed now." he was trying to ease the tension, or maybe I was the only one who felt the tension, "You hungry, Al? It's getting late." I didn't say anything, he watched me watching him, "We can go out if you want."

I shook my head, sliding off the toilet seat where Ed had put me. He didn't like the idea of me lying on the floor, he moved me right after he broke down the door with alchemy. I slipped out of the bathroom, letting the blanket fall off my shoulders.

"Hey, Al? Where're you going?" he followed me, picking up the blanket.

"I'm cooking." I mumbled, watching myself enter the kitchen and go straight for the fridge. I began grabbing really strange ingredients. I had no idea what I was making, "I always cook dinner."

Ed sounded tired as he sighed, his voice did too, "I know you do, Al. But it's okay if you don't feel well. I'll make something."

"You burn things and you don't feel well. I need to take care of you. I should've been here to take care of you." A bottle of ketchup, a block of cheese, some vegetables, and applesauce. What am I doing?

Ed was thinking the same thing, "Al, you're tired. It's okay if you don't cook tonight."

"But I always cook." I didn't want to cook today, "And you threw up again. You're sick."

"I'm feeling much better, Al. I swear. Come on. I'll make us some soup and you go lie down." he tried to coax me over to the couch, placing a hand on the small of my back.

I shook my head, but let him lead me anyway, "Don't want soup… I'm not hungry."

He sat me down on the couch. "You need to eat-"

"No I don't. You know that…" I didn't feel right. I felt numb and empty. Panic rose in me. "I can't feel anything, Brother!"

Ed knelt down in front of me, taking my hands and looking confused, "Al, what're you…?"

"I can't feel! There's nothing! I can't-!"

"Al, stop it. Don't say that."

"But I can't! Brother, I-I can't!"

"Yes you can! You're just panicking or hyper violating or whatever it's called! You're okay."

"No! No, I'm not! I can't… it's, I-I… Brother! Help! I-"

His weight settled around me, legs straddling me as he gained enough balance to be on the couch with me. A warm hand pressed against my cheek. Warm? His cheeks were lightly flushed, a light frown gracing his expression. But he was warm and though I could feel the hardness of the auto mail, there was also the soft flesh. I sighed, my body relaxing and my mind letting go of the notion that I was armor.

"I'm sorry…" I murmured sleepily as he drew himself closer to reassure me, or maybe himself.

Ed shook his head, the fine strands brushing against my face, "No, don't be sorry. It's okay. I'm the one who should be sorry. You wouldn't have felt like that if I hadn't-"

"We're both sorry, then." I interrupted him, smiling sadly.

He said nothing more, simply embracing me awkwardly as I let my hands trail up his back. My fingertips came to the end of his braid, it was silky to the touch. I guess he did his hair while I was gone. That was good, or else it would've gotten tangled. A realization came to me and I blushed lightly.

"Hey, Brother?" my voice punctured the peaceful quiet that hovered over us.

"Hmm?"

"I'm hungry."

There was an awkward silence. Then Ed started laughing, a rumble in his chest close to where my head was. My smile grew, I loved it when my brother was happy.

* * *

The warm soup that Ed made for us had made me feel so much better! I was starting to wonder if he maybe put some kind of drug in it to make me less depressed, but it's not like I was complaining. As I slipped under the covers of my bed, I made sure my lamp left on so I could start reading one of the books I borrowed. Despite all the excitement of the day, I still wanted to find out more about my strange feelings. I leaned over the side of my bed and made a grab for the bag. Images of blood, the wild man, and crying children. I gasped, shaking my head to rid myself of the thoughts. The bag fell over, but I shoved it under my bed, taking out only one of the texts.

Casting a wary glance to the open door, I relaxed as the sound of running water reached me. Ed was taking a shower, so him turning off the water would be a warning for me to hide my book. The title was simply "Human Relationships", a simple way to begin. The binding crinkled a little as I opened it, flipping to the table of contents. "Relationships with Relations: Families and Socialization" was the chapter I was looking for. It was on page 95. It sounded like a good place to start. Thumbing through the pages, I found page 95 and scanned the pages for something about siblings. Before I could find anything though, I stumbled across an interesting word. Incest.

**"Incest is sexual activity between close family members. Incest is considered taboo, and forbidden (fully or slightly) in the majority of current and historical cultures. However, the precise meaning of the word varies widely, because different cultures have differing notions of "sexual activity" and "close family member." Some cultures consider only those related by birth, while others include those related by adoption or marriage. Some prohibit sexual relations between people who grew up in the same household, while others prohibit sexual relations between people who grew up in related households.**

**Incest can occur between same-sex as well as opposite-sex relatives. It can also occur between related children as well as between parents and their children. In addition, there have been cases of incest between adult relatives."**

I blinked at the page, feeling my face grow hot with embarrassment. So, other people fell in love with their relatives? Not only that… but parents and children, too. However, the related children part caught my eye. I read further to see if I could find anything about incest for siblings. I shuddered at the word. For some reason it didn't sound very nice. I wasn't very fond of the idea of it being forbidden… it made me even more unsure of how I was feeling.

**"Consensual incestuous interactions between similar-age brothers and sisters sometimes occur as a form of child sexuality. However, where significant differences in age or capabilities occur between siblings, where elders fail to provide functional families, and/or where force or deception is used, childhood sibling incest can cause serious psychological damage to the younger or less capable sibling. Sibling incest can also damage or destroy the sibling bonds."**

_Damage or destroy…?_ I bit my lower lip at the last sentence. It was awfully final, I did not like how it ended the paragraph like that. The psychological damage to the younger sibling made me squirm uncomfortably. I was the younger sibling with the feeling towards my older brother… not to mention that the age difference wasn't all that large. We were technically a year apart, if you looked past my body's young age. It didn't really talk about love though. I mean, I didn't want to… damage anything… or, what was it? Involve in… sexual activity? I colored at the thought, feeling guilty for the words crossing my mind. I just love him… does that mean that I want to do that kind of thing with him? I mean, there are times when I want to kiss him… but… that's not bad, right? Or will that still damage our sibling bond?

I decided to leave the incest portion of the chapter for now, I wanted to see more about bonds that siblings had. It might give me some kind of explanation of how I ended up like this. However, before I could flip to a new page, I was suddenly aware that the water hadn't been running in a while. The bathroom door opened. Hastily, I shoved the book under my pillow, making sure it looked anything but suspicious or obvious.

"Hey, little brother, you're still awake?" with nothing but a towel draped around his waist, Ed sauntered into the bedroom.

I cursed myself for finally getting rid of my blush only to have it come back. But it was hard not to stare at him as he walked over to the dresser. His hair was let loose and dripping wet. It hung down over his shoulders, letting fat droplets of water trickle down his scarred, muscular chest. The wet sheen that clung to him made him look so familiar from all the times in the inns searching for the Philosopher's Stone, but still completely different because this was my body I saw him in. _But I've seen Brother like this tons of times!_ I argued with myself, eyes drawn to his right shoulder. The scar tissue around the automail port was unsettling, while it still added to his handsomeness. My brother had always been really handsome, even when we were kids. At least I thought so.

I could remember one time when we were really little, we were playing castle and Winry was the princess. Ed and I usually fought over who got to be Winry's prince, but this time Ed wanted to be the dragon. I told him he should be the prince. When he asked why, I told him it was because he was handsome. I remember he just stared at me for a while before grinning triumphantly. It was the one time no one fought over who they got to be. But at the end of the game, after the prince saved the princess, Winry gave Ed a kiss on the cheek for rescuing her. Then I asked Winry if I could be the princess next time. They teased me about that for a long time.

Ed turned around to look at me, I guess he felt me staring at him like that. A knowing grin was on his lips, golden eyes glowing like hot embers. I clamped my own eyes shut, if he continued looking at me like that, he'd see right through me. Involuntarily, my hand clenched on the pillow shielding my book.

"Oi, Al. You okay?" I was hesitant in opening my eyes, but when I did the previous expression was gone and he was back to being my brother.

I nodded, a little too eagerly, "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little tired and I think I'm getting a headache."

Ed snorted, now wearing his boxers and toweling off his hair, "Then go to sleep, idiot. You don't have to wait up for me."

"Well, I like to." I protested, feigning a yawn and scooting down so my head hit the pillow. "You're going to bed now, right?"

He shrugged, "It is eleven and I'm still tired out from breaking stuff and fixing it."

"If you didn't break it in the first place, then you wouldn't have to deal with fixing it."

He pouted, sticking his tongue out at me. I chuckled and got a pillow thrown at my head. Grabbing it in my hand I tossed it back at him, but he dodged it and threw his wet towel instead. I wadded it up into a ball and chucked it at him while he bent down to get the pillow, nailing him right in the head. We were laughing and shouting random challenges at each other. The shrill ringing of the phone interrupted our pillow-towel fight.

Ed glared and tossed his pillow back onto his bed, "Who the hell calls this late?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's an emergency." I offered, retreating back into a lying down position.

"Hmm, I guess." he grumbled, stomping out of the room to go an answer the telephone, "Go to sleep, okay Al?"

"Okay." I turned off the lamp, then rolled over so that I was on my side and facing the door to the hallway. My arm was tucked under my head and blankets covering my up to my chin. I listened and heard him pick up the phone.

"Hello?" he spoke into the receiver. "What the hell do you want? Don't you know it's eleven at night? Some people sleep, Mustang." Ah, so it was Mustang calling. I wonder what he wants… A flash of him knocking me out of the way of the gun came to me. "What…? Yeah, he's fine. Why do you care?" There was a long pause. Too long for my liking. "…yeah, I'm still here. He wants a what?" Worry seeped into me, I didn't like Ed's tone. It sounded too much like when he was telling me 'I'll get your body back. Just wait a little longer. I'm sorry. Don't give up. We'll be okay. I'll fix things.' "…But Mustang, I can't just-! I have to? But…" My brow creased in worry, "Do I really have to? Oh… well, then of course I'll do it. Yes. Fine. But it's not for you or any of your damn promotions, got it? Fine. Bye." I heard him hang up the phone, so I closed my eyes to feign that I had been attempting to fall asleep.

The sound of Ed walking got louder, soon it was coupled by his breathing and shuffling around the room in the dark. I remained still and quiet, listening to his movements. It was suddenly silent, so I assumed that he got into his own bed. When my bed dipped with extra weight, I cracked an eye open while remembering last night. Only Ed wasn't drunk now. So it would be fine… but why was he getting in my bed?

"Brother?" I whispered, actually sounding half-asleep.

Ed lifted the covers and snuggled into bed with me, "Shh… I just want to sleep here, okay? It's cold. Go back to sleep."

I smiled, but did as he requested. I knew for a fact it wasn't cold since summer was approaching.

That night my dreams were filled with a simple sentence: _Sibling incest can also damage or destroy the sibling bonds. Sibling incest can also damage or destroy the sibling bonds. Sibling incest can also damage or destroy the sibling bonds. Sibling incest can also damage or destroy the sibling bonds._


	9. Part VIX

..Part VIX..  
It's too hard to say goodbye 

"I love you."

I blinked, staring at Ed from one end of the couch. I had been reading one of the books that I borrowed from Sheska and he had been going through some research documents. Suddenly, those papers were on the floor and he was crawling over to me.

"W-what did you say?" I stammered, feeling my body involuntarily tense.

Ed smirked, a strange predatory gleam in his sharp eyes, "You heard me, little brother. I love you."

"O-oh, w-well… I love you, too…" It's brotherly love, that's all. We're supposed to say stuff like that. But why is he looking at me like that? And getting closer… "Brother…?"

Soon his face was merely inches from mine, I could feel his hot breath on my face. I squirmed uncomfortably, Something's not right. Then, it happened. The lips that crushed against mine were demanding, yet strangely gentle and considerate. I froze at the touch, but as Ed began stroking my cheek, I slowly relaxed and started kissing back. His lips felt so soft, and it felt so right. I had no regrets as the kiss became heated, Ed pressing me down into the couch as he towered over me.

_"You're sick."_

Even though we were still kissing, I could hear my brother's voice echoing in my ears along with my own. I froze once again, but Ed continued. He was oblivious as usual.

_"You're sick and disgusting. How can you enjoy this? It's wrong. It's wrong and it's one more sin you'll have when you go to judgment. You like feeling this way."_

"No, I-" I tried to push Ed off, but he just looked at me with fear. Scooting away from me quickly.

He looked horrified, "Oh god. Al, you're- you-!"

"Brother, I just-"

"No… stay away from me!" Ed ran away from me, "You're sick! What's wrong with you!"

"Brother! Brother, wait!" But he was gone.

_"Another child for the sacrifice!"_

There was a gun and fire and the gate and blood and dead children everywhere. But they weren't dead yet… they were screaming, asking me for help. But there was so much blood and I needed to find Ed. Where was my brother? Where did they take him?

"Come back, Brother! Please! Where are you!"

He's gone. He hates you. You ruined everything. He gives you back your body and you repay him by using it for such filthy thoughts. Look what you've done!

His blood was everywhere…

"NO!"

* * *

He pouted; crossing his arms over his chest and sulking very much like a child. I could hear him mumbling and huffing and whining as I sliced some bread to make sandwiches with. Rolling my eyes, I tried to focus more on the bread rather than my extremely annoying brother. Ed was mad at me because I would tell him why I woke up crying this morning. Then I locked myself in the bathroom again and he had to break down the door with alchemy again. He kept demanding me to tell him what was wrong, but I wasn't about to reveal the details of that nightmare to him. It's not like I'd walk up to him and say: _"Oh, well, my nightmare was about us making out and then you leaving me. Would you like mustard on your sandwich, Brother?"_

I shook my head, instinctively spreading some mustard on my two slices of bread. It's not like he tells me everything either, I still had no idea what had gone on with that phone call last night or why Ed was the one crawling into my bed for once.

"Brother, what do you want on your sandwich?" I called out, twirling the butter knife being used to spread the mustard.

"I want you to tell me what's wrong!" he shouted from the next room, most likely flailing around as if he were throwing a tantrum.

I groaned, "Nothing is wrong. I swear. Now, what do you-"

"Something is obviously wrong!" he countered, tone bordering on whiny brat.

I considered throwing the knife at his head, but that wasn't very nice. "No, there is nothing. Nothing! I'm perfectly fine other than the fact that you're annoying me!"

"Well, if you just told me what was wrong I wouldn't have to be annoying!"

"But I told you nothing is wrong!" This conversation was going nowhere.

Ed stomped his foot, "You wouldn't have been crying if nothing was wrong! Now tell me what's wrong with you!"

"What's wrong with you!"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT ON YOUR SANDWICH!" I threw the knife on the counter, splattering droplets of mustard all over it. "That's all I want to know."

"I don't want a sandwich now! Stop yelling at me!" he retorted, now glowering at me from the doorway.

If I wasn't so frustrated with him, I would've laughed at his expression. He was pouting and trying to look intimidating and childish at the same time. Instead I just looked away, my glare focused on my sandwich. "Fine. You make your own lunch then." I slapped some turkey and cheese on one slice, bringing the two halves together and tossing them onto a plate. I stormed out of the kitchen, my heart rate picking up as I brushed past Ed.

"Hey! Where're you going!" he demanded, spinning around to follow me.

I didn't look at him as I answered, "I'm going outside to eat. Don't follow me."

Without waiting for his reply, I slammed the door and seated myself on the porch. Luckily for me, Ed didn't follow me. However, I half hoped that he would. Frowning at myself, I tore a chunk off my sandwich and stuffed into my mouth. _Stupid Brother. Why does he always have to know what's wrong. Nothing's wrong. Okay… so I'm a little screwed up because I'm in love with him… a lot screwed up… but he doesn't have to know that! No one does!_ I sniffled, tugging one of Sheska's books out of my pocket. This was different from the one last night; that particular text had scared me beyond all logic.

Unfortunately, not much helped me on the topic of incest. It was mainly talking about abuse from parent to child or a brother and sister falling in love or being abused. Neither Ed nor I were a girl, and we weren't abusing each other. From what I could see, we had a strong brotherly bond that could be interpreted as… well… incestuous if they didn't know us better… Or, maybe even if people did know us, this would still look like a love beyond platonic.

I reached to the side where I set down the plate with my lunch on it, however, it was empty. My sandwich was all gone. I blinked twice, I could've sworn I'd only taken a few bites… how could my entire sandwich be gone?

"Whatcha reading, Al?" I yelped in surprise, slamming the book shut. My face heated up as I turned to see Edward crouched behind me and chewing on my sandwich. He was eyeing my book with interest.

I flushed darkly, "Nothing! And you ate my sandwich!"

He sighed, plucking the book out of my hands and replacing it with the empty plate, "Is the answer always going to be 'nothing' with you?"

"Hey!" I glared at him, letting the now empty plate fall to the ground, too absorbed in keeping him from looking at my book. "Don't look at that!"

Ed smirked, rising to his feet, "What? Are you reading something bad?" he was teasing me, waving the cover in my face just out of my reach. "Let's see…"

"Brother! Give it back!" I leapt up to grab it from him, but his eyes had already scanned the title.

"Relationships Within the Family" was the main title, beneath it in subtext, it said: Dealing with family issues, bonds, and special needs. I watched as Ed's smug grin faded from his face; the amused gleam in his golden optics was replaced by dull contemplation. I shied away from him, worry at what he'd see beyond that simple title. _He'll know! He'll know! He'll be disgusted… oh, please no… I don't want him to leave me._

"Al?" his voice was laced with fear.

I blinked up at him, he wasn't looking at me, "Yes?"

"Do you…" his grip on the text tightened, the metal of his joints creaking, "Do you think… we have issues? Am I not making you feel like we're a family?"

That was not what I was expecting… "What? What're you…? No. No, of course-!"

"Do you think we have unresolved issues? Have I done something wrong?" the pleading tone, desperate and frantic and so unlike my brother, yet… I know I've heard it before.

I shook my head, "No, I don't. You're wonderful, Brother, you've done nothing wrong. You've done so much for me…"

"Then why…?" Ed finally looked up at me, but I didn't like it.

I immediately flushed and looked away. "The book? I needed to research something…"

"Research what? What could you possibly find useful in a family help book?" at first I thought he was trying to lighten the mood. "Al… what's wrong?" his tone turned serious, a hand placed on my shoulder to keep me from running away. But I could've easily shrugged out of the touch.

I shook my head, "You wouldn't understand…" my voice was barely above a whisper.

"What do you mean? Understand what?"

"I…" What could I have said? I could just tell him what's been bothering me, hope that maybe he feels the same way, and live happily ever after… but that can't possibly be real. No, Ed would do the smart, sane thing and get away from me as soon as possible. Maybe he'd blame the Gate… maybe he'd say it tainted me. Maybe it had. No… I think these feelings were around for a while… I just ignored them. Why can't I go back to ignoring them? Why do I have to love him like that?

"Alphonse." Don't say my name like that… "Tell me."

"Brother… I… I can't, you won't like it."

"I'll listen to anything you have to say, okay? I lost my temper back there, but I won't now. I'll listen and I'll try and understand."

It was so tempting to just blurt it out, but something held me back. "You'll hate me."

"Al…" he sighed, exasperated, but drew me close anyway, "What's with you? You're beginning to sound like me. You know I'd never, ever hate you."

Of course. He'd probably hate himself for this, unless he accepted it. I nodded; I owed him the explanation of why I was acting weird. "I-"

"Fullmetal. Alphonse. Good to see you." I blinked, completely bewildered by who's voice I just heard, "Am I interrupting something?"

Ed groaned and I turned around to see Roy Mustang coming up to our porch, Hawkeye coming up right behind him. What were they doing here? They only came out to see us once before and that was because they were inviting us to the military thing and Mustang had wanted to taunt Ed a little. What reason did they have to be here now? However, I couldn't but feel extremely thankful that they were here and interrupting my almost confession.

"What do you want, Mustang?" Ed muttered, obviously ticked off.

He smirked, "Well, just a reminder of how small a uniform you'll need."

"You bastard!"

The smirk quickly faded and Mustang looked unnaturally serious, "You know why I'm here, and I want it just as less as you do."

"Al, go inside." Ed nudged me, but looking straight at his commanding officer.

I frowned, I wanted to know what this was all about, "But-"

"Alphonse, please go inside." he nudged me a little harder. "Make yourself another sandwich or read or something."

I was about to protest, but the looks I received from Mustang and Hawkeye told me that I should go inside. Nodding reluctantly, I grabbed my book from Ed's hands and left them on the porch to talk. Whatever it was… it must've been important military business that they couldn't discuss with me present. It was most likely about the phone call we got last night.

While I was still hungry since my lunch had been eaten by my brother, I would rather try and figure out what they were talking about. I peeled back the curtain for the front window, so I could see a little of them. Mustang was very serious now, handing Ed a slip of paper and pointing to something. I squinted, trying to read what it said. Hawkeye's expression was unreadable, while Mustang looked a little regretful. His mouth was moving, but only a murmur like sound reached my ears.

I was suddenly distracted by my brother. Ed was holding the paper loosely, so it was flopping to the side making it difficult for me to read. But I don't think it had good news on it. No scowl was present, no frown, or smile. Ed was expressionless. I frowned, I had no idea what that paper could say… unless… Ed was being deployed somewhere. I gasped at the thought. He wasn't supposed to get field work, so if they were sending him somewhere… that couldn't happen! He works a desk job now! Mustang said himself that Ed wouldn't get called out.

**"BE… CTION… HTE…"**

I craned my neck, trying to read the rest of the heading. Because "be ction hte" didn't make any sense. Then the paper began to shiver, my eyes followed the shivering to my brother's hands, then up his arm, his chest was rising and falling rapidly. But his face was still… emotionless. The only part of him that betrayed him was his eyes; they were glaring at the paper.

Hawkeye suddenly said something, placing a hand on Ed's shoulder and pointing in my direction. His head snapped up and his eyes bored into mine. I gasped and let the curtain fall, stumbling away from the window. I darted into the kitchen and even though I knew he had seen me, I was still going to pretend I'd been in here making a sandwich all along.

I had been expecting Ed to barge in and yell at me for my pathetic attempt at eavesdropping, especially since I couldn't hear anything anyway, but my older brother made no appearance. Well, not until after I had nibbled a few bites out of my new sandwich.

The door didn't fly open like I expected it would. There was the steady groan of wood and squealing of hinges, then the gentle click of the lock. I gulped down a mouthful of bread and glanced up as Ed flopped into the chair across from me. He sighed and tossed the sheet of paper onto the tabletop. **"Rebel Faction Sighted"** was what the paper read. I blinked at the title, not quite understanding what it implied. _A newspaper headline? Maybe?_ I looked back up at Ed, silently asking for an explanation. He was fiddling with his gloves, for some reason he had them in his pocket… I was patient though. I just folded my hands on the table and watched him intently. My gaze must've made him uncomfortable, because soon he was squirming and even more fidgety.

Finally he spoke, "Well, Al… I guess I haven't been completely honest with you…"

"That makes two of us…" I muttered, understanding his hidden implication of our discussion prior to Mustang's arrival.

Ed nodded, shifting his gaze to the sheet of paper, "Yeah. You see, that piece of paper is an announcement that Mustang received from Parliament. Now, keep in mind that I shouldn't be telling you this, since you're not part of the military. But I think you have a right to know. Apparently, Armstrong has been sent out East to rebuild Lior. But, they've been running into some problems. A rebel group is out there, some of the people of Lior who escaped before the… the stone… was-umm… I-it was…"

"Put inside me." I finished for him, seeing it was making him uncomfortable. "Please continue, Brother."

He cringed at my choice of words, "Right… W-well, the rebel group has been attacking some of the military forces and making a resistance, but only in small groups. Their hideout hasn't been discovered yet, but the State's speculating that it's a large group of people. You know the man from yesterday? The one who apparently pointed a gun at you!" his tone was angry for a moment, but settled back into the calmer one he'd been using. He was still glaring at me though. "Well, that guy's part of this rebel group, which is why it's coming the State's attention now. They believe that the rebellion is sending in terrorists to attack Central and destroy the military by creating distractions such as this one."

"But what would killing children do for them?" I inquired, scowling at the injustice.

Ed shook his head, "Nothing. That's why they did it. Remember, this isn't all of Lior, only the group of people who were most likely continuing to be followers of Scar and trying to carry out his work. Since they didn't know everything about his plan to make the Philosopher's Stone."

I nodded, then looked back down at the piece of paper before eyeing him again, "What does this have to do with you, Brother? Why does this mean you haven't been completely honest with me?"

"Alphonse… I took the desk job, you know that. I did this so I could stay at home with you. But… Mustang also has a desk job… and sometimes he gets called out on assignments. The higher ranks commanded Mustang to deploy several of his highest ranking subordinates in Lior to track down the rebellion. Currently, he only has a small number of subordinates still in Central. Most of his are in the East now." I didn't like this. He stopped looking at me again. I did not like where this was going. "I'm being assigned to Lior, Al. It's an order. I can't refuse…"

I clenched my fist on the tabletop, my scowl deepening, "Why! Why you! Can't he send anyone else! Or go himself!"

"Al, he can't go. He has to stay in Central for his men in East City, so he can keep in contact with them-"

"But Lior is in the East!" I exclaimed, glaring at him now. "They're practically next door!"

Ed sighed, obviously conflicted. I think my tone was hurting him, but he could just be tired. Besides, I had every right to be angry. He wasn't supposed to leave.

"Al, if there was anything I could do, you know I'd do it in a heartbeat. But this is what the damned State says and as long as I'm chained to them I have to bark when they say speak." he finally looked back up at me, worry held in his amber eyes. "I asked Mustang why he couldn't break his men up and send some to Lior, but he said he couldn't. And for once, it wasn't because that pompous bastard didn't feel like it… Parliament refused his request to do that. So now, I have to go. I'm really sorry, Al. You know I don't want to, but… it's 'my duty to the State'. I am still their dog, after all." he said this with a bitter chuckle.

I swallowed thickly, then dropped my hands into my lap, choosing to stare at them instead of Ed. "When?" I whispered.

"Tomorrow."

"Nice warning…" I mumbled, pushing away from the table.

Ed's gaze followed me, "They're being unusually lenient by giving me two days notice, Al."

"Oh, so that's what the phone call was about!" I scoffed, taking my plate to the sink. I wasn't hungry anymore.

Ed followed me into the kitchen, "Al, I was going to tell you… I just… got distracted."

"Yeah! By bugging me all morning!" I turned the water on so I could do the dishes, making sure it went to the right temperature even though I was not particularly happy.

That got him out of his calmer than normal mood, "So, what? Now it's a crime to be concerned about your little brother, is that it?"

"It is when they say nothing is wrong!" I retorted, scrubbing angrily at the plate in my hands. Stupid plate.

"Ha! Well, according to what you were about to say out there, there is something wrong!"

I slammed the plate onto the counter, "We are not going back into this discussion, Edward!"

"Oh yes we are! I just told you something, now you tell me something! Equivalent Exchange!" he was angry with himself for making me angry, just like last night. He was blaming himself for this whole thing.

"It's not like I wanted to know that you're leaving." I growled, reaching for another dish I put in the sink earlier, only to get burned by the hot water. "Ow!" the plate slipped out of my hands, one of them throbbing in pain, and it shattered on the floor. "Today is a terrible day!" I shouted at no one in particular, turning the faucet so that the cold water would come on and I could soothe the burn.

Before the water could turn cold, a towel that was chilled with some ice was placed on my hand, "You're an idiot, you know that?"

"I don't need any help." I tried to pull my hand away, but Ed grabbed my wrist. I stopped struggling, "I don't…"

"It would take too long for the water to get cold if it was hot enough to burn you. Why weren't you paying attention, idiot?"

I scowled, "Don't call your younger brother an idiot."

"I can and I will." his lips twitched upwards, "I'm the older brother and my word is law."

An idea came to me then. While I was still extremely angry with the day's events, and Ed for calling me an idiot twice, this idea brightened my mood considerably. Ed could see this and was immediately wary. "What?"

"Well, then. Idiots shouldn't be trusted to be left alone while their adored older brothers go, oh… say… an assignment in Lior? So, obviously they'll have to tag along, won't they?" I raised an eyebrow at him and grinned.

Ed released my wrist and stepped away, "Al… no."

"Why not?" I asked, my hand yelling at me for taking away the pain reliever, "I've gone with you before-"

"I said no, Al!" he stomped his foot for emphasis.

I crossed my arms across my chest, "That doesn't answer my question. You have to have a good reason why not."

"No, I don't!" he clenched and unclenched his fist, "But, I do have a good reason anyway. You're not a dog of the military! You're my little brother and you're staying where it's safe, whether you like it or not!"

I felt my temper flaring up again, he was being unreasonable, "Brother. It's not exactly safe here if terrorists are coming to bomb Central."

"They're not going after civilians!"

"That one guy did!"

"He was insane!"

"But, you said-!"

"Forget what I said!" Ed ran a hand through his hair, agitation painted on his features, "You're staying here. That is final." He turned and stormed out of the kitchen, "And I don't care about what you have to say. If it were important, you would've already told me."

The bedroom door slammed shut, then there was nothing but the sound of the sink running. Calmly, I turned off the water and then bent down to pick up the shards of the plate. _He's right… I should've told him before… he would've found a way to fix it. Now he doesn't want anything to do with me, and he doesn't even know that I'm in love with him…_ I tossed the shards into the garbage, then glanced down he hallway. I could go and apologize… but for what? He overreacted… I just didn't want him to go. But maybe I didn't react in the best of ways either.

I smiled bitterly, "And I'm supposed to be the reasonable one…"

* * *

My stew wasn't nearly as good as mom's, even if I used her recipe. The exact recipe. It was just something that she did or maybe the knowledge that mom made it just for us.

I was very paranoid as I cooked, jumping at every creak and praying that it wasn't Ed. He only came out of the bedroom once, and that was to go to the bathroom. He didn't even look at the kitchen. I wanted this to be a surprise, part of the apology I was planning on giving him. Then maybe, I could convince him to let me come too. My brother was always happier when he had a full stomach.

Even if he didn't let me come with him… I still didn't want him to leave right after we had an argument.

The oven timer chimed; the biscuits I had been baking were done. Light biscuit-like things I found, in a cookbook of mom's that Winry saved, that I thought would go nicely with the stew. They were flaky and buttery and really good! Of course… I was like my brother in the aspect that everything tasted good… Only difference was that he hated milk.

I arranged the biscuits on a plate in a pretty, almost floral-like pattern. I ladled stew into two bowls for us each and placed them on a tray that I could carry. The biscuit platter went in the middle along with two glasses, one full of milk and the other had juice. My arms trembled under the weight of the tray, but also trying to keep it steady so nothing spilled. I slowly walked down the hall, torn between being a little frustrated with Ed and wanting to be forgiven. I knocked on the door lightly, shifting the tray around so that was possible.

"Come in." Ed sounded happier. Well I should hope so after four hours! But happier didn't mean happier with him… it meant he just wasn't wallowing in his guilt.

"I have my hands full." I told him through the wood.

"Full of what?"

I sighed, "You'll see. Just please let me in." The tray was very heavy.

The knob turned and Ed opened the door, clearly annoyed with being interrupted in whatever he was doing to open a door. However, he blinked twice and was more surprised, rather than annoyed. His mouth formed a small 'o', which looked so adorable, that I almost dropped the tray from yelling at myself inwardly.

"Umm… B-brother? Could you…?" I couldn't get into the room because he was standing there.

"Huh?" he blinked again, then grabbed the tray from me, "Oh, right! Sorry. Lemme help you with that…"

My arms sagged with relief, "Thank you…"

Ed wobbled over to my bed, since it wasn't cluttered with books and clothes. He set the tray there, then crawled onto the bed and sat cross-legged. As I sat down on the bed like him, he was eyeing the food hungrily. I smiled at the sight, apparently the sight and smell of food gave him good reason to forgive me.

"Wow, Al! Is this mom's stew?" If it wouldn't have knocked over the tray, Ed would've been bouncing up and down with excitement, "It smells really good! And biscuits? How'd you make these? I'm starving!"

I took the bowl closest to me and a spoon, watching as he did the same. "Then eat, Brother! That's what I made it for."

He nodded, then began taking big spoonfuls of the stew. I ate slower and less loud. I'd also been snacking on a few of the biscuits before, so I wasn't as hungry as Ed was. My eyes wandered over to the suitcase he was packing. He never took much on his own, but I had always been there to check his suitcase and repack everything. Now it was almost like he didn't need me there with him… Okay, that's true. In reality, my brother was sixteen and was more than capable of taking care of himself if need be. He'd just rather rely on me for the petty things and taking care of him and such. That was how he was. More focus on the little brother and the friends, no focus on himself unless it was a life or death situation.

I bit into a biscuit, letting it melt in my mouth as I ran a mental checklist over what he had packed so far. His usual shirts, some boxers, some socks, a toothbrush… hey, he'll still need that later. Anyways. A pair of pants. An alchemy book. A chocolate? Where was he keeping that?

"Hey, Al?" I blinked out of my daze and looked back at Ed. "You okay? You looked a little spacey…" He looked sorry about our argument earlier. I guess he thought I was still angry. I wasn't happy with what was going on, but I wasn't angry with him.

I shook my head, "I'm okay. I was just making sure you packed okay."

He smiled sadly at that, glancing over at the suitcase as well, "I'm no expert at packing, you always did that stuff. So if I've forgotten something, who cares."

"What if it's important, Brother?"

"If it's important, then I shouldn't forget it." he replied, starting on his fourth biscuit. "These are really good, Al."

I blushed at the compliment, "Thanks…"

"Hey, is something wrong?"

_Not this again!_ I shook my head again, "No… umm, if you want, Brother. I can pack your suitcase for you."

"Hmm?" he looked at me suspiciously, "You're not gonna stow away in there, are you?"

"Of course not! I wouldn't fit!" I laughed, "You might though…"

"WHAT WAS THAT!"

"Nothing!" I smiled sweetly, taking a sip of my milk, "Nothing at all, dear brother."

Ed pouted, then stuck his tongue out at me, "You're a meanie, Al. Teasing me about my height…"

"Why, Brother." I feigned horror, "I would never."

My reward was a biscuit in my face. We continued the meal in a comfortable silence, only broken by Ed's slurping and creaking. I set my bowl down on the tray, then laid down on the bed so that my legs were hooked over the side. Ed finished right after and set the tray on the floor. I watched him scoot around on the bed before flopping down beside me and curling up next to me. He looked at me with sad puppy eyes.

I couldn't tear my eyes away from his face. "Can I come?"

"Al..." his voice was soft and delicate; afraid almost and reprimanding too. "You can't… I'm sorry…"

"Please?" I reached out to grab his hand, "I don't want to be apart from you…"

That had some kind of effect on him. He squeezed my hand tightly, my thumb caressed his knuckles for reassurance, "I know… I'm sorry… but I don't want you to be hurt…"

"But I don't want you to be hurt either."

Ed bit his lower lip, eyes avoiding mine for only a second, "I know."

He knew, but I still couldn't go. No matter how much it hurt him to tell me no, to keep me from being with him and him with me; it would hurt him much more if something were to happen to me while I was out there with him. In the past, there had been many occasions where I was kidnapped or separated from him. Being in a suit of armor, none of that really mattered as long as they didn't threaten my blood seal. I never panicked in those situations, but Ed had. He'd run around town trying to find me or beat up somebody. While he'd never tell me what he'd think about while I was gone, since I never asked, I could only assume that he was feeling guilty or he was too busy thinking of all the terrible things that could've happened.

It was highly unlikely that I'd let any of his crazy fears come true.

I inhaled his scent, with a trace of butter and the spices I used in the stew. But what Ed smelled like… it was like a homey-smell. Almost like the wildflowers of Resembool, the sharp, tangy iron and oil , and just a hint or more of cinnamon if you can believe it.

"You smell good." I mumbled, confusing him by the change in subject.

He flushed darkly, "Really? Like what?"

"Home." I said simply, knocking my head against his, "And cinnamon." He didn't have to know about the automail, that was obvious.

He arched an eyebrow, "Oh, really? Well, little brother, you smell good too."

"Like what?" I giggled. "Not tin and steel, I hope."

He frowned at me and bopped me on the head, "No, you dope. You smell like…" he leaned in close, so close that I was heating up again. He was close to my neck, then came away and let his braid brush against me. It had gotten longer. "You smell like butter. And sugar. And… a little like chicken stock… from the stew… but if I get past all that…" He grinned evilly at me, knocking his head against mine, "Then you smell like… food."

I poked him in the side, "Just don't eat me."

"Aw… too bad, I was just about to join the brigade of cannibals just so I could." he was still grinning.

I rolled my eyes, "I'm sure you would."

"But seriously, Al. You smell like you, that's all. I'm not sure what it anymore just because I've always associated it with you." his smile was kinder now, tender almost.

"Brother…" I smiled back, feeling myself get all teary, "What time?"

"Hmm?"

"What time do you leave?"

He brushed aside some of my hair, "One thirty… but it's because I'm going to HQ to pick up something and then I'm going straight to the train station."

"Okay." I nodded, lacing my fingers with his. "Can I sleep with you tonight?"

"Al…" his voice hitched, then evened out with a watery chuckle, "Sure."

Neither of us commented on the fact that he didn't say "But just for tonight" because this time it really would be just for tonight until he'd come home.

* * *

"I'll be home soon, okay?"

I nodded, running my hands through his long, golden hair. I was always envious of his hair, now I just admired it with reverence. Ed was letting me braid his hair for him. I had asked, plus I had just repacked all his things to make sure they were all ready and right. My stomach was filled with butterflies as I did his hair in the usual plate, not because of that though. It was because early this morning, I wrote a note for my brother. It was simple, but contained the confession that was so dark… the incest…

_"I love you."_

I slipped it into the page Ed had marked, where he left off in his reading. Whenever he would settle down to read, he'd see the note. If he interpreted it as a platonic 'I love you', then I'd have to deal with that when he came home. But if he understood… then… he would have time to think it over.

"I'll call you every day. Twice a day."

I nodded, tightening the band around his hair. "I know you will."

"Don't talk to strangers. Don't open the front door unless it's me or Winry or Mustang. Or someone you know very, very, very well. Okay?"

"Okay, Brother." I finished with his hair, stroking it for a minute. I realized what I was doing and jerked away. "I packed everything you'll need. Please be careful, Brother. Don't get hurt or do anything stupid."

"I won't, I promise." he winked at me, hopping off the bed to go and slip into his boots. It was getting late. He'd be leaving soon. "Oh! Al? Don't mess up anything in my office okay? I'll need to know where everything is when I get back, I can't lose anything, okay?"

"Right, Brother. I won't even go in your office." I assured him, handing him his red coat.

Ed slid into it, brushing off imaginary dust and ducking into the hallway. I grabbed his suitcase and dragged it out towards the front door so it was ready. I could hear him eating something, probably another one of those chocolate things he hid from me. Right after he brushes his teeth, too. I sighed inwardly. Then, I noticed how painfully quiet it was. If you ignored Ed's rustling, it was quiet and lonesome. _He'll come home soon. It will probably only be a few days, yeah. _The doorbell rang and Ed made no move to go answer it.

I sighed and unlocked the door, "Good afternoon, Lieutenant Havoc."

"Hey, kid." Havoc saluted with a grin, the cigarette dangling out of his mouth, "How've you been? You know, since the little… incident."

"I'm okay." I told him, although it wasn't entirely true, "What about you?"

"Overworked." he groaned, rubbing the back of his neck, "Too much paperwork and Mustang's still slacking off. Anyways, where's Fullmetal?"

_So he gets to slack off while my brother goes off to Lior!_ I kept a calm exterior, "He's in the kitchen, he should be out in a minute."

"I'm out now." Ed came up behind me, picking up his suitcase on the way, "Hey, Havoc."

"Good to see you, chief." Havoc replied, flicking away some of the ashes and then heading down our walkway, "Well, see you around, Alphonse."

I nodded, "Yeah, bye."

Ed watched him for a second, then looked back at me, "You will be okay, right? I could always send you to Resembool or have Winry come up here…"

"I'll be okay." I smiled at his concern, no matter how fake it felt on my face, "If I get lonely, I'll call her up myself. You just focus on getting your job done so you can come home."

"Right." We simply stared at each other for a moment longer, then I hugged him against me and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

He was flustered, but allowed it anyway, hugging me back. "Hey, I'll be back soon. I promise."

"Okay. I'll miss you." I mumbled into his shoulder.

He gave me a pat on the back, "I'll miss you, too."

Reluctantly, he pulled away and gave me one last grin before heading towards the car. I watched him sadly. I don't want to be separated from you. I'll go with you so we can get your arm and leg back. He was really leaving, not by his own choosing, but leaving just the same. I stared at his back, the black flamel of his coat and his golden hair.

"Brother!"

Ed turned around, looking at me with concern, "What's wrong?"

"I… I love you." I told him, my hands trembling, "Be safe."

He chuckled, "I love you too, you sap." _Not that way, Brother… not that 'love'…_

The car door slammed shut. The engine started. The wheels began turning. Ed looked back at me through the window and waved. I waved back, watching as the car went down the street and turned a corner. I stared at the corner for a moment longer than I needed to, praying that maybe the car would come back. But it didn't.

* * *

I was on edge for the rest of the afternoon. It had gotten overcast about half an hour after Ed left and I had been bored out of my mind. I had considered going for a walk, but that idea was discarded when I thought it might start raining. Then I tried reading one of the books I borrowed, but that only made me think back to the note and I got worried. So, then I made myself some muffins, but I wasn't hungry so I wrapped them up and put them in the freezer. Then I mopped the kitchen floor and wiped down the counters. By the time I finished all that, I had managed to waste all of one hour.

I groaned, pacing throughout the house while trying to think of something to do. I couldn't just sit around and wait for him to come home. I needed to be productive. _It's never this hard for me to find something to do when Brother's here._ I rubbed at my temple, feeling a headache coming on from all the pacing._ I guess I could go read one of his alchemy books._ I brightened at this idea. _Yeah! I could try and do some research on how to get his arm and leg back. I did promise, after all._

While I said I wouldn't go in his office, he had only told me not to mess up the papers on his desk. I gaped at the desk. How could he possibly know where anything was in there! The entire surface of his desk was covered in various papers requiring his signature and other seals of approval and notifications. By the time he'd get home, he wouldn't remember where all of these were supposed to go. I'll organize them by date for him, then tell him where everything is when he gets back so it's easier for him to find.

Ed probably just didn't want me to see the mess, that silly older brother. Making a mess and then making an excuse that everything was where it was supposed to be. I began sorting through the papers one by one, making little stacks and categories for each one. Updates on military action, permission warrants, new State Alchemist applications. Suddenly, something caught my attention. It was handwritten; not fancy and typed like the rest of these documents. It was handwritten by Ed. I knew his messy written and this sheet of paper was covered in his scrawl. Overcome by curiosity, I began to read it.

_I can't believe it. I'm so terrible. First I take away four years of his life, then I don't even get his body back the way it's supposed to be. He should be fifteen now, dammit! Not eleven! Even if his mind and soul are fifteen… just looking at him… he's so young and I've ruined it all and now…_

_I can't love him I can't love him I can't love him I can't love him I can't love him!_

_He's my little brother! I can't! I can't I can't I can't! I'm filthy, so dirty for looking at him and wanting those smiles to be because he loves me back, but he can't! He needs to fall in love with a girl and have many kids. He deserves that._

There was another one.

_He doesn't remember his birthday… I'm so terrible… Why didn't I ever celebrate it with him?_

_I don't deserve him… He's too good for me…_

_But I still love him so much…_

There were tons of these in his drawer.

_I think I'm in love with my brother. With Al._

_I caught Al staring at me on the train. I wonder… does he maybe…? No! Of course he doesn't love me like that! He can't possibly! It's too wrong. It's too sick. I'm sick… He doesn't deserve me… Why does he want to stay with me? I've done so many terrible things to him… but he still claims he loves me… as a brother, of course._

_I found a book under Al's pillow. He marked a page in it. It talked about incest. So that means one of two things. 1) He feels the same way about me as I do him. Or 2) He's suspicious of me and will be disgusted and scared!_

_I'm worried about him… He's not acting like himself… He won't tell me anything though. I think he mad at me, but what did I do? He's out on the porch right now… he told me not to follow him… but I don't want him to hate me. I love him too much. I just… can't let him know how much…_

_I love Al._

_I love him and it's wrong. So wrong… I'm so wrong… I'm terrible. I'm filthy. I don't deserve him! I'm a terrible big brother!_

_I love him I love him I love him I love him I love him._

_I'm sorry._


	10. Part X

Wow... this chapter took me a grand total of five days to write. A new record! w I feel so proud of myself! Well, anyways. I'm going on vacation tomorrow, so I wanted to get chapter 10 out so I could write chapter 11 while I'm in Lake Tahoe (on the nights when the parents go to the casinos xD ) I'm so glad I finished this in time, I was a little worried at first, but then it all just spilled out. I'm so excited about these next few chapters! They're what inspired my story to begin with! So, please enjoy chapter 10!

* * *

..X..  
Distance makes the heart grow fonder

I didn't sleep.

How could I have slept? That information… It was just… I wasn't expecting to find anything like that… Not from him. Not from my big brother.

All night, I just sat at his desk and read every single word on all those papers over and over… Each word was drilled into my head and memory. I could probably recite each note by heart now, not that I wanted to. The words were too sad. I couldn't help the tears that now stained and smeared almost every line, even if they were all smeared from his hasty writing to begin with. I was torn between feeling ecstatic that my feelings were returned or sympathetic and distressed from the terrible things Ed wrote about himself. _He's not a bad big brother… he's not dirty and filthy… he's perfectly wonderful…_ These thoughts raced through my head and I just wanted to wrap my arms around him and tell him that everything was okay and that he deserved me and we could be happy together. Just the two of us.

_I'm such a hypocrite…_ I sniffled, rocking back and forth in the chair that sat before Ed's desk; all the tear-stained pages were turning pink and yellow from the rising sun. I_ feel exactly like he does, yet I'm saying it's okay for him to feel like that… but it's not for me… My note will probably make everything worse. He'll feel guilty and maybe depressed, too. And I won't be able to make him feel better because I'm not there._

I curled into myself further, my cheeks were all stiff and had trails of moisture painted on them. The house was silent, except for the clock ticking, and a shiver ran down my spine. _How am I going to bring this up? "Oh, Brother, I knew you told me not to mess with your desk, but I did anyway and I just wanted to say that I love you too."_ I snorted at the thought of doing that. It would get one hell of a reaction out of Ed, that's for sure.

_"I don't deserve him… He's too good for me…"_

I sighed, absently fingering the slip of paper that might or might not have had that line written on it. It was all so complicated. If we both weren't so fearful of what the other would think, then we wouldn't be in this mess. Ed may not even have had to go so far away. I drew my hand back so I could hug my knees closer. I really missed him. Not even a day had passed and already the house felt empty and cold while I felt miserable and lonely. And nervous. The happy butterflies left when I had nothing to do but reflect on my brother's self abuse. His self hatred. I couldn't help but find it ironic that those words he used on himself would be applied to me as well. If he knew, of course.

_But he doesn't… because I was too much of a coward to tell him how I felt, even when he asked me all those times. How did he hide it so well? Wouldn't he feel awkward when I pressed close to him or hugged him or kissed him on the cheek? Brother isn't exactly the best at concealing his emotions, and he's very vocal about stuff too. What makes this so different?_ I must've dosed off in my train of thought because suddenly I heard the clock chime ten. _Maybe I'm just oblivious._

* * *

The phone rang twice before someone picked it up. It was that secretary lady, she had to patch the line into Mustang's office again when I gave her the code. I asked specifically for "Brigadier General Mustang" so that I could speak directly to him and not deal with anything else at the moment.

"Hello?"

I stiffened at his laidback tone, almost as if he were bored. "Hello, General. It's Alphonse."

There was silence on the other line, papers rustling and a few coughs in background from his subordinates; then he spoke with a more serious tone, "What do you need, Al?"

"What do I need?" my fist clenched at the hints of degradation in his voice, almost like when he was telling Ed his place, "I need to know where my brother is and why he hasn't called."

"Al, it's ten thirty in the morning. I don't think he can call you from a train. Remember, he left late yesterday afternoon. He's still on the train most likely. You probably won't get a call from him for at least another day or two." he told me, as if I should've already known this.

My head was pounding from a lack of sleep, "Another day? But I can't wait that long…"

"You'll be waiting longer than that most of the time. He shouldn't even have permission to call anyone other than me, I'm making this an exception." Mustang sounded irritated. "Who knows if he'll even get the time to call you. It's an assignment, not a vacation."

I frowned in concentration, we never had to think about this before since we just had ourselves to talk to. We never had to call anyone other than the military when we were on actual assignments. Ed didn't really like how the phone system was set up anyway. _What if he doesn't call me? At all. Who knows how long this will take… and if I don't get a word from him…_

Mustang could sense my change in mood, I think, he sounded more tolerant and sympathetic when he next spoke, "I'm sure it's very hard for you to be without him, but you'll have to try and deal with it. Alright?"

"Okay." I nodded, my previous anger directed at him gone and replaced with some semblance of respect. Some. "Do you know when his train will get in?"

"I don't. But tell you what, as soon as I hear anything from anyone in Ed's party, I'll let you know. Okay?"

I smiled sadly, but very grateful for any kind of help, "Thank you, General. Goodbye."

"Goodbye."

I placed the phone back in it's cradle and ran a hand through my steadily growing hair. It was getting a little longer, I'd have to cut it soon. Or maybe I'd just grow it out like Ed's. The nostalgic smile revived itself when I imagined us both with long hair, but somehow it seemed strange for me to have it, so I instead just pictured Ed. His long, golden hair braided neatly with haphazard bangs hanging in his face. Said face was still slightly rounded from childhood, but still angled with maturity and fast approaching adulthood. He'd always wear that silly grin, though. And his eyes would glimmer when he was really happy and excited and his cheeks would puff out when he pouted like a child, too.

"Enough…" I mumbled to myself, shaking my head so that I was brought back to reality where it was just me and the quiet, "I should do something useful while I'm just standing here."

I decided to go and dust some shelves and photographs we had framed. There weren't many; two were from my birthday party in Resembool about a month ago, one was of Ed and I in those rental suits we'd worn for the promotion ceremony, another was of Ed and I when we were younger and fishing somewhere, and then we had a picture of mom and the two of us that Winry had saved. Not a vast collection, but Ed had never really found a use for pictures. I was the one who insisted on framing some and setting them up on end tables and counters. I liked having the memories in a tangible form.

There were two pictures in the main room; one on the bookshelf and the other by the phone. I quickly skimmed over each area with the feather duster, then went back to do a more thorough job when I remembered I had plenty of time. I dusted each book binding and shelf; even the sides of the bookshelf were cleared. The little end table and phone were also taken care of. After dusting in there, I went into our bedroom where the remaining photographs were.

I had positioned the three on the nightstand between the two beds, so that they could be admired by both of us. But Ed didn't look at them as often as I did. I blinked at the end table once I reached it. Something was missing. Instead of three photographs, there were only two. Pivoting around so that I could search the room, I was immediately distressed when I saw that it wasn't here. I looked through the entire house, even under the couch and behind the fridge, but it wasn't there.

"That one was my favorite…" I mused quietly, trying to come up with some explanation for why the picture of Ed and I on my birthday could be missing. "Where could it have gone?"

The first thing that came to mind was that Ed might've knocked it over when he was rampaging the other day, when he thought I wouldn't come home, but that was checked off because I clearly remembered seeing it there when we were eating dinner before he had to pack. So it had gone missing sometime between yesterday morning and this morning.

"Maybe Brother took it?" The idea was possible; he might've wanted something to look at while he was bored in Lior or if he missed me. "But wouldn't he have told me?" He was probably too embarrassed to say anything or too stubborn to admit that pictures were useful. "I guess I'll ask him when he calls… along with everything else I have to ask him…"

_When are you coming home? Are you eating okay? Do you love me? Did you take the picture with you? Will you be able to call me every day, twice a day like you promised? Do you really love me? Did you get my note? Do you love me more than a brother?_

So many questions… they'd overwhelm him. I should stick to asking him a few at a time, so he doesn't get flustered or concerned over the phone. I don't want him to think that I've got nothing better to do than think of all these questions that I want to ask him, even if it is true.

I had successfully wasted an hour of my time by dusting and searching for the picture. Now that I knew that Ed loved me too, I saw no point in continuing to read those books I had borrowed._ I can return the books to Sheska and maybe visit with her a little. Borrow some new books too. Then I could go for a walk and be able to take my mind off things._

_"They believe that the rebellion is sending in terrorists to attack Central and destroy the military by creating distractions such as this one."_

I frowned, remembering Ed telling me about possible terrorists. I guess it wouldn't be too smart for me to wander around Central all alone, especially if people could recognize me as the Fullmetal Alchemist's younger brother. I highly doubted that though. Only Winry and Aunt Pinako and some choice people in the military knew what I really looked like. Everyone else thought I should be around seven feet tall and decked out in a suit of armor.

I flopped down onto the couch, rubbing my eyes sleepily. A few hours of dozing wasn't going to cover a whole night of sleeplessness. Without anything else for me to do at the moment, I let myself drift off for a nap.

* * *

A shrill ring roused me from sleep some time later. I whimpered in slight protest and rubbed my eyes to clear any traces of sleep from them. I yawned softly, covering my mouth politely, then looked around to see what it was that woke me up. The phone was sitting in it's cradle and ringing loudly, whoever was calling was apparently determined to get through.

I blinked at it for a second, then flopped back down onto the couch with a groan, "Brother… get the phone!"

When I didn't get a reply, I sat back up and pouted. My mind was still hazy from sleeping, so I wasn't exactly in the mood to be answering a phone. I called for my brother a few more times, then gave up and assumed he was sleeping as well. Getting to my feet, I padded over to the table where the phone sat. The photograph that accompanied it smiled at me, then realization hit me.

"Oh yeah… Brother's not home…" I mumbled, more awake and alert, "That means…" I gasped suddenly and grabbed the phone quickly before whoever it was could hang up. _Oh please, oh please, oh please, oh please be Brother!_ "Hello?"

"Finally! I was wondering when you'd pick up!"

My heart fluttered happily and nervously at the familiar voice, "Brother!"

"Who else would it be, Al?" he was trying to tease me, but he sounded too happy to hear me for it to have much effect, "What took you so long to get to the phone?"

I smiled sheepishly, even though he couldn't see it, "Oh, I was sleeping. Sorry."

"You were sleeping? At five in the afternoon?" he asked me in a disbelieving tone.

I blinked at the clock that hung on the wall, "Wow… I didn't know I slept that late. I took a nap around noon because I was a little tired." he made some kind of affirmation noise, so I took it as a signal to continue talking, "How was your trip down there?"

He sighed, "Really long and boring… Almost three days too! I can't believe how long it took. And there were no interesting people there with me! Except Havoc, he's here too, so at least I have someone to talk to. But apparently, there's another Colonel here. He's not from Mustang's jurisdiction, but the higher ups thought Mustang might need some back up. Stupid assholes…" he muttered some other stuff, making me grin in spite of myself, "Well, anyways, he's here and he's a real tight ass. He reminds me of Mustang, only not lazy. Or as lenient. Actually… his arrogance is the only thing that reminds me of Mustang. The cocky bastard… So, he a Colonel also and he's acting like he runs the place and won't let me have a say in any of it! He even made this stupid rule for me, I can't talk on the phone everyday. Hell! He won't even let me call once a week, Al! He said 'On occasion' in that stuffy, stupid voice of his. Damn, I hate him!"

"What?" I felt my giddy mood falter with that news, "You can't call?"

Ed seemed to have settled down a little, "I'm sorry, Al. But he really wants us all to be focused on our work and he thinks that me talking with you will distract me. He's completely ignoring that we're the same rank. It's not fair."

I could imagine my older brother pouting and folding his arms across his chest for emphasis. "I'm sorry, too, Brother. That doesn't sound fair at all. Maybe you could ask the General-"

"No way am I asking that bastard for anything. He's already done enough by sending me here." he groaned, I could almost see him rubbing at his temple in annoyance, "You wouldn't like it here, Al… it's barren and the only thing you can see for miles are the scattered tents of some citizens of Lior and the construction site of the new city. Other than that it's just desert and military. And it's so damn hot here!"

It was almost summer, so it wasn't the best time for them to be out in the desert. "I'm really sorry, Brother. I hope you'll be able to come home soon and get away from all that."

"Yeah… I've been here a grand total of one day and I already feel nauseous thinking of this place." he mumbled.

I blinked, "Wait… you said that the train ride was almost three days, so how could you have be there for one day already?" That didn't make any sense. He left yesterday… So how could…?

"Al, I left four days ago. Remember? The damn bastard wouldn't let me call you until now."

"Four days ago?" I didn't have to calculate this to know what had happened, I had slept for three days! That wasn't good… I haven't slept that long since back when I was getting used to my body.

"Al? You still with me?" Ed was asking me, "How long did you sleep? That nap must've eaten away at some of your brain."

I laughed nervously, "Well… I guess it wasn't really a nap… I slept for three days. Heh, funny isn't it, Brother?"

"What?" he sounded very confused, "How can you sleep for three days straight? You have got to be kidding me, Al! Don't you have stuff to do? Didn't you eat!"

I winced, "Ah, so that's why I'm so hungry…" Ed was not happy. "I'm sorry, I guess I just had nothing to do so I slept. And slept… and I still have nothing to do. It's weird."

"There's nothing for you to do at all?"

"Well… I get sidetracked and start worrying about you." I told him tentatively, "I can't concentrate on anything and then it gets… kind of lonely…"

Ed didn't say anything for a minute, I was worried we might've got disconnected, "Brother?"

"Hey, Al? I know I'm going to regret this later… but I don't want to be lonely and just sleep while I'm gone. That's not healthy. So… why don't you get yourself some company? You… you've always wanted a cat… right?"

I gasped, "Really! Really, you mean it, Brother! I can get a cat!"

"Yeah, yeah. You can." He half chuckled, half sighed. "As long as you take care of it and keep it away from me when I get back."

I was almost bursting from excitement, "Oh yes! I will, Brother! I promise! You're the best big brother ever!" I was just about to make a mental list of what I'd need for the kitty and what kind of kitty I'd get, when I remembered what I had wanted to ask him. "Hey, Brother?"

"Yeah, Al?" Ed still sounded so happy, even if he was trying to hide it. I felt guilty for having to spoil the moment by asking this, but I had to know.

I took a deep breath, then asked, "Do you love me?"

"No, Al. I just said you could get a kitten and spent four years trying to get your body back so we could live a comfortable life together. Of course I love you, you dope!" he was laughing. It wasn't funny. It wasn't his normal laugh, this was forced.

"Brother… you know I love you, right?" I tried a different approach.

"Are you talking about that note, Al? The one you put in my book?" he inquired curiously, "Because I know, you tell me almost every chance you get. Why? Is something wrong?"

"I just want you to know… and you can tell me anything, Brother. I'd never judge you. I'd never cast you away or hate you. I could never. I just want you to know that, okay? Just in case there's ever something you want to tell me."

That got him. My brother's end of the phone was strangely quiet. He was probably suspicious now, and paranoid. I waited patiently for him to say something.

"Okay, Al." was the final product of his thoughts, "I'll keep that in mind. Oh, that damn bastard's kicking me off. I have to go now, Al. Sorry-!"

"Wait, Brother! One more question!" I called to him before he could hang up.

"What?" he sounded nervous, scared almost.

I sighed, "Do you know what happened to the picture of me and you that used to be on our nightstand in our room? You know, from my birthday party?"

"Oh, yeah, that." he sounded like he was rushing. Maybe he really did have to get off, "I borrowed it. A little memento thing. Is that all you need?"

I nodded sadly, "Yeah that's all. Thank you, Brother. Be safe and call soon."

"Yeah, I will."

"I love you."

"I do too, you sap. Don't sleep for another three days! Callyousoonbye!" his fast, jumbled words were the last things ringing in my ears before the line went dead.

"Bye, Brother…"

That had been all the proof I needed. He really was flustered when it came to love, he really did think I meant it in a platonic way and he must've been right in those notes, otherwise he wouldn't have avoided saying it back to me. I gently placed the phone back on the cradle once the dial tone got too sad for me to hear. The house was suddenly very empty again and I silently willed the phone to ring again and have Ed be on the other line so he could apologize and say that he loved me too. Even though I know he does, it still means a lot for me to hear it.

The phone didn't ring again.

* * *

I ignored my brother's request and slept on the couch for another whole day before deciding enough was enough. I wanted that kitty.

I waited until Ed had been gone for a whole week before going out in search of a kitty friend. I wanted to make the house cat-safe and also set up a little place for it to eat in the kitchen and sleep and do it's business. I used alchemy to make the litter box lined with newspaper, kitty bed, and food dishes by altering regular cardboard boxes and extra dishes we didn't need. The toys I managed to make by getting old newspaper and odds and ends found around the house. I wanted to save as much of Ed's money as possible, plus I hadn't used alchemy in a while. It was nice and nostalgic to sit there on the kitchen floor and draw the little circle with chalk and watch the objects alter before my eyes.

So, I had successfully made the items a kitty needed to be happy. Now all I needed was the kitten and some cat food, kitty litter, and maybe a brush. The pound was where I was going first. I wanted to rescue a cat, so what better place than the pound? Then I'd stop by the store and pick up the cat food. Then I'd be all set!

I was so excited. Almost as excited as when Ed first took me around Central in my new body. The excitement had given me something to focus on, instead of Ed being gone and out in the open where he could get hurt… I shivered involuntarily and chased the thought away. He'd be fine. He said so. _Focus on the cat._ I told myself, not wanting to get upset over Ed being gone again.

What happened next must have been fate. One second, I was walking along and the next, a large, red rubber ball narrowly misses me. _What the heck?_ It bounced into the alley next to me and I looked over in the direction the ball came from and saw a small group of children across the street. They all looked a little apprehensive about crossing the street, so they all looked to me.

"Hey, mister!" the youngest, a little girl, called out to me, "Can you get our ball, please?"

I smiled despite myself, I looked older compared to those kids. To them, I was the adult. I nodded happily, "Sure." I didn't mind helping those kids out. Carefully stepping into the alley, I easily picked out the red rubber ball amidst all the junk. Once I had it securely in my hands, I paused when I heard a soft scratching noise and a tiny cry. Feeling curiosity get the better of me, and definitely recognizing that kind of cry, I peered around the piles of junk and spotted something small and furry.

I ran out of the alley and tossed the kids their ball, before going back into the alley to rescue what I had stumbled upon. A kitten. I scooped up the little thing into my hands easily, it's pathetic cries for either food or warmth tugged at my heartstrings. Carrying it out into the light, I gasped when I saw how sad it was. The kitten was so small and scrawny, it's ribs were sticking out and it's fur was all matted and filthy. I couldn't even tell what shade of fur it had. Not that it mattered, I fell in love with the kitten as soon as it nuzzled my hand with it's soft, but tangled, head.

I carried the kitten in my hands gently, I didn't have any time for the store now. I needed to get the kitten home so I could warm them and wash them and probably get away with feeding them some chicken. I hadn't gotten very far in my walk, so I was home fairly quickly with my new pet and immediately got to bathing them in the bathroom sink.

During the kitten's bath, I discovered that she was a girl. I was able to shift my fingers through her fur easily, getting rid of the little tangles with Ed's comb. I used basic hand soap as a shampoo, since I had nothing else on hand. Once she was all clean and dry, she looked a little healthier, though she was still meowing pitifully. I was actually surprised that she didn't fight me, then I noticed her injured paw. I wrapped it up as best as I could, then I wrapped her up in a fluffy hand towel that I warmed with the hairdryer.

She was a beautiful little thing from what I could see so far. Her coat was still a little coarse because of her health, but I was sure it would soften up soon. Now that she was all clean, I could tell that she was an interesting mixture of colors. Her head and back were a tawny-orange color, like amber. Her stomach and legs were a paler color, less orange and more beige. Her face and one paw though, were a snowy white and she had large, dark blue eyes that were so innocent looking. I fell in love with her all over again.

"You're so cute!" I cooed gently, stroking her small head before setting her down in the kitchen so I could get her some food. "Let's see… here's some chicken…"

I took some of the leftover chicken I had used for dinner the other day and tore it into tiny, edible shreds for her to eat. I placed them in her bowl and then got some milk for her too. I knew that milk wasn't always the best thing for cats to have, but she was still a little baby and needed some extra fattening. She was so scrawny, I figured she was the runt and had been abandoned by the rest of the litter.

"Poor, little kitty." I sat cross-legged on the floor and watched her devour the chicken scraps hungrily. "Well, don't you worry. Now you have a home here with me and Brother. We'll take good care of you. Hmm, but you're going to need a name."

I sat there for a while, unable to decide on a name for my new kitten. It had to be just right. Something that suited her; both physically and personality-wise. "I'll just have to wait for the right name to come to me… won't I, kitty?"

The little bundle of fur yawned with a small squeak, then curled up in the towels for a nap. She had eaten all the chicken I gave her and drank all the milk, too. I smiled and just watched her sleep for a few minutes before getting up to clean her bowls.

* * *

Puff.

Well, her full name was Creampuff, but Puff just seemed to stick with my cute, fluffy ball of fur. In the past three days of me owning her, she had made a pretty good recovery. Her fur had fluffed out and was nice and soft and very puffy; hence her name. I loved to stroke her, because then I could feel her chest rumble as she purred. She wasn't a very old kitten; I took her to the vet the day after I found her to check for anything that could be wrong and he said that she couldn't be more than nine weeks old and was very sickly. I knew that kittens were supposed to leave their mothers at around eight weeks or so, but usually to an owner. I didn't think it was good for a young kitten, or any cat actually, to be out and abandoned.

Other than the fact that she needed lots of food, Puff was free from any disease. I was very happy to tell Ed this when called.

"And her meow is so sweet!" I was babbling into the phone happily, so thankful for having my new friend and my brother to talk to too. "I can't wait for you to see her, Brother! I know you'll like her!"

Actually, that was just a hope of mine. I wasn't too sure if Ed would like having her curious nature around. She was continuously getting into mischief; climbing on top of the book case, chewing on the phone cord, playing with chalk, and making a nest out of anything that was soft enough for her to bury her head into. Puff was also very affectionate though. At first, she was a little wary of me and would hide whenever I got too close. After a few days, the wariness went away and she warmed up to me quickly.

Ed chuckled, "That's great, Al. I'm glad. It seems like you picked out a good cat."

"I love her so much, Brother. Thank you for letting me get her!" I beamed, straightening up from my seat on the couch and watching as Puff pawed at one of her toys. It was actually one of Ed's socks, but she seemed to really like them. "So how are things going?"

He sighed, tapping something on a hard surface, "Well, we've been sending scouting missions to locate the rebel hideouts, we believe we've found it and are sending in soldiers to keep an eye on it so we're prepared for suspicious activity. They're going to try and infiltrate it."

"What? But isn't that risky?" I frowned, not liking the sound of that plan, "You don't know how many people are there."

"That's what I said. But that other guy, I don't even know his name because I could care less, he thinks we should just go in and take out all the rebels. I told him we should just observe to make sure these are right guys and then pull some kind of sneak attack after we get more information, but he doesn't listen to me! It's all very frustrating!" he growled, I could imagine him pulling on his hair, "I hate this. I wanna get out of here and come home."

I leaned back into the couch, "When do you think you'll be able to come home?"

"I don't know, Al. Hopefully soon if we can just get the rebels to cooperate peacefully. But with the way things are going, I doubt the State wants to do anything peaceful." Ed sounded bitter about all this, then brightened at something, "Well, a good thing is I'll be able to call you tomorrow because that guy will be in some kind of meeting with the soldiers. So, sometime around eleven in the morning, okay Al?"

I smiled faintly at that, "Okay, Brother. I'll be waiting. Be safe."

"I will. You get a good night's sleep, okay? I don't want you to get a sore back because of that couch." _How did he..?_ I had been sleeping on the couch ever since Ed had left, I didn't like the idea of being in the bedroom alone and I just felt comfortable on the couch. At least my sleep pattern was normal now.

"How did you know I was sleeping on the couch?" I gaped into the phone.

I could hear him grinning, "Lucky guess. Bye, Al!"

"Bye, Brother!" I waited for him to hang up first before placing the phone back where it should be, "Well, Puff, at least Brother's getting his work done. That means he'll be home soon, right?"

My kitten blinked up at me, then let out a small meow and went back to fighting the sock.

* * *

_I was annoyed with all the papers on the makeshift desk I had. It was basically a crate on top of another crate, and it was almost too tall for me. Almost. I growled at the close, indirect mention of my height, but didn't act on it. All these stupid papers were giving me a headache too; a bunch of claims about what people saw when they were scouting the area and where the best places to attack would be. It would only end in disaster if we did it this way, but it wasn't like anyone other than Havoc and a few others agreed with me. They were all following that bastard._

_"Colonel Elric, there's some trouble down in the south tent." some guy came up to me, saluting and all that weird stuff._

_I scowled, "Let that other Colonel handle it. He's the one in charge of the south tents."_

_"But, sir, he's not there!"_

_I sighed and reluctantly went along with this soldier to see what the problem was. It was probably something stupid like last time; two soldiers had been fighting over a ration of water and it got out of control. I had to stop that fight last time too by saying I was going to bash their heads in with my metal limbs. That got everyone's attention, especially since I was yelling it._

_Shouts of alarm suddenly reached my ears, so I hurried up to see what was going on. Then there was a gunshot. Several gunshots and screams. We were being attacked. I grabbed the closest thing to me, which happened to be a rifle but I don't use guns. I transmuted it into a spear and waited outside the tent flap until a guy came through. He was not one of our men and he was shooting straight ahead of him. I quickly whacked him in the head with the spear, just enough to knock him out. Several more men came out and were startled to have me attack them._

_After taking out five men, I heard something that made my heart stop, "We need to find that little boy, apparently he's close to that Colonel."_

_I whipped around to see some bastards pointing at me and holding up my picture. MY picture of me and MY brother. I shouted several curses and flew into a frenzy. No way were they going to get their hands on my little brother! A good blow to my stomach had me sprawling backwards into the grips of several other guys. I struggled to and tried fight back, but a sharp pain in my head blurred my vision and I felt limp. Then it was all black._

* * *

I shivered under the thin blanket, curling into myself as I stared at the silvery patch of moonlight on the floor. My body wouldn't stop trembling, my eyes wide and focused on that one spot. The living room was clouded with shadows and my mind began playing tricks on me. It was like when I was little and scared of the dark; the shadows hid the monsters that were going to come out and eat me with their sharp teeth. Only, now the monsters had guns.

I whimpered helplessly, still trying to curl into myself even further. I wanted to hide in my brother's arms. I wanted him to be home and safe. I had no idea what this dream meant… was it me there? Or was I just seeing things in Ed's perspective? I didn't know. It made my head hurt and I just wanted to call Ed and make sure he was okay. That bad people didn't hurt him.

_Brother's fine… I'm just overreacting… He'll call me tomorrow like he promised and then we can just laugh about my silly, paranoid dreams._ I thought to myself, absently stroking Puff for comfort. _Everything will be alright in the morning…_

* * *

The phone didn't ring for five days. 


	11. Part XI

It took me a lot longer than expected... and it was a lot more challenging despite it being one of my fave chapters so far. And it's long... very long... I'm wondering if I should break it up, but I just want to get it all out now. It's the only chapter that is blessed with a song Kind of weird, and I'm sorry if it may bug some people, but I envisioned this entire chapter just by listening to that song, so I had to include it. It's "Without You" from the musical RENT. You may not have heard it, but it is a very sad and beautiful song and it suited this chapter beautifully. This chapter isn't very fluent, basically because it's from the first-person narration. But I hope you enjoy it! 

..XI..  
Without You

I was pacing frantically, my eyes were glued to the phone that had been silent for five days. Five days longer than it should have been silent for. My hands were fidgeting and I had no idea what to do with them. I clasped them together, drummed them on the wall, wrung them together nervously, and gripped the long sleeves of my sweatshirt. My breathing was ragged and irregular, probably because of my constant movement and wild imaginations of what could be happening to my brother. I wasn't to the point of collapsing into myself and sobbing, but I was very tense and prepared to blow up and rant the second the phone rang. I'd give Ed a piece of my mind, and then I'd probably break like a damn and cry. Maybe then he'd feel sorry for me and come home. I unconsciously frowned at my pathetic nature.

The first two days after having that strange dream were pretty normal; I began to teach Puff to use the litter box, reorganized the bookshelves, and did little odd jobs around the house. It was after those two days that I began to worry about my brother again; then I had another weird dream. It wasn't as vivid as the last one, only bits and pieces came through. But I was well aware of being tied up in a dark, cold room. People would talk, but I couldn't distinguish one voice from the next. They blended together into a dull white noise. I was afraid though. Well, I wasn't sure if it were me or not, but I felt a strong fear at being left there, in that room. I was close to panicking and shouting and screaming and demanding to be released. _Betrayal._ That word hung in the air like a fog. I was so scared when I woke up; scared that I might have been seeing things in the eyes of my brother again. I didn't want him to feel that way, or be locked up and cold and aching. The lack of phone calls made my hope dwindle.

I continued pacing, I needed to move! Puff was at my heels, trying to keep up with me so she could pounce on my feet. She really did have a thing for socks. I probably would've laughed if I wasn't too busy pulling my hair out with frustration. I scooped her up into my arms, cradling her soft, warm body to my trembling one. I couldn't stop shaking. It was almost as if I were cold… but that wasn't possible since it was summer and I was dressed in baggy sweats. The shaking came from anxiety.

"I'm just paranoid." I forced myself to chuckle, but it was hollow and strange to hear, "Brother acted just like this when I didn't come home after that accident that one time… but that was only a few hours, not five days."

I continued to wander aimlessly throughout the room, not really paying attention to where my feet were taking me. Puff started wiggling around to try and get out of my arms, so I set her down and watched her scamper off to the patch of sun by the window. I rubbed at my arms nervously, occasionally sparing another glance towards the phone. I'd been doing this for three days. Staring at the phone nonstop and praying for it to ring. Praying for it to be my brother's voice on the other end telling me that he was okay and safe and coming home soon and that he loved me, despite what an idiot I was being.

Blinking suddenly, I realized I had wandered into the kitchen. I didn't spend too much time wondering why I had gone in here, my stomach was grumbling a little so I assumed I was hungry. Removing a half a head of lettuce and some other vegetables from the fridge, I decided to fix myself a salad. I mean, pacing and worrying wasn't going to get me or Ed anywhere, so I might as well take care of myself and eat something. Even if it was at four in the afternoon.

Just as I had all the lettuce shredded into the big bowl, the phone rang. I dropped the tomato I'd been cutting up and darted towards the phone. My heart was hammering loudly as the ring sounded again. In my hast, I tripped over the phone cord and landed on the floor roughly. But I did manage to catch the phone and place it to my ear.

"BROTHER!" I shouted into the phone with much relief and anger; I was not going to let him escape any questions. "I've been so worried! What took you so long to call! Are you okay? What's been-"

"Alphonse. It's me."

My heart sank. It was Mustang. It wasn't my brother. I stood up shakily, gripping the end table so that I could stay upright and keep myself from falling over.

"Oh… h-hi, General…" I managed to keep my voice steady, "Sorry about that. Can I help you?"

He released a sigh, suspiciously regretful and exhausted, "I have some news…"

"News?" my breath hitched, I was torn between feeling relieved for any kind of news or being frightened of it. I decided to be hopeful. "Good or… or bad?"

"Alphonse…" I didn't like the sound of this. I didn't like they way his voice sounded. Whatever he was going to tell me wasn't going to have a happy ending. "Please just… just bear with me here, but I don't think you'll like what I'm going to say."

There it was. I felt my chest tighten; flashes of my brother lying somewhere… either in hospital or in the desert or in some abandoned warehouse… but he was bleeding or dying or lost or dead and couldn't do anything… I couldn't do anything to help him. He was hurt or never coming home or the mission wasn't a success or he'd be gone longer than expected. Maybe his automail broke and he was stranded with one arm and one leg. Something terrible had happened, I just knew it.

"What happened?" I asked fearfully, dreading the reply.

"Edward didn't come back." Mustang's words went through my heart, "Most of the soldiers I sent out there and Colonel Johnson arrived here at HQ today, but Ed was not with them. They don't know what happened to him. Apparently, he went missing after the camp was attacked. They don't know if he was taken hostage or just ran away. All we know is that he's missing. I'm sorry, Alphonse."

"He's gone?" I couldn't believe it, even though I prepared myself for bad news… actually hearing it was so much worse. It made it real.

He sighed again, "I assume Edward informed you of the assignment, so I'll tell you this. The rebel camp we were looking into? They've vanished. Right after the attack, too. I know Ed wouldn't abandon the soldiers, so I'm guessing that rebels have him with them. Don't worry, I'll send out a search party to try and locate them again and see if Ed's with them. We will handle this, Alphonse, I just wanted to let you know so that you can be prepared for anything we find."

Anything we find… they don't expect to find him alive… "Alright…" That doesn't sound like my voice… "Thank you, General…"

"Alphonse…" he sighed, he really didn't want to tell me this news. "Just… take care of yourself… alright? I'll call you if anything happens."

"Okay. Goodbye." I lowered the receiver, letting it click softly as I set it in the cradle. I felt so… so much worse than before the phone call. Before when I didn't know anything. I wasn't shaking anymore. I wasn't rushing around in a panic. I just stood there… not really seeing the wall in front of me. I felt numb, like what happened didn't really happen. But I knew it did. And somehow… I felt like it was my fault…

Somehow I ended up in the kitchen, back to chopping up that tomato, almost as if the entire phone conversation didn't happen. After finishing with the tomato, I moved on to the cucumber. I wasn't really paying attention to what I was doing, like I wasn't really there. I didn't feel like I was anywhere… more like a floating sensation between feeling and not.

I looked down at the counter and the salad was all put together and tossed, even though I couldn't remember doing that. I stared at it for a long time, telling myself to pick up a fork and eat it. But I didn't move. I could barely even here my own voice telling me to eat.

"Brother would want me to eat… he'll be mad if I don't…" It didn't sound like me at all, "Eat… eat…EAT!"

I collapsed to the floor sobbing, my entire body shaking and heaving with the forceful intakes of breath. My chest felt hot and constricted, while legs were numb and limp. All the emotion I'd wanted to let out only a few minutes, or maybe even a few hours ago now, was spilling as I curled up and rocked back and forth.

"Brother-! Come back…! P-please, come h-home!" I choked on my tears, not sure if my voice was too loud or too quiet, "I love you… please come home! You promised we'd be together! You promised!"

I cried until my eyes were sore and couldn't shed another tear. I rocked back and forth until I collapsed further and then I just lay wounded on the tile. I screamed until my throat was raw and burning. I whimpered until I knew he wouldn't be coming back right then. Not now…

"But you promised…"

_Without you, the ground thaws,_

I was startled awake by the sound of birds chirping, the warm sun on my face, and the stiffness in my back. I yawned sleepily, rubbing away at my eyes. Puff was curled up beside me, fast asleep herself. At first, I had no idea where I was, then it occurred to me that the tile and the cupboards belonged in the kitchen… so why was I in there?

Then everything came back to me. I had fallen asleep after I had broken apart… the shock of my brother being missing came back to me so quickly, I almost fell over. Catching myself before I made a nasty collision with the counter, I tried to sort out what happened. _Brother's missing… General said he'd look for him… With his capabilities and men, then I'm sure that they'll find Brother. They'll find him and he'll be safe and will have already beat up the bad men and he'll be angry with them for not finding him sooner. Yeah, that's what he'll do. I'll just wait until that happens._ Despite my reasoning, I wasn't very convinced by it.

Puff mewled softly, batting at my hand. I blinked down at her, she only meowed some more. "I guess you're hungry, huh Puff?" I stood up reluctantly, then stretched my arms upwards to try and get rid of the ache in my back. It didn't really work. The kitty food I had picked up at the vet was sitting on the counter, so I scooped some of it into the food bowl and set it on the ground. Once Puff was eating, I went over to the window that overlooked the front yard. I was surprised to the see puddles of water drying up on the sidewalk. To the north, it was all cloudy and looked like more rain was on the way. For the moment, the sun was shining and warming up the ground.

I couldn't help but hope that the sun was some kind of omen, that maybe it was my own hope that would shine through the clouds of doubt and lead my brother home. I chuckled sadly at myself, "Now I'm just getting silly, Puff."

Puff only continued eating.

_The rain falls,_

The sky was darker than usual and the claps of thunder only intensified my fears. I trembled in my blanket cocoon, cradling a mug of hot chocolate in my hands. It was not only raining, it was storming. I huddled deeper into the comforting warmth of my blankets, but they could not compare to the warmth of Ed's arms. I shivered as a flash of lighting stretched across the floor, casting scary shadows throughout the room. I frowned as they flickered away, not looking forward to their next appearance.

The rain was falling with heavy droplets, coming down so fast and sharply. It wasn't soothing or soft pitter patters; it was harsh and chilling. Even the thunder booming couldn't override the sound of the rain hitting the roof . I wasn't feeling up to finishing the rest of my hot chocolate; it was cold now anyway. The scent was making me slightly nauseous. I set the cup down and then rolled onto my side so that I could try and fall asleep. The storm outside and the lack of a warm body beside me made it impossible.

_The grass grows…_

It was a week later that I realized how long the grass was. I had been leaving the house so I could go to the market; it was my first time leaving Puff home alone so I had put her in her kitty carrier so she would eat all of our socks or make a huge mess. It was also my first time in attempting to go to the actual market where the wild man had been, so I was a little apprehensive about that. It had been raining for a very long time, what some people call "summer storms" here in Central. Well, the first thing I noticed was that the grass looked very green in our entire neighborhood. It was then that I saw how long our grass in our front yard had become.

It was a deep, healthy green, which was good. But it was at least six inches too tall; compared to the rest of the neighborhood anyway. I couldn't remember the last time Ed and I had fixed the grass. I had suggested a lawnmower, but neither of us knew exactly how to work one. So Ed just transmuted the grass shorter and we swept up the leftover pieces of grass that we didn't know what to do with.

"Change of plans, Puff." I announced to the kitten for no good reason, just to fill up the silence and feel like I was clueing her in, as I searched for a piece of chalk. "I need to transmute the grass, then go shopping, okay?"

I scribbled a quick, basic circle on the ground and focused my energy on the grass instead of the pavement like Ed had told me to do. He didn't have to use a circle, but I still didn't understand the concept of simply clapping. Well, I understood it, but I didn't know how to apply it to myself. The grass immediately shortened and left me with a clean-cut lawn. I smiled at my work, then began sweeping up the remains of the grass. _Brother would be so happy that I did this for him._ I could remember him complaining about it being tedious work that should be done by itself.

I bit my lower lip, gazing sadly at the corner where I had last seen my brother; even then he was in a car and it was driving away from me. How was I supposed to have known that two weeks later there would still be no sign of him? Mustang had called me once, only to tell me that no progress had been made, but they were still searching. It wasn't too comforting to hear, but I was relieved that they hadn't found him… well… in a state that I'd rather not mention…

The thought of shopping for one didn't sound too appealing to me… so I bought enough for two people, just in case.

_The seeds root,_

It probably started with the grass. All of a sudden, I was occupying myself by doing weird things around the house. Reorganizing things to accommodate Ed and stuff that we had discussed about doing, but never got around to doing. Like the main room, for example. Ed was complaining that it looked too dull, so I had suggested painting the walls. He thought that was a great idea and we even decided on what colors to use. Then, it never happened. Both of us just forgot, and it wasn't as if painting a room was all that important.

However, what I had decided to take up was planting a garden. It was out front, underneath the window of Ed's study. I had removed a patch of the grass there and planted some seeds I bought at the market in the soft soil. The seeds I had picked were flower seeds, I wasn't too confidant in my ability to cultivate a vegetable garden. I wasn't anywhere as handy with plants as, say…, the Tringhams. I planted a rose bush on either end of the window, then next to the rose bushes and beneath the window came tulips, then violets, and then finally daisies right in the middle.

I had returned the books on relationships and stuff to Sheska recently, then I managed to borrow a book on gardening from her. I wanted to make the front yard look pretty, so I figured that a small garden couldn't hurt. If this turned out well, then I could probably do some things around back, too. I gave the soil and firm pat, shaping little mounds where the seeds were placed so I could water them easily. I grabbed the watering can I transmuted out of some old tin cans I was planning on recycling. Drizzling the water over the soft soil, I wondered how much the flowers would get and hoped that I'd left enough space between them to grow well.

It didn't even occur to me that it was summer and it might get too hot for the seeds to root.

_The flowers bloom,_

Little buds were popping out of the ground. They weren't flowering yet, it was too early. Instead, little tiny green sprouts were coming out of the ground. I planted them almost a week and a half ago. There was still no word about my brother. My initial worry was setting in again; I was starting to get paranoid and fidgety again. My hope on him coming home was starting to fade a little. Once… I even wondered if he was alive… I never want to think about the possibility of him being dead ever again. Never, ever again.

I watered the sprouts, gazing sadly at my small, pathetic garden. I knew it wasn't going to flourish for some time… but it was pathetic because I was trying to use it to take my mind off Ed. It wasn't working. I loved him too much to let a couple of seeds take my mind off of him.

I heard humming from across the street. Looking up, I saw a woman bent over her own garden. She was tending to her flowers, they looked very beautiful. She was very concentrated on her work, not minding getting dirty at all and she was very delicate. A man came out of the house soon after, wrapping his arms around the woman's shoulders and saying something to her. She laughed and he just sat back and watched her. They looked very happy together.

_The children play…_

I set Puff on the grass outside, just content to sit back and watch her. Well, I wasn't exactly content since Ed was still missing. Actually, I was miserable.

I was sitting on the porch, knees drawn up to my chest and watching my little tawny kitten play with her ball. Several other of her toys were out there to occupy her also, including a pair of socks that she ended up liking more than me. Across the street at the house where the woman had been gardening, three children and a toddler were running around and involved in a game of tag. They were all laughing and squealing, tackling each other and trying to escape the "it".

It reminded me of when Ed, Winry, and I would run around and play similar games. Tag, Hide-and-Seek, and all those other games that we were amused by. I watched the kids playing for a while, until the woman from before, I'm guessing she's their mother, called them inside from the window. Then they were gone.

_"Tag! You're it, Ed!"_

_"What! That's not fair. Make Al it!"_

_"But Brother, she tagged you. It's the rules."_

_"But I don't wanna be it!"_

_"Ed, no one ever wants to be it."_

_The stars gleam…_

It was a clear sky. I could see each and every one of the stars. It was nice since it had been cloudy and rainy for a while, but seeing the stars like that also made me a little regretful. I was sprawled out on the grass gazing straight up at the sky, just like when Ed and I were kids and waited for mom to call us back inside.

"Aren't they beautiful, Bro-?" I stopped myself, my breath hitching before I uttered that word. It was hard. I missed him a lot and even with a cat for company, it was still very lonely. I sighed, "I wonder if you can see the stars where you are…"

_The poets dream…_

I was carrying a load of laundry into the bedroom we shared, setting the clothes on my bed. I'd put them away later, I didn't feel up to it right then. I wandered out of the room and past Ed's office. For a brief moment though, I could've sworn that I saw him at his desk. The frown of concentration and annoyance that he wore whenever he did he did his work was there, his eyes flickering upward. Then he turned to look at me, the frown was gone and he smiled at me. A happy smile.

Then he was gone. I blinked rapidly and rubbed at my eyes. Nothing. It had just been a trick of my mind or some kind of memory.

_The eagles fly… Without You…_

I decided to go for a walk, on the eleventh day since Ed went missing. I'm not sure how I got to that bench, or why I brought along a piece of toast that I crumbled up into even smaller pieces so I could feed the birds that gathered around the bench. I dropped some of the toast onto the ground, several birds immediately going after the crumbs. Two hung back though, waiting for me to toss more bread. I did, watching as they pecked at the ground hungrily. All of the birds' appetites reminded me of Ed when he was hungry.

"I hope he's getting food…" I worried, dropping more pieces of bread to the floor. "I hope he's getting sleep and not getting sick or cold…" I gasped when two of the birds flew away together, somewhere far away.

"Brother…" I sighed, watching the birds sadly, until they were nothing more than two dots in the big, blue sky. "Where are you?"

_The earth turns…_

I marked a thirteenth 'x' on the calendar in the kitchen. He'd been missing for almost two weeks now and there was no word from Mustang. I honestly wondered if he was even trying. I had half a mind to just go and look for Ed myself, but I knew that an eleven-year-old boy wouldn't get far… If I were a State Alchemist, maybe, but I wasn't. I tossed the pen onto the counter, glaring at it as if it were the cause of my brother's disappearance.

A sound that I had been hoping for and dreading came to my ears. The _phone!_ I rushed to answer it. _They found him! They found him! He's okay! Brother will be coming home!_

"Hello?" I answered, keeping my fingers crossed for good news.

"Hey, Al!" I felt my heart sink. That wasn't the voice I'd been hoping to hear.

I tried to keep the remorse out of my tone, "Hi, Winry. It's nice to hear from you."

"I know! I'd figured now that you two have settled down, you could have the decency to call us once in a while." she sounded peppy, not exactly happy since we hadn't called her; but she still sounded like herself. I wondered if I sounded like myself. "How have things been?"

"They've been better…" I heard myself mumble, catching her attention.

"Al? Is something wrong?" Winry asked me, sounding concerned. "You don't sound too well…"

I shook my head, "No… I'm okay. Really. Just a little tired. Brother let me get a cat, you know. She's so pretty."

"Al-?"

"I named her Puff, she's really fluffy and cute and-"

"Alphon-"

"-she's a very good listener and she doesn't do any bad things except eat socks. And then-"

"AL!"

I winced, squirming uncomfortably and fiddling with the phone cord, "Y-yes, Winry?"

"There's something wrong. Please tell me. Did you have a fight with Ed?"

I swallowed, feeling tears prick my eyes, "N-no…"

"Then what's wrong? You know you can tell me. Does it have something to do with Ed? Did he… I don't know… say something to you?"

"Why do you think this has to do with him! It doesn't!" I was close to panicking, Winry didn't need to know that Ed was missing. And what did she mean by 'did he say something to me?' "I'm fine, Winry… really…"

She wasn't convinced, "Alphonse-"

"I've just… lost something important to me. That's all."

_The sun burns…_

It was hot. It was so hot that I couldn't even move myself from the couch to the bathroom so I could take a cold bath. I was sweating like crazy, the pants I had decided to wear that day were sticking to my legs and my bangs were almost plastered to my forehead. Puff was somewhere in the kitchen, probably huddled near the refrigerator. I felt so disgusting, I wanted so badly to go and cool off… but I didn't have energy. _Brother is in the desert… It's hotter there than it is here… I should be able to put up with this if he has to put up with that. It's only fair…_

_But I die… Without You…_

_"I'm sorry Alphonse… the lead was fake. There's still no sign of Edward."_

I hiccupped, burying my face into my arms as I nestled deeper into the corner. The tears wouldn't stop falling, I felt an ache in my chest and I just wanted to scream. It hurt so much. I could almost feel constricting bindings all around me, but there was nothing. A sob forced it's way out of my throat. Fifteen days now… fifteen days of searching with no sign of him. I shivered and gasped; coughed and sputtered. I felt like everything around me was falling apart… it might've even been me that was falling apart. I couldn't tell anymore. All I knew was that it was night because it was pitch black except for the moon.

"Brother…" I sobbed, "You idiot…"

No one answered me. If there was any way for me to be crying harder, I would've been. I needed him here with me. I needed to know he was okay. I've never liked being apart from him before… so why? Why was this happening? Hadn't we suffered enough? Why separate us now? Why!

"Just give him back to me…!" I cried out, banging my fist into the wall and slumping to the side, "That's all I'm asking! Please!"

_The fates must hate us…_

_Without You… the breeze warms,_

It wasn't as hot today as it was two days before. I was relieved, sitting on a swing in the park. There was a light breeze out, not too humid and a little refreshing as I swung back and forth in a slow, easy motion. My hair was getting longer still, I kept forgetting to cut it. Or maybe I really did want it to be long like Ed's. Then we could brush each other's hair. I smiled at the thought; it sounded like something girls would do, but we both would have long hair so…

I shivered as the wind touched my skin beneath my t-shirt. The swing came to a halt, my hands clenching on the chains that held it to the frame. I looked out at all the kids playing with their friends, mothers chatting on park benches, and teenage boys playing some kind of sport on the grass.

Winry was coming to visit. Even though I told her everything was fine, she assumed something was wrong and stated that she was coming over to try and knock some sense into me or my brother; whomever was causing the problem. I didn't have the heart to tell her that he was missing. My stomach clenched at the thought of how she'd react to this news, but even more so when I'd have to accept it again.

"Why can't things be easy?" I mumbled to no one, going back and forth on the swing again.

It was really a nice park. I'll ask Ed to take me here one day when he comes home.

_The girl smiles,_

"Where's Ed?"

"He's not here." I tossed a ball that jingles when it rolls; it was Puff's new favorite toy. She scampered after it.

Winry looked down at me. She was standing up and I was sitting cross-legged on the floor. We'd been watching Puff for a while, at first I'd put on an air of pride and showed off our house and Puff to Winry. However, now I couldn't hold the fake cheeriness. It wasn't a home without Ed; it was just a house that I was sitting in. Winry had cooed over Puff, but not enough to brighten the tension that settled around us. I had told her she could sit down, but she didn't seem interested in doing that.

"Al, where's Ed?"

I stroked the small patch of white fur behind my kitten's orangey-beige ear, "I told you, he's not here right now."

"That's not what I meant." her tone suggested that I stop trying to avoid the question. "At least tell me when he's coming back."

"Soon. It should be soon now." I replied, watching Puff chase after the jingle ball again with mild interest.

Even if I wasn't looking at her, I could tell Winry was frowning at me as if she were disappointed. "Al… what do those Xs mean? On your calendar?" I didn't respond. "Do they mean how long Ed's been gone?"

"Maybe."

"What do you mean 'maybe'?"

I didn't answer her again. I didn't have to, I think she understood. Like Puff. She understood, she always understood. A soft touch was on my shoulder. I raised my head wearily and looked at Winry. She seemed sad, worried too, and she gave my shoulder a light squeeze.

"I was thinking that maybe we could go visit Miss Izumi… it might cheer you up, Al." she offered, not removing her hand.

I didn't want to leave. What if Mustang called and I didn't answer? Or what if Ed came home and I wasn't here? My gaze fell back to the floor. I wouldn't mind visiting Teacher… but I'd rather do it with Ed… and without the risk of getting beat up. She hadn't seen me like this yet… I wondered if Ed even told her were still alive…

"Al…?"

I met her gaze and was able to flash a small smile, "Okay, Winry."

She beamed happily, relieved she could do something for me. After all… it wouldn't hurt to go to Dublith for a few days, right?

_The clouds move…_

The train ride was close to unbearable. I couldn't stop fidgeting. The concerned glances from Winry weren't helping either. It made me nervous that it was her sitting across from me instead of Ed. It had always been Ed right across from me. Even when Winry did accompany us on those few occasions, she sat next to Ed who sat directly in front of me. When we ate he sat across from me; probably the only time we weren't across from each other was when we slept togeth- next to each other! When we slept next to each other or cuddled or something… It was just weird not having him there.

"Can you please tell me what's happened to Ed?" she wouldn't stop asking that.

I sighed, then forced a smile, "I told you, he's fine. Just really busy on a business trip. Nothing dangerous."

"The military have business trips?" Obviously she didn't buy it.

"Yes." I lied, "All the time."

She arched an eyebrow, but said nothing else on the subject. I was relieved; I hated lying to her… but I didn't want her to know the danger that Ed could be in as we went on some little trip. _I shouldn't be doing this… not without Brother._ I kicked myself mentally, I couldn't cling to him forever- wait… he said something about me feeling like I needed to stop clinging to him… when we first moved in, right. It was our first fight in the new house where we didn't talk for three days. _And to think I was a wreck back then… and he was still in the house!_ I drew my legs up to my chest, my physical representation of me being distressed. _I'm pathetic. I'm fifteen years old and I still need to follow after my big brother to feel safe. But… this isn't about feeling safe… This is love, so… does that make a difference? Or am I still pathetic?_

"So, do you think Miss Izumi will be surprised?" Winry broke the silence again.

I sighed, "Oh yeah… she'll be surprised alright…" And I'll take the blows for it… I cringed outwardly; I wasn't looking forward to a beating.

Winry chuckled, "Oh, don't be a baby, Al. It won't be that bad."

"Says you… you're not going to get your bones crushed…" I replied with a scowl, turning away to look for the food cart. I was starting to get hungry; I hadn't been eating much so I guess it was taking a toll.

Shaking her head, Winry continued laughing, "You sound just like Ed!"

I blinked, facing her once again and suffering from whiplash. "What?"

"You sound like Ed. I guess he's rubbing off on you." she winked, then went back to her book on automail construction for birds.

I watched her for a minute, then leaned my forehead against the window. _Me like Brother? That's real funny…_ The glass was warm, even though the sun was behind the train. Clouds flew by in the sky, looking like they were moving very fast, but it was only the train. The clouds probably weren't even moving at all…

_Without You… the tides change,_

It was different. The blow to my face that would usually have no effect on me whatsoever, had me close to tears almost immediately.

"You've had worse beatings." Izumi growled at me, thrusting an ice pack into my arms, "What makes this so different?"

I took the ice pack gratefully and pressed it to my swollen cheek. The bleeding in my mouth had stopped, but they was a sore where I had bitten down on it. I didn't want to answer her, she didn't have to know that they sent Ed away and now no one knew where he was. However, I think Teacher suspected something when I didn't reply. Normally, I would have had some kind of comment to make.

I hadn't even been in the house for very long. Winry and I arrived on the doorstep, only to be greeted by Mason, who was really excited to see me all flesh and stuff and then he called for Teacher, who then threw a piece of meat at my face and then punched me. Exactly the way I'd envisioned this meeting being played out. I glared half-heartedly at Winry; she wasn't attacked and was having a nice little conversation with Sig.

"So where is that pathetic older brother of yours hiding? I'm sure he knows what's in store for him… I'll make him wish that- What's wrong?" she cut herself off, looking to me with an odd gaze.

I sniffled, unaware of the tears that were gathering in my eyes, "Nothing."

Her eyes narrowed, and I could feel the stares of everyone in the room on me, "Where is Edward?"

"I don't know…" I felt exposed; naked without my brother to shield me. It's sad… I've known these people for so long, but I'm only comfortable around them with Ed.

They didn't say anything, I think they could tell I was bothered by the subject so they switched to how it was like for me to be in body again. Mason was asking most of the questions, while Sig occasionally commented on how much bigger I was getting. Teacher just watched, listening or not… I can't be too sure… but it looked like she was still suspicious.

I slept in the room that Ed and I used to share… It was lonely.

_The boys run,_

I smiled to myself as I rested my chin on my arms, gazing out the window and down at the front yard. Mason was playing with a bunch of the neighborhood boys, almost like tag but with a ball being tossed back and forth between them. Winry was hanging the laundry, she had wanted to help out Teacher because she wasn't feeling very good. She was taking a nap.

Stretching out my arms, I vaguely wondered if Mustang had tried to call while I was gone. I hoped he left messages… maybe ones saying that Ed was okay! My hopes were getting high again. Inwardly, I scolded myself for thinking like that. I didn't want to be all happy and hopeful if it was all going to come crashing down on me in the end.

"Hey! You got me!" One of the boys laughed, leaping onto another to try and wrestle back the ball.

They all looked so happy. Mason had invited me to play with them, but I didn't know the rules and I wasn't really up to it. I was content just to watch them run and play. I was happy for them; I'm sure they didn't have to worry much about their big brothers living or dying…

_The oceans crash…_

_It hurt so much… it was hard to breath… I can't breath. Oh my god, I'm suffocating! I can't breath! My chest is tight… it's getting tighter. Where'd they put my arm? Oh, it burns! God, make it stop! I don't know! I don't know! I don't know! I keep telling them that… they're not listening. I don't know!_

_LEAVE US ALONE!_

"NO!" I sobbed, clutching the blankets close to my shaking frame. My chest really did feel tight, my breathing coming in short gasps. "No… please… don't hurt him."

My pleas went unheard. I was trembling violently, the dream felt so real… I could actually hear Ed's thoughts echoing in my own head. It was scary… the people had no faces. But they had guns and were angry and there was something tight against my brother's throat. He couldn't breath… he was going to suffocate. I gasped out another cry of despair, flinging the covers off my body and rushing to change my clothes. I couldn't stay here. Not when my big brother needed me. I needed to get to him. I needed to save him!

I threw all my clothes into the small suitcase I'd gotten, clasping it shut and stumbling down the stairs. It was pitch black still, it wasn't even close to dawn. I had to feel around to make sure I didn't bump into anything, but my movements were jerky and I fell into the front door. A steady grip caught me though.

"What're you doing?" I recognized that voice anywhere.

Reluctantly, I turned to face Teacher. Her gaze was hard and searching, trying to see what I've been hiding from them these past few days. I knew I wasn't how they remembered me, but how could I be? When I was younger I didn't have to worry about Edward dying.

"I'm going for a walk." I lied quickly, she slapped me for that.

She sighed heavily, "Don't you boys know me better than that? I trust that you're not going off to do something stupid. Edward's in trouble and the military won't say anything, is that right?"

I looked away, biting my lower lip in agitation, "Yes…"

"They're searching for him, aren't they?" she tried to pry more information from me.

I nodded, releasing a choked up sigh, "Y-yes…"

"Alphonse…" I raised my head to look at her again, her eyes were sad now. "Do what you need to do. We won't stop you."

I blinked, gaping openly at her as she said this. Slowly, a sad, but relieved smile came to me, "Thank you." I bowed politely, then turned to leave once again, my body still trembling from the force of the nightmare.

"Don't forget to stop by again once you find him. I'm going to want to knock some sense into both of your thick skulls."

I smirked to myself and nodded again, "Okay. And Winry…?"

"We'll take care of her, Al. Don't worry." Teacher gave my shoulder an affectionate squeeze, "Hurry up, the next train for Central leaves in fifteen minutes."

"Okay…" I stood there for a moment, then suddenly I was flinging myself around her and hugging her tightly, "I'm sorry for all the trouble we've caused you…"

"It's to be expected from you two." She sounded tired, but amused, "Now get going before I have to send you flying back to Central."

"Right." I stepped back and smiled, then grabbed my suitcase once again and darted out the door and down the street. I wasn't going to sit back and do nothing.

_The crowds roar…_

It was so noisy. I cringed as the buzz of people talking and shouting and moving rang through my head. The train station was so crowded. I forced myself through, getting caught between so many people and their luggage. It was stuffy and claustrophobic for me. I really didn't want these people touching my arm or my back or my leg, I only wanted Ed to touch me there. Finally there was space! But the crowd was still roaring with indistinguishable voices. Shaking my head in disdain, I broke into a run so I could hail a taxi and get home as soon as possible.

First I was going to check and see if anyone called, then I was going to find a way to get to where Edward was. Of course, I'd have to rely on those dreams… but I couldn't even completely rely on those. Who knew if they were actually happening or if I was just making it all up because of my paranoia? I sure didn't know… but something told me that it was very real…

The taxi pulled up to the curb and I quickly hopped in; I wanted to get home and away from all the loud people. I wanted to find my brother.

_The days soar…_

Another several days were marked off the calendar, mainly the ones where I was in Dublith. That made 20 days. 20 days and one message…

_"Alphonse Elric. We've surrounded your house. You can't go anywhere, or your big brother won't be opening his eyes tomorrow morning. Just stay where you are and no one will get hurt."_

That was the day I arrived in Dublith. These people were long gone by now. I had checked. I know it was stupid of me, but I couldn't remember if I had seen anyone hiding near our house. I checked the entire neighborhood, but no one was there. I think they figured out that I had left. I wonder if that's bad or not.

I didn't like those people, they threatened to hurt Ed. They needed me for something though… I knew that… So I couldn't stay here anymore. I needed to leave as soon as possible. Who knew if those people might come back? Who knew if someone had already hurt my brother so badly? I shivered, stepping away from the calendar and slowly going towards my room. I was scared; what if someone was still in my house? I figured that wouldn't be the case though… considering that Puff was content and fast asleep on my bed. She'd been staying with Gracia and Elysia, I had asked them to watch her and they had really enjoyed my kitten's company. I hope they wouldn't mind taking care of her again… I couldn't bring her with me. I sat down on the edge of my bed, staring at my unpacked suitcase and wondering where I would have to go… I had no idea…

_But I die… without you…_

_"No, you bastards! I told you already, I don't know anything!"_

_"Talk you damned dog! Tell us what you know!" I was slapped hard… harder than Teacher's. The flesh was hot and stinging, but no tears came to my eyes._

_"I told you, I don't know anything!" I was angry, angry and afraid. These people were insane._

_I wanted to struggle, I wanted to get out of here and go home. It would be safe there, I could take Al and leave and we'd go somewhere safe. I glanced down at the ugly stump of a leg I had left. Those bastards had ripped off my automail limbs, leaving the ports open and free to get infected. Not only that, but my wrist was bound to a wall. I had struggled against it the first week, but all I succeeded in doing was making my wrist bleed. I was a mess._

_"Don't you get it! If you don't talk, not only will you suffer… but whoever is in that house on the address that you kept in your pocket. It must mean something to you, doesn't it?" I was more than afraid now… I was terrified. My blood ran cold and for a second I think my heart stopped._

_"What address?" I tried to play off, hoping they didn't notice the fear that made my voice quiver. Maybe they were only pulling my leg. Bad pun…_

_"I believe it's 423 Cheshire Avenue, the current residence of Edward, whom we all know is you, and Alphonse Elric." I felt my eyes grow wide, they couldn't do anything… could they? "Hmm… I see you recognize the name. Don't try to weasel your way out of this, we know everything about you. We're not as stupid as you may think. Now talk or I'm going to order a direct assault on the damned house whether you know who they are or not!"_

_I couldn't help it, they were going to kill him… if I didn't say anything, they were going to kill my baby brother, "I don't know! I don't! But please, don't hurt him! Please!"_

_My back was breaking, or that's what it felt like. Pain shot through every inch of my body and I couldn't help but scream. The blinding lights made me dizzy, I wanted to throw up, I wanted all this to stop. But if they were hurting me, then maybe Al was safe. Maybe…_

_I screamed again before everything went dark._

I wasn't aware that it was me screaming for some time. I managed to wake myself up from the terror that plagued me, but my insides were writhing and I couldn't stop the sounds that were forcing themselves out of my mouth. It felt so bad; it hurt so much. But this pain was probably nothing compared to what he must be going through. I squirmed on the bed, trying to alleviate the pain by doubling over and clutching my sides. White dots swam before my eyes and everything was spinning and blurring. But if I closed my eyes, all I saw was blood pooled out in front of me in a small white room.

When I finally quieted down and the pain ebbed away, I was left curled up in the blankets of my bed. Moaning from the intensity, I let tears spill down my cheeks freely and made no move to wipe them away. My heart hurt. My head hurt. My entire body hurt. But I kept reminding myself that Ed's pain must be far worse than mine. It must be.

Then why does it feel like I'm dying?

_The world revives…_

_Everything was blurry and white… my entire body was throbbing in pain. I weakly raised my head, but only to let it fall limp once again. It was all too spinny. Like someone had spun me on one of those things at the playground, then mangled up my body and tossed it into Roy Mustang's office. I groaned, blinking some more and trying to regain my composure._

_Panic came to my senses, "Al…" my voice was nothing more than a hoarse whisper, quieter than a whisper actually, "Alphonse… Al…?" Those bastards were going to hurt him, just because I was stupid enough to leave him alone and get caught. Dammit! Leave him out of this! "Alphonse!"_

_A swift kick to my side left me coughing up bile and blood._

_Colors renewed…_

I blinked wearily, unsure if I had slipped off into another nightmare or not. It was still dark, but I could hear rain pounding on the roof again. I didn't understand what was wrong with this summer. Storms and heat waves? I sighed, burrowing deeper into my blankets, though they weren't covering me. I hadn't bothered to get under the covers. I heard a small mewl from across the room. Glancing up, I saw that the closet door was open and a little kitty tail was swishing back and forth.

"Puff… what're you doing?" I slid off the bed and walked over to her. "Whatcha got there?"

There was something in her mouth as I pulled her out of the closet, it was too dark to tell what it was though.

_But I know blue…_

_The colors were swimming together; the white of the room and red of my blood swirling together to make pink. But somewhere in there was a yellow, maybe even a green or a purple… All the colors might've been there. I was so dizzy… it was hard to keep my body from slumping forward again._

_Suddenly, all the colors were gone and everything was turning blue… I was slowly blacking out again, I think… everything was fading away one by one…_

_Only blue… lonely blue…_

The fabric was recognizable, soft and dark. Once the room lit up with lightning from the storm, my eyes widened at what I was holding. My blue coat… the one that had matched Ed's… I had lost it a little while after he left. The flamel… my eyes teared up as I recalled seeing that same flamel on the back of my big brother as he was walking away…

_"Hey, I'll be back soon. I promise."_

_"I love you too, you sap."_

"Brother…" I whispered brokenly, burying my face into the fabric of the coat that resembled his so strongly. Only his was red… my was blue…

_You and me blue…_

"Alphonse…"

"Brother…"

_Without you…_

_Without you, the hand gropes,_

I couldn't believe that after all this time… his scent was still lingering on his pillow. My hand fisted into the cushy material and I drew it close to my body, trying to stifle my sounds in it. I inhaled deeply, taking in his scent and recalling what he looked like when we were curled up together on my bed right before he left. My breath hitched again. I just wish it were easy enough for me to reach out and take his hand… then pull him back over to me. But it wasn't… My fingers clenched and I squeezed my eyes shut and praying for morning to come.

_The ear hears,_

"Al…"

My heartbeat picked up, immediately releasing the pillow and shooting up to stare at the door that lead to the hallway. I could've sworn I'd heard his voice… It was just my mind…

"Where are you?"

Wait… it definitely sounded like him! Distant, but it was his voice! "Brother!" I darted out of the room and into the hall, going straight for the front door. Lightning flashed and thunder roared, the door was still locked… there was no car anywhere in sight… there were no messages since the phone died… and Ed wasn't here.

"Brother? Are you there?" I called out, hoping that maybe he was just trying to sneak up on me like when we were kids.

_The pulse beats…_

Nothing.

I stood there for a while, looking down at my hands and listening closely, for any sound other than the rain hitting the roof and the thunder. All I could hear was my heartbeat. I could only hear a single heartbeat, when I knew there should've been two…

"Stupid…" I muttered, not sure who I was referring to anymore.

_Without you, the eyes gaze,_

_Those bastards must really want me to suffer. They put the picture of me and Al right in front of me, but just out of reach so I couldn't help but look at it. He looked so happy there… I wondered if he was still happy with that new kitten and in the new house and living life in his newly restored body…_

_Of course he wasn't. For some weird reason he was never happy without me, just like I'm never happy without him._

_The damn picture was smiling at me… With a stupid, grinning me sitting on the couch and looking relaxed and whatnot and with my good arm around Al's narrow shoulders. He was smiling cheerfully and a light blush was on his cheeks. I thought it was from all the excitement… "My brother…" I gazed sadly at the picture, I didn't want to be here, "What would you say to your stupid big brother now, hmm?" I laughed hollowly, "If you didn't hit me for this, then something must be wrong with you…"_

_"I'll come home soon… as soon as I can, Al… I promise…" a tear slipped down my cheek, but I couldn't wipe it away._

_The legs walk,_

_I had a perfect view of my leg and my arm sitting on a table. All unused and shiny. Those damn bastards removed them… didn't want to risk me escaping… My ports were swollen and sore from being exposed for so long… I'd lost track of the days… it couldn't have been more than a month yet, right? I didn't know… there were no windows in here… only one door and crummy air vent that had rats always moving around up there._

_I didn't like that air vent… I hated it more than the door, unless the door was opening. Inside of the air vent was black nothingness, it reminded me of looking inside Al when he was nothing but a soul glued to a suit of armor because of my stupidity. It was my stupidity that once again lead me into another mess. I should've seen the attack coming, should've been more prepared, shouldn't have even gone away from Al to begin with._

_"I'm sorry, Al…" I murmured, staring blankly at the stump of my leg that was red and infected. "I'm so sorry…"_

_The lungs breath…_

_I grit my teeth and pulled hard against the bonds that kept me chained to the wall. The shackle digging into my wrist. A trickle of fresh blood flowed down my arm to mingle with what had long dried. My chest ached, it was battered and bruised and I bet one of my ribs were broken._

_I took in a deep breath, despite the pain, and pulled harder. I had to wedge this thing loose for his sake! For Al, it was always only for Al! I pulled again and the blood ran faster, my head spinning and my chest was on fire. I took another deep breath, pulling and screaming at the same time until everything vanished and I was dead to the world again…_

_The mind churns!_

I was so sick, doubling over as I stumbled out the door with my suitcase in tow. It was still raining, but my train would be arriving soon and I needed to get Puff to Gracia. The images of Ed lying in a pool of his own blood wouldn't leave me be! I choked on nothing as I cradled the beige kitten close to my chest, beneath my blue coat and away from the rain. I kept hearing his voice echoing in my head. It wouldn't leave me alone! It was so pained and broken… My vision would stay straight either, sometimes it almost looked like I were back in that dream place, but then I'd find myself on the cold concrete and shivering in the rain.

I needed to hurry, I needed to get away from here and find my brother! I picked up the pace, despite being lightheaded and incoherent.

_The heart yearns!_

_"AL!"_

I fell to the ground with another sob, Puff squirming out of my arms and blinking at me. I probably looked so pathetic down there, but each sensation was getting worse. My body was aching and it felt out place and not right… my mind could stayed focused and I kept loosing my grip on reality. I felt my brother was close by, but then so far away. So many thoughts rushing through my head, more than half weren't my own.

_"Al!" Make it stop! "This pain… is nothing…" It hurts! "I can't keep doing this!" Brother, where are you! "Stop it!" So dizzy… "Leave me alone!" Please! "Al!"_

The rain was mingling with my tears, all different witnesses covering my face. I was choking on nothing, heaving up nothing, tears and rain falling and falling.

_The tears dry… Without you…_

"I… I've got to go…" Puff only pawed at my hand. "I have to find him… but where would I even look? The East is so big… what if he's not even there anymore?"

What was a fifteen year old boy who looked eleven going to do? I couldn't just wander around aimlessly and hope that someone would be kind enough to help me. People with a brain would try and send me home. But I can't go home. Not without Ed.

With all the tears shed, I steadily rose to my feet, rubbing at my face with the sleeve of my coat. I could still feel the remains of them, but it was okay. I could just say it was rain.

_Life goes on… but I'm gone…_

"Watch it, damn kid."

I found myself once again sprawled over the pavement as the rain pounded on my back. I glared up at him with as much anger as I could force out. The man who bumped into me just glared back, not even paying any attention to the fact that he almost stepped on Puff. My poor kitten was drenched. I bent down and scooped her up into my arms, biting my lower lip as the man started to grumble again.

"Kids these days, never any consideration for the feelings of others…"

"Do you know what it's like not to feel anything?" I spit out venomously, catching the man off guard, "I thought not… if you'd excuse me I have bigger problems than wasting my time dealing with an old man like you!"

Storming past him angrily, my coat was basically plastered to my skin, but I could care less. I was not going to let anything stop me. No one was getting in my way. _I'm coming, Brother… please just hang on a little longer!_ I pleaded inwardly.

_"I can't…"_

_Yes you can! You can, Brother! You're the Fullmetal Alchemist! The hero of the people! My only family left! Please! You're so strong… you're so strong, Brother… Can you hear me? Please don't go… please… I need you… I love you…_

I knew he couldn't hear me, but it reassured me as I kept pleading and hoping and begging. Running faster than I did when I was escaping the gun shots that one time. I tried to keep Puff from jolting too much, but it couldn't be helped. I needed to hurry. _I should've left the day I got the call… Brother, forgive me?_

No reply other than the rain again… It was always raining…

_Because I die… Without you…_

Without warning, a blow to the back of my head sent me flying forward. I cringed in pain, my head throbbing and vision blurring. I saw Puff scampering away, obviously frightened by the attack. But who…? A pair of dark boots stopped in front of me. I looked up wearily, several men surrounded me and were dressed similarly to the animal man with the gun I had seen. One of the vaguely resembled the man I'd bumped into only seconds before. He was holding a rifle… I think that's what he hit me with…

I cried out when I felt a needle entire my skin, injecting something into me. I was numbed instantly, my mind growing black as I heard indistinct voices murmuring something about a car… a picture… a boy… blonde hair… metal…

Metal? No wait… it was Fullmetal… Fullmetal…

"Br…oth…er?" I gasped out, a heavy boot stamping on my chest and knocking the wind out of me.

I heard a chuckle, but it wasn't nice… it was fading away, "Don't worry, kid. You'll see your damned brother soon…"

My eyes slipped shut and everything got black and quiet… Brother…

There was nothing…

_Without You…_


	12. Part XII

..XII..

Escape

My head really hurt…

Feeling my muscles tense as I fought my way back to consciousness, I was dimly aware of the awful throbbing in the back of my head. My cheek was pressed against cold floor; hard and metal and uncomfortable. I tried to move around to change my position, but found that impossible. There was a rope around my wrists, then another around my ankles. I was bound, probably gagged too, because there was something rough and fabric like around my mouth. I shivered against the metallic floor, it was really cold even if it was summer.

_Where am I?_ My brain was starting to register that this was bad. _What happened?_ I could vaguely remember running to catch a train… but I was dropping Puff off at Gracia's first… did I ever go to Gracia's? I couldn't remember. Well, there were boots… I got hit… then I blacked out. _That doesn't explain much though._ I tried wiggling around again, but I didn't move any further than I had last time. It was dark all around me, I was too afraid to open my eyes. I didn't want to see anything bad.

_Brother… are you in here_? I felt as if he might be. A gentle tug on my heartstrings had me cautiously open my eyes. It was dark in this room, too, so I didn't have to worry about wincing at the brightness of anything. From what I could tell, it was a rather small room. Only two other people besides myself would probably fit in here. There was a single overhead light that was dangling from the ceiling, but the light bulb kept flickering. It made me uneasy. This whole place made me uneasy! I turned my head to the left and saw a door leading into some kind of brightly lit hallway. I turned my head to the right and saw a table, similar to the one that I had seen in the room Ed was in. _Is he actually in a room like that?_ I frowned, releasing a involuntary whimper when the light flickered off. It was pitch black.

_What's going to happen? Oh god… I don't know! Where am I? Where's Brother? Where are you? I need you! I'm scared, it's dark, and you're not here! I've got to find you! I have to! _I was breathing erratically, tugging hopelessly at my bindings. I knew I was starting to do that weird thing… hyperventilating. _I can't panic! I've got to be calm so I can find Brother!_ I growled helplessly, falling limp against the floor. I couldn't undo the ropes, all I'd accomplished was making harsh, red marks on my wrists. My eyes stung and I made a sound that was sort of like a cough and sob.

A red light flashed. I blinked through my tears of frustration, lifting my head up to see what had happened. Nothing, it was still black… there! A little red light was flashing in the corner. The lights flickered again, revealing a little black video recorder. The shiny, black lens glared at me. Someone was videotaping me, the little red dot meant that.

Squirming again, I slowly began sliding my way across the cold floor towards the video camera. It scared me, filled me with the sensation that I wasn't safe as long as that was on and staring at me. While struggling over to it, I glanced around the room and paused. I was going to need a plan. I couldn't just break the camera and then sit here, whoever was watching me would come in here and hurt me or maybe my brother. I slowly scanned the walls until I came to the ceiling. _An air vent._ I would need to transmute the ropes away, then move the table under the air vent… but it was a possibility. Probably my only possibility since I couldn't just walk out the door.

But how was I supposed to use alchemy with my hands bound together and no chalk?

I groaned, the video camera probably heard it since the gag had managed to slip off. I could've cared less though. I hiccupped and tried not to dwell on the fact that this was entirely hopeless. Everything… there wasn't anything I could do all tied up. With a pathetic whimper, I let my eyes slip shut again and cried myself into unconsciousness.

888888

"_Don't hurt him… please…" I couldn't tear my gaze away from the screen they set before me. My little brother… he looked so small. "Please, he didn't do anything."_

_The look he'd given the camera before he passed out… It made my heart clench, he looked like he'd given up. Now he was limp and pale… bruised and tied up… he was shivering, too. He'd catch a cold for sure. My poor Al… he didn't deserve that! He didn't! I fought against the chains, but it was weak since I've lost a lot of blood. _

"_Let him go!" I shouted, it echoed in the room._

"_Tell us about the military plans for making bombs!"_

"_I don't know what you're talking about!" I screamed, glancing at the screen, noticing that Al was stirring again. Al…_

"_Brother… calm down…" it was sleepy, and faint, but my heart leapt into my throat at the sound and I gazed at the screen longingly. He was still asleep… but… "Brother…"_

_I hadn't heard his voice in so long. I fell apart, tears streaming down my cheeks. The men left me. I was alone with the screen of my brother and the stupid air vent full of rats. "Alphonse…"_

888888

_The gate… if you see the gate, you can transmute without a circle… right? _I blinked up at video camera, well aware that he could see me. I was certain those dreams were real now, that it really was through Ed's eyes. Blackness just greeted me, and a dim reflection of mine. My hair was longer than I remembered… it reached my shoulders now. I hadn't cut it all since I'd been restored… I don't think Ed minded though. I squirmed closer to the video camera, giving it a small smile.

"Hi Brother… don't worry, okay? I know what I'm doing… You'll be okay. I promise." My expression was soft, despite the ache in my arms and head. It was nothing compared to what happened to him.

I started to flip onto my back, but stopped suddenly. Flipping back to look at the camera, I quickly placed a kiss on the lens. "Love you…" I mumbled, before getting onto my back and lifting my bound legs up and smashing the camera. I couldn't afford to let one of the bad people see me on the camera, even if that meant that Ed couldn't make sure I was safe.

My arms twisted around each other, trying to make it so that I could clap efficiently and still be able to touch the rope. It was so hard, I ended up scooting all around the floor while doing this. The cool metal floor was touching my back since my shirt rode up and I was now arching my back while forcing my hands together. Finally, they were touching and could still reach the rope. _Please work…_

I clapped once, then pressed my hand to the rope. Nothing happened. A little more practice then. Clapping again, still nothing. I bit my lower lip, trying to transmute the rope away several times. "Please work… Please… it's my only chance…" I nervously glanced at the door, "Please… for my brother…"

My wrists were free. The rope dissolved in a flash of blue light, freeing me from the binds. I quickly untied the rope at my ankles, then rubbed at my sore wrists once I was standing up. I tied my hair back with the cloth used to gag me, then glanced over at the door. No one was coming yet. I wasn't sure how much time I had though…

I scrambled over to the table and began pulling on it so I could get it under the air vent. I couldn't help but grimace at the sight of all those weapons… They looked horrible, I hadn't noticed them before since I was on the floor. There were knives and guns and ropes and pipes all in a neat row as if it were for some fancy display. Just seeing the weapons aligned so perfectly disturbed me more than I could handle. I slid them all into a messy pile so I'd have room to climb on top of the table. However, my gaze fell on a simple revolver. It looked a lot like the one Hawkeye carried around. She had shown me how it worked once, but back then I was a big suit of armor and waiting for Ed to stop shouting at Mustang. Still, I knew how to use one. _I don't know what I'll be up against… they may all have guns…_ I bit my lower lip. _If worst comes to worst I'll just scare them with it. I don't really have to shoot anyone._

I slipped the gun into the loop for my belt, making sure that it was secure in my pocket and still easily accessible. I gave the table a small shove and had it scrape across the floor with painful squealing. I could feel the sweat beading at the back of my neck and forehead, stopping the table right beneath the air vent. I took a few deep breaths, that table was heavy! Clambering onto the table top, I reached up to see if I could touch the air vent. My fingers barely brushed the surface. I bit back a groan, standing up a little higher on my tip toes and stretching my arms upward even further.

"Almost…" I sighed, my palms still weren't flat against it. I couldn't transmute it that way.

Hopping off the table, I searched the tiny room for some kind of material to help me. _Well, I could take one of the pipes and turn into a small box for me to stand on… like a step stool._ I wondered, grabbing one of the lead pipes and examining it's length. It was about half my height, so I assumed that by making it a box shape, it would give me enough height.

I set the newly transmuted box on the table, then climbed back on it. Keeping my balance steady, I reached up and pressed my palms to the cool metal of the vent. _Perfect._ Clapping quickly, I focused solely on getting rid of the barrier. The screws holding it in places turned into little purple grapes, causing it to fall on me.

"Ack!" I yelped, struggling to stay on my feet as the weight of the vent lid tilted me.

I set it down on the table, then reached up so I could get a good grip on the opening. It was really hard for me to lift myself up and my fingers were slipping a little. My arms trembled as my feet dangled, my body wiggling to help swing myself up. The opening wasn't very big, so I was thankful for being so small. It didn't bother me like it did to Ed.

Finally, I managed to wiggle my way into the narrow air shaft. I coughed as the dust aggravated my throat, my hands were getting coated in the thick layers of dust. It was dark, damp, and dusty. It smelled heavily of decomposition and moisture… and sour milk. My coughing fit continued until there was a clear space of air, despite the really gross smell! I had to lay on my belly, because propping myself up only got me a nice big bump on my head. Crawling forward, I realized that I had no idea which direction Ed was in… _Great…_I sighed, glaring at the narrow space.

Well, the only thing I could do was just keep moving forward until I found him or hit a dead end. _Hang on, Brother! I'll find you!_

88888

A dead end.

I felt like crying or screaming or hitting something. I had gone all that way for who knew how long and it was a dead end!

It was too narrow for me to turn around, so I'd have to crawl backwards until I'd have enough room to turn around. Carefully, I started sliding my legs back and having my arms push myself away from the dead end. I bit my lower lip, I was a little nervous about going backwards and not being able to see where I was going. My hand brushed against something furry, but the hair was a little coarse. It squeaked and I had to slap my other hand over my mouth to keep from screaming in surprise. I ended up inhaling more dust as the rat scurried away.

I couldn't make much noise or else it would echo and the people below would hear me. Trying not to shake, I was afraid that the air shaft would shake too, I started going backwards again. My shirt was filthy from all the dust and stuff in the vent. I managed to bruise and bump and bang and scratch myself pretty badly as I crawled. I was careful not the slip into the opening that I cane in, but I did use it to turn around so that I could see where I was going, well, see better than before. It was really dark in the air vent and I ran into several more rats.

_How long have I been up here?_ I was so tired, _I'll just rest for a little bit…_ I lied down completely and slipped into a restless sleep. _I wonder if I'll dream of Brother again…_

Light shone through one of the openings in the vent. It was from outside. I rubbed at my eyes wearily, wincing when the dust aggravated them. _How long was I asleep for?_ The daylight confused me, because it hadn't been there when I fell asleep. I peered out of the air vent, gasping at what I saw. Desert. It was the desert. There was just sand and dirt everywhere. No place to run to or hide in… except for a cactus but that wouldn't provide us with much help. I groaned, resting my forehead against the makeshift window.

"Well I'll be… a kid?"

I yelped at the sudden voice from nowhere, pulling my face away from the opening and scooting up against the other side as best as I could. There was someone there! And they knew I was there! They'd tell the other people and I'd be captured again… or they'd hurt my brother for no good reason!

"Hmm, I haven't seen a kid out here in… well, it must be seven years now. What're you doing here? Up there in the ventilation especially?"

He didn't sound mean or harsh like the other people, he sounded… well, older. Like an old man. Cautiously, I looked out of the vent again. He was definitely an old man, his hair was all gray and he had some wrinkles and his body looked tired, despite what he was doing. He was wiping his truck with a rag that was now covered in oil. I guess he had been doing some kind of maintenance. He wasn't dressed like the people who had kidnapped me, he didn't like he'd be from Lior or the military either. Overalls were what he was wearing, with a plan white shirt underneath that looked dirty from the oil and sand. He wasn't looking up, but I knew that he could tell that I was watching him.

"Like I said, not too many kids out here… not even in that town over there." he gestured toward a hill of sand a little ways off.

I blinked, "There's a town nearby?"

"Yep. It's not well known and it's hard to get by in… we get all our produce and whatnot from our sister city out to the west. It's a small place, real close-knit community, but all the kids have grown up there and moved on."

I frowned in contemplation, if it was a small place and so close by… it wouldn't do as a hiding place for me and Ed once we escaped. "Wait, you said you get your supplies from another city. Does that mean you have a train station?"

"Yeah, there's a train station. Doesn't go real far, but it's next stop does have a branch to Central. So, you'd hafta ride to Solesburg before being able to go anyplace of importance. You need to get out of here, kid?" he asked, leaning back away from his truck and glancing up at me. "What're you doing in that vent?"

For some reason… I felt like I could trust him. "I'm trying to get to my big brother, we were kidnapped and we're trying to get out and away from these people. The air vent is the only way for me to get around without getting caught. Why are you near this place if your town's over there?"

"I'm delivering some tools. That's my job. But my truck is overheated, so I'm trying to cool it down and give it a little tune up." he looked around quickly, then spoke more quietly, "If you need to get out of there, I could give you and your brother a lift into town. It's not right for kids to be in a place like this."

"Really? Thank you!" I smiled gratefully, I was starting to pull together some kind of escape plan! "What do they do here?"

"I'm not really sure, but I do know it's something illegal… on the down low, if you know what I mean.."

I nodded, "Okay… well, umm… my brother and I will meet you right there okay? If we're not out by… umm… what time is it?"

"Around one in the afternoon." he replied.

"Right, umm… if we're not out in… umm…" I wasn't sure how long it would take for Ed and I to get out of there.

The man picked up for me, "If you're not out by sunset, I'll get the authorities to come and help you."

"Thank you." I was so grateful for this man being so helpful, he didn't even know who we were and he was willing to help us anyway. We seemed to be finished talking, so I started crawling forward again, this time with new determination.

Continuously glancing down at each opening that I passed, I searched for the one that held my brother. As I slid along the narrow passageway, I tried to think of someway to get Ed out of the room and us outside. It would depend on the situation though… if the room was empty, then it would be easier to unchain Ed and then… what? I paused, the air vent was too narrow for me to drag Ed in. Unless I could reattach his limbs, but wouldn't that be painful? I didn't want to hurt him anymore… But how else would we get out?

"…us…"

I froze, someone was talking a little ways ahead. Hesitantly, I crawled forward a little more, trying to be quiet. I couldn't give away my position.

"…doing anything until you tell me what you did with him!" I could recognize that voice anywhere. Tears collected in my eyes, but I refused to shed them as I continued and finally reached the vent above his room.

I could see Ed, my eyes widening at the sight of his thin, pale body all bruised and scarred. I couldn't see much else, I was too far away. There was a man standing near my brother, the man that usually yelled at him. I fought the urge to just transmute the vent and jump down, I needed to wait until they all left. There were two others in the room.

"I told you, State dog, we're not giving you any information on your kid brother until you tell us what we want to know! You're being so damn stubborn."

Ed glared venomously, despite looking so fragile, "I told you I don't know anything! How many times do I have to say it!" He looked like he was breaking, "Please just let him go… he didn't do anything…"

"Well, that's a little impossible." the man looked over at the other two and they all nodded, then focused back on Ed, "You see… because of your defiance... We had no choice but to kill him."

Without think I slammed my hands on the vent as my brother screamed something at the man. Something incoherent, but the pain in his voice…

"No… NO! YOU BASTARD! YOU'RE LYING!" there was no mistaking the tears collecting in his eyes or the break in his voice, "No!"

"It's part of our religion to sacrifice children, we haven't see one in so long… so we were quite pleased to use your brother, thank you for that." Ed couldn't possibly believe that, right?

"No…" my brother's head shook back and forth, his shoulders quaking. "No…"

They were trying to break him… break him into little, tiny pieces. My chest tightened, leaning forward more and putting strain on the vent. How dare they… _Brother… no, I'm not dead. Don't cry. _Tears were splashing onto the cold ground that he sat on. _No! I'm right here! See? Brother, please, look! I'm here!_ For a split second, I thought I might've said that aloud because Ed's head snapped up. He was staring at the television screen, but I knew as well as he did that it was black. _It's not fair._ I leaned a bit more, but it was too much for the vent, the opening collapsed beneath my weight.

"AHH!" I was falling, smashing my shoulder into the table that was thankfully beneath the vent.

I groaned, the automail arm digging into my back and my shoulder was throbbing. I clutched at it and swung my legs up so I was sitting at the edge of the table. Suddenly remembering where I was, I fumbled for the arm and transmuted it into the infamous blade. I was too slow though… I'd given them enough time to get over their shock at me falling through the ceiling. I was staring straight into the barrel of a gun, while the big man stared at the sharp tip of the blade.

He smirked, it was frightening and I heard myself gulp loudly. I didn't anticipate having a gun pointed at me. _What to do… what to do…_ I could hear the other two scrambling for their own guns. I needed to think of something… fast.

Suddenly I heard myself blurting out: "I did what you told me to, Brother. The bomb's set now and it'll go off in fifteen minutes."

The air in the room was thick, I was surprised my voice hadn't wavered at all. The two men lowered their gun and looked at their leader for clarification. He looked baffled, not taking his eyes off me… seeing I had a weapon. But he did too.

"What the hell are you talking about, kid?" he glowered.

I managed to smirk, trying to imitate the cocky looked Ed so easily pulled off, "Why, that bomb the military's been developing? The one my brother is refusing to tell you about? Ring any bells?"

The heated glare intensified, "That's cute, kid. But your big brother says there is no bomb."

"And you believe him?" I asked, feigning disbelief. "Such a pity for you then. That bomb's pretty powerful, it can blow away about forty seven hundred square feet."

They all paled, but none of them wavered, "Really, now?"

I nodded, "Yep, and I'm guessing that this place is roughly around that size… or considerably smaller, right?"

No one answered me, but the leader brought up a new subject, "And you think we're going to fall for the trick? You're bluffing."

"Think what you will." I shrugged, "It's your loss. I mean, my brother and I are dogs of the State. We won't hesitate to die for them. And this is technically a suicidal bombing mission. But if you're willing to take that big of risk and let all your men and facilities go up in flames, then that's fine with me."

The man was shaking now, lowering his gun and barking orders at the other two, "Hurry up, you lazy pigs! We need to disable that bomb! NOW!"

All three of them rushed out of the room in a panic, but they were smart enough to lock the door behind them. Ed and I were left in the room alone, both of us blinking in a slight stupor. Suddenly I collapsed into myself, my entire body shaking violently from fear and shock. Slowly sliding off the table, I gripped it tightly to keep my balance.

"I… I can't believe they bought that…" I whispered to myself, but it echoed in the empty room.

"You…" at the sound of Ed's voice so close, I burst into tears, "YOU IDIOT! What the hell were you thinking?"

I ran over to his side and clapped, getting rid of the chains that kept my brother trapped. He looked even worse up close, covered in dried blood with his clothes torn and infected wounds threatening to open up again. I wiped away my tears and gazed at him, looking so small and not like my brother.

"I'm sorry…" I murmured, "But… I had to save you…"

"You didn't have to anything! You almost got yourself killed several times!" he was trying to yell, trying to be angry, but he just sounded relieved, "Al… why? Why would you do that?"

I collected his automail and brought them over to him, wincing at the infected ports, "Because, stupid brother, I love you. I wasn't going to leave you in a place like this."

"Alphonse…"

I shook my head, "It's okay. Do you want your arm and leg, Brother? The only way out is through that vent and it's too small for me to carry you in there."

"I don't need to be carried." he mumbled, nodding towards his limbs. "Go ahead."

I braced myself for the pain I was sure this would cause. I did his leg first, since I figured being able to walk was most important. I wasn't sure how much time we had before the people discovered that there was no bomb. The leg popped into place, Ed bit his flesh hand to keep himself from screaming. Blood trickled down to join more dark stains on the floor.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, not looking at him as I popped his arm in.

"Nnngh!" he groaned against his hand, his face was contorted into an expression of pain.

Ed fell limp against the wall, panting heavily and I was afraid he'd pass out. I wrapped my arms around him and cradled his head close to my chest. Soft words of apology were whispered into his hair. It was matted and filthy. He hadn't been bathed in however long, so his smell was hidden because of the filth and grime, but I only held him closer.

"I'm sorry I didn't come sooner…"

Ed shook his head, "N-no, Al… it's okay… this-s wasn't your burden…"

"I'm still sorry." I felt so bad, like it was my fault that Ed was like this now. That if I had done something other than cried and moped around the house like a baby, then he'd be okay and not hurting. Tears slipped down my cheeks, "I'm so sorry, Brother…"

Ed fidgeted against me a little, his way of protesting being held like a child, "Al… no…"

"Come on." I helped him up to his feet and let him use me as a crutch. "We need to get out of here."

"Wh-where are we… going to go?" he wheezed, squeezing his eyes shut tightly because of the pain.

"A little town that's a little ways away from here. A couple miles maybe…" I replied, taking more of his weight even though he grunted in protest, "But don't worry, we're getting a ride from someone I met. We can trust him. He makes deliveries and he happened to be doing one out here." I carefully helped Ed up into the air vent, worried that I might drop him or he'd get even more injured. "You okay, Brother?"

"'M fine…" he mumbled, nearly kicking me as he used his good leg to give him leverage, "Sorry."

When I was certain he was situated, I climbed onto the table and tried to climb back in after him. Even though I'd managed it earlier, I was tired and weaker from not eating in however long I haven't eaten… I was just thankful that Ed had been fed here. My arms shook and my fingers loosened around the edges, but I wasn't going to ask for help. _Brother's not strong enough… I can't ask him to help me up. I'll do it myself!_ A firm grip on my hand stopped my squirming and I blinked up at Ed as he tried to help me up with one arm.

"C'mon, you idiot. Don't fall." he tried to sound reprimanding, obviously not pleased that I'd been wandering around in an air vent, but it came out sounding gentler.

I blushed lightly, and frowned "I won't."

At a faster pace than I had been going at earlier, we scrambled through the vent in the direction I told Ed to travel in. He kept hissing in pain as he bumped his leg or arm against the metal wall-like things. I felt really bad for him, I should've found a better way to get the both of us out of there… one that didn't cause him so much pain. But he didn't complain. Not once. Sure he mumbled stuff about the bastards making his limbs hurt like hell, but nothing about my incapability of finding a suitable escape route.

"Here it is!" I told him excitedly, pointing to the opening where I had been speaking to the man earlier. "He should be right outside."

Ed nodded, clapping his hands together and pressing them to the opening. The vent vanished and he slid out of it, carefully landing on the sand. Okay, more like falling and landing on his back, but at least he didn't injure his leg any more than it already was. I followed him through, but I landed on my stomach which wasn't much better.

"Damn landing…" Ed was grumbling, struggling to sit himself up and failing.

I sighed, moving over to help him up again, "Be thankful it's only sand." I feared what the fall would've done to him had it been anything other than sand.

"You know I hate sand." he replied, "You always sank in it. And it got in my shoes…" his tone wasn't normal, it was slurred and tired. _Poor Brother…_

I only nodded, feeling my throat close up so I could say anything without it cracking or me bursting into tears again. I heard the steady rumble of an engine, the man was only a little ways off and motioning us towards his truck. It was a small pickup, so I was guessing that there were only two seats. Well, that wasn't a problem, I'd just sit in the back. Acting as Ed's cane again, I helped him limp over to it and got him settled in the passenger seat. I propped his arm up so it wouldn't hurt him and watching for any sings of pain as I shifted his legs.

He opened one eye to peer at me suspiciously, "Where are you sitting?"

"The back." I replied, flashing him a reassuring smile, "Don't worry."

Ed just snorted, letting his eyes slip shut again, "I'm your big brother, I'll always worry."

I suddenly had an urge to kiss him. I wanted to make it all better for him. All this time, he had no idea of knowing if I was alright or not. And seeing how I had been… with all the guilt he piles onto himself… it must've been just as bad, if not worse for him. But coupled with the abuse he endured, I'd say that it was really, really worse. I pressed my lips to his cheek in a chaste kiss, then shut the door to the car before he had a chance to react.

"We'd better hurry, kid." the man was calling to me as I tried to climb into the back of the truck, "I think they're suspecting something."

He was right. I could hear shouting from inside the building and alarms sounding. They probably figured out it was a fluke and found out that we were gone. I got all the way into the back and the car started moving forward. Leaning back, I sighed in relief, we were out. We were going home. _Brother and I can be together just like we're supposed to be. We can finally admit our feelings to each other and live happily ever after. He can leave the military and we can find some other job and be happy. Him and me… and we'll find Puff! Poor thing's probably scared to death. But first I have to get Brother to the hospital, then when he's healed we can look for her-_

My thoughts were broken by a gunshot. I gasped, wide-eyed as a truck belonging to those bad rebel people started closing in on us. That leader from before held a rifle in his hands and was shooting at us. I yelped, scrambling over to the side as a bullet dented the truck only centimeters from where I'd been.

"Al!" Ed had lowered the window, leaning out to see if I was okay.

I didn't want him to be in danger of getting shot! "I'm fine! Roll the window back up, Brother! You'll get hurt!"

He glowered at me and didn't close the window. I groaned in frustration, but it was turned into another gasp as I escaped another bullet. They were so close to us. I could hear Ed telling the man to speed up, which he had already been doing as they started chasing us. _At this rate we'll all be back in that place… I can't let that happen! I won't let them hurt my brother again!_

I got to my feet, a little unsteady because we were moving and my hand went straight to where I had placed the gun. I had no intention of shooting anyone, but there was something I could shoot. I aimed at the tires of the truck following us, though I had to evade another shot before I could get the right aim. _Okay… steady…_ I took the safety off, ignoring my brother's frantic pleas for me to sit down. _Now… right there…_ I was steady, pulling the trigger and stumbling back as the bullet hit the tire and sent the car swerving. Quickly preparing for another bullet, I aimed the gun at the second tire and shot again. But I missed. _I need to hit two just in case the swerving stops._ I told myself, aiming for the same tire and shooting again. This time it popped and the truck came to a halt.

"Yes!" I cheered to myself, watching as the rebels clambered out of their truck.

"Damn you!" the big man was shouting, "Damn you little bastard!"

We were still going very fast, so I could sit down quickly without risking falling out. So there wasn't much I could do when I heard the gunshot and saw my vision explode in white. There was pain, shooting up my arm and I think I was screaming. But it just hurt so much and there was blood and I was falling.

"AL!"

I fell.


	13. Part XIII

A/N: I am _so_ sorry. I really can't emphasize that enough! Well... there is a rather stupid explanation for why I did not update my story here for so long... I saved it and apparently didn't get around to actually updating it. I could've sworn I had and was a little slow on checking my e-mail. But I feel so stupid! I really thought I had updated and I am very sorry to all of you who have been so patient and thank you PPTeenBubbles and Darkling221 for bringing it to my attention. Also, thanks to all my reviewers for chapter 12 and those who have recently started reading.

Also, this is the second to last chapter. I know... I am saddened too, that's why I've been taking my time writing chapter 14. But I will not forget to post it like I did with this one. Thank you so much to all of you who have supported this story and those of you who have stuck through it from the beginning. I love you all and you all get muffins!! -showers muffins on readers- Thank you!!

Now please enjoy Part 13.

..Part XIII..

Kiss It Better

I was floating… Not in complete darkness, but nowhere near light. My light… I was reaching out for something… crying and pleading. I wanted to pain to stop. I wanted to die.

"_Brother?! Where's my brother?!"_

_Am I dead?_ I had no idea, but it was dark for a while. Nothingness for a while. It was sweeter than the pain of having to live each day for the past month or so without my brother. Having nothing… the nothing didn't have anything to remind me of him. The nothing didn't let me cry or get angry or lonesome. I was just there.

"_Please… it hurts so much…"_

It wasn't like before… before everything. Before my brother left, before we bought the house, before it was my birthday, before mom's grave, before hyperventilating, before everything. When I'd wake up continuously and wishing for my brother… wishing that he'd make all the scary feelings go away. I didn't want them anymore… they hurt too much. Sometimes I wanted him to put me back into the armor, it wasn't as scary there… no feelings, no pain, no love. Nothing.

"_Brother… please…"_

* * *

"He was shot three times. Twice in the left arm and once in his side after he passed out. He's lucky that we didn't have to amputate his arm, you got him here before any deadly infection could spread."

I didn't like this voice. It was a stranger. I whimpered piteously, but I don't think it did me any good. No one would want to help me, such a pathetic creature. _I don't want to wake up._ I could feel bandages tighten around my arm. _If I wake up… I'll just be on that stupid couch all alone in our house and Brother won't be there. I know it. It was all just a dream… a terrible dream…_

"It wasn't that he hit his head hard, it was more of how he landed after falling. It's what triggered this concussion. I'm surprised that he hasn't woken up already. Usually these things aren't too hazardous."

Tears spilled down my cheeks, they stung. My eyes were squeezing shut, I didn't want to open them. If I opened them, I would just see that it had all been a dream. I'd wake up on that stupid couch all alone in the empty house. I'd be alone again… _Without Brother…_ My arm was throbbing painfully, but I ignored it as I curled into myself. I choked back a cry of pain at the pressure in my side. Nausea rose into my throat, my body trembling as the pain only intensified the long I lay on my side. White spots danced within my closed eyes, my mind screaming with the pain. _Make it stop!_

"I think that maybe when they knifed him, it… Someone turn him over! Now!"

"Al!"

_Brother?_ I tried to open my eyes, but I felt my body being turned over and everything fell away until it was black again. _Brother!_

* * *

When I came to again, the first thing that registered in my mind was the feeling of fingers running through my hair. They stroked strands of hair aside, massaging my scalp in soothing motions. A gentle humming broke the silence, calming the tension and fear that had started to creep up my spine. It was so soft and familiar, something I could cling to and remember being a child and curled up with another body, soft and warm. Mother stroking our hair and singing lullabies, Ed wrapping the blanket around us both after being told to share. The humming became clearer, the voice more distinguished.

My fingers twitched as a light touch ran over them, the touch lingering as the humming came to abrupt stop. _Don't stop…_ I heard a heavy intake of breath, the stirring of a body beside mine. The sheets of a bed, all stiff and not soft like our bed at home, were pulled up around me more. By someone not me. I made a small sound, kind of like a cough and sigh mixed into one. But it was shallow, and I received another sharp intake of breath beside me in return. _Brother missing… the air vent… the man… the guns… Brother… I…_

Hesitantly, I opened my eyes and immediately saw brightness. "Nggh… too bright…" I mumbled, closing my eyes against the light again. Fingertips brushed against my cheeks, the touch so familiar.

"Al…?" the inquiry was so timid and hopeful… I opened my eyes again and saw gold.

"Brother…?" I whispered sleepily, gazing up into that tired, worried face. I could droplets of water falling onto my face, he was crying.

"Al… you're… I…" Ed was shaking, amber eyes glassy with tears, only letting a few fall. "Oh, Al, you…"

My eyes widened at the sight of my big brother so torn and shaking and hurt. He was covered in both bandages and bruises, sporting a swollen lip and black eye. Not to mention the dark circles under his eyes from not sleeping. His cheek was red and puffy, it looked awfully painful. The automail arm was missing again, so I guessed the leg was too. But the port had been cleaned at least… but who knew how much that had hurt him? He was so pale and thin, but it looked like he'd been cleaned up. His hair was shiny and golden again, though not in it's usual braid it was only a ponytail. All the crusted blood and filth had been washed away. It still scared me to look at him like that though, the sudden urge to kiss him senseless welled up inside me. I wanted to make that sad look in his eyes go away.

"Brother… I'm so sorry… for everything. I just… I didn't want you to get hurt, but you did… and the guns… I'm sorry." I felt my eyes welling up with tears along with him, "I'm so sorry…"

Ed trembled for a moment longer, before losing it and falling forward so he could bury his face in my hair. "You promised you wouldn't leave me… at mom's grave… you promised, Al."

I was torn between being angry at his hypocrisy and feeling extremely guilty for reducing him to this state, "But I didn't…"

"But you almost!" his voice broke in the middle of his outburst, "Almost… what were you thinking?!"

I could feel his tears in my hair, my own chest heaving to control the sobs I wanted to release. I didn't want to make Ed cry! I didn't want to make him feel so sad! Tentatively, I reached up to touch him, to reassure him. Instead a sharp pain traveled through my arm and I choked back a cry. Ed shot up in his seat, looking panicked and fearful. I felt his muscles tense as if to bolt for help, even if that wasn't possible in his state, but I shook my head.

"I'm fine." my voice was barely above a whisper, my teeth grinding together as my eyes squeezed shut.

Ed started stroking my hair again, "Shh… you idiot. Those bastards shot you in the arm. You are not okay."

I wasn't going to argue, though I don't think I could even if I wanted to. I was panting heavily now, my good arm reaching out and gripping his shirt. The pain wouldn't go away. Ed was still tense beside me, his leg muscle twitching as he rocked forward in his chair as if to soothe me, then back again because he was fearful of what touch might do to me. While my arm and side were screaming for relief, the rest of my body ached for touch. His touch. I whimpered, nuzzling my head towards him. When my cheek brushed against his thigh, I blinked up at him and saw that his face was flushing darkly.

He distracted himself by fumbling around for a bottle of pills, the blush intensifying as I whimpered softly again. "It hurts, Brother…"

"I-I know…" Ed muttered, hiding his face behind his long bangs and pressing a small pill to my lips, "Here. Painkillers…" I let him give it to me, then swallowed the water after propping my head up a bit. "It should help."

"Mmm…" I swallowed the second pill, then replaced my head on his lap, "Thank you, Brother."

"Al…?" he breathed, then shook his head and looked away, his hand tangling in my long hair, "Why'd you grow out your hair?"

I felt a little upset that he would acknowledge my hair of all things, "Oh… well, I just forgot to cut it while you were gone… and I haven't cut it since I've been restored, so it was bound to get long sooner or later. Why? You don't like it?"

"Ah, n-no… I lik- I think it's fine." Ed's voice almost squeaked, but he managed to save himself from that embarrassment. "I wonder where the doctor is…"

_Don't you just want to be alone with me?_ I wanted to ask, but decided not to. Maybe he was just unsure of what to do… maybe he didn't know what all my "I love yous" really implied. _I guess I'll have to make the first move… but is he ready?_ My gaze took in his whole being, so tired and yet trying to be strong.

"Go to sleep, okay?" I tugged on his sleeve, receiving a puzzled look, "Please? I don't want you to feel even worse because of me."

He frowned at my words, "Alphonse, watching over you to make sure you stay alive is not-"

"But I was only shot in the arm-" I tried to reason, but he cut me off.

"No, that's not…!" Ed removed his hand from my hair, rubbing at his temple instead, "You… you fell out of the truck, Al. You hit your head and… you kept bleeding. They shot you three times, dammit. That's three times too many for me… They tried to kill you… then you wouldn't wake up. And then when you finally did, you reopened the wounds in your side and got hysterical. Do you think I'd be able to sleep comfortably after that? You weren't supposed to get hurt… you were…" his breath hitched, "You were supposed to stay home!"

I watched him glare at me, though it was half-hearted since he couldn't really be mad at me for this, right? "Well… I couldn't just sit at home and wait for your call that would never come. I couldn't just sit there and be forced to see everything they put you through when I slept. For some reason or another, maybe our bond or something… but I could see through your eyes. I could see them hurt you and hear your thoughts and…" I scowled at him, "I couldn't do it. I couldn't just sit there and do nothing."

"Al…" I couldn't look at him anymore, I knew I'd start crying or start blabbering about how much I loved him, "You could… see what was happening?"

I nodded, keeping my gaze on the tiled floor. The little squares were so plain and white. I could feel Ed tugging on my shirt, trying to get my attention away from the floor and back to him. An unspoken question was hanging in the air around us… _Why?_

"I'm not sure how I did it… it just…" I nuzzled my face into his thigh, "I just wanted to see you again. Then it happened… and I couldn't stop it."

Ed squirmed a little at the touch, "Al…" his warning tone, for me having my head on his lap. Or maybe that was his guilty tone? I couldn't really tell. "That sounds dangerous. I don't want you doing that anymore."

"If you don't leave me, I won't have to." I responded evenly, finally letting my head fall back onto the pillow.

We sat in silence. My eyes were closed and my breathing was even, though I was far from being asleep. I don't think Ed knew that though. I could feel his fingers twitching on the bed, as if he wanted to touch me but afraid to. He was really conflicted. I had an idea of what it was, but I wasn't sure if we were ready to bring up that topic. Love. Ed would never bring that up, he'd worry too much and fear losing me. I knew that it would have to be me. Hearing footsteps down the hall, I made a brash decision.

"I meant what I said in the note." I murmured and Ed froze, I imagined his eyes going wide and mouth tightening into a thin line before opening it to ask me what I was on about.

"Al, wha-?" he was cut off by the door opening and the doctor entering. The timing couldn't have been better.

* * *

"Brother, I love you so much. Please don't go away again. Please. I love you." I was blubbering into his shoulder, not exactly coherent. "Stay. I don't care if it's wrong. I love you. I love you. I always have." Tears and slurred words and dizziness was all that afflicted me. Besides an aching heart, "Brother. I'm sorry, but I love you too much. It's bad. But I need you…"

They had examined the stitches in my side, hoping they weren't infected or opening again, so they gave me a shot to numb the pain. It left me feeling woozy and out of it. My mind was all jumbled and I couldn't control what my mouth was saying or what my body was doing. All that stood out to me was how much I wanted him to know… and how much I wanted him to love me back.

"Please…" my lips were against his neck, I was trying to nuzzle closer, "You love me too, right? Brother?"

"Al. Stop." he sounded like he was going to cry, "You don't know what you're doing. You're drugged up…"

I pulled him down on top of me, only slightly aware of him wincing when the ports in his arm and leg were irritated, "I know… I know I love you… really. Only you. Only Brother."

Ed was crying now, "Please, Al, stop it. Don't talk like that."

"But I-"

"No, Alphonse!" he shouted, pulling away from me, but unable to go anywhere while missing a leg. I tried to sit up and reach for him, but he was pushing me down with one arm in an instant, "Don't move! You'll open the stitches!"

I was like a limp rag doll from the shot, whimpering at his loud voice, "Brother… do you hate me?"

"What?! No, Al… that's not-!" Ed was shaking terribly, "I love you, but… but as a brother-"

"That's not what the letters said! The papers in the drawer! All… all said you loved me! You wrote them! You said so… '_I love Al.' _That's what it said…" I was starting to see things clearer again, yelling at myself inwardly while on the outside I could only be woozy.

Other than my heavy breathing, there was silence. This seemed to be happening a lot lately. I watched him intently, my big brother was looking away. As if he were ashamed. Ashamed of loving me.

"You… You read those?" his voice quivered.

"I'm sorry, but-" I could feel my mind clearing up a bit more, "It was an accident."

"And was the note an accident, too?" he asked, his tone almost accusing.

I scowled, "No. I told you, I meant that."

Ed sighed heavily, "You know that it's-!"

"I know it's wrong, okay?! I know that it's wrong to love your own brother! That's why I haven't said anything!" I retorted bitterly, trying to justify myself in some way. Though I could tell it wasn't working very well. I was just thankful the doctors and nurses had left. "I never wanted to let you know… but it got too hard to keep it in…"

Blinking at my outburst, Ed seemed to shrink into himself, "How long…?"

"At first…" I stared down at my hands, watching my fists clench and unclench and swallowed thickly to moisten my dry throat, "At first I thought it was just because I had just gotten my body back and that I didn't know how to deal with my hormones. But now I know… now I'm sure… I think I've loved this way… for always. Even in the armor… seeing your dedication to me… I couldn't physically feel anything, but emotionally, I wanted to be by your side no matter what. I wanted to always be with you."

"Al, that doesn't necessarily mean that you love me like that…" he managed to reply, voice thick with some kind heavy emotion.

"But I wanted to kiss you!" I blurted out, "Why are you trying to keep us apart?! Why are you insisting that we can never be together even if we both feel the same?! I never ever want to be away from you again! I want to be close to you… closer than brothers should be. I know it's wrong and it scared me. I was scared, Brother. I was scared of… well, of what your reaction might be…" I could remember the look on my brother's face as he told me those words before I started doubting my existence. "I'm still scared…"

"I…" Ed placed his hand on mine, very lightly though… like a feather was touching my skin instead of a clammy palm. "I know, Al. I mean, I'm scared too. Of how much we need each other. Of how much I need you. I don't want to hurt you."

I shook my head, "You could never hurt me, Brother."

"No, I could because I have in the past and now you've been injured because of me." Why was he trying so hard to dissuade me?

"Brother. I made that choice. I made the decision to go and find you. None of that was your fault." I felt drowsy from the shot, but I was determined to make him see.

He looked defeated, pulling away, "But if I hadn't gotten captured-"

"You were only trying to do what was right." I took his hand in mine and gave it a gentle squeeze, "Why can't we feel this way? Why is it so wrong?"

"Because what society says goes." a bit of the bitter, sarcastic part of my brother crept into his voice, "And I don't want to ruin your life with my selfish desires…" Despite his words, his grip tightened around mine. "I've already sinned enough and only one of us should be condemned to hell."

"Idiot Brother, I told you that I want to be with you no matter what. We both sinned, it's only right that we stay together even if it is in hell." Though I did feel deeply troubled by his talk of hell.

Ed's scowl deepened, "But it's not 'right'! It's not, Al! And it never will be!"

"It's right to me…" I replied softly. I must've looked sad or wounded because Ed's scowl vanished and replaced with worry.

He fidgeted uncomfortably, still squeezing my hand, "I… but… don't you…? Arg!" he growled out, frustrated with his inability to form a coherent sentence. For some reason, this normal Ed behavior made me smile.

"I love you. And I want to be with you and you only, Brother."

His amber eyes locked onto mine and for that one moment, I wasn't sure what he was thinking. He hadn't let go of my hand and he wasn't pulling away from me. I could feel my face heating up at the intense gaze, only blushing harder when I tried to ignore it. His lips quirked upwards a bit, so I turned my head to hide my embarrassment. I was being too sappy.

"Al… you don't have to look away." I heard him mutter, so I looked over at him again. Ed was a little flush, too, "I… I think it's cute."

This only made my blush darken. I would've hid my face in my hand, but Ed was currently holding onto it like a lifeline.

"Al…?" he asked softly, the preceding silence seemed to have calmed him down. "Can I kiss you?"

I felt my heart swell happily, "You don't have to ask."

No other words were spoken as our lips met… and never before had I ever experienced a feeling that right and beautiful.

* * *

As the days passed, I learned that we were at a hospital in Solesburg and that the nice old man had helped Ed get me here. Apparently he shot at my brother's captors with his rifle, too. After I fell out of the truck, they had tried to stab me. They wanted to kill me. Well, Ed and the man had managed to hold them off until the military men stationed in the little town came. They had heard the gunshots and came to investigate. They also helped get my brother and me to the train station and then to the hospital. Ed had to be placed in a different ward than me because of his injuries and infections, plus they had to remove his automail that I poorly inserted into the ports. I heard from a few nurses that he hadn't been very cooperative since they wouldn't let him see me.

Ever since they released him from his room, Ed had been spending all his time in mine. Even though he seemed much worse than me, he was constantly fussing and worrying over me. Not to mention his 'get better kisses'.

I blushed a little, even though I was alone in the room. My doctor had wanted to talk to Ed about what they were planning to do about the two of us. I still had stitches in my side from where the knife hit me and my brother was still missing his automail so he couldn't exactly go anywhere. I sighed, still feeling terrible about the mess he had gotten into. I couldn't help but wonder if things would've been better if I'd gone after him right from the beginning… or maybe demanded that he stay home with me. Whether or not Ed would admit it, I still felt like this was all my fault.

Playing with the edges of my blankets, I started to feel a little nervous that my brother wasn't back yet. I didn't like him being away from me for too long, it worried me. The door opened and a wheel chair squeaked. I sighed at the relief of knowing that he was back.

"Hey, guess what! The doc says that your stitches will be coming out in two days, Al. Great isn't it?" Ed grinned, being wheeled into the room by another nurse. He hated having someone else push him, but I had asked him to let them take care of him. I didn't want him to exert anymore energy than he needed to., especially since his right arm was missing too.

I smiled at Ed and nodded, "Does that mean we can go home after this?"

"Well, yeah… just as soon as my automail's all repaired. But there's a problem. The model I have is too complex for these guys… so they had to call Winry and well…" he looked sheepish, which couldn't be good.

"You mean she's coming here?" I was in trouble. Winry was not going to let me off the hook for leaving Dublith without telling her and then landing myself in the hospital.

Ed still had a funny look to him, "Not exactly…"

"I'm already here, Alphonse." I cringed at her tone; trouble didn't even cover it anymore.

I tried to smile, "H-hi Winry."

She was standing in the doorway, arms crossed across her chest and glaring at me in a very scary way. My attempted smile faded, instead I nibbled on my lower lip and looked to Ed for reassurance. He was too busy wondering why Winry was looking so angry at me. I guess no one had told him.

"What is wrong with you?!" she stormed over to my bedside, "Do you know how worried I was when Miss Izumi told me you left?! You weren't well, Al! And this proves it!" she made a wild gesture to the hospital room, "Did you honestly think that you could've done anything in your condition?"

"Well, I did get Bro-" I had started to say, but was cut off.

Winry shook her head, "That's not the point, Al. It was sheer dumb luck that you managed to get out of there alive. Ed told me about what happened so don't pretend that what you did wasn't dangerous."

Great… with the combination of what Winry and Ed consider dangerous, it probably sounded a whole lot worse than it actually had been. "Winry, really, I knew what I was doing. And I'm sorry I left without telling you… I just thought you wouldn't let me go and… it was something I needed to do…"

"Knew what you were doing…" I heard both her and Ed scoff at the same time, making me smile despite the situation.

Winry just shook her head, "Well, whatever, Al. What matters is you and Ed are safe, right? But let me tell you… as soon as you're both recovered, you'll have bruises that match the size of your stupidity." we both shivered visibly, she was merciless, "Edward, eat something so I can clean out your ports and fix your automail again. And Al? You eat something, too."

I watched her leave the room to get prepared and the nurse followed to retrieve our lunches, then I laughed shakily, "Well… that went better than I had expected."

"Yeah, but she's gonna make up for it when we're out of here…" Ed grumbled, trying to cross his arms over his chest before remembering he only had one arm.

It saddened me to see him like that. He looked vulnerable and much smaller without his limbs, even if his expression was bitter as he thought about getting hit by a wrench. He should have real limbs… his arm and leg should be back with him.

"Hey… Al, what's wrong?" Ed managed to scoot closer to me, cupping my cheek in his hand. "You feeling okay?"

"I'm sorry…" I murmured, nuzzling into his hand, "You should be whole and happy… I'm sorry…"

He sighed, "You moron… I'm perfectly whole and happy just by being with you. Okay? Don't go thinking stupid things, you're all I need. I don't want to risk you getting hurt just for a stupid arm and leg that I willingly gave."

"Brother…" I sniffled, then gave him a teary smile, "You're all I need, too…"

"Jeez, we're such saps aren't we?" he groaned, leaning forward so our foreheads were pressed together, "See what you've done to me, Al? You've made me sappy."

I giggled, "You were always sappy, Brother."

"Because I always had you, dummy." Ed scowled, though his lips brushed against mine in chaste kiss. It sent pleasant shivers up and down my spine.

"Mm…" I looked up at him tenderly, relieved that this didn't scare him as much as it had three nights ago. "Can I have another kiss?"

A playful grin came to his face, but his eyes shone with happiness at my request, "Anything for you."

So far, we had shared about twelve kisses in the past three days. I had been counting, though I didn't tell Ed that. He was a very gentle kisser, something I hadn't expected since he was so rough in almost everything he did. With this though, he seemed fearful that if he was too demanding or too rough that I would break or get scared or something. He wanted to take it slow and I was content to let him set the pace, I was happy with these affectionate kisses anyway.

Just feeling his lips hovering before mine made something light up inside me, making my body tingle with excitement. It felt so right… like our lips had been formed so that they could mold together perfectly. His lips were scabbed and mine were dry and chapped, but it didn't faze either of us. Just the essence of it and knowing that this was my big brother kissing me was enough to satisfy me.

"I love you." I panted once we parted, my hand gripped his forearm.

He smiled, no teasing grin or fakeness, just Ed smiling, "I know. I love you too, Al."

I knew I would never hear more beautiful words leave his lips.

* * *

"You okay?" I inquired, worry lacing my voice as I watched my brother cringe and rotate his right shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm great." he muttered sarcastically, "Just freaking great. I'm sore all over and I feel like I'm gonna throw up, but yeah, other than that I'm wonderful."

I sighed, he really didn't have to say all that. A simple 'no' would've sufficed. "Brother, really. If you just did the exercises she told you to do or took the medication-"

"I took the damn medication already! It still hurts like hell!" he protested, "And those exercises are stupid, I don't need to do them."

Of course he needed to do them, that why he was in his defensive position. "If you don't then your muscles will tear."

"Yeah, yeah…" Ed continued to fiddle with his arm, still not satisfied with the repair job.

He probably didn't need me nagging him about his automail, especially since he could throw what I was saying back at me. The doctors had offered me some pain medication before taking out my stitches, but I didn't want to feel all woozy and drugged up so I declined. I really regretted that decision. My side was still throbbing from where the needles had been, even though they had numbed the area. The relief only lasted about half an hour before my nerves registered the pain.

"I'm sorry, Brother." I told him gently, watching his frustrated expression relax a little.

Shaking his head, Ed just lowered his arm and propped it up on his knee. "Nah, it's okay, Al. I just get all irritated after maintenance, remember?"

"Yeah, I do." Back when I couldn't feel anything. When he was bearing the pain because of his promise to me. Why did he still have to do this? "Brother, come here."

Curiously, Ed hopped up off the chair he'd been sitting it. Though he moved a little too quickly and winced at the sharp pain that probably ran up from his left leg. I moved to help him, but he raised his hand as if to say no and continued over to my bedside anyway. Making himself comfortable on the edge of my bed, he gave me a wondering look and observed my motions carefully.

I leaned forward, hesitantly at first, then softly grazed my lips against his. He stiffened at first, my arm creeping up to his neck to massage away the tension that gathered there. Sighing softly, he kissed back and his shoulders relaxed. I pulled back and brushed aside some strands of his golden hair. Then I lowered my lips to his right shoulder, kissing the flesh around the automail port. He gasped, almost recoiling away from me. I stopped immediately and sat straight up, I felt like the child who got caught stealing cookies from the cookie jar.

"Sorry!" I looked away, blushing furiously, "I'm sorry."

"Al, why did you-?" he started to ask, sounding a little angry and a lot more fearful.

"I just wanted to kiss it better." I replied weakly, still not looking at him. I was afraid that I had made too bold of a move and that Ed didn't like it. "Y-you know… like when we were little… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

I felt a hand ruffle my hair playfully, "Aw, Al, you just startled me. That's all." I blinked up at him, uncertainty in my gaze even as he flashed me a reassuring grin, "It felt pretty nice actually. Do you… do you think you could do it again? This time I won't freak out, promise."

"Oh, I don't know, Brother… you can't just take advantage of me like that." I replied, feigning hurt, "Maybe I don't feel like kissing you now."

He rolled his eyes, "Al, face it. You suck at lying. Now, another kiss."

I pouted, but shrugged it off and placed a shy kiss to his cheek, "Mm, maybe later, Brother. The doctors or Winry could walk in whenever."

One thing that really disappointed me, was that no matter how much Ed and I wanted to… we could never kiss or anything in public like normal people. Though I had expected this, from the books I had looked at, but it still hurt to accept how socially wrong it was. That is was yet another taboo in our long list. It was what made Ed hesitant about pursuing this and what made me clingy and paranoid. But, despite all that, we still knew that it was right for us.

"Right…" he growled, sulking on the edge of the bed now.

I beamed at the familiar child-like behavior I had missed all that time, "Brother, really. I promise as soon as we get home, okay? I'll give you more kisses there."

"And I will be able to return them, won't I?" his scowl faded a bit, grinning instead and poked my nose. "Hm I'm going to go see when they'll be letting us leave. I should probably find Winry too… she got distracted by all the doctor tools."

He stood up from the bed and stretched lazily, wincing again at the stiffness. I watched him start to walk away, before my heart rate picked up. The familiar, constricting panic assaulted me; propelling me forward to grip Ed's sleeve. It stopped him effectively, my hand trembling as it fisted in the material of his coat. He turned around, blinking down at me. I think I must've startled him, and confused him, but I was startled by this fear also. The sudden looming dread that he wouldn't come back.

"Al…?" he turned all the way around, "Hey… what's wrong? You feel sick?"

I did feel sick, but not in the way that he meant. I was making myself sick with this paranoia. I clung tighter to his arm, I wasn't about to let go and lose him. Ed was getting concerned when I didn't answer, placing a hand on top of my head and ruffling my hair.

"Al, what's wrong?" he asked a little more urgently.

I shook my head, fighting back the urge to start crying, "I-I don't want… I don't want you to go…"

"Go? Al, I'd only be just down the hall." Ed sounded like he was trying to make light of the situation to reassure me. It wasn't working. "It's not like I'm going to Central or anything."

"Please… just stay here." I whispered, burying my face in his sleeve, "I don't want you to go… what if you don't come back?"

His hand stilled in my hair, "I thought you weren't that bothered by it… you've let me leave before…"

"I'm scared. I've been scared, it's just worse this time and I don't know why!" I was wailing, unable to shake off the fear that someone would take him away from me again. Only it would be a million times worse. "Don't go!"

Ed put his weight back on the bed, gathering me into his arms as best as he could with a sore arm and my sore side. "Shh…" he hushed me, pressing his soft lips to my temple, "I won't leave you, Al. Never again. I promise." I quieted in his arms, still shaken by the thought of him disappearing because the night before he left we had been in each other's arms, so comfortable and happy… "Why didn't you tell me it bothered you when I'd leave? I would've stayed, you know that."

"I didn't want to bother you…" I mumbled into his shirt material, carrying his scent and warmth, "And I was trying to tell myself that I was being stupid…"

He sighed, "Well… you are being a little stupid. But it's understandable. That you're scared…"

"You don't think I'm being a baby?" I looked up at him as he moved my body so I was lying down. "Or too clingy?"

A sad smile appeared on his face, "Nah… It's funny… I feel scared too, when I leave you or even when I'm with you… It's scary to think those people could just barge in here when we're both so defenseless and just take us away. Or kill us." I watched him cringe, probably at the memories of him being in that awful room or them saying that they killed me or almost killing both of us in the car… "I don't want you to go either, Al."

"Where would I go, silly Brother?" I murmured gently, reaching up to caress his cheek.

He placed his warm, flesh hand over mine and his smile got happier, "Let's make a promise that we won't go anywhere, not even to the grocery store, without being together. I'm not letting you out of my sight… and I'm sure you won't let me out of yours."

His body pressed against mine on the bed, our legs tangling together, though careful of the automail. We kissed softly, growing as close as we possibly could until there was no space between us and the warmth and comfort was the only thing that surrounded us other than our bond. Nothing else mattered, nothing but my brother and our love and that he wasn't going away.

"I promise…"

* * *


	14. Part XIV

A/N: I finally finished!! My god, this chapter certainly put up a fight! I guess my story just really didn't want to end. Took me long enough, I know, but hey. It's here and it's done! Finito! I don't know if I'm happy or sad or angry (since this chapter hated me xD ). But, good news is that I have two more chapter fic on the way! That may be why Hand in Hand became so difficult... with all these new plot bunnies, it's hard to concentrate on a story that's practically done. But now it is done.

I want to thank all of my readers for being so patient! I love you all and I'm so sorry that this couldn't be updated sooner. I hope you enjoy the final chapter and please keep an eye out for my new fic-babies that I hope to release as soon as they're beta-ed. Much love and cookies to all of you again!

* * *

**..Part XIV..**

**Together**

Home.

The word hadn't stirred up such feelings of longing and appreciation for me in so long. For the past two months or so since Ed had vanished, it hadn't felt like much of a home. In fact, I dreaded the gloomy cloud that seemed to float over our house. Now, I was sure that it would be much better with Ed back and our feelings understood.

Though, I must say… the risk of getting caught holding hands in the hospital hallways, sneaking kisses in the rooms, and acting more than brotherly than normal was thrilling. We were both amused by kissing behind the nurse's back; except the one time where we were almost caught by her and Winry. I'd been flustered, but Ed had been downright paranoid. I did my best to reassure him at the time, but ended up promising that I wouldn't make any move until we were safe at home.

Another reason why I longed to go back home… I already missed feeling his lips against mine. Out of all the newly acquired sensations I'd been going through for the past eight months or so, my brother's kisses had to be the most pleasant… though his touches clearly rivaled this.

"Well… if it were up to me, you'd be staying another week…" I smiled weakly at Winry as she fussed with the wrist band that the hospital stuck on me, it would not come off, "But you and that brother of yours are just impossible. Ah, here we go. It's off."

I rotated my wrist a bit and rubbed at it, "Thank you, Winry."

"Yeah, yeah…" she nodded; sitting down in the chair that Ed normally sat in and watched me redo my ponytail. "But really, Al… you're okay?" I blinked up at her, surely she knew… considering that Ed had been briefed on everything concerning me and reported back to the both of us. "I mean, I know that Ed's fine. I'm his mechanic and I know how the automail should be functioning and what he should be eating. But with you… that's your real arm, Al. You can't replace it."

I lowered my gaze to my lap, now fully clothed instead of a simple hospital gown. Well, truthfully, I was afraid that something was wrong with my hand. Sometimes my hand would start twitching and have a spasm, I couldn't control them and I wasn't sure when they would happen next. I didn't tell Ed or Winry, but I had asked a doctor's opinion. They said it was either a side effect from the wound or stress, but nothing I needed to worry about.

"Al?"

I blinked and blushed, my face lighting up in a quick grin to reassure her, "I'm fine, Winry. Really! I mean, my arm is just fine, see?" I moved it up and down to show her, "No problems. So, please don't worry about me."

She didn't seem very convinced, but didn't press the subject as she led me out of the sterile, crisp hospital room to find Ed who was busy getting our tickets to Central and Winry's to Resembool. She really wanted us to come home for a bit to recover, but Ed claimed that we'd be just fine in our own house. He did promise that on his next vacation, we would visit and spend as much time with her there as possible.

For half of the train ride, the three of us would ride together until it was time for Winry to board another train heading for Resembool. We went over the train schedule beforehand so there'd be no mix-ups.

"C'mon, Al! Winry! Our train leaves in fifteen minutes!" Ed hollered from the curb, already reverting back to his old habits. He was regaining the weight he had lost and his new scars were already healing, much to my relief. The scars make Ed uncomfortable. "Hurry up, you slowpokes!"

"HEY! Who's lugging around the precious cargo that fixed YOUR automail?" Winry retorted. I sighed, sensing the start of another trademark Ed and Winry quibble.

My brother just rolled his eyes and motioned for us to follow him. In the hospital I had noticed it, but as I watched Ed walk I saw that his gait was more off-balance than usual and his shoulders were slumped forward despite his eagerness in leaving this place. He was walking much slower than usual, too. I knew that what had happened to him would affect him physically, but I didn't think it would be that bad to change how he walked completely. I actually feared that he would fall over, he looked so frail.

"Al, what's wrong?" Winry asked, shaking me from my thoughts. "You look upset."

I smiled politely back at her, "No, I'm fine. Just thinking."

"Alright… ah! Hey, Edward! Wait for us, would ya?!" she was walking briskly towards him now, leaving me to trail behind them.

"Well, if you both weren't so damn slow-!"

"And if you weren't so impatient-!"

I sighed; it was going to be a long ride home. But, the familiarity of this whole situation was comforting. A relief from the stress of me being alone with only a kitten for company. A kitten…

"PUFF!" How could I have possibly forgotten about her?! The poor thing… she was still only a baby! What had happened to her when I was attacked and brought to the terrorists' hideout? Did she find her way home? Was she hiding in an alley, shivering and cold and hungry? Was she even alive? I felt guilty about forgetting my kitten, the only thing that really kept me from going crazy while Brother was gone.

I sniffled, wiping at my face with my sleeve. It was my own stupid fault, I should've held onto her better or left her safe at home. Everything that had happened these past few weeks had been my fault. If I could lose a kitten that I adored so much, how could I possibly hold on to everything and everyone else that I held dear?

"Puff…" I didn't realize I had stopped walking until I looked up and Ed and Winry were gone. I shivered, then looked around me. It was stupid to think that she'd be here, but it wouldn't hurt to look. She did like to follow me around, after all. "Puff? Are you here?"

My feet started moving on their own, my eyes searching frantically for a splash of creamy-orange fur. I'm not sure how long or how far I wandered, but it wasn't until the sun was setting did I remember the train we were supposed to get on hours ago. I collapsed on the curb of some street, exhausted and not only worried about Puff, but now Ed, too. He was so tired and hurt, was he okay? Was he still here or did he get on the train? My brother had to know that I wasn't there when he went to buy tickets, right? Surely they wouldn't leave without me…

"You IDIOT!" I gasped and looked up to see Ed darting towards me and grabbing me by the arm. I winced when he was so harsh with it, but his grip loosened and he held me out at arm's length and glared at me, "Where the hell were you!?" This sounded familiar… "Do you know how long Winry and I have been looking for you? Don't just wander off like that Al- are you crying?"

Tears were spilling down my cheeks and my lower lip trembled, "I-I'm sorry, Brother… I didn't mean to… I was looking for Puff…"

"Puff? What?" he blinked, it was clear he did not remember the name of my cat or even that I had a cat, "What are you talking about?"

I started crying harder, ashamed that I was crying and relieved that I was found and upset about losing Puff, "My cat… I lost my cat…!"

"Al…"

He held me tightly and just rubbed my back soothingly, letting me cry and get it all out of me. I'm sure he thought I looked pathetic, but if he did he didn't say anything or draw any attention to it. Once I calmed down, he helped wipe away my tears and led me to the train station. Winry met up with us there, trying her best to console me about the loss of my cat.

"Don't worry, Al… if worse comes to worse, I'm sure Ed will let you get another cat." she tried to reassure me as Ed purchased tickets for the next train we needed.

But I didn't want another cat, I wasn't going to do that and replace her. I don't replace the things I care about. Our train pulled into the station and the three of us got on. Ed was exhausted, as were Winry and I, but only the two of them slept. I looked out the window and wondered how my brother could love such a screw-up like me.

* * *

"Alright, stop moping and eat your sandwich." I stared at the object shoved into my hands, caught off-guard by Ed knocking his shoulder into me as he sat beside me. "Eat it, Al." 

"I will, you just gave it to me, Brother." I told him, picking the wrapping off my sandwich he bought from the train's food cart.

He snorted in response and took a large bite out of his own sandwich, probably very happy that he wasn't stuck with "crappy-hospital-junk-disguised-as-food" as he liked to call it. Winry had changed trains earlier that morning so she could get to Resembool, so Ed and I were alone. While I didn't want to admit it, I had been moping during a lot of the train trip so far. I was just worried about Puff and my side was irritating me and Ed was worrying me, too. And I was really, really tired.

Not feeling very hungry, I set my sandwich to the side and drew my knees up to my chest and looked out the window. I heard Ed sigh heavily, then the crinkling of the sandwich wrapper before a wadded up version of it smacked me in the face.

"What?" I asked, annoyed that he had chosen to hit me.

He shrugged, "I'm bored. And you make a good target."

"Well, find something else to do." I told him, going back to staring out the window. It wasn't very eventful out there, though I suppose that was a relief since I was tired of all the action we'd been through at that rebel base.

I caught myself yawning and rubbing my eyes; I really was tired, but I couldn't get up the courage to fall asleep on the train. The last time I had slept without the help of medication from the hospital or being knocked out was right before I left to look for my brother. I was a little wary of any nightmares that might come to haunt me, so I staved off sleep as much as I could. I knew for a face that Ed was having nightmares, but so far I managed to lull him back into a peaceful sleep by petting his hair and whispering to him.

I was yawning a second time when Ed decided to speak again. "You should really get some sleep, Al. I know you've been awake the entire trip so far."

"Uh-uh." I shook my head, "I'm not tired. Really."

He looked at me skeptically, "Riiight… Okay. You just lie down right here; I'll even be your pillow." I was hesitant to do so, "Please, Al. You need to get some sleep. If you push yourself too hard you're going to get sick. Now, sleep."

Ed tugged on me roughly and placed my head on his lap. I flushed darkly at this position, gazing up at him as he draped his coat over my body. It was comfortable there on his lap, though. His hand nestled itself in my hair, stroking gently just as I did when he had nightmares. It was soothing and relaxing; I found myself drifting off before I could stop it.

"Don't worry, Al. I'll be right here when you wake up." he reassured me as my eyes slipped close and I dozed off into a relatively peaceful sleep.

* * *

The train ride home was long and tiring, even with all the sleep that Ed and I got on the train wasn't enough for us to stay awake long enough to get back to our house. We took a taxi to get there, I ended up falling asleep with my head on Ed's shoulder and he rested his own on top of mine. The driver had to wake us up so we could get out and pay him, then we just stumbled up the steps in a slight daze. 

I collapsed on the couch as Ed called Winry to let her know we arrived home okay. I was so sleepy and achy from the uncomfortable seat cushions; I started dozing off even as Ed tried to shake me awake so we could go to bed. He was tired too, and wanted to go to bed so badly. I attempted to sit up for him, but I kept falling over. After much trial and error, we gave up on me standing from the couch and Ed just dragged me to our bedroom where we tumbled onto the bed, not even bothering to get under the covers and fell asleep tangled in each other's arms.

* * *

"Al? What happened to all my socks?" I blinked at the random question, having just left my brother in the bedroom to check the messages on our phone 

"Um, shouldn't they be in the drawer?" I offered, reading the flashing red numbers on our phone. We had four messages.

Ed sounded annoyed as he huffed, "No. I checked there, Al. I'm missing quite a few pairs of socks."

My eyes wandered over to the corner of the living room by the bookcase where most of Puff's toys were. Or should I say… most of Ed's socks. "Hmm… maybe I should've named her Socks." I said thoughtfully as Ed came in and gaped at the pile of socks that had gathered there.

"WHAT THE HELL?! And just WHO gave the damn cat permission to steal all my socks?! You should've named her 'Damn Thief' that's what!" Ed growled, storming over to the pile and scooping up all the socks and cringing as he touched them, as if they carried some sort of deadly disease.

I rolled my eyes at his behavior, but felt saddened by seeing Puff's favorite playthings get taken away and tossed unceremoniously into the washer. "She didn't mean to."

"Yeah, right. She's a perfect angel." he snorted, giving the socks a dirty look, "I bet they're all full of holes."

"Why are you in such a bad mood, Brother?" I asked, not certain why he was taking his anger out on Puff when he hadn't even met her yet. I was planning on going to look for her this afternoon, but if Ed was in a bad mood… then I wasn't too sure if he'd let me go out.

"Because I have no socks." he grumbled, coming back into the living room and flopping onto the couch, "And besides… I bet those messages are from Mustang… and I really don't want to hear his damn voice, but go ahead and play the messages."

I sighed, knowing that I should've figured that much. He knew we were alright since we called him at the hospital, but these messages were probably from before then. Pressing the play button, I leaned against the wall and listened as the answering machine announced the messages.

"_Alphonse, answer the phone. It's me."_ General Mustang's voice was somber and very hesitant, probably because this was sometime when I was still so fragile that I'd burst into tears if his voice had so much of a hint of bitterness to it. _"Fine. I guess you must be sleeping. You'd better be sleeping, at any rate. Eating, too. Gracia told me that you were looking thin._" Yeah, I bet she did. I had lost about ten pounds, which was pretty bad since I was still trying to gain back all the weight that I had lost in the Gate. _"You know Fullmetal won't want to come home to find you wasting away."_ I flushed darkly, considering that "Fullmetal" was sitting right in front of me on the couch. _"Well… I just wanted to let you know that there's still no word from our scouts. I'm sorry, Alphonse… but I think we're running out of options. I'll call you later to check on you."_ The answering machine beeped and I let out a shaky sigh, and then flashed Ed a hesitant grin.

My brother looked anything less than happy. He directed a wary glance in my direction, as if daring me to comment on the message. Being the typical little brother that I am, I rose to the bait. "They were exaggerating… it wasn't as bad as they were making it sound…" Honestly it wasn't. It seemed that all I did while Ed was gone was sleep; and even though I was never all that hungry… I still ate. Sometimes… well, obviously not enough to keep me from losing ten pounds. "Really, Brother. I took care of myself."

"Mmhmm…" his searching gaze didn't waver in the slightest and I could feel myself getting hot under his watchful eyes. I bet I was bright red. "Is that why the doctors had to feed you through a tube in the hospital?"

Oh right, I had nearly forgotten about that… they were worried because of how thin I was and weren't sure if they could risk getting the bullets out with me so unnourished. "Umm… well…"

"Forget it. Just play the next damn message." he sighed, looking away to gaze out the window.

I felt my chest constrict and I bowed my head; I had let him down. I had always prided myself on being the more responsible out of the two of us, but that of course had been when my soul was bound to armor. Of course I seemed more responsible, I didn't have to worry about eating or sleeping or getting hurt or sick. It was Brother that I had to worry about. I hit the play button again, but I didn't stick around to listen to the next three messages.

I didn't want to hear what Mustang had to say about me.

* * *

All my searching was fruitless. I'd been up and down the streets of Central for the past two weeks, but there was no sight of my kitten. It seemed that my brother and I had swapped moods. Now he was the one with the brighter outlook, due to the fact that Mustang extended his break for 'recuperation' reasons. I think Ed just used my temporary depression to guilt-trip the poor General. However, I was now the one with a dark rain cloud hanging over my head. Metaphorically speaking, of course. 

I flopped onto my bed and didn't even bother to take off my shoes. Ed had been napping on the couch, my favorite place to nap whenever I was upset, but I wasn't going to disturb him. The fact that I couldn't find Puff wasn't the only reason why I was so bitter. My brother and I hadn't even made the slightest of efforts to go back to how we had been at the hospital. The only affectionate touch I'd received since the night we returned home was a pat on the shoulder. It infuriated me to no end that my brother was avoiding that part of our relationship that I thought we had established.

I wanted to feel his lips against mine, but Ed always found some sort of excuse. Was it so hard for him to spare me a little bit of affection now and then? Especially now that we were alone in our house. Even when we slept in the same bed, he'd remain as stiff as a board and wouldn't respond to my cuddling at all. I was acting desperate and clingy and I knew that. I followed him around almost everywhere in this house.

The floor creaked and the sudden noise roused me from my half-asleep state. I was about to sit up when a hand gently coaxed me to lie back down. My body complied, even though my mind was puzzled. I opened my eyes and tilted my head back to see Ed sitting at the edge of my bed and running his fingers through my hair. He looked a little upset, but I couldn't decipher why just from looking at him. Anyway, I was much too surprised at the sudden act of tenderness. Even if it was something I had been used to before our separation, it was still a little foreign.

His gaze met mine and he gave a half smile, "Hey… no good?"

I assumed that he was referring to my search for Puff. Did he see any cute, adorable bundle of joy scampering around? I certainly didn't. I knew I was just in a bad mood, but really… did he have to ask something that was so blatantly obvious?

"No." I mumbled, turning away from him and staring at the wall.

He sighed heavily and the bed shifted. I almost whipped around to ask him to stay, but before I could a sudden weight was thrown over my legs. I blinked at Ed's leg, a little more than surprised to see him tangling our legs together. His arm wrapped around my front, in a spooning position behind me. I let myself relax as I heard him hum into my hair. He seemed to be playing with it as well, since I'd feel the occasional tug and a soft 'sorry'.

We were lying in silence for quite some time, I had actually almost dozed off again, but his voice brought me back. "I… I wasn't mad, you know…well, I mean… I was, but not at you. I'm sorry if you thought I was."

"Mm?" I frowned, not quite sure if I was hearing correctly due to my sleepy state, "What're you talking about?"

I turned my head to the side, although it made my neck ache, to get a better look at him. "You know… the other day… when we got all those messages? And I didn't talk to you? I wasn't mad at you…"

"But you seemed angry at something, Brother." I replied, remembering clearly now how I walked on glass around him that day and several following that. "And don't tell me that it was you."

His sheepish grin told me enough, "Eh… colonel bastard?"

"Brother…" I rolled onto my other side so that I could face him, "Don't blame yourself for I did. I should've taken better care of myself. I mean, what good was I doing you by letting my health suffer? It was my stupidity and I should've known better. You had every right to be mad at me."

His golden eyes looked away to the bed sheets, "No. Because none of that would have happened if I had just stayed at home."

"You know you couldn't have done that." I reminded him.

"Then I should've taken you with me. Like you wanted."

"It wasn't rational and you know it."

The pout he sent my way had me laughing, "Oh, so now you're trying to be the smart and responsible one?"

"I try." I chuckled again, inhaling his scent as I took a deep breath. "Mm… I love you, Brother… but please don't go away again."

Ed pulled me close to his chest, tucking my head into the crook of his neck. His arms were so reassuring and warm all around me like that. I couldn't help but brush my lips against the sensitive skin of his neck. He shivered, his right hand going up to tangle in my hair.

"I love you too, Al. I'm sorry that I've been avoiding you… I just don't want to screw up things for you anymore than I already have…" he whispered into my hair, this time it was my turn to shudder.

"Brother, we've been through this, haven't we? I'm happy as long as I'm by your side. I want this as much as you do and that will never change." I didn't want him to angst over this anymore, "We'd already come to an agreement on this is the hospital."

My brother sighed, his breath warm against my ear, "Yeah… but that was before we came back to the real world…"

I smirked, placing another kiss on his neck before squirming in his grasp so he'd loosen up a little. He did so and soon our lips were mere centimeters apart from each other. My eyes asked for permission and he smiled. I really, really missed kissing him.

We broke away for air after the chaste kiss, but without warning our lips crashed together in a searing kiss. I gripped his shirt tightly and he smoothed his hands along my clothed back. He rolled us over so that I was completely sprawled out on top of him. None of our previous kisses compared to this sudden intensity. My heart was pounding so hard that I feared it would burst from happiness rather than nerves. Finally, when we could no longer breathe properly, we broke apart and I gazed down at him. My brother's cheeks were flushed and he was panting just like I was. I released my grip on his shirt so I could brush my fingers against his scarred cheek.

I wasn't aware that I was crying until Ed pulled me back down into his arms and rocked me. He murmured soothing nothings and told me that he was okay and that I was okay and we were going to be okay. It was so easy to fool myself into thinking that this was just like my first few weeks in this body when all Ed did was baby me. I couldn't help but wish that we could back to that time before the military sent my brother away.

* * *

When I woke up, the blankets were tucked all around me and my brother was no where in sight. I frowned a bit, wondering what could possibly take him away before I laughed to myself. Food. What else? I stretched myself out before crawling out from under the covers, my neck and back a little stiff. Padding down the hall into the kitchen, I was surprised to find the house empty. Completely. I even did a double check of the bedroom and bathrooms. 

Not allowing myself to panic, like I knew Edward would be doing if it had been me that was missing, I went back into the kitchen. It was then that my eyes caught what I had missed earlier in my once-over. There was a note tacked to the fridge and I quickly recognized my brother's messy scrawl.

'_Went out to run some errands. Be back soon. Love you, Al!_

_-Ed'_

I sighed with relief; see? Nothing to get all worked up about. He was probably getting some groceries or maybe some more socks to replace the ones Puff… Right. With Brother gone that meant I couldn't leave to go look for Puff some more. There wasn't anything really stopping me, but I knew that if Ed returned home and I wasn't here (even if I left a note) he would panic and storm around Central. I smiled fondly and shook my head, _silly Brother_. _Well, I might as well grab something to eat._

After scrounging through the fridge, I ended up munching on apple slices with peanut butter. However, when it comes to peanut butter, it is physically impossible to eat it comfortable with having something to drink it down with. Preferably milk. I was lucky to have picked some up the other day when I had been searching for Puff. The dishes and glass were washed and set aside in the sink. I'd deal with them later.

Grabbing a book from off the shelf, didn't matter what the title was since I probably already read it anyway, and spent an hour just curled up on the couch reading. The problem with reading books that you've read a thousand times before on a very comfy couch is that one can hardly keep from falling asleep despite the nap they had earlier.

* * *

"Al… wake up… there's someone who wants to see you." 

I murmured something, my brain barely comprehending the soothing voice by my ear. The tone was enough for me to try and curl close, but I was effectively stopped by a metal arm. Something furry brushed against my nose and I couldn't help but sneeze. But wait… even in my slightly fuddled mind, I knew that my brother was furry. When a small tongue lapped at my nose, I blinked sleepily before my eyes widened in astonishment.

"Puff!" I practically squealed as I cuddled the squirming, orange-cream kitten close.

She was meowing and purring at the attention, kneading her paws into my arm. I couldn't believe it! My kitten, Brother had actually found my kitten! And she was so clean and fluffy and looked well-fed, as if she had never been on the streets in the first place.

"Oh, Brother! Thank you! How did you find her?" I had set Puff down for a second just so I could throw my arms around him in gratitude.

Ed was laughing and pulled away to give me a peck on the mouth, "Well, after two hours of looking in alleys I just so happened to run into Gracia while I was passing the market. She came up to me and asked if you wanted Puff back. Turns out that the little furball remembered when you left her at Gracia's before and went there when you dropped her. She was perfectly safe the entire time." He watched me scoop Puff back up, "And yeah, your welcome, brother-mine."

"You're so smart, Puff!" I was crooning to her, "You deserve a treat. C'mon, I've got some chicken scraps and some milk to give you. Then I can brush you and you can play with your toys and nap in your box. I'm so happy that you're back!"

As I set the plate of chicken down for her, Ed's arms wrapped around me and looked down at Puff, "Eh… I guess she is kinda cute. Little thief kept nipping at my fingers though."

"Aw, that's just how she shows her affection." I beamed at him, taking one of Ed's hands and giving it a squeeze.

"Funny way of showing it."

"Oh, Brother," I sighed in mock-exasperation and brushed a kiss against his jaw, "I love you."

He blushed, but tried to hide it as he looked back down at Puff, "Yeah, yeah… enough with the sappiness, Al. I love you, too."

That night, the three of us slept curled up together; though Ed had protested a lot before finally allowing Puff on the bed.

* * *

"Yep, the automail's doing just fine. Nope, nothing out of the ordinary." Ed sighed and rubbed at his temple with the hand that wasn't cradling the receiver. "Yes… I've been doing the rehab exercises. I'm fine, I swear. Al, too. He's been looking much better. Of course I'm feeding him! And the stupid cat, too. Did I tell you she keeps stealing my socks?" 

I laughed to myself, sitting cross-legged on the floor and dangling a piece of string in front of Puff to try and distract her from Ed's socks. We were trying to break her of the habit, but she didn't seem too keen on giving up her favorite toys. She actually scratched Ed when he tried to take one from her. The string captured her attention for a few minutes, but she was obviously more amused by batting the sock across the floor.

Ed gave me a look when he heard me laugh, but made no comment, "Shut up, Winry. You must put catnip in my automail because she seems to like that, too." It was true. Puff had decided that she liked to paw at the metal and rub against in whenever it was exposed. "What?! No, I do not like the damn fuzz ball. I hate her! Whatever… Al, stop laughing!"

I clamped a hand over my mouth, though my eyes sparkled with amusement. Even through his scowl I could see that he was pleased to see that I was amused. I knew that Ed really did like Puff. There had already been several times where I caught him sneaking some of his dinner to her or idly petting her while he worked in his study and even played fetch with her (fetch consisted of him throwing a sock and Puff running off with it).

"Sure, we'll come and visit soon. I promise. Okay, take care. Nice talking to you, too. Bye." he hung up and groaned as he rolled his shoulders.

I left Puff to her own devices and got up to wrap my arms around him. I nuzzled my face into his good shoulder and felt him relax against me. But the knots from the stress of the automail were still present under the skin.

"The automail being tough, Brother?" I asked, resting my chin on his shoulder.

He made a face, "Well, it's nothing that I can't handle, Al."

I sighed. There goes big brother trying to act all tough and bear the weight of the world on his shoulders. I released his waist and went around him to tug on his hand. He gave me a puzzled glance, but allowed me to lead him into the bedroom.

"Al?"

"C'mon, Brother. Take off your shirt and lie down on your stomach. I want to make your arm feel better even if it's only a little bit." I told him, gesturing towards the bed.

Ed raised a eyebrow, "What are you going to do?"

"I'm just giving you a massage, don't worry." I smiled at him, "I'd never do anything to make you hurt or be uncomfortable."

The flush that colored his cheeks was adorable and made me want to tackle him. He sat down on the edge of the mattress and removed his shirt. It was my turn to blush when I saw the muscles curl beneath his scarred skin. When he was completely settled, I straddled his waist and started to press into the joints surrounding his right shoulder.

At the first hiss, I froze and thought that I had hurt him in some way. "Nn… s'kay, Al… keep going. Feels good."

Encouraged by this, I continued my ministrations and worked out each of the knots gently. His sigh and contented murmurs were pleasant to hear. It made me feel even better to know that I was the one that made him so content. I massaged the base of his neck and started to move lower, receiving more pleased sounds for my efforts.

His skin was so warm, and though thanks to scars, both old and new, it wasn't as soft as it used to be I still loved the feel of it beneath my fingertips. He arched beneath me, practically purring now. I pressed a little harder and he moaned softly under the pressure.

"Al…" the simple breath of my name sent shivers up and down my spine, soon I was curling up beside him, "S'nice, Al… thanks…"

I smiled fondly and brushed some of his golden bangs out of his face. His eyes were half-lidded and focused solely on me. His left hand reached for mine and we twined our fingers together. The sun was setting and casting yellowing-bronze shadows across the room, giving Ed's skin and hair a radiant glow. I shifted closer to him so there was barely an inch of space between us.

"Brother… can it always be this way?" I asked softly, not wanting to shatter the blissful silence but I felt compelled to ask.

He smiled sincerely and brushed his lips against my forehead, "As long as you want it to, Al."

"I'll always want it to be like this."

"Good, because I don't know if I could let you go."

I gave his hand a gentle squeeze, receiving one in return. Soft kisses were placed wherever lips could reach. The last inch between us was closed. We remained like that until night had fallen and the crickets' lullaby gave us cause to drift off into peaceful dreams. There was no other word for where we were when wrapped up in each other's arms.

Home.

_**Owari**_


End file.
